Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor
by Eleanor Belle
Summary: Dolores Umbridge had more than one target in Year 5. Eleanor left the Ministry over some spin doctoring by Umbridge. How will she survive Umbridge at Hogwarts, a grudge with Snape, and accusations of insanity. Warning: Attempted Suicide and Violence.
1. Rumored Nervous Breakdown

_a/n This is the first in a series of stories written with an original character, Eleanor Howard. She exists within the tapestry of the story, and does not directly impact the plot. 'Incompetent Inquisitor' is my first fic, and I am currently cleaning up some issues with word flow now that I have completed it. The second story is now on site, 'Profile of a True Gryffindor'. This is Eleanor's story of her life at Hogwarts. I write from the view of a person with her same disabilities, so I know how it is to live with chronic headaches and seizures on a daily basis. I also write from the point of a person who is an educator who has seen it all. Email me or leave a comment!_

_Belle_

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor _**

**_Chapter One: Rumored Nervous Breakdown _**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**"What the hell is the Ministry coming to now!" **

The morning seemed so easy until a purple memo glides into my office to announce that Potter is being tried in Court Room Ten. This is a little excessive for a bit of under-age magic. Most of those complaints go to Amelia Bones' office not to a full trial. As I look down upon the signatures ordering the inquiry, my blood boils. I want to know why a teenager is getting treated like some dark wizard.

I storm out of my office, slamming the door so violently my name plate falls off the wall. From the corner of my vision, I see heads poking out of cubicals and offices as I pass the other employees in the hall. As I impatiently stab at the lift button, I attempt to compose myself, but I am failing to contain my temper. The last thing I need to do is blow up at the Minister and his Senior Under Secretary. I've already had several encounters with Dolores Umbridge's brand of office discipline. As Head of Internal Affairs I enjoy some immunity from her harassment, it doesn't stop her from making my job a complete pain in the arse.

I make it to the Minister's suite to find a flurry of activity, but Percy Weasley is blocking my way to Fudge's office.

**"Eleanor, where do you think you are going?"** he asks, while stepping in my way, and folds his arms.

**"It's none of your business, Percy," I snap. **I move to the other side, and he steps in my way again. **"Percy, push off!"**

**"Well, I cannot add you to his calendar if I don't know the nature of your inquiry." **Percy has nasty little smirk on his face. This is not the Percy I knew since he was a small child.

_"That expression always makes my skin crawl." _

**"I want to know why there is a need for the Wizengamot to treat Potter like a deranged killer."** I attempt to retain composure so I won't throttle him on the spot.

**"I will pass along your protest to the Minister, but he is not taking trivial requests until next Thursday,"** he tells me in a bored tone. He puts his nose down into a file he has been reading, pretending that I do not exist. **"Now if you don't mind, you should be managing your own department, shouldn't you? You wouldn't want to see a note put in your file again."**

_"I used to change his nappies when he was a baby. Now, he is treating me like gum caught on his shoe."_

**"I am going to put a note in your file because of your insubordinate and unprofessional behavior. I'll send you a copy next Thursday."** I give Percy a look that should have stripped the paint off of the wall. Turning on my heel, I walk back to my office before I say anything I might regret.

I manage to make it back to my office, and take several deep breaths. I decide to use a sticking charm to put my nameplate back up. This time, nobody is brave enough to see what I am doing in the hallway.

"_My oath is to maintain the integrity and ethics of the enforcement of the law, so failure is not an option. I can quote chapter and verse of most of the laws in the Wizarding World; however, I feel with confidence that the new legislation is for Fudge's benefit."_

Fudge has Dolores watching my every move and censoring the memos in the different departments. Last month, she ripped up a note sent by Arthur Weasley asking for a possible profile on his "exploding toilet" problem. My job entailed not only babysitting the Department of Magical Enforcement but preparing psychological profiles of crimes. I have saved the Department man-hours and Floo Powder. Minister Fudge has his little spies in the office on the lookout for any signs of rebellion. We have been walking on eggshells since the Triwizard Tournament. Fudge is dictating what cases the Aurors can look into, sending Kingsley's Department on a wild pixie chase and complying with our offices's proceedures have fallen on deaf ears. I am not allowed to look into possible abuses of several of the Aurors in the Department; they're accusations of the uses of Unforgivable Curses, misuse of truth potions, memory charms, and arresting people without due process. Every time I was given a complaint, the witnesses would disappear or suddenly come up with amnesia.

**"Hem, hem. Eleanor, I would like to know why you are sticking your nose into the Minster's business. I am warning you not to interfere in the Potter case,"** Dolores says, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor.

**"What has me interested is that you are bypassing my office. I am here to protect both Law Enforcement and the citizens of the community. Punishment should fit the crime, so what is next? Let's make it a life sentence in Azkaban for littering,"** I say, trying to control my impulse to curse her.

**"Eleanor, I am ordering you to stay out of this,"** she says, her face purples, and her voice is becoming shaky.

_"That one statement did it. Dolores Umbridge is overstepping her bounds, and told me for the last time what I can and cannot do. This is going to be fun."_

**"Dolores, you have five seconds to get out of this office!"** I yell, pointing at the door, and she remains immobile.** "Dolores, I said out!"**

**"Eleanor, be very careful, I would not like to see anything happen to you,"** she threatens in a whisper.

_"I'm going to really let her have it." _

**"Dolores, who really pulls the strings around here? Why does Lucius Malfoy spend most of his free time with Fudge planning fundraisers for St. Mungo's?"** I ask without fear of any consequences.**"I was arresting people like Malfoy, and now he runs riot in the Ministry****."**

I realize can do little to help the present situation as a so-called Ministry Official. I walk over to my desk, conjure a box, and begin to pack up my office.** "I will owl my resignation in the morning, because I refuse to be part of a system that is picking on a school boy and an old man to cover up its own stupidity,"** I tell her, emphasizing each word like a hammer blow.

_"Telling her off makes me feel so much better."_

I take the box and walk out of my office door; Dolores is still stunned by the events that have taken place in front of her.

I stop, lean back into the door and whisper, **"Dolores, I forgot I have something to tell you, Voldemort is back." **I walk away relived that I am out of this situation and grinning at my final dig at the "Princess in Pink."

Dolores's explosion of anger at the mention of that name follows me down the hallway. **"You-Know-Who is not back!"** I hear her screech from my office.

* * *

It's been two weeks since my dramatic exit from the office. _The Daily Prophet_ made it front page news with the headline,_ "Eleanor A. Howard Head of Internal Affairs Resigns" _in three-inch high type. The following article discussed rumors that I am in St. Mungo's suffering a tragic nervous breakdown.

Kinglsey Shacklebolt sent a get-well card and flowers to the house. Kingsley and I have worked together for fifteen years and found him to be one of the few people I could trust to vent my anger about Dolores. I hate having to leave him endure Dolores without back up; however, the look on his face when the Howler landed on his desk must have been priceless.

I feel a bit cut off from the world; the impact of what I have done is hitting me hard. I have abandoned the public and left them at the mercy of the Ministry's "spin doctoring" of the Tri Wizard fiasco. I have spent the last two weeks sending letters to the other Ministries abroad. A letter came from a friend in America. It states the Federal Bureau of Wizardy Law Enforcement is reviewing my references, but Fudge is refusing to respond. I need to get the paper work from home to be able to work in another country.

"_I know Dolores is twisted enough to prevent me from getting on with my life."_

* * *

Another depressing few weeks have passed and I sit in the kitchen wallowing in self-pity as I cry into my coffee. This is a road I have traveled before, and that route almost proved fatal.

A loud banging noise comes from the front room window causing me to spill coffee down my front. I walk over to investigate what has caused my dog, Daisy, to bark.

Daisy the Wonder Mutt is running up to front window to guard us from the killer barn owl sitting on the window ledge. I chase Daisy away from her potential snack, and I remove the envelope containing a familiar seal.

**_Eleanor A. Howard_**

**_The Kitchen_**

**_London_**

**_Nell,_**

**_I have heard that you have left the Ministry due to a difference in opinion with the present administration. I am aware that you are seeking employment from another agency, but I wish for you to come back to Hogwarts to teach until you find other employment. The Muggle Studies teacher has retired this year, and I am hard pressed for a person to fill this position._**

**_I must be truthful when I tell you that Dolores Umbridge has taken the Dark Arts position. The Ministry brought her in, because I am having trouble finding a teacher that is brave enough to take it. I would like to extend you the privilege of bringing your pets. We have an excellent stable area for Ozzy. Several other teachers have their own horses, and I am certain Ozzy will make a fine addition. There are plenty of distractions to keep Daisy, your Jack Russell Terrier happy._**

**_Please owl me as soon as possible. I would like to arrange transportation of your property and pets to Hogwarts before the term begins._**

**_Albus Dumbledore_**

_"God, help us to prepare for the nightmare to come. I wonder how Severus will handle this one. He does not suffer fools, and Dolores is one ingredient shy of a potion." _

I am forced to shake myself out of my musings and write my response.

_**Professor, **_

_**I am going to accept your generous offer. Thank you for allowing me to bring the pets. I am not too worried about Dolores, I am sure she won't last a year. Maybe she will succumb to the "One Year Itch" found in the Dark Arts position. On the other hand, the students will eat her alive her first day of school. How is Severus Snape taking my return? I do not think he liked the crowd I was hanging around, or who I was hanging out with. I remember he was making it difficult when Remus taught there, and I do not think that his attitude towards me will be any better. **_

_**Yours truly, **_

_**Eleanor**_

* * *

A scant week has passed, and I am a bit disoriented standing in the driveway to the school. Daisy has already discovered the gnomes living on the grounds, and she is going on an unscheduled safari.

It looks like the Welcoming Committee is coming to greet me. To my amusement, it is composed of Severus Snape and Argus Filch. Filch walks over, snatches my bag, turns, and walks away as if I have a raging case of dragon pox. Daisy ends her hunting expedition for bigger prey in the form of Filch's boots.

**"If you will follow me Eleanor, I will show you, and that furry Bludger to your quarters,"** Severus drawls. He is unable to force himself to look at me.

I walk quickly to cut in front to ask the burning question. **"So are you going to call me 'Nell' or Professor Howard?"**

**"Eleanor, I will not call you 'Nell'. It will imply that we have a friendly relationship and I find that rather repulsive,"** he says with a lack of expression on his face.

**"Grow-up, Severus, I have!"** I shout, following in his wake.

As we walk into the Entrance Hall, I feel like I am a student again. The sights and sensations are almost overwhelming.

The Great Hall seems to be three times larger than I remember. The occupant of a picture gallops up to greet and welcome me back. I loved the painting and would visit the Master of the Hounds daily. The statue of "Borus the Bizarre" still stands in front of the stairs leading to the Ravenclaw dormitories; I have to laugh at the carved warts on his stone skin.

I walk to a set of doors that lead to the Staff Wing. Two large paneled doors open to reveal the most opulent hallway I have ever seen. There is beautiful tapestry with swans swimming effortlessly in a deep blue lake, and another with knights fighting a fierce battle on horseback.

"_Now, I see what Remus was talking about. It was every students wish to get the passwords and walk into this area of the Castle." _

Since I am the most junior teacher, I have the smallest set of rooms; however, the combined area is larger than my house in the larger unfamiliar space, Daisy runs around inspecting every little corner for mice or a stray gnome.

"There is a meeting in the Staff Room at Five and then dinner. **"Oh, don't forget to see Madam Pomfrey before the meeting,"** he tells me with a sneer on his face.

I will bet a goblin at Gringotts that Severus is trying to hit a nerve to make me lose my temper like I did at the ministry, or he could be giving me a twisted welcome on his behalf.

My first seizure took place at the age of twelve in the Gryffindor Common Room. First, the air felt as if it was being sucked out of the room, and I could not breathe. Second, I felt as if I had fallen down a deep well, losing the ability to see. Finally, I began to cry uncontrollably and shake violently. When the seizure was over, Remus Lupin and another student dragged me to the Hospital Wing.

After a nasty seizure in potions, the Slytherins thought it was cute to hit me with a barrage of Stinging hexes. They would yell that I needed the Hospital Wing. I had a standing reservation in Moaning Myrtle's toilet as we both shared stories of humiliation. One day out of the blue, I began to fight back.

My revenge took the form of color change charms, sticking unsuspecting Slytherins upside down on a ceiling and a spell that put Severus in a tutu and toe shoes. Eventually, the Slytherins began to avoid me. They were afraid that I would turn the entire House into a version of a ballet troupe.

"_I guess I might as well get this over with. Poppy Pomfrey hates it when people are late."_

I slowly walk towards the Hospital Wing feeling like a child again, because it looks the same as when I left school. There many times I had to stay and recover; however, Remus Lupin was the founding member of the "Hogwarts Hospital Wing's Frequent Flyer Club." When we were there recovering from an illness or seizure, he would tutor me so I did not fall behind. I need to do him some justice and face the dreaded Hospital Wing. A smiling face greets me as I walk through the door to my former prison cell

_"I don't care if Remus is a werewolf, he is my friend and I love him dearly."_

I owe him a great debt, because he taught me never to give in to despair. I learned that I should tackle life head on and not look back. When I tried to hasten the departure from this world, he was there to rescue me.

_"I did not have any siblings, but I have Remus."_

**"Nell, I was wondering when I would see you this week?"**Madam Pomfrey inquires with a smile. The warmer her welcome, the faster the urge to run is growing at a rapid rate.

I brought with me a stupid manila envelope containing all the hidden secrets of my health. **"Here it is Madam Pomfrey, the Envelope of Doom,"**** I say, wishing the floor would swallow me whole as the discussion begins.**

**"Call me, Poppy. You are a teacher here not a student,"** she says. I wish she would drop the motherly look on her face.

**"Everything about the care and feeding of one Eleanor April Howard,"** I whisper to myself, while she guides me in and gives me the once over.

"_I don't know what is worse, being in the same room as Dolores or being poked and interrogated by Poppy Pomfrey?" _

When she pronounces me fit to work, I leave the Hospital Wing as if it were on fire.

This staff meeting goes down on the "Top Ten Total Low Points" in my life. Severus Snape is sitting in a chair with an air of contempt when I catch his eye. He developed rabid hatred of anyone associated with Remus Lupin and putting him in that ballerina costume has not helped the situation.

Severus leaves his throne in the corner, and says," **Eleanor, I wonder how you have been since your breakdown, and I am pleased about your release from St. Mungo's," ****he says with a smirk, sitting down in the corner of the room.**

It's getting chilly in here. The stillness in the room is broken by the creak of a door, and I wonder if a Dementor is entering the room.

The right hand automatically pulls a wand out of my sleeve, waiting for something horrible to happen. I am already flicking through my mental book of spells.

"_Step one is a happy thought: Severus after the Swan Lake Affair. He did look adorable in that tutu. Come on, Nell. Get a grip on yourself!"_

"_Step two: Expect... Damn, just Dolores. I should have started with a Banishing Charm." _

I am disappointed as I lower my wand and place it back in my sleeve.

_"Snape looked better in that tutu than she does in that tacky cardigan; that shade of pink does not flatter her figure!"_

Of course, Dolores abruptly hijacks the meeting from Minerva McGonagall. When Dolores takes center stage, it is like getting a gift from least loved relatives. I know I am going to get something, but I know I am not going to like it. She rambles of some nonsense about stopping progress for progress's sake, and the Ministry is looking out for all of us.

"_If one person asks her a question, I will transfigure them into a turnip" _

* * *

Dinner with Dolores Jane Umbridge, I cannot think of a more miserable way to end my day. It is considered tradition to eat together in the Great Hall the week before the Feast. I spend most of my time watching the others. Dolores is digging into her dessert looking like a niffler on the hunt for a diamond. Severus, like everyone else is picking at his dinner and wishing it would all end. I decide to feign a migraine to make a graceful exit. The staff will not question me, because no one wants to see me sick the first week of school. Just when I think the horror is over, I open my bedroom door, I discover that Daisy decided to unpack for me. There are robes, underwear, socks, and every other bit of clothing I own strewn everywhere. To rub salt in the wound, she has made herself at home sleeping on my dress robes.

**"I am too tired to deal with it,"** I sneer at Daisy. She looks back at me with a sappy terrier grin, rolls over, and resumes her slumber belly up on my clothing.

* * *

I am feeling so relaxed as I roll over in bed on a glorious late August morning; Daisy, the "Amazing Canine Alarm Clock" is demanding my presence at her food bowl by jumping on my head and attacking my hair. She will not let me sleep past six o'clock in the morning. I decide to skip my own breakfast and head straight to my office. The thought of having to unpack my boxes and trunks from my office at the Ministry is traumatizing, because I am still having pangs of guilt for leaving. As I am looking through the box I used to pack up my belongings at the Ministry. If Dolores caught wind that I found evidence that could see several Ministry officials sacked.

_"I want to destroy Fudge's 'Dog and Pony Show' in a tableau which Dolores has a supporting role." I begin to flick my way though the folders._

I lock them in a small compartment I found under my new office desk in a compartment I found while looking for anything left behind from my predecessor.

_"I want to bring down Fudge and ruin his little kingdom."_

The next box has my photos that were on the desk of my former office. The most favorite is a picture of Kingsley Shacklebolt at last year's department Christmas Party wearing a gaudy "Santa" hat.

_"It goes to prove that Kingsley cannot hold his Ogden's Fire Whiskey." _

Daisy plays in a photo taken at the beach two years ago. In a silver frame, I see a picture of "Ozzy, the Wonder Horse" being awarded first place at a horse show several months ago.

_"I cannot wait until Ozzy shows up. Dolores hates anything with fur and teeth and she would die rather to walk into a stable." _

The syllabus decisions are not that difficult to make; the recommended reading is tossed in the dustbin. The approved list went out before being hired, but I think they are a waste of good paper and ink.

"_How many trees gave their lives for this rubbish?" _

It is time the children of the Wizarding World stop treating this course as a joke. The first lesson will be an assessment of what they little did know. The last professor that had this course was a bit behind the times. The books include illustrations of a Muggle lifting a box, an automobile and the picture of a rotary phone. I can lift a box without magic, any idiot can drive a car, and phones are becoming wireless. The Wizarding World looks at Muggle life as if it were in the Stone Age. It does not hurt to learn to use a computer, and be able to understand paper money.

_"Survival skills are needed these days and that is what I am going to teach." _


	2. The Rules of Public Speaking

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by_**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter Two_**

**_The Rules of Public Speaking_**

Ozzy arrived this morning, and I am so happy to see him in the stall. His royal highness is demanding his usual ration of ginger newts and peppermints. Pulling him out into the sunshine, I notice the comforting sounds of the footfalls of his shoes against the stone floor.

Seventeen years of happy memories flood into my brain as I remember Ozzy as a very homely two-year old. His head was two sizes too big for his body, four short stubby legs, pie plate sized feet, and the most bizarre color of chestnut. I saw something in him, and I don't know what it was. I bought him from a Muggle for the paltry sum of £860. This was the best investment I have ever made. Even at nineteen years of age, he has turned out to be a top show horse and cheaper than therapy at St. Mungo's.

I turn Ozzy out, and watch him run around the paddock. I decide to go on 'Nugget Patrol', because this stall is a disaster. I know the house-elves clean the stalls, but I have found it a great way to clear my head and nose.

**"Ozzy, did you have the portlocks over for a house warming party?"**I ask, shaking my head. As Ozzy trots over to the gate investigate, I pick up the pitchfork and wheel barrow.

I decide to dump the debris from the 'portlock party, and begin organizing the massive amount of tack belonging to Ozzy.

"_I wish I had it as well as my horse, new shoes every six weeks, great dental plan, en suite massage, custom meals, and a wardrobe to dwarf my own." _

After lunch, I need to take one last look at the opening lessons for the first week of classes; however what I really want is some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, and the house-elves are able to acquire it. Sitting in the office with my feet up, I hear footsteps in the hallway.

A very harassed Severus Snape and a smug Dolores Umbridge stop in the doorway. **"Eleanor,what are you eating?"**she inquires.

**"I am eating Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream"** I replying with little emotion, childishly lick the back of the spoon.

**"So, why are you just sitting there stuffing your face with term starting tomorrow?"**she asks me irritably.

**"Well, I guess planning on getting 'chip faced' before the start of dinner,"** I reply with a nasty look. I swear Severus nearly smiled at the comment.

The much-anticipated Feast has arrived, and the teachers are wearing their finest robes; I am no exception. Dolores is several seats away at the Staff Table wearing that tacky pink cardigan of hers.

"_With that bow on her head, she reminds me of a deranged Easter Bunny."_

Hagrid is noticeably missing, and Wilhemina Grubbly-Plank is sitting in his place. My concerns are beginning to rise at his absence. It is not Hogwarts without Hagrid being here to ferry the first years to the Sorting Ceremony.

Severus Snape catches my gaze, and he seems to be looking straight through me. He is working hard to pretend I do not exist.

The students begin to pack the Great Hall, and the noise in the room begins to rise. The House tables begin to fill, but I look at my old House table. Gryffindors are filing in, and I look for familiar faces.

I doubt if Arthur told his children I would be here, because he does enjoy a joke. The twins walk in recognizing me right away. Fred and George give me a quick wave, laughing hysterically at the sight of me. Ron suddenly realizes what the twins are laughing about, and he looks up at the staff table with horror. He looks away pretending he does not see me. I babysat Ron and Ginny when they were infants, but Ron will have issues having a professor at Hogwarts who used to change his nappies.

I recognize one of Ron's friends. Harry looks so much like his father; however, I don't recognize the bushy haired girl sitting next to Ron. I wonder if she is the girl from Rita Skeeter's article last year?

My gaze shifts to another familiar student, Neville Longbottom. His parents are legendary, but this will be a difficult legacy to live up to.

My eye falls on to the Slytherin House table to Lucius Malfoy's son, Draco. He is the mirror image of his father.

"_I hope that he has Narcissa's intelligence and not his father's mouth."_

Lucius Malfoy has a massive case of verbal diarrhea, and one day it will be the death of him. When he begins to spout that pure blood rhetoric, he cannot stop talking. He was an easy source of information on the state of the Death Eater movement.

Draco is sitting next the sons of Crabbe and Goyle. Their fathers were a bit harder to question, because neither man possess the intelligence to use speech.

"_Crabbe and Goyle prove that evolution can work in reverse." _

The wide-eyed first years file in, and Minerva places the Sorting Hat on the stool. I remember that moment, and it still makes my heart skip a beat. I remember it whispering to me about figuring out which House to put me in. It debated between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor for several agonizing moments.

Being a Muggle Born, I had little exposure to world I was inducted. The Hat begins the song of the year. It warns danger, and the need of cooperation needed between the Houses. Minerva reads from her list, and soon the new students are sitting at their respective House tables.

I was famished at the start of the evening; however I begin to pick without enthusiasm at dinner, because I am a bit unnerved. A sinking feeling of sitting at the wrong end of a wand haunts me.

As the evening winds down, Dumbledore rises to address the students. The normal notice of painful deaths and detentions are mentioned for misbehavior.

Dumbledore announces three staff changes for the year, and he welcomes back Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank**."I wish to announce that Professor Howard will be taking over Muggle Studies,"** Dumbledore says with a wink in my direction.

Of course, the Weasley Twins look quite pleased with the announcement. In the meantime, Ron is trying to hide himself behind Harry's back.

He then welcomes Dolores to the infamously cursed position of Defense of the Dark Arts position.

"_I hope he remembered to tell her about the malignant 'Dark Arts One Year Itch.'"_

Dumbledore begins to start several more announcements; however, there is a familiar cough from Dolores.

"Hem, hem," Dolores gags.

"_I do not believe this one. It's a two for one special: dinner and a show."_

Dolores stands up sharply and interrupts the welcoming speech of the year.

"_Dolores, don't you know every rule of public speaking is being violated? Rule One: Never! Never! Interrupt a keynote speaker!" _

The staff waits with bated breath for the spectacle about to unfold. It is like watching a train accident; they cannot help themselves.

**"Hem, hem,"** Dolores grinds from the back of her throat.

"_Rule Two: Keep the flow of your words consistent, because distracting your audience with unnecessary vocalizations is a definite faux pas."_

She faces the students and discusses the pleasure of seeing "their happy little faces."

"_Rule Three: Never talk down to your audience; please address your group with respect."_

She is still talking in that horrible little girl voice. "_Rule Four: Speak in a clear confident voice._"

**"Hem, hem," **coughs Dolores.

"_Good grief Dolores, do you need your tonsils removed? You may want to seek out Madam Pomfrey, because you may be contagious!" _

Now that her throat is clear, her voice is a bit more business like.

"_Wonderful, Princess, you are improving! Just don't say anything stupid, and you mat be able to save this travesty you call a speech."_

She is rambling on now about stopping progress, and the Ministry micromanaging the school. It is the same disconnected speech from yesterday, and it has not improved with age.

McGonagall and Sprout exchange looks as if to find a way to overpower Dolores and drag her off of the stage.

"_Count us in Minerva, I am sure Snape and I will be happy to stun her and then throw a couple of curses to shut her up,"_ I think, while wand hand is becoming strangely itchy.

**"Hem, hem,"** Dolores gargles.

"_Clear your throat one more time Princess, I will hit you with an Unforgivable Curse! No court could convict me, and I have witnesses to say I was provoked!_"

She begins to ramble on again, going in circles, and the students are talking amongst themselves.

"_Rule Five: Know when to shut up!_ _If I had to mark this speech for grade, I would give her a 'D'. This is Dreadful! Is there a 'T' for Troll? A troll would have made more sense than she did with this disaster."_

She sits down while Dumbledore applauds. This was a signal to the rest of the school to give a polite, but distracted air of clapping. Without missing a beat, Dumbledore picks up on his original thread of announcements, and later dismisses the students.

The teachers wander back to the Staff Wing to turn in for the night. We are walking as a group leaving Dolores to hang back behind us.

**"Nell, never turn your back on her again. She will hex her Grandmother from the back,"** I whisper to myself.

"_I really need to work on my inner monologue."_

I make it to my room, and I take in a deep shuddering breath remembering how I learned not to turn my back on a possible enemy.

After the fall of Voldemort, I had a tip that someone was planning to assassinate Minister Fudge. When walking to a meeting, I heard someone fire off a curse killing another Auror. A staff member and I managed to shove Fudge through the door; when I turned around, a Death Eater was standing behind me.

I remember a feeling like I was being cut in two by a white-hot knife as the curse cut me across the neck, and I crashed to the floor hitting my head very hard on some stairs. I woke up in St. Mungo's a week later discovering that I could not move. I regained my ability to walk several months later and was able to work desk duty in the Cold Case division.

One day when I was putting a file away for a closed case, I had that funny feeling I had at school. My seizures have fallen in the same order, first the air gets sucked out of the room, and I cannot breathe. Second, I feel like I am down the bottom of a well and sounds echo. Third there are tremors topped off by uncontrollable crying.

I am frightened by my decent into the physical hell that is my life. After having the seizure in the office, there was hopeless feeling of never being normal. The Death Eater's curse has slapped me in the face. I became so depressed; I locked myself in my flat, and refused to see anyone. I felt weak, and I was afraid of being dependant on others again. Kingsley talked me into coming back to the office for light desk duty again; however, I began to have a panic attack in the office the first day back, and Kingsley took me to St. Mungo's. He was afraid that I was having another seizure. The Ministry sent a councilor to talk to me when I came home a few days later, but I slammed the door in his face when he arrived. I even entertained the idea of ending it all, but thoughts about my mother having to pick of the pieces after I died caused me to stop. Remus found out about my mental meltdown a few days later. When I refused to open the door, he threatened to blow it apart. We spoke for hours before I began to open up and talk about my feelings. We discussed the paranoid thoughts of having someone sneak up on me, being in mourning for the change in my life, the anger of having to depend on others, and why I wanted to end it all.

**"Something bothering you?"** asks Pomona Sprout.

I am startled by her voice, and it is difficult to come up with a response. I decide it is better to get to bed before I accidentally curse someone. I might hurt someone because of my paranoia induced by a flashback.

**"No, just a little bit tired from the busy day,"** I tell her in a tired voice. I walk to my door, and I decide to write a letter to one of my dearest friends. I need his advice.

_**1 September, 1995**_

_**Dear Remus,**_

**_I am sorry that I have not written in a while, because my life has been a bit turned upside down. The news of my mental break down has been greatly exaggerated in the__ Prophet,__ and I can assure you my sanity is quite intact. Dolores is here; she has taken the Dark Arts job and that has cheered me up a great deal. She might catch the 'One Year DADA Itch'. With the history of that position, I can say she will be infected with a bad case of it. Can you imagine what class will be like for her with the Weasley twins? I know you had them and survived the experience. Maybe I should reserve my bed at St. Mungo's for her, it was quite comfortable, and the food was not too bad._**

_**On a more serious note, I am in fear for everyone in the school. Dolores does not play by the rules, because she does not possess the social skills to be in a closed environment like Hogwarts. Dolores does not recognize when she has crossed the line in controlling the world around her. She only tells her version of the truth and uses people to do her dirty work. She is not trustworthy, and the Ministry is doing everything it can to prevent the truth from being told.**_

_**Yours Truly,**_

_**Nell**_

Thank goodness September second is on a Saturday, because it gives me some time to collect my thoughts. The eerie feeling that I felt last night is beginning to fade, and the early morning light streaks into my bedroom welcoming me to a sunny September scene outside.

I am feeling tired, because I do not adjust to changes in routine well. I am developing a headache and every old injury is burning.

**"Sorry Ozzy, I have lost the ability of voluntary locomotion,"** I whisper apologetically. I roll over in bed and close my eyes against the glare.

I know the best thing for me is to curl up with a book and vegetate for the rest of the weekend. I don't know how long I have been asleep, but I am rudely awakened by someone pounding at my door.

**"Nell? Nell, are you in there?"** a voice inquires loudly.

**"Nell, open this door right now,"** another voice calls through the door sounding angry. Daisy is beside herself barking at the person making that noise and digging at the door jamb.

"_Daisy needs to stop barking, and I wish that person would stop pounding at my door."_

I trip and fall on the bed clothes in my haste to answer the door. My body hits the floor with a loud thud.

**"Nell, are you alright?"** asks Poppy, while pounding at the door.

I manage to extricate myself from the sheets and comforter without tripping again, and I cast them aside angrily.

I cannot be angry; they are just looking out for me. **"Give me a minute,"** I grumble, shuffling towards the door.

**"Shut it, Daisy!"** I yell, yanking the door open.

Minerva and Poppy are standing at my door looking quite concerned.

**"Where have you been all day?"** Professor McGonagall asks in a tone of concern. She looks like she is about to give me detention and take points fifty points from Gryffindor.

**"Sleeping,"** I say, unable to find a better response. A distict air of relief blows in from the door as they realize nothing has happened. **"Why don't you both come in."** I gesture for them to come into my parlor, rolling my eyes behind their back.

**"Nell Patrol"** started when I had my first seizure. If I didn't show up where I was scheduled to be, someone would always come running to find me.

Professor McGonagall is looking at me with an icy stare. **"Now that we know you are not lying on the floor convulsing or have attempted to injure yourself; I need to attend an impromptu meeting of all Heads of House."** Minerva has a disheartened and disappointed look on her face.

"_Minerva must be angry with me and a seizure would be the perfect excuse to blow off Dolores."_

"**Professor McGonagall, use small words when you speak with Dolores. I heard from the House-elves, she was a little slow at breakfast," **I say, feeling it is imperative to give a report of Dolores's cognitive ability at the present time.

After Minerva leaves the room, Madam Pomfrey pulls me sharply by the arm, and forces me to sit down into a chair. **"Nell, let's look you over. Why have you been in here all day, young lady,"** she says. I notice her face lights up with the patented, "Madam Pomfrey Stare of Doom."

"_I wish she would not give me that look," _my inner voice tells me._ "I hated it when I was twelve, and I dread it at thirty-five. I guess I should tell her the whole story before she drags me to the Hospital Wing for a simple migraine."_

**"I have a headache, so I am trying to sleep it off,"** I say with an obvious note of irritation.

"_Just give me the wallpaper stripper you call a 'headache potion' and let me be antisocial in peace," _

I cringe inwardly as she orders**,"Take this potion first and this one before going to bed. I will be back to see you this evening,"** she threatens. I decide to swallow the potion for the migraine, so I can get rid of the source of indigestion walking out the door.


	3. The Deep Breath Before the Plunge

**__**

_**Please remember seizures are like fingerprints, they are very unique to the person who has them. I am using a description of the sensations I feel and remember. Your brain tends to have problems sensing time and the surroundings. I am also basing this on what my friends and family have described they have seen when with me. It is important to remember that during a seizure, you never put anything in a person's mouth during an attack. It is a myth that you will swallow your tongue. Putting an object in the mouth can cause choking and broken teeth. Just loosen tight clothing, move away any objects that might cause injury, and be reassuring when that person wakes up. I normally am put on my side until I wake-up enough to move on my helps to clear my airway and make it easier to breathe. When I am with a person who knows when I am about to have one, her or she will normally take me out of someplace that is less public or ask people to leave the room. This is because they want to protect me from any embarrassment or well meaning by standers that might get in the way.**_

Chapter Three: The Deep Breath Before the Plunge

By: Eleanor Belle

Monday is here too soon, and I am terrified of being in front of a class. Every possible scenario of disaster runs rampant in my head, and it is not helping my case of stage fright.

Will I have a seizure in class, or what to do if I have a panic attack?

"_Get a grip Nell!"_

"4 September, 1995" I decide to write on the chalk board, because it gives me something to do with my hands before the students pack in at 9:45. My first lesson is a pretest, and I am afraid of the students failing the exam. The community is in more danger of its lack of information than Voldemort.

**"Hem, hem," **Dolores gags, as she walks into the room. Her vocalization rings throughout the empty classroom. I choose to ignore her in hopes that she will go away.

**_"_**_Since when did Hogwarts sponsor an Augury breeding program?"_

**"Hem, hem. Eleanor, a word please,"** she says with her simpering voice.

**"What now, Dolores?"** I ask with a tone of irritation.

**_"_**_Just what I need, the 'Princess in the Puke Colored Cardigan' in my face on the first day of school before classes begin."_

**"Eleanor, I must warn you not to mention your fantasy of You-Know-Who's return,"** Dolores says as if she were chastising a puppy for wetting on the carpet. When she finishes this lame monologue, she spins on her heel and walks to the door.

**"Dolores!"** I yell to get her attention, and she stops in the doorway to face me.**"What are you planning to teach in the defense class? I know what you could teach them: the ability to jump in front of Voldemort's wand and say, 'Oh, look at the pretty green light rushing towards me.'"**

Dolores attempts to make a stand, but she is cut off by the ringing of the bell to begin class and waddles off to her classroom. I am sure she is plotting a satisfactory way of punishing me for my cheek, and I think it will be very nasty.

I have a talent for pulling myself together quickly after a confrontation, and I feel this is due to my days as an Auror. One lapse in concentration could cost your life or of another innocent person.

The Fifth years file through the door, and take their seats in the classroom. I decide to call role to and collect myself. I hit the "G's" on the list to see the name, "Gregory Goyle." The fun does not stop at the "G's," the real entertainment is in the form of the "P's." Pansy Parkinson of Slytherin is sitting ten feet from me.

"_Ok, Nell, you have survived the first ten minutes and there are only ten months to go."_

Standing in front of the class, I switch into "Supervisor From Hell" mode and decide to approach the pretest discussion as if I were doing an evaluation on a person being sacked.

The pretest took nearly the entire period, because the questions were intensely detail oriented.

1. What do the letters in the following items stand for?

VCR -

ATM-

CD-

DNA-

CPU-

ROM-

2. What is the function of a rubber duck?

The results of the pretest were not promising; the students do not have a clue of the ever-changing Muggle world.

Gregory Goyle's test was the most creative.

1. What do the letters in the following items stand for?

VCR - _Very Cool Ravenclaw_

ATM- _Augury Training Program_

CD- _Cannons are Dumb_

DNA- _Do Not Apparate_

CPU_- Crippled Person Underground_

ROM- _Respect Our Ministry_

2. What is the function of a rubber duck?

_This is a Muggle attack animal used to chase wizards when they knock at the door._

I am so proud of my first class, because I did not end up on the floor convulsing or committed to St. Mungo's in a straight jacket.

The rest of the day passes with little incident, and I want to take poor Ozzy out for a ride before dinner. Ozzy is overjoyed at the prospect of a quick run through the grounds. I do not have the energy to work on serious training. Saddling up, I decide to ride past the Quidditch pitch and take a look at Gryffindor's team at practice.

Ozzy did not have many chances to ride outside of an arena when I kept him at a stable near London. My elderly horse is bounding up and down the hill with the same enthusiasm as a horse half his age. He gives me the ability to shed my limitations set by my body. It takes me half and hour to make it to the pitch in one piece. He seems to be developing a problem with stopping, and we almost take off across the field.

"**Damn it, Ozzy!" **I yell, pulling as hard on the bridle. It is difficult to stop a three-quarter of a tons of horse with a piece of metal the width of a pencil. The last time Ozzy became too wound up, he dumped me in a hedge next to a highway.

**"Ozzy! Ozzy get your head on straight, and knock it off!" I shout**Ozzy is giving the Gryffindor team quite a show as he gives a series of rears. He normally decides it is not worth the effort, and he will settle down eventually. Unfortunately, the week off has left him energy to burn; I am paying dearly for my neglect.

**"What a great way to make an impression, Ding Bat!"** I bellow. It pisses me off when he acts like this.

_"I guess he wants to run across the pitch as much as I would like to do. Rolanda Hooch would not be happy if she found divots from Ozzy's shoes on the field."_

I manage to get back to the barn in one piece. Ozzy is exhausted from his 'toddler moment'. He is sweaty and heaving like an asthmatic hippogriff. It is long after dark when I return from the stable, because I have a ritual of making sure his tack is spotless. It takes every ounce of willpower to do a proper job.

I don't think I will change out of my boots to walk back to the castle. I am too tired, and I am starving. Filch will have to get over my muddy boot prints, and the dirt cast off by my spurs. I am wondering how long I have been out on my hack, but I realize my watch is missing.

"_Damn, I left my watch in the office." _

As I leave the Entrance Hall, I check to be sure Filch is not paying attention.

"_Thank goodness he is Squib, because there is nothing like an angry wizard wielding a mop."_

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mrs. Norris by streaking down the hall in the direction of my office. I have a funny feeling about this. Several doors away from my classroom, I run into Argus Filch.

**"Is there anything I can do for you, Mr. Filch?"** I inquire irritably.

**"No, professor, good night,"** he mumbles under his breath as he walks away.

When I enter the office, I notice several drawers open and books on the floor. My heart is in my throat as I check for any missing papers. A wave of relief washes over me as I find everything as I have left it. I begin to feel that creepy feeling that haunted me after I was cut down. I felt everyone was after me, and there was no place to hide.

"_I cannot keep looking over my shoulder, but I do not want to leave mum to pick up the pieces."_

It's Friday, and I am so exhausted from the volley of jerks in my arms. This is my normal warning of an impending seizure, but I manage to drag through my classes by giving the students a book assignment instead of a normal activity. I make it to the staff meeting late, and I open the door to see that Dolores is on center stage. She is giving the same pathetic diatribe, this time without publicly insulting us; however, she adds dire warnings about discussing Voldemort.

I am managing to tune her out, but I keep wondering what she is planning for my punishment. Suddenly, the thought is interrupted by the prospect of Filch breaking into my office.

"_What will he find and what will Dolores do if he finds the evidence I have? Oh no, she will have me sent to Azkaban. I need to get out of here."_

I feel my pulse quicken, and I am biting back the urge to vomit. The sensation of being dunked into a vat of hot tar is overwhelming, and I know what is about to happen.

"_Something is horribly wrong, and I need to get out of here!"_

I hear Dolores shout, "Eleanor, pay attention! I am not going to tolerate disrespect to me or the Ministry!"

I feel like I am now outside of my body looking into the room from afar. There is a sensation of clarity to the world as objects are over focused in my eyes. The sharpness of the images is very painful; sounds suddenly burst into my ears ten times louder than before.

**"Eleanor, look at me when I address you!"** Dolores bellows. Her voice seems to echo in my ears.

"_Oh god, help me, I cannot breathe!" _

I can hear myself wheezing as I make a huge effort to inhale. The air seems to have turned into molten lead as the sharpened images disappear behind a veil of black.

"_I can't see anything in front of me! Where am I? Who is here with me?"_

**"Nell?"** someone asks, sounding concerned about my behavior. I can hear the person shouting at someone else as they walk closer to me.

"_Who is screaming? Please make her stop, so I can think." _

The movement in the room has picked up, and I hear more people discussing something; however, the voices are too garbled to make any sense.

"_Who ever you are, I need to lie down, please."_

I cannot get my legs and arms to work right, because they keep jerking. The whole room begins to fall away from me. I am curious as to where it went.

**"Nell? Nell, what's wrong?"** asks another voice.

I feel my face hit the floor hard as a violent shiver runs down the length of my body as sharp snaps of the neck grind my nose further into the wooden floor.

I feel footsteps around me, and a male voice commands, **"Go get Poppy!"** There is a short pause, and the voice shouts again, **"What are you waiting for? I said go, now!"**

I can feel myself being turned onto my back. I can sense more activity about the room. Someone is holding the back of my head off of the floor, and another person is holding my hand.

"L_eave me alone, please. I don't want anyone to see this."_

The jerking is getting worse, and I feel bruises forming on my back. There is a copper taste in my mouth telling me that my tongue is now lacerated.

**"It's all right, Nell, just settle down," **a person says gently, touching my forehead with a cool hand.

_"I need air." _I am starting to get tired; I don't have the strength to inhale._ "I will take a breath in a few minutes after I rest."_

**"Nell, come on now and take a breath,"** a voice pleads, tapping my cheek to get my attention. I can barely sense the pressure of a hand against the side of my face.

"_Shut it and leave me alone."_

**"Nell!_" _**a male voice commands loudly. **"Just take one!"**

"_I said, ' SHUT IT!'" _My throat feels like someone is jamming a sock in it.

The person holding my hand is gone, and I am very afraid of being left alone.

"_I am sorry, please stay here. I promise to breathe if you give me a chance."_

**"Good girl, take another breath,"** says a relieved voice, picking up my hand again.

**"Here drink this,"** a female voice urges, as the rim of a goblet hits my lips.

"_The voice is nice, so it must care for me."_

I drink the potion without resistance; I relax as a blanket is wrapped around me. I am too exhausted to move or speak. Sleep is encroaching in any other thoughts; I am forced to surrender to the blackness as I feel the sensation of being picked up gently off of the floor and cradled securely in someone's arms.


	4. Educational Disgrace 23 & 24

To: JKR's Legal Team: I don't own it; I am not getting rich from this.

Warning: There are implied suicide attempts and violence.

Chapter 4: Educational Disgrace Number 23 and 24

**By**

Eleanor Belle

"**Dolores, you cannot go in there!"** I hear Poppy Pomfrey shouting as I suddenly wake up.

**"As the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, I have the right to go anywhere I please. Now, get out of my way!"** Dolores' shouts echo through out the entire hospital wing as she storms towards the area reserved for the staff.

_"The Hogwarts WHAT?"_ I feel confused by the term as I begin to wake up.

I decide to fein sleep rather than deal with Dolores at this moment. I am too tired and confused to confront her at the moment. I have flickering memory of something occuring in the staff room.

"**So, what's wrong with her?"** Dolores inquires sharply.

_"Gee Dolores, I think my lying on the floor of the Staff Room convulsing should be a major clue."_

**"I don't know, you tell me." **Poppy snaps back to Dolores.

_"That a girl Poppy, you tell the "over-grown toad" to take a flying leap."_

**"Eleanor is obviously shirking her duties, making those horrible noises and writhing around on the floor like that." **Dolores does not realize she is treading on thin ice.

**"If you are quite finished insulting someone who is defensless, lying on her sick bed, you need to attend to your own duties," **Poppy says sternly.

"_When Poppy uses that tone of voice, it is a clue to leave the Hospital Wing while you can."_

I can hear Dolores's heavy breathing as she pokes her head in the doorway. I think she is trying to see if I am trying to take some time off due to laziness, or I am seriously ill.

I hear this strange scratching noise that is becoming louder with every second.

Dolores mumbles, **"Teacher's illness may be causing her to become unstable, and she refuses to stay conscious during a staff meeting."**

I hear Dolores's footsteps retreating out of the Hospital Wing, and I realize just how tired I am. Madam Pomfrey's 'Someone- Is- Awake- and- Awaiting- Nasty- Potions' radar is zeroing in on me.

"**All right young lady, care to tell me what happened on Friday?"** Madam Pomfrey asks me, as if I really knew. Poppy then grabs my wrist to take a pulse. **"So, did you have any idea this was coming?"**

"**Yes. I had the 'jerks' all day." **I begin to slide down the pillow and begin attempting to hide my face. "**I thought I could make it though the meeting and then go to bed."**

"**Obviously not." **Poppy always gets pink in the ears when she is trying to control her temper. Right now, it looks like both ears will spontaneously burst into flame.

"**Nell, you need to make sure you get help when you feel a seizure coming on. You quit breathing for several minutes. A minute or two longer, your heart would have stopped. In fact, it was barely beating when you were brought here, and it's still irregular."** There is a worried tone to her voice, and I am angry with myself for not being more careful.

"**I did not know it was that bad, I'm sorry." **I feel so angry and guilty for worrying my friends.

"**Professor McGonagall is so worried about you. I had to pry her hand off of yours. I have never seen her that upset. Professor Snape had to drag her out of the Hospital Wing by force."**

_"I never want to scare anyone like that again, especially Minerva. She kept me in one piece during my worst moments when I was a student"_

**"Poppy, what was Severus doing up here? I would never expect him to be worried about anyone?" **There is a genuine tone of curiosity in my voice.

**"How do you think you got up here? He was worried that you would begin seizing again and felt is would be safer to carry you up here." **She turns away to pick up a towel to clean my nose up from when I hit the floor Friday afternoon.

As I relax back on the pillows, Poppy puts away the soiled towel. I hear footsteps coming towards my room, and it sounds like the owner is in a hurry. I glance towards the door, my worst nightmare is coming true.

**"That was quite a show you put on," **Severus tells me in a tone of voice he normally uses on a student.** "I hope this is the last time I have to scrape you off of the floor."**

**"Thank you for your excellence at scraping a convulsing teacher off of the floor." **I cannot believe I am telling the person I turned into a ballerina, thank you.

He turns his back with a sniff, whispers something to Poppy, turns on his heels and leaves the room.

Poppy walks over to my bed with a glass full of moss colored liquid the consistency of hot tar. **"Now, I had this made to order, and you will take it without any comment," s**he orders as if I were a dense toddler.

I take the unsavory potion in one gulp to avoid tasting it. Before I realize it, I fall into a semi-concious bliss.

The first sensation I have when half asleep is a warm hand holding my own, and the owner of the hand is Minerva McGonagall.

"**How do you feel, Nell?" **She asks me with a hint of tears in her eyes, while brushing stray hair off of my forehead. **"I am sorry I could not stay with you. Severus drug me out of here and would not let me come back."**

"**Thanks for coming back," **I tell her in a slurred simple exchange takes every ounce of strength, andI have the most particular sensation that my tongue is sticking on the roof of my mouth.

Something warm seems to be dripping from my nose, and her sudden movement to touch my face startles me. **"Your nose is bleeding. I guess Madam Pomfrey should know." **I feel her cleaning my face off the best she can.

I hear her talking softly to me, but I cannot process what she is saying. I am falling asleep again as her voice lulls me to into darkness.

* * *

It must be very late when I wake again to the sound of hollow footsteps walking into the room. I close my eyes as the footfalls stop next to my bed. I don't want who ever it is know I am awake.

I hear a baritone voice say, **"How have you survived this with this for so long? I never realized how horrible this could have been as child."**

_"Was that Severus showing some sympathy? Who would have thought?"_ I am too tired to open my eyes to look at the person speaking to me.

I feel him check my pulse on my neck as he says, **"Your heart is still irregular. I may need to try something different in the next dose."** I guess he did not realize I could hear him. He sits by the bed watching me and leaves quietly a few minutes later.

* * *

I can tell it is early morning by the sounds changing in the Hospital Wing, and I feel something cold and wet against my face.

_"Don't touch me. I am so tired just let me sleep please. Why is everyone so intent on making sure I am still alive?"_

I begin to slap at the offending person who is bothering me. I want to be left alone and be antisocial in peace.

"**Nell, stop fighting me." **I suddenly realize Poppy is simply attempting to clean my nose that has started bleeding again.

Standing beside Poppy are Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall. They seem pleased that I am awake.

Dumbledore sits in a chair by the bed and says,**"If you wanted the day off, why didn't you just ask." **He is smiling and pats me on the head.

"**Sorry about the show, I thought Dolores's speech was getting a little boring." **I wish he would quit smiling at my comment.

"**Next time, just tell someone and go to bed. That's an order,"** Dumbledore says with a wink.

"**I don't understand something I heard Dolores say when I first woke up. What is a 'Hogwarts High Inquisitor?"** I hate to sound stupid, but I really want to get this.

"**Dolores has too much time on her hands, and feels the need to be noticed. I think the coughing has stopped working." **I find Dumbledore's answer less than satisfying.

Minerva tries to look stern, but is doing a horrible job. **"I expect to see you in your classroom on Tuesday." **She begins to grin as her back turns toward me.

* * *

After a short stay, I am being released from the Hospital Wing Monday night; I am resuming my regular routine with stern instructions not to over tax myself.

* * *

It is Tuesday; I walk down to breakfast, and begin to look down the staff table. Every teacher with the exception of Severus is looking as though they have been force fed stinksap.

"**What is going on here?" **I need to shut my mouth, because I might attract flies.

"**That stupid woman is 'inspecting' the other teachers," **Minerva tells me through a clinched jaw. I notice she is probably trying to bite back the urge to start swearing.

I hear, **"Hem, hem. Glad you could finally join us, Eleanor." **Dolores sits down next to Minerva and myself. I think she is trying to listen in.

I lean over towards Minerva and whisper**, "Kinda makes you nostalgic for the Dementors, doesn't it?"**

Minerva loses self-control and tries to laugh. The mouth full of tea she has just sipped shoots out of her nose. Unfortunately for Dolores, the trajectory of the laughter induced disaster lands in her hair.

Dolores stands up so quickly that her chair falls over backwards. As she walks off in a huff, I hear her say, **"Just wait until your inspection."**

Minerva stands up and says,** "Hem, hem. Just can't wait Dolores!" **I know Minerva could not resist that dig at her.

I have a suspicion Dolores is trying to probe for weaknesses and loyalties among the staff. Knowing Dolores's habits she will target the weaker teachers first. I find out I am right. The first victim on the line of fire is Sybil Trelawney, and she does not have the social skills or a highly developed sense of self-esteem. It will not be long before Sybil cracks under pressure.

Dinner has rolled around, I found a very traumatized Sybil walking through the halls. She is mumbling in coherently and looking paler than Nearly Headless Nick.

"**Sybil. Sybil." **She seems to be unable to comprehend someone calling her name.

"**Sybil, What is wrong? **She looks at me like I am going to assault her in someway.

"**Nell, It was horrible. She called me incompetent and a fraud."**

_"For once, Dolores may be on the mark." I am feeling ashamed of myself._

**"I cannot leave here this is my home," **She tells me with tears spilling on her cheek.

_"Oh Sybil, I wish I could make it better."_ I am heartbroken by the sight of her.

Sybil is one of those people who could listen to you for hours on end. She is always equipted with a pot of strong tea and morbid predictions. The dire warnings made you forget the problem at hand, and put your mind on something else. She seems to be a little daft, but underneath it all is a genuine human with a kind heart. Sybil does not have a strong sense of self worth, and she easily presents herself as a target. After staring down Death Eaters and coming back more than once from the brink of death, I feel very little fear of anything that could hurt me mentally and physically. Sybil does not have experience to stand up against anything or anyone. Being at Hogwarts all these years has probably prevented her from falling to pieces.

* * *

When I return to the office, I see Dolores has left me a pink perfumed piece of parchment to tell me when I will have my inspection.

_"Next in the line of fire, me."_

I once took an informal poll in the Magical Law Enforcement office. The topic: If you had to be locked in a closet without a wand, whom would you pick? The choice was Dolores or Voldemort. Voldemort won by a huge margin. It seemed he won because being locked in a closet with Dolores would be a slow death by insanity. With Voldemort, your death will be painful, but brief.

"**Hem, hem I take it that you received my note." **She is looking at me with that horrible sticky grin of hers.

"**How could I forget it, Dolores, it was on puke colored parchment with rose perfume. I sneezed for an hour and half after reading it."** I really should not bait her before my "inspection."

"**Dolores, I have one question**,** what will you do if you don't like my teaching technique? Will you cancel my union card, take away my apparating license, cancel my subscription to the **'**Prophet,' or write my mother?"**

Dolores turns away and walks out the door without comment.

This morning, I am taking the most irritating approach to this lesson, because Dolores hates noise and students actually learning something. I am playing a game with the students; it is called "Grab Bag." I throw Muggle items in a sack and the students have three chances to guess the item.

The first item is a potato peeler. We go an entire round without anyone figuring out the item. The top answers were: A hammer, eggbeater, and a curling iron.

The next item on the list is a cordless phone and I am happy the students figured this out quickly.

From the back of the room I hear, **"Hem, hem."** A loud yawn punctuates from her corner to keep the party going.

I hate to tell Dolores the term for her vocalization and obsessive note taking are a form of self-stimulation. This is a way for the brain to keep itself functioning while it begins to go idle.

_" I would just love to scream, 'Stop self-stimulating'!"_

Susan Bones is next, and she draws a cassette tape. Her first guess is a spatula, then a comb, and finally guesses a bar of soap.

"**Hem, hem." **This annoying sound causes the entire class to be disrupted. I give her my famous "Death Stare."

"**Hem, hem." **Dolores looks to be fascinated by a spot on the wall.

"**Teacher allows classroom to be messy and disorganized."**

_"Alright Princess, just wait until the class clears out."_

Pansy Parkinson is next and draws a remote control to a television set my parents once owned.

"**This is an iron. No a hammer. Wait, it's a shoe horn." **Pansy begins to turn red, when she realizes the answers were way off.

"**Good try Pansy, but it is the remote control to a television." **There is a slight note of laughter to my voice.

"**Hem, hem. Teacher is deliberately negative to Slytherin House students." **I am struggling with my desire to take the remote and smack her across the face with it.

I throw in a rubber duck when no one is looking. It is Gregory Goyle's turn, and he reaches into the sack.

We hear a large **"quack,"** and Goyle drops the sack as if it were on fire and runs out of the room screaming, **"It's one of those Muggle attack ducks!"** The entire class is laughing, and I could not contain myself.

My reverie is cut short by, **"Hem, hem." **Then that stupid scratching begins again.

"**Teacher is torturing student for class's amusement. Student is traumatized by the experience."**

Goyle walks back into the room looking as though he would kill the first person that cracked a smile.

"**Hem, hem." **Dolores seems to be begging to be the center of attention.

I turn away from her face, put my palm to my forehead and roll my eyes to the ceiling while shaking my head.

I hear the bizarre scratching noise; Dolores is mumbling, "**Teacher is unable to keep control of temper. She shows signs of imbalance and inability to control her emotions."**

_"I guess Dolores does not realize, I can hear every word she is saying; I have a sudden desire to change her cardigan into a fluffy pink Pit Bull terrier."_

The students exit when the bell rings and Dolores is looking rather smug.

_"Alright Princess, I going to let you have it!"_

When she is finished, she makes an earth-shattering announcement, **"You will have your results in ten days."**

"**Dolores, I must tell you colleague to colleague, I am worried about your cough, because there has been a deadly outbreak of 'Bitchinstein' disease. You might want to check with Poppy right away." **I don't think I can contain myself. I will bet my entire year's salary that she is going to see Poppy before dinner.

I know Poppy will be amused, because she came up with the term out of disgust when describing Dolores's interest in the health of selected staff members. She declaired this diagnosis one night at the "_Three Broomsticks" _over a pint of meade.

_"Lucius Malfoy's verbal diarrhea is contagious, I need to find a cure quickly."_

Sitting down for dinner at the staff table, I notice a letter on my plate with familiar handwriting. I begin to open up the envelope, and I hear, "**Hem, hem."**

I decide to conjure a bottle of cat fur ball cure and throw it on Dolores's plate without a word.

_"I hope she likes tuna and egg flavors."_ I want to laugh at my own thought, and I realize that may inflame her worse.

**Nell,**

**Thank you for the letter. I am glad to hear that your sanity is intact**."_Gee thanks, now I feel like I can sleep at night knowing you have declared me clinically sane."_ **I don't know how it will stay that way. **"_Well, I have not run screaming from Hogwarts yet."_ **I do wonder if she will survive the Weasley Twins?** **They have an inventive way of making plenty of mischief.** _"Hey, if I were Dolores, I would be more afraid of Ginny. That "Bat Bogey" hex of hers can be fairly nasty."_ **The impression I get from you is that Dolores is as much of a danger inside the school, as when she was working in the Ministry.** _"Do you really think so Remus or is this just wild speculation?"_

**Nell, please do not allow her to wear you down. I know how you get when you see injustice, and when someone inflicts pain on another. That has been your job for years. With Dolores in complete charge, it will be difficult and unlikely that you will be able to rescue anyone. Your health will suffer and Dolores will use it against you.**

_"No kidding Remus. What are you afraid of? Could it be that she might cripple me?"_

**Yours truly,**

**R. Lupin**

_"I don't know if I should send you flowers or a howler. Thank you for your wonderful assessment of my work environment."_

It is now Saturday and I really need to get some training time in with Ozzy. He does not look pleased when he sees the bridle. I manage to get the bit in his mouth and secure the saddle before mounting.

Ozzy begins our workout with a few "spook attacks." He is looking at invisible creatures bent on jumping out of the trees to attack him. Once Ozzy realizes I know that the little critters are not in the woods, he resorts to one of his famous tantrums. Ozzy has the most remarkable ability to rear up repeatedly without stopping for rest.

"**Knock it off!" **I realize that my shouting could be heard on the Quiddtich Pitch, because half a dozen brooms suddenly stop to find out who is yelling.

Ozzy has a knick name known through out the show circuit, the "Humiliator." A trainer friend of mine used to borrow Ozzy to "adjust the attitudes" of her students that felt they knew it all. He plays mind games and seeks to make a fool of those who seek to dominate. His favorite game is the "Make-Me." The strategy of the game is to make you miserable so will get off and put him away. I have seen him hit the brakes at a full gallop and send riders over his ears. Once he stopped at the part of the test at a show that requires me to stop, face the judge, and take off again. We stopped, faced the judge, and went nowhere. No matter how hard I kicked, spurred and whispered threats of becoming pet food, he refused to move. Eventually, he stumbled to a trot with a loud moan.

Today is not much better. I ask him to walk in a straight line, and all I get is attitude. The rest of the ride is going much better, because we only have one minor outburst. I want to let him run full out, and he is happy to oblige. I make a circuit around the grounds stopping on a small hill overlooking Hogsmeade. I notice a person wearing pink is walking out to talk to another person. There seems to be a quick exchange of words and some object I cannot make out. The figure in pink begins to walk back with the mysterious object. She looks on to the top of the hill and notices I am staring at her. She nearly breaks into a run to hurry our line of sight.

_"_**So Madam High Inquisitor, what game are we playing?" **I whisper to myself.

* * *

It's Monday, time for the fun and games to begin for the week. Walking past the "Master of the Hounds" portrait, I notice a sign announcing "Educational Decree Number 24."

This cancels all teams, clubs, and students in groups of threes.

_"Never mess with Quidditch Dolores, it could be the last thing you will ever do."_

By midday, Dolores begins to decide which clubs and teams will be reinstated. The first team is reinstated, and it is Slytherin. What does she have against Gyffindor? Oh yes, Harry, Dumbledore,Minerva, andI are from that house.

In my classroom, the kids are unnaturally subdued. I am asking Amy Booth of Ravenclaw a simple question on parking meters, and she is looking straight through me.

**"Ms. Booth, what is the purpose of a parking-meter? Ms Booth, ten points from Ravenclaw for lack of attention."** I hate taking away points, but I need to maintain some discipline.

_"Oh no, I am beginning to sound like Severus."_

**"Sorry, professor what is the question?"** Amy is looks like she is waking from a coma.

**"Amy, what is the problem? Please be honest."**

**"Professor Umbridge has cancelled the Gobstones Club."** Amy uses an unnaturally whiney tone to announce the tragedy of the day.

_"She has to be kidding! We need to get this child to get out more."_ I roll my eyes when I turn around.

**"Anyone else have an earth shattering declaration?"** I try to remain calm while asking this rhetorical question.

From the back of the classroom, I see a beefy fist fly into the air, and Gregory Goyle is the owner of the appendage in question.

I am beyond stunned when asking him, **"Yes, Mr. Goyle, what is on your brain?"**

_"As if anyone from the Goyle family has a brain."_

_**"I would like to declare that I need to go to the toilet,"**_ he announces to the class.

_"I should keep Goyle in class, because I am worried he might lose a few IQ points while in the toilet."_


	5. A Bitter Potion to Swallow

Dolores's latest sanctions have not set well with the staff, and I am worried about the psychological impact on all of us. We are on alert most of the day and cannot find a way to relax. The support of being able to talk to another adult in a simple conversation has been impossible. Not only has she banned students from meeting in groups of more than three, the teachers cannot meet without Dolores being in the same room. The Staff Room feels like the morgue at St. Mungo's.

Dolores has called one of her "early morning" meetings to give her normal, "You-Know-Who is really You-Don't-Need-to-Know" discussions. Minerva, Sprout, Flitwick, and the rest of the teachers are sitting in this stuffy room waiting to be put out of our collective misery.

**"When is Dolores planning on getting here?"** Minerva asks with an exaggerated sigh, folding her arms across her chest. She sits down in one of the mismatched leather chairs releasing a small cloud of dust.

Sybil is pacing back and forth mumbling incoherently to herself and jumping at the smallest sound. **"The Fates have informed me of the horrible strife that will come upon us,"** she says in a misty voice, and sniffles into a handkerchief.

"_Gee, Sybil, you are right on that one."_

Severus looks straight at me from his usual chair and asks, **"Planning on staying conscious for this meeting, Eleanor?"**

**"Severus, you seem to be awful cheery this morning. Did you poison a first year today?"** I inquire, giving him a nasty stare.

**"Eleanor, I reserve that pleasure for every other Monday," **he says with an unreadable expression. He quickly changes the topic by saying, **"I hear from Dolores, you have been picking on a select group of students from my House."**

**"Sorry, I will refrain from embarrassing the inductees to the 'Future Death** **Eaters of Britain Society,'"** I reply sarcastically.

_"I dare him to say another word."_

Severus opens his mouth to continue our hostility; however, he is cut short by the creak of the door.

Dolores walks in the Staff Room and inquires,** "Hem, hem. I trust your conversations are appropriate?"**

**"No, Dolores!"** I announce loudly. **"We were just starting a rousing game of 'Snakes and Ladders' when you arrived. Would you like to join in?"**

Every teacher in this room is trying to contain the laughter that is trying to boil to the surface. Severus has the beginnings of a smirk on his face, I bite my lower lip, and Minerva turns a giggle into a horrible fit of coughing.

Dolores is giving another one of her "Stopping Progress" speeches. She fails to realize that behind her Rolanda Hooch is silently moving her mouth along with the dialogue; the performance is complete with exaggerated hand gestures.

I am getting bored with this routine. I take a scrap of paper to draw cartoons of Dolores. I decide to enchant them to move around the page. My best one of the day is Dolores as a toad, snatching flies with a long tongue, and sitting on a toilet.

Pomona Sprout has been sitting with me the entire time catches a glimpse of my drawings. She begins smile and hits me hard in the arm. She giggles quietly and whispers, "Will you knock that off."

"Not now Pomona," I whisper back. "I am self stimulating."

I look across the room, and I see Filius Flitwick pulling out a piece of string tied in an oval shape. He begins playing Cat's Cradle with Poppy Pomfrey. If I were not so engrossed into lampooning Dolores, I would love to join them.

Severus is finding the need to pick invisible lint from his robes. He reminds me of a television program my parents made me watch showing chimps, and their grooming behavior.

Wilhelmina is finding the sudden need to take out a nail file, and work on her nails. Sitting next to her is Sinastra; she has become distracted by a fly buzzing around the room. I keep expecting her to get out her wand, and take potshots at the bug.

_"We are getting worse than the kids." _

Dolores changes the subject and announces, **"All mail and correspondence must be inspected personally for unpleasant content."**

"_Does she expect us to put 'Death Eaters Unite' flyers in our mail?"_

**"This is an outrage!"** Minerva yells across the room. **"I am going to the Headmaster on this one!"**

**"As the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, I have the authority to maintain certain standards in this school,"** Dolores informs Minerva with a sickly smirk.

**"So, I take it you will be checking packages with medical supplies also?"** Poppy asks, impatiently tapping her foot on the floor. I have a feeling that she is doing this to avoid kicking Dolores up the backside.

**"Well, I need to cancel my membership to the 'Voldemort Pen-Friend Exchange',"** I interject without thought. The comment slips out of my mouth, and I wonder if this is one step too far.

**"Meeting adjourned!"** Dolores suddenly barks, ending the meeting by stomping quickly out the door.

Severus gets out of his chair, walks over to the fireplace, and picks up a handful of Floo Powder.

**"Severus, what are you doing?"** I inquire. I know he is up to something.

**"I am contacting St. Mungo's to reserve a bed in the psychiatric ward for you. It has become obvious you are having some sort of breakdown,"** he snarls. I know this is not some sort of a show to humiliate me. He is low enough to carry this one out.

**"Severus can't you see she has some sort of personality disorder? You might want to have Dolores committed with me,"** I say, finally speaking my mind. **"She is dangerous. You should hear some of the complaints about her when I was the head of Internal Affairs. Dolores arrested people for writing unfavorable opinions in the Prophet. I handled several complaints myself but the files disappeared."**

**"Eleanor, you are obviously putting yourself in a position to get hurt. Are you suicidal again? What will you use this time? Poison? Razor? Should we keep watch over the Astronomy Tower? I know your attempt to overdose on your medication twice did not work,"** Severus discusses in a mocking tone, looking amused by my reaction to this commentary.

**"I may be suicidal, but I am not the one that tried to murder his classmate!"** I scream with pent up anger. I am enjoying the look of horror on his face. **"You didn't think I know about it?"**

**"Eleanor, you are ranting. I do not understand what you are talking about,"** he lies, looking me straight in the eye.

**"You are kidding! I heard you talking to Regulus Black!"** I scream. I move to a position that is less than one foot from his face, poking a finger towards his chest as I vent. **"WHAT-DID-I-EVER-DO-TO-YOU? Tell me! What did I ever do to you?"** Tears are forming in my eyes as I continue with, **"How did you do it, Severus? Did you have Regulus poison my food, pumpkin juice, or my toothpaste?"**

**"Eleanor if you keep this up, I will be forced to recommend that you be sent to St. Mungo's for your own safety,"** he threatens, turning his back to me.

**"Don't you dare turn your back on me!"** I shout at him. **"Was I a warm-up exercise for your exploits as a Death Eater or the victim of a prank gone wrong?"**

Severus turns on his heel to face me. **"Eleanor, you were obviously having problems with your memory after your seizure in Potions. You were in a coma for two weeks,"** he says in a calm voice.

I now have hot tears of anger to fall onto my face. **"Do you know what it was like? Do you know what it feels like to have the air sucked out of your lungs, the pain of resisting the convulsing of your limbs, or the horrible realization you were going to die? I know you enjoyed the detailed description of my convulsions on the floor of the Potion's Classroom!"** I scream. Severus's expression changes to a look of surprise as I continue with, **"That little prank damaged my heart permanently! Are you happy? I am left with the shadow of potential sudden death hanging over my head."**

**"Eleanor, you should watch bringing up false accusations,"** Severus warns with a note of fear. He seems to be off footed.

**"Shut it, Severus! Don't make me..."** I try to retort.

**"Nell! Severus! Stop acting like children and sit down this instant!"** Minerva orders, jumping to her feet and stepping between Severus and I.

There is a ringing silence as we sit down, and all the teachers seem to be looking for escape routes if a duel should start. There is something in my right hand, and I realize there is a white-knuckle grip on my wand.

When I catch my breath, I notice Dolores standing in a corner of the room with a sticky smile obviously enjoying the drama unfold.

The mental scar of that day in Potions has been ripped violently open, and the memories come flooding back.

I am walking down to breakfast to catch up with my best friend, Agatha. She is standing next to the portrait of the "Master of the Hounds" waiting impatiently.

**"Nell, you're not a 'morning person' are you?"** Aggie asks, trying not to laugh. **"This is your fifth year, but you still get up late."**

**"Come on, let's eat before breakfast gets cold, my warming charms are not the best,"** I say, and pull out my wand pretending to cast the charm.

Remus begins to walk past us and says, "Oi, Nell, did you finish that essay for Transfiguration?"

**"Of course! You won't rest until I tell you that I did it!"** I yell to him, feeling quite embarassed.

**"What is with you and Lupin? Why don't you two go with each other?"** Aggie inquires, standing in front of me with a smile.

**"Lupin? Aggie, why would I want to go out with him? He definitely is not my type,"** I tell her, because I have no idea where this was coming from.

_"She is kidding! The only time we spend together is in the Hospital Wing. What a way to start a romance."_

Aggie and I have managed to make it out of the Great Hall after breakfast without discussing my "so-called" romance with Remus Lupin; however, she switches the topic to teasing me about a boy in her house who sits behind me in Charms.

As we leave for class, we pass several Slytherin students who laugh quietly and point. I'm sure this concerns payback from a leg locker hex I placed on one of their Housemates the day before. They seem to be paying more attention to me today, but I don't see them pulling a stunt during class.

We get to Potions at the ringing of the bell and take our assigned seats next to the caldrons. Aggie and I became friends after she blew a hole in the ceiling of the Potions Classroom. When she mixed dragon's blood with murtlap, the mixture ignited, and we had to relocate class in another part of the dungeon. When moved to our regular classroom, she ended up sitting with me. I was the only one brave enough to risk it.

Professor Slughorn sets the morning's potion assignment up on the chalkboard, and Aggie retrieves our supplies for a hair color change potion.

I keep hearing sniggering coming from the Slytherin side of the classroom. This leads me to believe they are up to something, so I keep a sharp eye on my cauldron. The titter of laughter is growing with fingers pointing to my side of the room.

_"Why am I so hot all of a sudden?"_ A trickle of sweat runs down my face.

**"Nell, are you all right?"** Aggie asks. Her face seems to be changing shape every second.

**"Howard! Prewett! Keep on task!"** our irritated professor orders.

More students on the Slytherin side are laughing; they seem to be watching for something to happen.

I am starting to see halos around everything as the room seems to spin around me. I am forced to grab on Aggie's shoulder to hold myself up, because my legs feel like they are filled with jelly.

**"Aggie, I need to get out of here. Something is not right,"** I moan, my voice sounding like it is coming through a tunnel.

**"Miss Howard, you need to pay attention to the assignment and not your social life,"** Professor Slughorn calls to me from the other side of the room. **"You only have fifteen minutes to complete your assignment."**

**"Professor, may I step outside for a moment?"** I beg. He looks confused by my behavior, oblivious to the urgency for me to get out of here. I realize that others seem to be enjoying my desperate pleas and laugh at my attempts at staying upright.

_"No, please not in front of a class. I will never live this one down."_

Silver sparks are popping in my vision as my heart races out of control. As I crash into the floor, I can hear my caldron over turn and hot potion is running across my fingers. There are violent shivers coursing through my body, and I distantly sense I have lost control of my bladder.

**"Howard, what do you think you are doing?"** Slughorn inquires loudly towards the back of the classroom.

The laughter from the classroom dies, but I am catching snatches of conversation around me.

I hear Aggie yell, **"Professor!"**

**"Nell, it's okay I'm here,"** Aggie croons, holding my head off the hard ground and stroking my forehead softly. I feel my body convulsing, and I taste blood in my mouth.

"**She's turning blue, Professor,"** a voice says, sounding very frightened.

**"How long has she been like this Professor Slughorn?"** asks someone in a voice that sounds like Professor McGonagall's. The owner of the voice is very angry with what is happening.

**"For five minutes, I thought it would stop like usual,"** Slughorn replies in remorse.

The familiar background feeling of a heartbeat is missing and breathing does not seem important.

_"I don't want my life to end. This is not supposed to happen at fifteen._

There is incredible amount of pressure coming in cycles across my chest. My lungs are filling with air, but I am not the one causing me to breathe. A person standing over me sounds pleased when I take a breath on my own.

"**That's a good girl, take another,"** a voice says, stroking my forehead.

My body is being moved, but I don't want to go with the person holding me. I give a futile effort to be left alone. I lose the battle, and I am drowning in the darkness.

Although my sense of touch has disappeared, I assume that I must be in the Hospital Wing.** "Poppy, how is she?"** I hear a Dumbledore ask.

**"I don't know. Horace may have waited too long,"** she replies tensely. "**By time I got down there, she had already stopped breathing, and Minerva was attempting to revive her."**

**"I know you had someone from St. Mungo's check in on her. I wish there was something we could do for her,"** Dumbledore says in a concerned voice.

**"Moving her too much might set off another round of seizures, and the specialist feels the lack of oxygen may have severely damaged her brain and heart . She says Nell may only have a few hours, or at the most, a day or two left. The only thing we can do now is to make her as comfortable as possible."**

Dumbledore replies with, **"I feel fortunate she is still with us."**

Madam Pomfrey seems to have something else worrying her. She tells Dumbledore,** "Nell's classmates are worried about her and have been asking to see her. What are you going to tell them and her family?"**

Dumbledore's voice sounds disheartened as he says, **"Nell's parents are on the way to be with her. Since she may not recover, I am going to help plan the necessary arrangements. I will hold an assembly in the Great Hall to inform the students what is going on. I don't want any wild rumors going about the school."**

_"Am I so close to death that my parents are already planning my funeral?" _

Awareness of the world around me is coming in fits and spurts. It feels like I am standing outside of my body listening as the drama unfolds.

I hear Dumbledore's voice greet my parents with, **"Mr. and Mrs. Howard, I wish we could meet during better circumstances."**

Madam Pomfrey tells my parents, **"We have moved her into here."**

I know the name of the thing called "Here." Here is the room used when someone at the school is dying. This keeps the event private and dignified. The bed in this room is different from the other beds in the Hospital Wing. The four-poster bed is equipped with a feather mattress, the blankets have a special warming charm, and the linens are very soft. The area is located next to Madam Pomfrey's office to provide quick access to the patient lying there or gives ease to the removal of the "patient" to a more appropriate setting.

I hear Madam Pomfrey's voice again. "**Eleanor is in a coma, but she may be able to hear you speak to her."**

I hear Dumbledore say, "**If you need anything, please let me know. I will be able to see you in my office when you are ready."**

_"I wish there was a way to let them know I hear their voices."_

Keeping awareness is very difficult. I soon give into my body's wish to stop and rest.

I hear the familiar voice of Professor McGonagall say, **"I am Nell's Head of House, Minerva McGonagall and the Deputy Head Mistress of the school. I am so sorry about what has happened. She is a lovely girl and an excellent student. If you need anything, just let me know."**

The entire Hospital Wing is very quiet due to a sound dampening charm. Mum and Dad puncture the silence by reading to me in shifts. Every so often, Madam Pomfrey takes my vital signs then leaves the room without saying a word.

Several of the teachers come to give my parents support in the face of tragedy. This feels like attending your own funeral while you are still alive.

Although the stream of visitors is held to a minimum, the disturbances in the room are wearing on me.

To my surprise, I hear Professor Slughorn say, **"I am sorry to hear of your daughter's illness. She collapsed in my classroom, and I am so concerned about her well being."** His voice is filled with genuine sorrow. I swear he is crying, because I can hear him sniffling.

_"Stupid git, you are the reason they are planning my funeral."_

Even as I am swimming in the dark abyss, I can still understand emotion through the sound of a person's voice. There is a whine of panic around me. I realize something is going on with me.

I hear a frightened voice yell, **"Someone! She's seizing again!"**

From the discussion between the adults in the room, I find that my last seizure occurred several days before. My parents have not left my side, and they have been with me in shifts. Madam Pomfrey has tried sending Mum out to get some much-needed rest; however, she does not want to go willingly, so Madam Pomfrey has slipped a sleeping potion in her tea, forcing her to fall asleep. Dad took the moment to put her to bed and takes an opportunity for a nap after Madam Pomfrey threatens to do the same thing to him.

**"You idiot, Black, I told you not to get this on yourself."** There is a voice coming from somewhere outside my room.

_"Severus? What is he doing here?"_

**"It only took three days for you to sneak in here. What took you so long?"** Regulus Black asks.

**"The wake for that stupid mudblood made it impossible for me to get up here. Pomfrey is yelling at anyone that goes near the door,"** Severus says with irritation.

**"You should have been there, Nelly was on the floor wetting herself,"** Regulus says with amusement.

_"I hate it when they call me, 'Nelly'"_

**"Tell me everything that happened. Don't leave out any of the details,"** Severus pleads.

**"Well, I put in three drops and waited in the Great Hall to see what would happened,"** Regulus says with excitement.

**"You got the dose right, but you should have used some other way to ingest it. You picked something that caused a delayed effect. Nelly's fit was supposed to happen in there and not class,"** Severus reminds his friend. I now here the scratching of a quill, and I assume it was Severus taking notes. I hear a change in the pitch of his voice as he asks, **"Are you sure Nelly is asleep?"**

**"Yeah, Pomfrey said she was in a coma. I don't think she will be listening to anything for a while,"** Regulus says laughing.

_"I would love to have a wand."_

**"It would be so easy to smother her, but it is more interesting for her parents to watch her die,"** Regulus jokingly tells his friend.

**"Details, Regulus, I want to hear everything remember?**"

**"Well, we were ten minutes into Potions, and she asked to leave the room,"** he recalls. Regulus stops his story asking, **"Severus, why do you have to keep notes about your experiments and spells in your books? Are you planning to write a textbook? You can call it, '101 Ways to Murder a Mudblood.'"**

**"Stop wasting time. I want to know what she did."** Severus says impatiently.

**"She began to make this funny wheeze and started to have one of her fits. A couple of minutes into it, she wet herself. Nelly's performance lasted longer than we thought it would. Unfortunately for us, Pomfrey threw the class out; however, she forgot to shut the door. I heard Slughorn say that Nelly stopped breathing, and she didn't have a pulse. He was in trouble for not getting Pomfrey; the delay may have killed that waste of flesh,"** Regulus says. He sounds like an announcer giving the commentary at a Quidditch game.

**"Well, this isn't something I expected,"** Severus says with shock. He seems interested in this and continues to press Regulus for details.

**"I was disappointed when Pomfrey revived her. It would have served that mudblood right. This school needs to get rid of her type,"** Regulus says with a happy tone, waiting for Severus's complement.

**"I need to know what effect this is having on Nelly; it will help me to adjust a dose on someone else. I am calling this potion, 'Crucio in a Cup,'"** Severus says with pride.

Regulus tells him, **"When I got up here after spilling that potion on my hand, the specialist from St. Mungo's was up here. I heard her tell Pomfrey that there was a good chance Nelly could snuff it at any moment."**

Severus's voice has a hint of triumph when he asks, **"What did the Healer say what would happen if she did wake up?"**

Regulus is giddy with his success while saying, **"Nelly will probably be so brain damaged that she may be unable to speak, walk, and will need to wear a nappy for the rest of her life. To add another problem, her heart is so damaged it could just stop beating at any second."**

**"After the Healer left, she had another fit, and Pomfrey had to revive her again. Her parents were yelling at her to not die on them,"** Black says.

**"Regulus, what I wouldn't give for an invisibility cloak so I can watch them haul away that piece of filth,"** Severus says with determination.

Regulus is enthralled with the recent events of my death. **"Dumbledore was up here sitting with her parents, and Madam Pomfrey when her fit started. Because of this my friend, they have decided to make funeral arrangements. Mr. and Mrs. Howard have planned the color of the casket, the headstone, and even the flowers,"** says Regulus happily.

**"Regulus, should we send roses or carnations? I wonder if we may attend the service,"** Severus asks with a chuckle.

**"You should try coming up here in the morning. There is some stuff shirt from the Ministry arriving with some papers for her parents to sign. There are some stupid procedures for mudbloods to be released for burial," **Regulus says with amusement.

I have been unable to share this with anyone, because they say that I was hallucinating during my coma. It hurts to be the only one that knows about this cruel incident that threatens to end my life without notice. There is more than a schoolyard grudge between Severus Snape and Eleanor Howard.


	6. The Maximum Security Romper Room

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

_**Chapter 6**_

**_Welcome to the Maximum Security Romper Room_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_The usual disclamer applies: I don't own this; I am not making money._**

**_There are vivid descriptions of violence, discussion about suicide, and mental health. _**

_There has been a scene that has been added to this chapter. I have recieved requests about Eleanor's first breakdown._

Severus and I have not spoken since that morning in the meeting two days ago. I wish that I had not fallen apart like that in front of the staff, because it serves to validate his contention that I am unbalanced. I know what was said between Severus and Regulus that night, and it was not some hallucination. Only three people will ever know what was said that night in the hospital wing, Regulus is dead, Dumbledore backs Severus, and I am suicidal invalid.

I would love to know how Severus found out about my first attempt because only Aggie, and some select staff members were privy to this information.

When I woke up out of that coma in my fifth year, I told Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey what I overheard that night. They told me that it was impossible for me to have comprehended speech when I was unconscious. Even Aggie said that it was not possible, but would give me a hug when I mentioned the incident. It was worse than being called a liar, because I do not have an idea of how they truly feel. I was so humiliated; I withdrew from everyone around me. I spent hours in my dormitory just trying to convince myself that it was not a hallucination.

During the winter holiday, I thought being at home would make the sad feelings go away. My parents knew about the conversation that I allegedly had listened to, but they felt it was an overactive imagination. I did not want to stay home after the holiday; I did not want to hear the taunting and teasing at school. I just wanted to make it all go away, because my feelings were not being validated. Thinking I had no choice, I went into the cabinet to steal the extra bottle of potion for my seizures. I decided the best thing to do was overdose when everyone went for breakfast in the Great Hall, because that would buy me more time to be successful.

I managed to leave a short note discussing my anger about being poisoned, and the hurt of not being believed someone would try murdering me. I had never felt so alone in my life. When I did not appear at breakfast, Aggie had thought I slept in; however, when I did not appear in Charms, she panicked thinking I was laying somewhere having a seizure. She ran to find Professor McGonagall, and Madam Pomfrey to go look for me. The first place they check was Gryffindor Tower. I was found with the note pinned to my pillow and a smashed potion bottle on the floor. They found me just in time, and I managed to recover quickly, but the incident was kept quiet. The school and my parents arranged for me to have therapy once a week for an entire year, I was not allowed access to any medication, I had to account for every minute of the day, and my room was searched three times per week at random. I felt like I was in prison. After a year, I was pronounced safe to be removed from constant supervision; however Aggie became my "life guard," and would rarely leave me alone. This caused a tremendous amount of tension on our relationship. This memory sickens me everytime I remember this incident.

* * *

_**"Nell, I am so glad to be back at school, because I miss you." **_Aggie's voice seems to hold a hollow cheeriness.

_**"Yeah, me too." **_I decide just to go along with her drift in the conversation, nodding in all the appropriate places.

_**"Nell, are you still worried about what happened in potions? I am sure that you heard something. Nell you were very ill, you will never know what was real or imagined." **_I turn my back on her when she finishes her sentence. I don't want her to see me cry.

_**"You sound like Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. They did not believe me, either." **_I wish she would leave the room, so I can remove myself from a world that does not believe me.

The opportunity for my plan does not occur until the morning. I pretend to be sleepy, and Aggie gives up on me.

I pull out the bottle, and a note I composed before coming back to school.

**_Dear Friends and Teachers, _**

**_I am now gone, because no one will believe me about what was said in the Hospital Wing. I know Severus tried to kill me, and I trusted all of you take what I said seriously; however, I was told I was hallucinating, the illness was playing tricks on my mind, or I am making this up for attention. Rather than give Severus another chance to hurt me, I am going to finish the job he started. I am sorry, but I cannot find a way to end these horrible feelings. I tried to ask for help, and what I received was a pat on the back with, "You were ill, it was probably your imagination." I am alone, and I feel all of you are better off not hearing me "cry wolf," again. _**

**_Please let my Mum know I love her, and I am sorry. _**

**_Eleanor _**

I pinned the note to my pillow, and drank the nearly full bottle of medication. I remember falling face down on the bed, and the sound of breaking glass. For a few moments, I hear distant voices telling me to wake up, but I am too tired.

I wake up to find myself at St. Mungo's in a children's ward, and my parents at my side. The professors are not placating me or telling me the poisoning is in my imagination. When I get back to school, I am forced to have therapy at St. Mungo's twice a week for a month and then only once a week for the rest of the year. The teacher's were forbidden to talk about my suicide attempt, and I agreed to quit obsessing about Severus. My heart would strengthen, the tiredness eased, but the injuries on the spirit were harder to heal.

I find out a few years later, I was not the only student to attempt suicide. I am the only one that was nearly successful. Dumbledore had a specialist from St. Mungo's come in for "suicide prevention" training, and the staff was instructed to be more aware of childhood depression.

* * *

With the week drawing to a close, I am looking forward to the weekend. I am snowed under with grading essays, and planning lessons for the coming week. Dolores has been very low key on harassing the staff, but I am waiting for her to renew her campaign with a vengeance.

I do not like walking down the hallways after the students, and teachers have turned in for the night. The deep-seated paranoia of being attacked from any direction is haunting me. Lately, I have been humoring this impulse. I decide that there is a need to fulfill my duties as a teacher, and get my paperwork up to date.

Walking down the hallway towards my office, Dolores appears out of a dark corner of the corridor, points her wand at my chest, and forces me into a classroom. As she is pushing me into the room, I hear a faint meow, the slamming of a door, and wheezy chuckle.

As she moves her wand to press into my neck, I notice that my air is cut off. The only thing I can do is choke out one word,** "Dolores."**

The girly voice is absent as she says, "**I am going to give you just this warning and never a second one. If you interfere in anyway, I will see that you will never do it again."**

I am feeling di_zzy _from a lack of oxygen and darkness is creeping into my vision. She seems to pick up on my fear as she says, **"Frightened Eleanor? I think you should be?"**

Dolores is enjoying causing me pain, and she will not release my neck. For once in her presence, I am afraid she will kill me.

"**There are so many isolated rooms and halls in this school, I don't think anyone could hear a cry for help. What if someone should fall ill and collapse? They would not be found hours, or even days." **She continues, **"If you were found dead in a room, no one would question what caused your premature death. Let's see, what would they think killed you? I can make your tragic death look like a horrible seizure, or another suicide attempt." **Dolores lets out a sickening giggle. **"Go run to Minerva, she did not believe you the first time someone wanted to kill you. What makes you think she will believe you now?"**

My eyes are beginning roll up inside my head, and I feel she is fulfilling her promise to kill me right where I am standing.

"**What Eleanor, no cheeky comeback? This is not up to your usual standards." **She releases her wand's hold on my neck, smirking at my distress.

I slide down the wall coughing hard, but my look remains defiant.

As she leaves the room she says,** "There is more than one way to shut you up."**

* * *

Sheer terror drives me back to the safety of the Staff Wing, but I do not stop until I collapse on my own bed, crying from the pain in my chest and head after confronting her. I no longer know who to trust, or when to trust them. Dolores is in a position to cause someone to be killed.

The funny wheeze that can snowball into a seizure is being held back by complete will power. I fight the oncoming tide, and I win. The weight of this week's events comes crashing down on top of me, and I just want to hide somewhere until it stops. No one believed me when I was poisoned, so why should they believe me now. Writing to my family now would be very foolish, because all communication is being watched. I feel isolated, and trapped behind the walls of the school.

Daisy puts her muzzle on my shoulder as I lay in bed; She tries to comfort me as I cry myself to sleep. All of the horrible memories are flooding back to me, and I feel like I am drowning in despair.

* * *

I find myself walking down a familiar corridor watching for some sort of attack. I see a group walking ahead me, but I am not interested in what they are saying. I hear a strangled yell from a person wearing Aurors's robes, and I run to the source of the sound. There is a sickening feeling of dread as I realize it is Aggie. Although my first impulse it to help her, my first duty is to one of the men standing in front of me. I yell to the people at the front of the line to run into a room down the hall, but I manage to push through the crowd to hurry them along. When the crowd is out of harms way, I turn back to take care of Aggie. Before I can go to her, I realize there is someone standing behind with a wand pointed at me. My first instinct is to defend myself, but he is quicker. He hits me with a curse that cuts across my neck from my right ear, to my left shoulder blade. I hear a succession of sounds coming from my spine. First, there is a soft pop at the base of my skull. Second, a succession of three loud pops. Finally, a snap from between my shoulder blades accompanied by the sizzle of my skin as I fall over. I desperately try to catch myself on the banister of the stairwell, but I strike my head hard on the stairs.

My last thought, _"I'm sorry, Aggie. It should have been me."_

* * *

I wake up in a cold sweat with the sheets twisted around my body, and I begin to cry. I have not had that nightmare in years. The dream is so vivid that I hear Aggie's last cries, the sound of my spine breaking, and the agony of those last horrible minutes of consciousness.

The feelings that have lain dormant all these years are bubbling to the surface. I want these bad feeling to go away, and I cannot find a method. I have grown tired of living with the fear and depression as a constant companion; however I have difficulty in expressing my feelings. The attempts I took on my life were a reaction to feeling isolated, and not wanting to let people know I was dying inside.

"_I can't live through this again, but mum will never be able to pick up the pieces."_

As I absent -mindedly run my hand over the scar on my neck, I notice poor Daisy on the floor looking very unhappy about being kicked out of bed.

"**Daisy, I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?"**While I make my apologies to my traumatized terrier, she curls up in my lap, and waits for me to scratch her under the chin. Her small token of affection chases away the remnants of the nightmare, but the fear is still there.

I do not sleep the rest of the night, because there were decisions to be made.

* * *

My body tends to rebel violently to a lack of sleep; it is starting a war with me. I have a bad case of the "jerks," and a blazing headache by nine o'clock. So, breakfast is out of the question. Today is Ron's first day of playing keeper for the house team; I need to keep going so that I can support him.

I have known Percy, Ron, and Ginny since the day they were born. All three of them have a strong difference in personality, and Ron reminds me most of his father. Like Arthur, Ron is kind hearted, inquisitive, and very sensitive. Arthur tends to be enthusiastic, but easily flustered when off footed. In this case, the apple did not fall that far from the tree.

When Ron was five, Charlie decided it was time he learned to handle a broom. He was doing fine, until he caught sight of me cheering him on. He lost control of the broom, and hit the oak tree in the back garden. Poor Ron, he ended up with a black eye, and a bloody lip. It took Molly forever to get him to settle down, so she could clean him up.

Two weeks later, Ron was doing well enough to play an easy game of Quidditch in the back paddock. Charlie and Ron were doing well when it was just the two of them; however Ron fell apart when the twins tried to play. He ended up breaking his nose when a Quaffle caught in the face. I sat with him for hours with an ice pack to keep the swelling down.

There was a pattern to his flying issues, and I sat down with Ron to discuss the situation over a few ginger newts and milk. He explained as well as a five-year old can, that he was distracted by his brothers, and was afraid of making a fool out of himself. Ron was tired of his brothers' teasing, but he wanted to show Charlie how hard he was working. I asked Ron if I could "have a chat" with his brothers, but he did not want it to get worse. I told Ron that everyone has to start somewhere, and to not feel upset. But I let him in on some inside information, the twins could not keep a broom in the air until they were almost eight; however I did not let him know that the real reason Percy hated Quidditch. Percy has a horrible case of vertigo, and the thought of flying a broom left him in tears.

This game seems to get off to a flying start, and this is one of the intense games I have ever seen at this school. The strategy of the Slytherin team is to exploit Ron's weakness of performance under pressure. I have never been to keen on this game, and I definitely not as well versed in the rules. I can see that Ron is not keeping to the center of the goals, and this is allowing the Slytherin team to distract him. He is so flustered; he is missing opportunities to prevent the other team from scoring. The Seeker for Gryffindor has stopped chasing the Snitch, and tries to refocus Ron. Harry's teammates are not happy with the strategy. It looks like Harry figures out the only way to stop the slaughter is to get the Snitch. The strategy works and Gryffindor wins the game.

_" I think I should go grab a few ginger newts and a glass of milk, and try to fix Ron's bruised ego."_

I get a head start on the way to the castle to find Ron some "comfort food," but my exit is cut short by some shouting on the field. Rolanda is separating some Gryffindor and Slytherin players. There are some words exchanged between the four adults. I see a group led by Dolores is stalking up to the castle, with Minerva, Severus, and Rolonda in tow.

My headache returns putting any thoughts of rescuing of Ron's ego, and my curiosity of the excitement over the game to the background. The throbbing is so overwhelming; I am biting back the urge to vomit on the way back to the Staff Wing.

It looks like I am trailing behind the argument from the field with Harry, George, and Fred, as they make their way to their Head's office; however the last offense that deserved this flair of temper was the "The Swan Lake Affair" with was speechless for half an hour, and did not have a clue on how to respond to that one. I was sentenced to a week's worth of detention weeding the Quidditch Pitch, but there was not a requirement to apologize to Severus.

Fifteen minutes later, I see Dolores walk down to the Entrance Hall carrying a piece of parchment that she hangs in the Entrance Hall.

**Educational Decree Number Twenty-Five**

_"Okay Dolores, we get the idea, you have no sense of originality."_

**The High Inquisitor will hencefourth have supreme authority over all punishments, sanctions, and removal of privileges that may be ordered by other staff members.**

_"Welcome to the 'Cornelius Fudge's Maximum Security Romper Room' formally known as, the 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.'"_

_" I am putting a sign on the front door: Abandon Sanity All That Enter Here."_

A loud throb reminds me of why I was heading into the direction of my bed, but I hear a noise further up the hallway.

"**This is a disgrace!" **Minerva walks down the starts up the stairs toward Gryffindor Tower. I notice she is carrying a copy of the same notice that is pasted in the Entrance Hall, and it looks as though she would love to force feed the sheet to Dolores.

Severus is walking with her, and sounds quite calm. **"Perhaps, there is a need for your students to show more self control."**

_"You are brave Severus, or you are really stupid? Didn't your last run in with an angry female teach you anything? I think pink toe shoes will clash with your robes, but you may need another tutorial."_

"**Self control! Did you say, self control?" **I hear Minerva's yelling, and the need for me to find a place to hide is increasing. **"You need to teach your students some common sense, and basic sportsmanship!" **She continues with, **"Now you have gotten what you have wanted all along, The Weasley Twins and Potter banned from playing for life!"**

"**Now Minerva, you know this was decided by Dolores Umbridge, I had little to do with this." **Severus's grin is sickening.

Dolores's barring the twins from playing Quidditch is hitting a nerve in me. You can threaten to kill me, try to choke me to death, and call me suicidal; however if you mess with a Weasley, you are in trouble. I have found my reason to stand up to Dolores, and not worry about the consequences. The Weasley's have been so good to me. Arthur and Molly took me in, and helped me to heal my spiritual wounds. I have known most of the children since the day they were born. I saw them take their first steps, the first words, and to dry their tears.

Dolores is playing dirty, and it is time she is put into her place. It is time I pull out those questionaires from my days as an investigator to see what makes that idiot tick.


	7. Profile of Incompetent Inquisitor

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 7:_**

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

_**Hello guys,**_

_**I have corrected this chapter, because it is suffering from "Passive Tense" syndrome. (Ask your favorite English Teacher or Google it for an explination).** _

Even with my head throbbing, I manage to get the behavior surveys for the staff to fill out. The inventories contain questions about self-stimulation, anxiety, and delusions of grandeur. I need to find a way to send them to select staff members without being detected by Dolores. I find an emancipated house-elf named Dobby to deliver the letters; all he wants is a pair of socks.

_**Dear Colleagues and Friends,**_

_**I am very concerned about the potential mental illness of a certain Hogwarts Inquisitor, and the impact it will have on the school. The sheets I have given you contain a behavior inventory, and I need to receive the results within the next seven days. Please answer all questions to the best of your ability; however, if you have any incidental observations, please write them in a letter. Your responses will be confidential, but I ask that you refrain from discussing responses amongst yourselves.**_

_**Eleanor A. Howard**_

_Psychological Profiler_

I was a pioneer in the Wizarding World in the field of criminal psychology. I went to America on my own for special training for a year, and this effort has paid off. My most famous exploit is the profile I made of Voldemort two years ago; it was put in an Auror training text in several countries.

I have been walking on eggshells for the past several days; because I fear Dolores would know there is a plot to discredit her. I keep peeking around corners, and keeping my back against a wall when I can. She seems to be everywhere I go and disappears when she catches my attention. If she isn't watching me, Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris, is my constant shadow. I fight the urge to stuff her in a vanishing cabinet just to get rid of her for five minutes. Every time the urge strikes, I remember Ginny's obsession with everything feline.

When I was in the second year of Auror training, we had the chance to learn the art of becoming an Animagus. One of my strongest talents is transfiguration, and I found the effort worth it; I make one cute little Jack Russell terrier. I will pay that stupid cat back, when I chase her from one end of the school to the other.

_"Sorry, Ginny, I am trying to behave myself." _

A distinct feeling of impending doom is hitting my body this morning. I am so overwhelmed by the stress being placed on me. I am sitting on the edge of my bed, and that sinking feeling of a seizure is hitting me. I hope it is one that just makes me space out for a few minutes, and I will have a headache for the rest of the day. My seizures were normally like this as a kid, but they have been gaining in intensity in the past few years.

_"Classes start in an hour; I cannot afford to not show up. This will give Dolores a reason to attack me."_

I have convinced myself that I can fight this one off by will power. I feel the need to just 'suck it up' and get dressed for class.

As I walk into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face, the air is suddenly sucked from my lungs. This doesn't feel like the start of any seizure I have ever had. There are intense cramps rolling across my back and chest, causing my arms to shake in pain. I grab the edge of the sink to steady myself; my hand slips, knocking a glass to the floor, and the world drops away.

The room rushes back into focus, and I wonder how long I have been on the bathroom floor. The back of my head is pounding in time with my heart. Daisy has her muzzle against my arm in a protective gesture, and I notice bloody little paw prints circling my body. My eyes follow her prints to find that she has been walking through a large pool of blood near my head. I want to find some help, but everything hurts too bad to get on my feet. I give up and decide to remain on the floor.

Something shocks me back to reality as Daisy barks and franticly scratches at the closed bathroom door.**"What do you mean she did not show up for her class?"** I am aware that someone is at my door, but I am too groggy to ask for help.

**"Our Muggle Studies teacher is obviously too irresponsible to show up for her classes,"** a muffled voice says from the other side of the door. From the shrill girlish tone, it must be Dolores.

**"Nell, open the door!"** the voice commands. The constant pounding is only intesifying my headache.

**"Maybe she has finally cracked? She's probably overdosed again,"** a male voice drawls. **"Eleanor's always been off balance, you should have let me send her to St. Mungo's weeks ago."**

**"Well if she has killed herself, I need to go inform the Ministry to hire another teacher," **Dolores says in exasperation. **"I'll have Filch come down and clean up the mess."**

**"Nell! Open this door!"** the voice commands as pounding continues and the door handle rattless. **"Something is wrong; she is never late for her classes."**

**"Nell!"** the voice yells with urgency. To my relief, it's Minerva. The pounding continues causing Daisy to bark and scratch at the bathroom door with more vigor.

**"Did someone get Poppy?"** Minerva asks. "**Eleanor April Howard, open this door!" **The last time she called me by my given name was when I put toe shoes on Severus. I hear her chide, **"You just had to push her too hard, Severus. If I find her dead, I will hold you responsible."**

**"I'll go find Poppy, I need the exercise,"** Severus' drawling voice says.

Suddenly, the door explodes in a shower of dust causing Daisy to cower by the toilet.

**"Nell, where are you?"** Minerva asks, looking for where I am lying.

I let out a small moan, because I realize my lower lip is too swollen for speech.

**"Nell, what happened?"** she asks while walking into the bathroom. Minerva promptly vanishes the glass on the floor.

**"I don't know,"** I say in a slurred tone. Minerva turns me over carefully, puts a towel under my head, and wraps me in a blanket she has conjured. **"I'm cold," **I manage to mumble through chattering teeth. Breathing is becoming an issue, and I can hear myself wheezing.

Dolores is trailing behind her and says, **"See, Severus is right, Eleanor has cracked."** she stands over me and says, **"Look at all of the blood on this floor." **Then she triumphantly asks, **"Slit your wrists, did you?"**

**"I'm sorry it took so long. You know the doors are charmed to not allow anyone in without your consent,"** Minerva says apologetically.

**"Eleanor, get yourself cleaned up, and go to class,"** Dolores orders and throws a damp washcloth at my head. Minerva snatches it up and attempts to clean up my face. I suddenly discover the source of blood on the floor is coming from the deep cuts on my arms, but the wounds are resisting Minerva's efforts to stem the flow.

**"Dolores, now is not the..."** Minerva is cut off by Dolores.

**"Eleanor, get up before you stain the floor! Poor Filch, it will take him hours to clean this up,"** Dolores says with little sympathy. She prods my ankle with her foot; however, when I don't respond, she resorts to kicking me hard in the leg.

**"Go away,"** I mumble in Dolores's direction.

**"I am the High Inquisitor; you will appear in class this morning. You cannot take the day off just for little a suicide attempt; all sick leave has to be applied for forty-eight hours in advance. I will be forced to dock your pay,"** she orders, standing over me.

**"Shut it, Dolores,"** I mumble, feeling very dizzy, and I want to shut my eyes.

**"Eleanor, look at me when I speak to you!"** Dolores demands. Her voice is echoes painfully around the bathroom.

**"Dolores ..."** My voice cuts out, because I seem to have lost control of my eyes; they threaten to roll up in my head.

_"Why did I leave my wand in the other room?"_

I realize Minerva is tapping me lightly on the cheek and says, **"Nell, come on, and stay with me. Don't fall asleep."**

I am getting sleepy, and I want to be left alone. I cannot figure out why these people are making a fuss.

There is movement at the bathroom door, but I don't have the energy to investigate who is moving.

Minerva has moved my head into her lap and tells the newcomer, **"She was awake for a few minutes, and now she won't respond to me. I don't know if it is a seizure, or she has decided to hurt herself."**

**"Nell, look at me,"** Poppy says. Her voice is penetrating the darkness, but I want to sleep. I wake up for a moment when she says, **"Come on, open your eyes, and tell me what happened."**

**"Eleanor, get off this floor, you have classes today. Someone just give her Pepper-up Potion and a plaster; there is still time until the next class!"** Dolores whines.

**"Dolores, if you don't clear out, I will be forced to hurt you!"** Minerva yells.

There is a sudden flood of images coming from my right eye. Someone is pulling my eyelids apart. I want to summon the energy to slap at her, but my body is not responding.

I feel Poppy grab my wrist, check for a pulse and then push stray hairs off of my sweaty forehead. **"Her heart is racing. How long has she been like this?"** she asks someone in a concerned tone.

**"Eleanor, you cannot die; all leave must be submitted forty-eight hours in advance!"** Dolores announces to the room.

_"If I die, I am coming back to haunt you! If you think Myrtle's stunt with Hornby was bad, I will make your life a living hell!"_

**"Dolores, put your wand away!"** Minerva shouts. I feel her move my head back on to the towel. I try grabbing her robes, but I cannot make my arms work.

**"As the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, I am taking some executive action. Poppy, I am ordering you to get out of the way!"** Dolores screeches. I am being pulled violently by the elbow into a sitting position against the bathroom wall; my head lolls dangerously into my chest. My wheezing is becoming more pronounced, because there are spasms running across my back and chest.

**"Dolores put your wand away!"** Poppy orders in panic. **"That could kill her!"**

**"Innerva..."** Dolores starts the spell, but something stops her.

There is a loud bang and then a thud.

**"Professor Umbridge, I believe that was unnecessary,"** Dumbledore says with an edge of anger.

As my hold on the world around me relaxes, I hear Dumbledore's voice, and I sense he is guiding my head back to the towel on the floor.

I am faintly aware of being moved from the bathroom floor and to my bed. Someone is encouraging Daisy to stay at my side; I find her presence comforting.

I am startle by someone touching my hand, but I cannot identify the person. Someone opens my eye, shines a bright light painfully into it and then feeds me some foul concoction in a cup. I feel like I am swallowing burning ash.

I wake again when I feel someone touching my wrist for what seemed to be a pulse. I give a half-hearted protest about being woken from a sound sleep. There are some words spoken softly, and I lose the battle to stay awake.

I am able to focus on the room, and I see Severus sitting by the fire with his back to me, oblivious to the fact I am awake; he is busy writing in a notebook. I cannot help but feel like I am one of his repeat customers for torture.

I roll over to find a more comfortable position in an attempt fall asleep, and Severus must have some form of hypersensitive hearing. He gets up from his position at the fire and walks over to the bed.

**"I see you finally decided to wake up from your nap. This is one way to have a day off from work,"** he says in a bored tone.

**"Why are you here?"** I groan.

**"The Head Master is concerned about your episode this morning and has asked for the staff to baby-sit you. He fears you may injure yourself again. By looking at your arm, the fears are justified," **Severus sneers.

**"Do you think I did this to myself? I believe my past attempts were a little less messy,"** I explain to him, holding out my heavily bandaged forearms. This confrontation is leaving me exhausted, and I am out of cheeky remarks to deflect his attack.

_"Does everyone think I tried to kill myself again?"_

Severus grabs my wrist violently while looking at his watch. He says, "**It's still irregular, someone should know about this."** When he releases my arm, his expression softens, but there is still an edge to his voice. He explains, "**I have instructions for you to drink this, and I would appreciate if you do this task quickly."** He shoves a potion bottle into my hand roughly while crossing his arms.

I decide to swallow it quickly, because his stare is really bothering me. I choke it down; the taste is revolting, but ten seconds later I am too drowsy to care. The last sounds I hear are the scratching of a quill, the crackling of flames in the fireplace, and Daisy's rasping snores.

* * *

I find myself standing in the reception area in the Ministry, because Fudge is having a meeting. Aggie and I are working a double shift, because I have been told someone will attempt to assassinate Fudge as an act of revenge for the imprisonment of former Death Eaters.

**"Nell, I hope your informant is wrong. I want to go home and sleep for a month,"** Aggie says while stifling a yawn.

**"I don't think the Death Eater Movement is totally dissolved. Fudge is a target; he represents the Ministry,"** I whisper. I am worried by Aggie's relaxed attitude, because she easily lets her guard down.

There is laughter coming from the group walking with Fudge. Aggie takes a position in the back of the group, and I walk in the middle of the pack.

There is a loud explosion from the area next to the "Fountain of Magical Brethren."

**"Nell, get Fudge out of here!"** Aggie screams in panic. There is a bright red flash of light. A second later, it is followed by a deadly green.

**"Get into a room!"** I order, but my shouts seem to be dampened by the group's conversation. I finally get to Fudge. I push him hard into an office, and I slam the door on the group hiding inside.

I know Aggie is gone, but the urge to be by her side is overwhelming. I give in to my instinct, but my split-second decision leaves my guard down. As I begin turning around, there is a man wearing the mask of a Death Eater. I hear an incantation, and I see a purple flame in my peripheral vision. The flame cuts into my neck, and there are sickening pops coming from my spine.

I hear screaming, but I realize it is from me. I wake up to find Poppy standing over my bed with a damp cloth.

**"Nell, it's just a nightmare,"** Poppy says with a soothing tone, but her words are lost in my panic. My heart is hammering in my chest, and I begin to hyperventilate.

**"What are you doing here?"** I ask. The rush of images around me is disorienting.

**"I came down here to see how you were feeling, and I'm glad I decided to check on you,"** she says and sits on the edge of the bed, and moves an unhappy Daisy.

**"It's the attack again, isn't it? I could hear you screaming from the hallway."** she asks, pulling me in a hug.

_"Is she able to read minds? Who told her about my nightmares?"_

I take a dose of sedative she gives me, because I have an idea she will force feed it to me if I refuse.

* * *

When I wake up the next morning, I discover that I am alone. There is a note on my bedside table with instructions to the doses I am expected to take, plus a warning to remain in bed until Sunday.

I look more carefully; there is an envelope filled with the inventories about Dolores. Since I am stuck in here anyway, I might as well analyze them.

It takes me the entire day to look at the forms, and I decide to write up the analysis.

_"If something should happen to me, I don't want to take it to the grave." _

**This Report is Not for Public Distribution**

**Confidential and Classified**

This profile is based on educated speculation using behaviors exhibited by the subjects in this document. Persons profiled in this document were not assessed in person nor tested.

Report Prepared by: E.A. Howard

Certified Profiler #1888 6605890

Dolores is presenting herself as a sociopath personality. She has a grandiose sense of self, and must be at the center of attention at all times. Dolores has a sense of being "entitled" to power, and is using her current position to act as "the long arm" of Cornelius Fudge. She has a lack of remorse from her actions, because of a deep-seated rage toward others. She does not see others around her as human. Through her eyes, people are only targets, or an opportunity to gain power. There are no limits, and she will justify her actions as "the end justifies the means."

Dolores has some of the characteristics of a person with a paranoid personality with narcissist tendencies. She is distrustful of others, and every action is interpreted as a direct threat. She views herself as mistreated, and will seek power over others. Dolores sees herself as having a unique insight into the world and will do anything to protect her "universe."

To: Selected Staff

Re: Risk Assessment

1 December, 1995

Dear Selected Staff,

This document is the analysis of the behavior profiles returned to me. I wish to thank you for your assistance in completing the assessments in a timely manner.

This risk assessment is disturbing; however forewarned is forearmed. Please use this information as a warning to events yet to come.

Dolores is passive aggressive, but she will lash out when provoked. Her paranoia is infectious, and we must recognize the smallest interactions can be seen as a threatening move. Inevitably, she will gather followers who feed into her delusions. In a closed environment like the school, this behavior can turn violent against anyone resisting Dolores.

Please do not share the assessment and this letter with anyone. After reading this document please destroy it to prevent this from falling into the wrong hands.

Enclosure (1)

eh/EH

* * *

I decide that I must be brave and eat breakfast in the Great Hall today. I am almost afraid to face my peers, because I don't know how I can face them. As I pull the chair out to sit down, I can feel the weight of everyone's stares at my presence. My face is reddening with shame and embarrassment.

_"What do they think of me now?"_

Severus is sitting a few seats down the table, and he has a really nasty expression on his face. He seems to be feeding off of my misfortune. As I pull out my chair, Severus reaches over to my place setting and removes the knife and fork from the table. He gives me a twisted smile and mumbles, **"Just in case."**

I glance down the table to find the entire staff looking for my next reaction; however, I disappoint everyone by sitting down calmly, putting a napkin in my lap, and eating a bowl of oatmeal.

After breakfast, I decide the best course of action is going to class before I say anything stupid or give anyone else something to gossip about. I have hit a new low in self confidence. I do not have a class until after lunch, so I retreat to my office to get my head together.

I am staring down at my desk full of papers to be graded, and I am reminded of the reason I am sitting here. I am here to teach students. I have not been hired to wallow in my own self pity, act like a drama queen, or settle old scores with former classmates.

There are so many little facts about my students that I have tried to share with the other members of the staff. The observations have fallen on deaf ears.

For example, I wonder if anyone has noticed that Gregory Goyle is dyslexic. The poor kid reverses his letters and uses invented spelling. He hides the problem with his poor penmanship. When I tried to discuss it with him, he stormed out of the room in a huff. I wrote Severus a letter earlier this week; however, I am sure he has filed this note in the nearest fireplace.

Speaking of written expression, I have never seen such poor grammar in my life! My mother is a teacher. Although writing has not been my best asset, I can at least keep my verbs in the correct tense. I had to stop grading Pansy's latest assignment, because I became tired of trying to decide on which language it was written in. I wonder if any of the other teachers count off for grammar.

**"Hem, hem."**

"_Great! Fr_ä_ulein Frog has graced me with her presence."_

**"What do you want now, Dolores?" **I ask with a sigh.

**"Eleanor, I am concerned about your behavior. The staff has become concerned that your instability is affecting your job,"** Dolores says matter-of-factly.

**"So what are you going to do about it? Commit me? Fire me? I think that it will be a bad idea to get rid of me,"** I threaten with a nasty forced stare.

**"Are you blackmailing me?"** she asks in a whisper.

**"Did I say that I have anything that might be incriminating?"** I inquire.

**"Just watch your step, because I know everything that goes on in this school. Remember my warning, there is more than one way to shut you up,"** Dolores barks as she walks out the door.

Classes for the rest of the day go by without incident. I walk in to eat my dinner, but I notice my knife and fork are now missing. I look down the table and see Severus with a Cheshire cat grin on his face. I walk over to his seat, snatch the cutlery off his place setting, sit down with a sniff, and start my meal without a word. I know what I have done is childish, but I cannot sit there like a target for humiliation.

I notice that Severus is leaving, and I jump up from the table to run after him. I catch up with him in the hallway to confront him.

**"What the hell is your problem?"** I shout at him while he is walking away.

He turns to face me without a word. Severus seems shocked that I would confront him.

**"I just want to prevent any accidents,"** he says with a false concern.

**"Since when do you care about my well-being?"** I ask with an edge in my voice. **"Stay out of my life!"**

**"I am concerned that I will need to have you committed for your own safety,"** Severus threatens.

**"Do it then," I** order him and walk away.

Severus is really beginning to irritate me, and he needed to be reminded about what will happen when I am pushed beyond my limits. The memory of our last lesson still makes me laugh.

* * *

Aggie and I are walking back to the Great Hall in the spring of my fifth year. I still have problems with climbing the stairs, because Severus's attempt at poisoning me has damaged my heart and muscles.

**"Aggie, wait up,"** I gasp while climbing up the staircase. Aggie stops, but I am concerned her patience with my illness is waning.

**"Get out of the way, Nellie,"** Margie Parkinson demands.

**"Don't be rude, Parkinson, we wouldn't want the pathetic Mudblood convulsing on the stairs."** I hear someone laugh behind me, but I resolve not to turn around.

**"Oh do be careful, if she wets herself, you might step in the puddle,"** Margie's voice jeers behind me.

**"Leave her alone!"** Aggie demands.

**"Shut it, you pathetic blood traitor!"** Severus snaps and looks for Aggie to have a reaction; however, he is disappointed when she does not take the bait.

**"The stupid Mudblood may need some encouragement to hurry up; dinner will be getting cold,"** Margie whines, while throwing stinging hexes at me. I lose my balance, and I am forced to crawl to the top of the stairs. There are students gathering behind him watching from below. There is laughter at the sight of my humiliation.

**"Severus, leave her alone,"** Aggie orders, drawing her wand, but Margie quickly disarms her; however, Severus is not finished humiliating me.

Two stairs from the top, Severus kicks me hard in the back; my head slams into the last step from the landing.

**"Don't you dare touch me again!"** I warn him, crawling to the landing. I lie prone on the floor, and I pull out my wand discreetly.

**"What are you going to do about it, you piece of slime?"** he asks, hitting me with another stinging hex at my back. **"Nellie, face me and say it again,"** he demands.

**"Never call me, Nellie!"** I shout. I have grown tired of being a doormat; he needs to learn some manners.

**"Expelliarmus!"** I bellow the incantation, catch his wand quickly, transfigure his robes into a pink ballerina costume, and charm the toe shoes to begin making him dance "en pointe". There is laughter coming from the crowd below. Margie Parkinson attempts to run, but she is too late.

I send a tripping hex in her direction, and she falls hard on her belly. Margie looks terrified when I deprive her of a wand. Margie whimpers with fear as I say, **"You're not so brave without your boyfriend."** I begin to cast a charm, but my wand flies out of my hand. I realize Professor McGonagall is standing behind me with Professor Slughorn, the head of Slytherin House.

**"Eleanor April Howard, I am shocked!"** Professor McGonagall yells, and her mouth falls open in surprise.

_"I am so screwed."_

Professor McGonagall sits me down in her office, and she has been rendered speechless for the past half-hour. When she calms down, she walks me up to Professor Dumbledore's office. I am disappointed to see Severus without the tutu, but I fight down the urge to laugh at my own memory.

Dumbledore reads Severus and me the "riot act." We are both sentenced to detention. I have to weed the Quidditch Pitch for a week with a pair of tweezers. Severus gets off easy; he has to clean frog guts off of the dungeon ceiling.

This was the day I liberated myself from Severus's shadow, and gained back my dignity. I was no longer the "Mad Witch of Gryffindor;" I am the "Witch that Kicked Snape's Arse." From that day forward, the Slytherin students stopped teasing me, hitting me with any spells, and lived in fear of becoming a dancer in a tutu.

* * *

I return back to my room to discover that my door is not locked. I find Dolores standing in my parlor, grinning from ear to ear.

**"Do I need to take out a restraining order on you?"** I spit angily.

She walks over to me and shoves a note in my hand. The contents tell me to be in the Headmaster's office in half an hour.

**"Don't be late,"** Dolores orders as she storms out the door.

Half an hour later, I find myself sitting in Dumbledore's office feeling like a little kid again. Seated in a row in front of the Headmaster's desk are Minerva, Dolores, and Poppy.

_"I know what is coming. They are going to do the 'suicide prevention' speech."_

Dolores opens up the conversation with that horrible simpering voice. "**Now, Eleanor, your history has shown this propensity towards self-harm. The Ministry is supportive of its employees. The incident last week is certainly suspicious in nature; however, the Headmaster feels that this may have been a very unfortunate accident,"** she tells me in a motherly way.

**"Dolores, I don't feel what happened was a suicide attempt,"** Poppy interjects.

**"Hem, hem. I feel that certain precautions should be taken to insure the safety of yourself and the school. I am going to require you to be supervised at some points during the day. I or another person will randomly check up on you daily. As you noticed, I have been able to access your room. I will be checking to make sure you don't have anything that could be used to harm yourself,"** Dolores tells me authority.

**"Are the rest of you going to put up with this?"** I inquire to the rest of the room.

**"I unfortunately feel this might be a good idea."** Dumbledore finally speaks up.** "Although, I do not agree for the reason Professor Umbridge has proposed."**

**"I am thirty-five years old. I think I can handle myself. For the record, I have not tried to injure myself in over ten years!"** I proclaim to the group.

Poppy stands up to put her hand on my shoulder. **"Your health has become rather frail; I think this is for the best,"** she says sympathetically.

**"Hem, hem. I think this option would be best. Any other way, I would have you placed in another setting. Even if you were to leave, I would be compelled to prevent you from committing self-harm."** Dolores delivers this directive with a self-satisfied smile.

I am trapped, unable to fight back, and I have lost credibility with my friends. This brings me back to how I felt after my episode when I was fifteen.

_"I cannot wait to see how they divvy up the 'shifts.' I wonder who will be involved on 'suicide watch.'"_

This evening I decide to challenge my chaperones to an endurance test. I decide to go play with Ozzy for a few hours. Rolanda Hooch is babysitting tonight, because we normally work our horses together.

I am not worried about Ozzy's behavior. Although he is a brat, he is reliable when it comes to manners. I more worried about Rolanda's ability to control her horse, Gracie. Gracie can be described as 1300 lbs. of stupid, and Rolanda rides her like a racing broom: too fast, no control, and without common sense.

From the start, the atmosphere does not seem right. Both animals are spooky, but Gracie seems traumatized by something in the bushes. Ozzy seems to settle down when he decides it takes too much energy to fuss about some invisible creature in the shrubbery. Gracie is taking full advantage of Rolanda, and I cannot take the constant misbehavior. It was time to get a handle on this mess so I decide to make a swap.

_"Well, I guess I need to live up to my suicidal reputation. I think my Auror's retirement plan will pay out, because there is no suicide clause. If I live through this one, I think I will read the fine print more closely."_

I manage to get on and walk around for a minute, and I think about just getting off; however, there is a flash of light, and a tree explodes about fifty feet in front of us. Gracie attempts to bolt, but my attempt to stop her progress is making things worse.

Gracie slams my leg into the boards of the fence when she loses her balance. The only thing I feel is the burning of my knee and the sheer terror of Gracie falling on her side.

I wake up a few hours later lying in the Hospital Wing with a bandaged knee and a bad headache. Unfortunately, the "Pomfrey Putrid Potions Radar" has zeroed in, and I am forced to swallow some horrible concoction that nearly knocks me cold.

As I am in the twilight of a potion-induced relaxation, there is a presence next to the bed. I feel someone cover my mouth; there is the sickening smell of rose perfume.

**"I warned you not to interfere, Eleanor,"** Dolores says in a threatening whisper. **"I know about the little stunt with your letter to the staff. That old nag of Hooch's did not seem to like my fireworks display. I meant to hit you with that hex, but my aim just isn't what it used to be,"** she says with a childish giggle.

The sedative has taken its full effect, and my eyes roll up in my head. "I warned you there is more than one way to shut you up," Dolores says with a snigger. I hear the laughter echoing in my head as I sink into oblivion.

Today is one of the worst days in my life. I return to my regular routine, but this means going to eat breakfast with everyone else. I am tired of the stares and pity parties. This whole incident has left me labled as suicidal, accident prone, and someone seeking attention. I am not suicidal; however, I do tend to be accident prone due to my lack judgment. I certainly do not want any more attention from anybody. I feel like a disaster waiting for a place to occur. Who is going to believe what happened was not an accident? I would not believe me either. I would love to go screaming through the hallways telling the entire school that I am not crazy, and Dolores Umbridge is narcissist with homicidal tendencies.

_"I guess that bed in the upstairs psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's is available for reservations. I ought to commit myself before someone else does."_


	8. Postcards From the Edge

**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**

**by **

**Eleanor Belle**

**Chapter 8: Postcards From the Edge**

It's only a couple of weeks before the Christmas holidays, and I cannot wait to get away from the school. "Nell-Watch" has become part of my daily routine; however, that does not make it any easier to stomach. I am tired of the insinuation that I will hang, poison, or throw myself off one of the towers, or all of the above at the same time. I think the last option is the most entertaining. Although overdosing is now out of the question, I don't have free access to my medication. I have to report to Poppy like I did when I was fifteen.

This morning, Dolores has decided we need to have a "staff development" session about raising the academic standards of the school. I would love to say that the way to raise standards is to throw Dolores in the lake; however, we might be arrested for animal cruelty against the Giant Squid.

I am sitting in the staff room waiting for our meeting to start. You can cut the tension with a hacksaw. The personal relationships are strained within the staff. I think everyone has grown tired of my drama. Severus keeps throwing nasty stares in my direction; I have this urge to throw the cup of coffee in my hand at his face.

The door to the staff room opens, and a happy Dolores comes bouncing into the room. It makes me wonder which teacher she has managed to torture today. From looking at the missing faces in the staff room, I am worried that it might be Hagrid or Trelawney.

"To raise the academic standards of this school, I am expecting all of you to turn in written lesson plans," Dolores says.

A sense of mutiny is invading the room. Minerva has been here so long; I think she has her lessons scheduled out without thinking.

"_Get a lesson plan out of Severus, I don't think so. That would mean that he would need to release his 'hit list' of students for the day."_

"The plans should include all lessons from January to June." She is drinking in the discontent like a fine wine.

"I take this is to gain approval that our plans follow your new policies?" Minerva asks.

"I believe it is to ensure that our students are receiving the appropriate information and not some manufactured lies about the Ministry." Dolores looks like an animal raising its hackles when addressing Minerva's question.

"I would like to see your future lesson plans, but anyone can predict the content without even looking," Minerva retorts.

"Hem, hem. I would like to see your plans on my desk before the end of the week," she demands.

"_Break out the Kitty Krumbles, because the fur is about to fly."_

Dolores runs on for about an hour on proper planning procedures and gives handouts on the new standards set up by the Ministry. I pretend to take notes on the paper, but I am generating a list of ways to annoy Dolores.

_Hand out badges that say, "Voldemort lives!"_

_Request that frog legs be placed on the menu every Friday._

_Make a "Death Eater of the Month" calendar featuring Lucius Malfoy and mail it to the staff._

_Set her up on a blind date with Severus._

_Sneak into her office, burn the cardigan, and owl her the ashes._

_Send out fliers that say, "Eleanor A. Howard for Minister of Magic."_

_Have her kidnapped, ask for a ransom of one sickle, lower it to one knut, but change your mind and offer them gold to take her back._

I realize that I have been lost in my own self-stimulation, but I am brought to my senses when I hear my name mentioned.

"I wish to thank the staff in assisting the Ministry in her recovery from her breakdown a few weeks ago," Dolores announces.

I am mortified; however, I should have seen this coming. I finally lose my temper and several weeks of pent up anger come to the surface.

"Dolores, to set the record straight, I did not try to kill myself, nor did I have a breakdown. I think the staff should be questioning your sanity!" I shout, and then I run out of the room in tears. I do not stop until I make it to my office. I am glad Dolores called a meeting so early in the morning, because I do not want the kids knowing how divided the staff is.

I put my head on my desk and several weeks of misery pour out of my soul. Someone knocks on my door; however, I don't look up.

"Nell?" someone asks quietly.

"_Oh damn, it's Albus Dumbledore. This is just what I need, a one way ticket to St. Mungo's."_

"I am not interested in packing my bag for a long holiday at 'Spa St. Mungo's,' thank you very much," I say, trying to control my emotions.

"I'm sorry about the supervision, but we are only looking out for you. I think you are blowing this out of proportion," he says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I think that it is the other way around. I have been dealing with my health problems since the age of twelve, I don't feel like killing myself, and I am getting tired of the pity parties," I say quietly, but I refuse to meet his gaze.

"Why don't you come by and see me later. In the meantime, I'll have someone check up on you," he says and walks out the door.

"_Albus Dumbledore can be one of the most insensitive people on earth! He doesn't get that he is making me worse. He does not see that I am being pushed closer to the edge. I don't think he realizes that the school is crumbling under his feet. I don't think he cares. I thought he would have put up a fight by now. Is he losing his nerve?"_

Dolores walks into my office as he leaves, and I wish I had not blown him off.

"Hem, hem. Eleanor, it has become obvious that you have become completely unbalanced. I feel that one more delusional incident will result in involuntary commitment to St. Mungo's," she says, looking like butter would not melt in her mouth.

"I'll be expecting that no matter what I do, you will find away to get rid of me," I say.

"I am just warning you. One more thing happens, and I will have you locked away," she tells me.

* * *

In today's classes, I announce that I will be meeting with students who are failing or in danger of failing. There will be the normal letters home, and the letter to their Head of House.

"_I cannot wait to see what Dolores will do when she finds out Pansy Parkinson and Gregory Goyle are failing."_

I have grown very fond of both students; however, I do not believe in passing students when they have been unable to complete course requirements. I am tired of seeing this class taken as a joke or a soft option.

The weekend has finally arrived, and I have made it two days without any major drama. Unless you count the paper cut I got in the staff room on Friday. I could not find a band-aid, and I was not going to ask for one from Poppy. I found one in a disused desk that had "Martin the Mad Muggle" on it; I kept my hands in my pockets for the rest of the day to hide this before they think I tried to slice myself open.

"_I can see the headline, 'Hogwarts Professor Commits Suicide With A Lethal Paper Cut!'"_

Daisy and I decide that staying indoors in front of a fire is a wonderful way to spend a Saturday. I left word with a baby-sitter that I will be in my room for most of the day. I am a little shocked no one has come down to find out what I am up to. I find myself riding a fine line about my drama, and the last thing I want is calling more attention to myself.

I hate Sunday evenings, because this means the next morning I will be forced to deal with Dolores on a direct basis. She seems to leave the teachers alone during the weekends; however, she makes up this time with some stupid meeting Monday afternoons.

I have a coffee mug with a muggle cartoon cat character which says, "I hate Mondays."

I think that sums up my feeling during my first class. The students are restless for some reason. I have trouble keeping them on task long enough to complete their assignment. I know they have Dolores after my class, but I wish they would not take their frustration out on me. Their discontent has grown exponentially as the holidays draw near. I have a feeling it will only get worse as we move into the Spring.

The class after lunch is not an improvement, because I have two nosebleeds, and a student uses the rubbish can to regurgitate his lunch. From what I saw when I went to get my medication over the past few days, there has been a rash of the stomach flu, violent nose bleeds, and kids passing out left and right. The Hospital Wing resembles a war zone.

Dolores does not disappoint us this evening. I walk through the staff room door, and I see stacks of large books with the title, "Ministry of Magic Academic Standards." The books are at least three inches thick with rich leather binding.

"_How many cows sacrificed their lives for this travesty of the written word."_

"Hem, hem. The Ministry has seen the need for you to toe the line when teaching your classes. I expect you to cite each standard you are using in your lesson plans. Failure to use any of the requirements stated in the book will result in having me to personally assist you with adhering to the regulations," Dolores says.

Dolores has micro management down to an art form. Along with the books, she hands out color-coded flip charts, lesson plan templates, and a sheet on the correct vocabulary to use in the classroom. Apparently, the Ministry finds that we are not only incapable of teaching, but we lack the ability to use the English language.

"_I can see it now, Severus Snape bent over a flip chart looking for a Ministry-deemed appropriate verb to psychologically scar some poor child for life."_

I look around the room to see everyone's reactions; however, no one has said a word. I think we just hope that she will turn us loose if we just keep our mouths shut.

"I expect a rough draft of your January lessons by eight a.m. on Monday," she says, waiting for some response. She seems disappointed when we do not protest, and we are dismissed to go on with the rest of our evening.

* * *

I really do not feel well, and I know why. The train wreck that starts with the wheeze and jerk is looming in front of me. I have been keeping any problems away from the rest of the staff. All it will take is one more incident. I will be locked away for my own safety if there is one more bit of drama.

I decide to skip dinner to head straight to my bedroom, because I know that no one will come looking for me until the middle of the meal. No one will ever know about this one, and I can continue as if nothing ever happened.

"_I don't think it is fair that I have to deal with this alone. One more incident is going to push everyone into making assumptions about me that are not true. I have not done a thing wrong to deserve this treatment. I feel like I am either in a crisis or totally ignored."_

* * *

This morning I wake up with a headache, bloody nose, and a rather large chip on my shoulder. I am in no mood to deal with anyone today, especially Severus. He always seems to know when to push my buttons.

He is walking down the hallway towards his classroom, and I pretend not to notice his presence. He steps in front of me forcing me to stop.

"What do you want?" I ask him.

"I just wanted to warn you that there is a good chance you will spend Christmas locked away in St. Mungo's," he says quietly. "The staff is concerned that you are going to do something rash. I agree that your behavior is more disturbed, and your history suggests you are becoming delusional again.

"I don't care. It would be a welcome relief not to look at you every morning," I tell him with an edge of anger.

"I take your levity for this situation as a sign of a breakdown." He has a twisted smile on his face.

"I'm warning you, stay away from me!" My shout echoes around the corridor.

Dolores pops around a corner with a sticky smile on her face. "Anything wrong?" she asks.

Severus beats me to answering her question. "We were having a friendly chat about our plans for the upcoming holiday," he says smoothly.

Dolores gives him a quick smile, and decides to move on; however, I have a feeling she is listening in around the next corner.

I start to walk away before I say something I might regret, but he grabs my arm.

"Didn't I warn you not to touch me again? Stay away from me, or you will regret it. I don't care what you do from now on," I say, as I roughly jerk my arm away from him.

* * *

I manage to make it through the end of the week without interacting with Severus. The holiday is only a few days away. I notice my papers and possessions are constantly being moved. I realize someone is looking for more than my potential weapons to kill myself. I have put the nasty little secrets of the Ministry out of my mind. I realize someone may be looking for my potential to blackmail Fudge.

In the winter of this year, I noticed there was money missing from a common fund used to pay for services that were contracted outside of the Ministry. I decided to make sure this was not due to someone who does not understand how to move a decimal point. There was some creative accounting to pay Lucius Malfoy for non-existent consultation fees for fundraising events which never took place. I found my discovery would be suppressed, because it was potentially embarrassing. To make matters worse, Dolores's signature countersigned most of the receipts. After my blow up the day I left, I managed to throw the file into my box while she was distracted with telling me off.

I have decided to move the paperwork from a compartment under my desk to the back of the portrait of the "Master of the Hounds." I hope it will remain there unnoticed. I did not want to risk sending them to another party.

* * *

This morning is the last official day of the term, and Dolores seems to be put out by some event that has taken place. No one seems to know what her problem is this morning, but I really don't care. She has been shouting nonstop at the staff about missing students and conspiracy theories. My main objective is to stay out of her way.

I have not even started packing when Dolores storms into my bedroom. She is carrying a letter in her hand, and she looks livid.

"Hem, hem."

"So, Dolores, what have I done now?" I ask.

"Why did you conduct this audit?" she inquires.

"_How am I going to talk my way out of this one?"_

"What audit?" I ask innocently, but she violently thrusts the letter in my hand.

It is an authorization to release files to my office for an audit. I have no idea how she got hold of this, but right now I just want to put some distance between the two of us.

"_I am so screwed."_

"The original paperwork is missing, and you were the last one that handled it, Now, where is it?" She looks like a snake poised to strike. She continues, "No one will believe you, Eleanor."

"Why don't we find out who will be believed right now, Dolores?" I ask.

Dolores charges me before I can even move an inch. There is a bright flash then everything seems to fade away.


	9. Missing: One Muggle Studies Professor

**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**

**By **

**Eleanor Belle**

**Chapter 9: Missing: One Muggle Studies Professor**

I can't get my bearings. There is a pounding in my head, it hurts to breathe, and I cannot move for some reason. There is a jolt of recognition when I figure out what I am.

"_Oh god! No! I have somehow ended up at St. Mungo's."_

I can feel a tightening of my stomach as I try to recall the events that may have led me to being here.

"_I remember arguing with Dolores, my attempt to walk away, and a painful flash of light."_

My heart rate has shot up, and I can feel it pounding out of control in my chest. My mouth suddenly runs dry when the door opens; the light level is increasing with the creak of the door. A matronly-looking Healer walks into the door with a clipboard. I catch a quick glimpse of her badge. It says "Augusta Bulstrode, Chief Healer, St. Mungo's Psychiatric Ward."

I cannot seem to make my mouth work properly, but I manage to force out a question. **"Why am I here?"** Tears are rolling down my eyes when I finish the last word.

Bulstrode pulls up a chair that is sitting next to my bed, but I find her presence is making my anxiety level rise further.

**"The Hogwarts High Inquisitor brought you here two days ago, because you had become dangerously delusional. She felt you needed to be brought here before you could hurt yourself or another person,"** she says stiffly.

**"There's nothing wrong with me!"** I scream, and I realize that I am starting to hyperventilate.

**"That's what all patients say when they are admitted, dear."** She speaks to me like I am a dense toddler.

**"Who knows I am here?"** I ask. **"I want to speak to my family right now!"**

**"No one knows you are here. Madam Umbridge feels this is better for the image of the Ministry,"** she states.** "The Ministry would be embarrassed if it was found they hired a teacher who was psychotic and suicidal."**

"_I have dropped off the face of the Earth. No one can find me to get me out of here!"_

Sweat is now dripping from my face, mixing with tears as they soak into the pillow.

"_What are they going to do to me? I know Dolores is capable of anything."_

My heart is now hammering, and I have lost control of my breathing. I want to sit up desperately; however, I am being held down to the bed. The room is starting to close in on me; my panic is now out of control.

**"Let me up, please!"** I scream. I am fighting the restraints although I know that it is pointless. My breathing has gone from hyperventilating to a dangerous wheeze. I can feel my clothes sticking to me from sweating.

**"Will you please calm down? I am not letting you out of that bed,"** she tells me. I vaguely hear a door open, and someone else enters the room. In my mind, I fear it is Dolores coming to hurt me.

"_She said she would find a way to shut me up. She said that it could look like a seizure or a suicide. I never expected she would resort to kidnapping me!"_

It is a younger man in green Healer's robes instead of Dolores, but this does little to stop my panic. I fight harder to get up, because I want to see if I can get him to understand this is a mistake. I start crying harder out of frustration.

"_I'm not psychotic! I don't belong here!"_

I can hear Bulstrode address him, but the voices are muffled by my pounding heart and wheezing.

**"Please, let me up!"** I shout breathlessly.

"_I am being left here to die! When will Dolores show up to finish me off?"_

**"Getting worked up is not going to help, dear. You are too volatile and could hurt yourself or someone else,"** a voice says. I am losing my grip on consciousness; it hard to tell who is speaking to me.

I feel like someone has poured burning tar over my head and down my throat. Sharp jerking snaps are starting in my neck; they are rapidly spreading to my limbs. The pain is unbearable from when my body fights the restraints.

"_My loved ones will never see me again. They will never know the truth."_

I can hear loud noises around me; however, they quickly fade as I lose a toehold on the world.

* * *

There is activity in the room, but I am trying to make sense of where I am. I notice that I am propped up on my side without the restraints. I am so tired and confused. Suddenly, I remember the reason for my misery and panic.

"_I am somewhere I do not belong; no one knows where I am, or what happened to me."_

The younger Healer must have heard me wake up, because he walks over to the bed. He seems more interested in vital signs than finding out how I feel. I manage to look up to see that his badge says "Justin Copperbottom, Trainee Healer, St. Mungo's Psychiatric Ward."

**"Well, I see that we are awake. How are we feeling?"** he asks tonelessly, while taking a pulse.

Instantaneously, I break out into tears. I am having problems processing what is going on around me. Copperbottom reaches down to make me sit up, and I recoil from his grasp. Instead of sitting up, I roll into a ball.

**"I don't belong here. Leave me alone,"** I mumble.

**"Copperbottom, don't let her get worked up again,"** a new voice orders. I realize that Bulstode has reentered the room with a bottle and glass in her hands.

**"I want to talk to family so they know I am okay,"** I say in a low whisper.

**"I told you that no one knows you are here, Eleanor. Madam Umbridge is the only one who is privy to this situation,"** Bulstrode says, as she pulls the chair back up to the bed.

**"Someone else knows where I am, they just can't leave me here,"** I state with tears falling in renewed intensity.

**"Copperbottom get the copy of the _Prophet _from the office,"** she orders.

I sit up when the paper is placed on the bedside table, and I roll over to find a picture of myself smiling up from the page.

_Hogwarts Muggle Studies Professor Still Missing Despite Desperate Search_

_Eleanor Howard, age 35, the current Muggle Studies Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is still missing despite an extensive search. Ms. Howard disappeared from the school grounds on Thursday, 22 December, and has not been seen since. The missing person's report was received the following Saturday from both her parents and the school's Headmaster Albus Dumbledore when she was unable to be located for a prearranged engagement. The school grounds, local towns, St. Mungo's, and Muggle Hospitals in the area have been searched extensively; however, there have been few leads developed._

_Sources have found that Ms. Howard suffered from severe depression in the past few months, and she attempted to take her own life a month ago. The teacher was found in her bathroom, next to a pool of blood, and with her wrists cut; but, the quick thinking of Dolores Umbridge prevented her from bleeding to death. The High Inquisitor states, "The Ministry is very supportive of our employees, and I have helped her to seek treatment for her illness." The school's Headmaster comments, "Professor Howard is a highly dedicated teacher. I doubt she would ever abandon the students in her classroom." _

_Ms. Howard is 5'7", with dark shoulder length auburn hair, and weighing 150 lbs. There is a distinguishing scar running from her right ear to her left shoulder blade. She requires daily medication for her condition. Anyone with information should inquire at the Missing Persons Division of the Magical Law Enforcement office._

**"The hospital was searched for you, but no trace could be found. I told you that no one will find you,"** Bulstrode says, pushing me back down on the bed.

"_This cannot be true. I am alone at the mercy of Dolores. What has she told these people to do to me?"_

I refuse to be pushed down on the bed, and I put up a struggle. I beg for them to leave me alone. I start to hyperventilate and panic again. I see a glass coming at me, and I take a half-hearted swat at it. I am too exhausted to protest any longer when they manage to feed me some concoction. I can hear conversation taking place around me as I feel someone check for a pulseThey mention Dolores' name several times, but I cannot force myself to translate the content. I feel sleep stealing my thoughts.

* * *

There is very little light in the room as I wake up. My brain seems to be a bit sluggish in interpreting the environment around me. When I try to rub my eyes, I realize my arm cannot reach my face.

"_It's not a nightmare. I just want to see my family and friends again."_

Tears are falling down my face as I think of how badly I want to get out of the bed. I long for a hug and reassurance that everything will turn out all right. My thoughts turn to the little things I enjoy. In my mind, I see Daisy running down the drive at Hogwarts attacking Filch's boots, Ozzy knocking me over for peppermints, and the way my Mum sends me chocolates once a month.

"_Somebody please find me!"_

I don't know how long I have been crying, but the pillow is soaked, and it's very uncomfortable. I can't even roll over to relieve the cramps in my back.

My body gives an involuntary jump at the creak of the door. As the light in the room increases, I see that my guest is Copperbottom. He does not say a word when he takes my vital signs. He does not even look at me after he writes the figures on the clipboard.

**"Please, let me out of the restraints,"** I beg.

**"I can't, you might hurt yourself,"** he says without emotion.

**"I haven't done anything wrong! I am not psychotic, and I don't want to hurt you! I am in pain. Please, let me up!"** I scream. My breathing is out of control, and I cannot stop crying.

The door swings open quickly, and Bulstrode stomps into the room demanding to know what is going on.

**"Copperbottom, why is she getting worked up again?"** she asks angrily.

**"She wants me to let her up,"** he says with exasperation.

**"Eleanor, when you can contain yourself, I will let you up,"** she tells me.

**"I'll stop,"** I gasp. **"Please, let me up. I am in pain."** I manage to choke back the rest of my tears.

Bulstrode releases me, but she seems shocked when I turn on my side instead of sitting up. I refuse to make eye contact with her. I manage a mumbled,** "Thank you."**

I hear the scraping of a chair against the floor, and someone has decided to sit next to the bed. I don't bother looking up, and I am grateful that my hair is shielding my face.

"_Please go away. Everything you do to me causes pain!"_

I jump when Bulstrode brushes the strands of hair behind my ear. I am terrified she will restrain me when she sees the tears flowing out of my eyes. My stomach is in knots, and I begin to feel sweat on my forehead. I just want her to stay away from me.

"_What do you want from me?"_

When she pulls the last strand away from my face, I start shaking with fear. Just her presence causes me to panic. I can feel the rapid beating of my heart, and my arm keeps twitching. I feel like I am going to fall off the edge of a cliff.

**"You need to understand that no one can find you here. All you are doing is making yourself sick when you act like this,"** she tells me quietly. She attempts to pull a stray hair off of my sweaty forehead, but I start sobbing; she is forced to stop.

I hear her mumble something to Copperbottom, but my fear is overriding my curiosity. I just want them to leave me alone.

I hear the door open, and the noise causes me to jump. Copperbottom hands something to Bulstrode, and I almost faint when something cold and wet hits my forehead.

**"I just want to talk to my parents,"** I whisper. I long to hear my mother's voice and my father's laugh one more time.

**"You need to understand that the search has been called off, Eleanor,"** she tells me.

**"I don't believe you! They will come looking for me!"** I scream.

**"Go get the paper, Copperbottom,"** she orders**. "She needs understand that no one is looking any longer."**

"_My parents would never abandon me, would they?"_

Bulstode pulls me up by the elbow, and I see a copy of the _Prophet. _The same picture is featured from the last article concerning my disappearance. My stomach suddenly turns to lead when I read the headline.

_Search Called Off For Missing Professor_

_Eleanor Howard, age 35, the current Muggle Studies Professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been missing since Thursday, 22 December. Ms. Howard recently tried to take her own life a month ago after a struggle with severe depression. An extensive search was launched; however, the Missing Person's Bureau has officially called off the search today because of a new development._

_Ms. Howard's watch and a suicide note were found yesterday afternoon outside the school grounds. The school's Deputy Head Mistress, Minerva McGonagall, confirms the watch belonged to the missing teacher, and the note was penned in her handwriting. Although the contents of the note have not been released, unnamed sources informed the Prophet the letter stated she was depressed due to failing health. The Hogwarts High Inquisitor tearfully comments, "I am heart broken at this development. She was a dedicated teacher and a wonderful friend." The school's Headmaster declines to comment on the matter at this time. _

_Ms. Howard's parents Vivian and Roger Howard have told the Prophet, "We still have hope our Nell will be found alive and well." Although they try to be optimistic, the Howards will be going to the school to retrieve her personal property and take care of legal necessities. _

I hear screaming, and I realize the noise is coming from me. I am dizzy with grief. I cannot accept that my loved ones have given up looking for me. Dolores has fulfilled her promise to make me go away.

"_What is going to happen to me now? Does she want me dead, or will she play with me like a cat torturing a mouse before going in for the kill?"_

**"Eleanor, calm down, dear. Getting worked up is not going to do anything,"** a voice says.

**"Leave me alone!"** I shout as I roll out of the bed. I know I cannot get out of the room, but I just want to be out of their reach for just a moment. I huddle in a corner with my heart hammering in my ears. The noise coming from my chest is deafening, and I want it to stop. I have developed spasms that seem to be rolling from one limb to another.

"_I don't want to die with a bunch of strangers surrounding me. Dolores, Copperbottom, and Bulstrode will not grieve for my death; they will just celebrate it. I don't want to die alone."_

Someone is trying to pull me off the floor; however, I make a weak gesture to brush the hand away from me. I am too tired to fight anymore when I am set on the bed. Someone is holding me and another is pouring something down my throat. I feel everything just fade into nothing.

* * *

I assume that it is morning as I wake up. I am coming to the realization that I have no control over the situation. I have no idea what is to happen to me. I hate not knowing what is going on, and this has come back to bite me in the rear more than once.

I have been lying here in the dark for hours thinking about my choices in this situation. I find I am moving from a feeling of fear to one of extreme anger.

"_If Dolores shows up, she had better hope I am restrained, because I wring her thick neck."_

I start to drift off due to boredom; however, I can hear muffled voices coming from the other side of my door. The argument is quickly heating up, because I can recognize the participants. The voices grow louder as the door opens; however, it is pulled shut again with a slam.

"_Someone just make up your mind. Are you going to bother me, or just give me a headache?"_

Finally, someone seems to have won the "Battle of Slamming Doors," and the door stays ajar. I decide to just pretend to be asleep, because I might learn something about what is going on.

**"There is a reason why the door is locked, and it says No Visitors Allowed, Dolores,"** Bulstrode says quietly.

"_Sorry Bulstrode, reading is not a qualification required for a Senior Undersecretary. Stupidity is a must, but literacy is not part of the job description."_

**"Don't start with me, Augusta. You will be cleaning bed pans in the "Spell Damage" ward if you screw up again,"** Dolores says in a loud whisper.

"_Dolores has the diplomacy skills of a forest fire."_

**"How was I supposed to know that someone would be looking for her after the search was called off?"** Bulstrode asks. **"All I did was ask for a few medications from downstairs. How was I supposed to know someone would be looking for that?"**

"_Who is still looking for me?"_

**"If you want something, you need to get it from me, got it,"** Dolores dictates. **"Just keep her here until I can decide what to do. I was not expecting this problem**." Dolores sounds flustered. **"Her parents and Remus Lupin have filed an inquiry about seeing the note that was found with the watch."**

**"Dolores, let's go talk somewhere else. I don't want to wake her up; Eleanor has been a handful since she was brought here. I am worried seeing you might cause another anxiety attack,"** Bulstrode says, as the door shuts again.

"_Please come and find me before Dolores makes a decision I will regret."_


	10. Of Delusions and Dust Bunnies

Dolores left a while ago, and I am not sure how to deal with Bulstrode and Copperbottom. I knew they were lying when I arrived, but I did not realize how deeply they are involved. I wonder what Dolores is holding over their heads to bully them into compliance; however, I have a thought they may be acting on their own.

The door opens slowly and my guest is Copperbottom. He walks over to the bed to take the normal vitals and scribbles the results on my chart.

"Since you seem to be behaving yourself, Healer Bulstrode says you will not need to be restrained for the meantime," he says in a toneless voice.

"_Yippee for me."_

"I think it is time to get you some breakfast. If you behave, you can feed yourself," he says.

"_Oh goody, feeding time at the zoo."_

When he leaves, I sit up, put my chin on my knees, and decide how I am going to approach the situation; however, my thoughts are cut short by the door opening. It's Copperbottom with my so-called breakfast. The meal is made up of runny eggs, burnt toast, and Lord knows what in a glass.

"Well, tuck in," he orders.

"You're kidding, right?" I ask him. He seems stunned at my ability to carry on a conversation without screaming. "Are you sure this is breakfast? It looks like the result of a Muggle auto accident."

He cracks a slight smile as he walks out of the room shaking his head.

I manage to choke down what I assume is toast and I wash it down with the mystery liquid; it is warm and pulpy orange juice.

Bulstrode walks in the door just as I finish. She looks for me to do something other than sit here converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

"I see we are much calmer today," she says, looking at a clipboard and turning to another page. "I noticed from your records that you have spent some time on this ward. Two attempts, this is rather serious."

"I think you should read closer. My first attempt was at fifteen, and that landed me a stay in the Children's Ward," I say, attempting to look over the top of the clipboard.

Bulstrode pulls up a chair and sits next to the bed, and she seems to be watching my behavior. She seems disappointed when I rest my chin on my knees to look at her with intense interest.

"You have a constellation of issues, dear. Anxiety, suicidal tendencies, paranoia, depression, and a host of serious health issues," she mentions tonelessly. "I have to say a bit of a high maintenance patient."

"_Defining my condition as high maintenance is a polite way of saying I'm a 'pain in the arse.'"_

I am just chafing at the bit to discuss Dolores; however, I am enjoying my time out of the restraints. Bulstrode writes some notes on the chart stuck to the clipboard. I wonder what she is writing. She is distracted by the door opening, and Copperbottom walks in with several potion bottles and a glass.

"Now, I expect you to behave yourself. I will not have you on this bed convulsing again," she tells me.

I decide to do what I am told, because I need to develop some sort of rapport so I can get some answers. I take what they are giving me, even though my instinct tells me not to. I feel I am given little choice to do this, but I don't feel like having another seizure anytime soon. They must have given me something to keep me quiet, because I am having trouble keeping my eyes open.

I fall asleep, but I wake up later when there is movement in the room. I decide I am too tired and comfortable to investigate who came in to visit. I hear someone set something by the bedside, the sound of silverware hitting a bowl, and the smell of chicken broth. I decide I do not have an appetite; I just close my eyes to fall back to sleep.

"Hem, hem."

"_This has to be some form of hallucination."_

I crack open my eyes, and I see Dolores watching me. I am stunned that she is in here at all.

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Dolores, get out," I demand. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Just came by to see how you were doing in your new home," she says.

"Dolores, go!" I shout, sitting up quickly.

"Your memorial service at the Auror Headquarters was quite moving. Shacklebolt gave a lovely eulogy in your honor," she simpers. She continues, "There was a bit of a scandal when your parents refused to attend."

"Dolores, this is the last time! Get out!" I scream.

I make a move to get out of bed, and Dolores realizes she may have pushed me too far. She pulls out her wand as she moves towards the wall. I have a feeling she is going to curse me in some way. I pick up the bowl of soup, and I hurl it at her head. The bowl shatters when it hits the wall.

"How dare you," she barks.

The noise seems to have caught the attention of someone outside of the room, because Bulstrode bursts in with Copperbottom looking furious.

"Eleanor, what are you …" Bulstrode is cut short by the sight of Dolores standing next to the smashed bowl of soup.

"Get her away from me!" I yell. I am beyond anger at this point, and I make a move to stand up; however, Copperbottom cuts me off.

"I was just concerned about how she was feeling," Dolores says, but I notice she is trembling.

My anger is about to spiral out of control, and I don't notice Copperbottom wrestling me back to the bed until I feel myself being restrained.

"Dolores, I told you to stay out of here! You are upsetting my patient!" she shouts. Bulstrode drags her out of the room.

I can hear an argument occurring outside the room. The only person shouting is Bulstrode, but I do not hear Dolores. When the shouting stops, Bulstrode walks in still furious. She calls Copperbottom out to the hallway, leaving me lying on the bed out of breath.

"_Really stupid, Nell, you just let Dolores push your buttons forcing you to have a tantrum. You have just blown what little privilege you may have just earned."_

Bulstode strides into the room looking very put out, and I cannot tell who she is really angry with me or Dolores.

"I can see what Madam Umbridge was talking about when you were first brought in. That is quite a temper you have. I see that your anxiety and paranoia are coming to the surface, and I am rather concerned about this. What prompted you to throw your lunch at Madam Umbridge?" She is standing before me discussing this situation like I am a misbehaving toddler.

"She wouldn't leave me alone. I told her that she needed to leave, but she wanted to discuss the highlights of my memorial service at the Ministry," I say, nearly out of breath.

"Eleanor, I believe you had a panic attack, and misinterpreted the situation. I think your imagination is getting away with you," she says without emotion.

"She was going to curse me with her wand," I explain, with my voice rising in volume.

Bulstrode stands next to the bed taking notes on our discussion, and I don't think she is really listening to me. "Eleanor, Madam Umbridge brought you here to save your life; there is no reason why she should try and harm you."

"Bulstrode, why are you helping her? You read the articles in the paper, and it is obvious that I am not dead!" I yell at her. "What has she told you about me? What twisted excuse did she use for you to help fake my death?"

"Eleanor, I will just tell you that your delusions have put you in a rather precarious situation. You tried to blackmail the Ministry and prominent members of the community using non-existent evidence. Madam Umbridge cares about you so much that she is willing to fake your death to prevent you from dying in Azkaban. All she wants is to help you; she is trying to be a good friend," she tells me.

I break out in laughter and tell her, "I cannot believe you are buying into her fantasy. You call me delusional."

"I think there needs to be a discussion about what safety measures I will need to take. I would not want you to hurt yourself or anyone else," she states. "This means someone will have to assist you at meals, and you will remain in restraints until I feel you can control yourself. Your records have shown you have attacked the hospital staff before."

I open my mouth to protest; however, this will only add more fuel to the fire. I realize how exhausted this exchange has left me, and I wish she would leave me alone to be miserable in peace.

Bulstrode places her clipboard on the bedside table, pulls up a chair, and sits next to the bed to get down into my line of sight. I now realize how upset I really am. I have just noticed I am soaked in sweat, and I am still breathing a bit shallow.

"Now, I need for you to calm down," she says gently. "I don't need you to make yourself sick again. I will not allow her to see you without me here, because I can see that she upsets you; however, she has brought you here to get some help." Bulstode pulls out a handkerchief and mops some of the sweat off of my forehead.

"_Help! Who is she kidding! I am here to keep me out of Dolores' hair. Oh, no! Who would believe that the delusional Nell might not be so delusional?"_

Copperbottom walks in with a glass of water, and I am not going to fight drinking it. I feel like I have swallowed a hundred cotton balls. When I finish drinking, I instantly feel a bit calmer. I am hoping this is only water, I really need to think. I must make some decisions on how I am going to handle this latest setback; however, my eyes seem to have developed a mind of their own, and I suddenly relax. I don't think either Healer realizes that I am still able to understand their conversation.

"Copperbottom, this is a prime example of how quickly a patient can take a turn," Bulstrode notes. She continues her lecture with, "If you notice how anxiety can cause a patient to think that even a familiar person wishes to do them harm." Bulstrode runs the handkerchief over my forehead again. "You must remember to use sympathy and authority when encouraging someone who is this ill to discuss their feelings."

"_Lady, you have no idea who really needs your help. I'll drop you a hint. She is short, obnoxious, wears rose perfume that could choke a hippogriff, she has no dress sense, and does not have the social skills God promised a lemon."_

Bulstode's voice is now fading in and out, and I finally give into my aggression-induced exhaustion.

I wake up with the room in almost total darkness, and the only light is coming from beneath the crack in the door. I realize that I am in fresh robes and crisp bedding. This little mercy does little to raise my spirits. Since I can only lie here in the dark having little to occupy my time, I remember the incidents that have earned me a reputation in this ward. On my last stay, I was not exactly a model patient. I was difficult, angry, somewhat violent, and I could not have cared less if I lived or died. My thoughts are drifting away to the incident that occurred ten years before.

It has been two and a half months since my attack at the Ministry. When I woke up the first week at St. Mungo's, I knew my life was over. I am still very angry, because I missed Aggie's funeral. I did not have a chance to say goodbye or tell the Prewetts that I was sorry for not being able to save their daughter.

The past week has been a hollow victory. I am able to walk down the hallway of the ward without someone holding me up. I have astounded both the Healers and my parents by walking weeks ahead of expectation; however, every step I take or small movement is repaid by throbbing pains emanating from every limb.

The Healer is standing at the foot of my bed with a smile on her face. "I have decided to let you go home to finish your recovery. I think you will get further in familiar surroundings," she says.

"I can't do that, I live alone," I reply.

"Your parents have made arrangements for you to stay with them. Isn't that wonderful?" she asks.

"_No, that is not wonderful. That means I will have my Mum fussing over me endlessly. When I was a child, she kept looking for ways to make me feel better, but she sometimes made me feel worse. It is like having a love-sick terrier puppy hanging all over you."_

The promise is kept, my release papers have been signed, but my escort is not either of my parents.

"_It's Remus. I don't know if I should be happy or not. I know all he sees is a horrible wreck of a human being who cannot make it to the toilet without assistance."_

Remus manages to get us to my parents' house, because I am far too weak to Apparate on my own. I don't have the energy to Summon a dust bunny off the floor. I manage to make it across the living room to collapse on the couch in exhaustion. I notice for the first time how tired and haggard he is looking. His hair has more grey in it than I would have expected.

"Doesn't it feel great to get out of that hospital bed," Remus says with cheer.

"Yeah, wonderful," I say without confidence.

"_Remus, being gnawed on by a dragon would give the same feeling as coming here. At least you know the pain will stop at some point. Who are you kidding, Sport?" _

My Mum spends fifteen minutes hugging and fussing over me. Remus comes to my rescue when he tells her that a cup of tea might make me feel better.

"_He has always been the one who can read my thoughts."_

Dad is walking through the door as Mum finishes the tea, and she sits down to discuss the mounds of instructions on taking care of me. Remus will come in every few days to give my parents a break on taking care of me; however, I think the real reason is to keep my mother from babying me too much. To encourage my independence, the front parlor will serve as my room until I can walk upstairs without help.

Remus and I have been talking about school, and we only briefly discuss his recent loss of his friends Lily, James, and Peter. His wound seems to be just as fresh as mine. They were two years ahead of me, and I only knew them in passing. When you are in school, you tend to hang around the other students in your house and year. Remus and I knew each other, because we spent so much time together in the Hospital Wing.

Mum has made dinner, Remus is staying for the meal, and I cannot keep my eyes open. I decide I need to show some gratitude and pick at my dinner. I make it to the first course; I drop off when Mum attempts to serve the peas. Remus grabs the back of my collar when I take a header into the mashed potatoes. Dad sees me as a lost cause and carries me back to the couch.

This morning my body sends me a reminder of how horribly the attack has insulted it. It takes me half an hour to make it to the toilet on my own. I did not want to ask for help, because I am tired of depending on others to take care of me.

The whole day is occupied by exercises to strengthen my weakened muscles and doses of medication. I just dread when it is time for me to go to bed, because all I have to keep me company are constant nightmares about the attack and stabbing pains radiating through every muscle and joint.

"_I just want it all to go away!"_

The whole week has passed with the days running into each other. Mum decides I need some distractions to keep me busy, so she invites a few of my coworkers to drop by; however, I feel this is throwing the whole incident in my face. With every visitor, I feel my wounds over the death of my best friend being ripped wide open. I manage to smile in all the right places and nod politely when I am addressed. Once the stream of visitors comes to an end, Remus manages to show up for dinner.

I am managing to make it through the first course, but I nod off during dessert. Dad manages to carry me back to the sofa. I take my medication and sleep begins to dampen any thoughts. I can hear conversation taking place taking place at the other end of the room.

"Roger, I am just a little worried about her right now. She's just not acting right. Has she mentioned anything about what happened at the Ministry?" Remus asks in a hoarse whisper.

"No, she hasn't. It has only been a week since she left the hospital. Just give her more time; Nell will discuss this when she is ready," my father responds.

"I know what happened when she was fifteen, and I am afraid she will attempt to kill herself again," Remus says quietly.

"Nell has put that unfortunate incident behind her; there is little to worry about," my father replies.

I wake up a few hours later with the most unbearable pain in my body, and my mind playing images of the attack running through my mind. I cannot handle this one more day; I am going to put an end to this.

This morning I get a chance to put an end to my misery so no one has to deal with it any longer. Mum and Dad leave for a while to meet with friends, and Remus is not due to arrive until after lunch. I write a very short note discussing how sorry I am; however, I do not mention anything about the Ministry. I swallow the contents of several potion bottles, and I collapse on the couch. I can hear someone calling my name from a distance, but I don't care.

I am waking up with the disappointment of being alive. I am in a cold room with only a bed, table, and a chair. I noticed that my arms and legs are restrained to prevent me from moving.

"_I could not save my best friend or end my misery. Can't I do anything right?"_

The door opens quietly to reveal that I have a visitor; I hope it is not my parents. The newcomer is in Healer's robes and has a grandfatherly smile on his face.

"I see that we have been depressed since you left the hospital a week ago," he notes.

"_Wow, what an astute individual. What makes you think I have been depressed? Could it be I just tried to kill myself?"_

"Why don't we discuss why you tried to hurt yourself. It might make things easier if you talk about it." He is poised, waiting for me to say something.

"You need to realize everyone says everything will get easier. I have lost my best friend, my job, and the ability to care for myself. Well it's not!" I shout. I have started crying out of control, and the Healer is left with little choice but to sedate me.

I have spent a week on this ward; however, I am relocated when my heart condition relapses from the medication I overdosed on. It is much more relaxed in the medical wards, but I still feel very on edge. Every little noise makes me jump.

This morning I am sent for another therapy session with a trainee Healer. I don't like him, because he keeps pushing me too hard. He is badgering me to remember details about the attack.

I face the fool as he sits in his chair. He begins to ask me about the nightmares and wishes to hear every detail about the vivid images. I cannot take it anymore; I just want him to leave me alone. Something in me snaps, and I rush him. I grab his clipboard, hit him over the head, and kick him in the groin. Suddenly the room fills with people to find out what is going on. It takes four people to subdue me.

I spend a month on lockdown before I am allowed to go home. I have hours of therapy until I can reconcile what happened with Aggie is not my fault. As for the Healer, he has been relocated to the Spell Damage ward.

Now I am back in this ward because of Dolores. At least the last time, my parents knew that I was alive and working towards going home. This time they think I am dead. I long to find a way to let them know I am alive.


	11. Estate of E Howard vs MOM

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 11_**

**_The Estate of E. Howard vs. The Ministry of Magic_**

I cannot help feeling like I have brought this horrible situation on myself. I find I'm playing the "what if" game. What if I hadn't seen the accounting statements from the general fund at the Ministry? What if I had not taken the teaching job? What if I had taken the rear guard the day that Aggie was killed?

The door opening takes my mind away from its own pity party. Bulstrode has walked into the room carrying her little clipboard. I am stunned when she takes off the restraints.

**"Eleanor, I think we have gotten off on the wrong foot, and I think we need to discuss your situation,"** she says.

**"What led you to believe our relationship had a rocky start? Was it when I woke up here strapped down screaming with fear or the incident where Dolores had to dodge my lunch?"** I ask.

**"I noticed from your file there is a notation saying that you have a nickname,"** Bulstrode states, while looking through the papers on the clipboard.** "Well, I would like to call you 'Nell' instead."**

**"You can call me anything you want. I really don't care,"** I mumble and turn away.

**"I would just like to talk for a little while today about you."** She picks up a self inking quill poised to record our conversation.

**"Let me check my social calendar."** My voice is dripping with sarcasm; however, I don't think she really cares.

**"Tell me what sent you to the children's ward when you were fifteen,"** she prods.

"_Don't they ever read their own files? What is this, Twenty Questions?"_

**"Okay, I'll tell you."** Bulstrode is surprised by this response. I think she was expecting me to say no.

**"A classmate tried to poison me, but no one believed me,"** I tell her.** "I thought I might finish the job."**

**"I cannot imagine that happening at such a prestigious school,"** she says with interest.** "Why would a child want to murder another one?"**

**"I think it had something to do with ancestry, house affiliation, and the fact I was considered a bit of a 'smart ass,'"** I tell her stiffly.

I hear her taking notes urgently on her little clipboard. She seems to be hanging on every word; however, I cannot believe I am being so direct. I hate talking about that time in my life.

**"Tell me what he did to you."** She directs me to give an answer, but I am unable to articulate a response; no one ever said that something did happen. **"Tell me, Nell."**

**"He had a mate slip it into something of mine, and this caused me to have a seizure that lasted nearly ten minutes; I ended up in a coma. I heard them talking about how they managed to poison me when I was lying on my deathbed,"** I relate to her. I wait for her to say the words "that's impossible."

**"I know of cases where that has happened before. You could have overheard the conversation,"** she says, patting me on the hand.

I am afraid I have said too much, let her in too close, and allowed her to play head games with me. I decide to shut up while I am ahead.

**"Nell, tell me what they said."** She wants me to keep going.** "Nell, please tell me."**

**"I'm tired, and I don't want to talk anymore,"** I say, turning my head in the other direction.

**"That's all right, I will send Copperbottom in with your breakfast. I would like to continue after you have something to eat,"** she says.

I stare at the ceiling trying to get a handle on the situation, but I cannot decide if they are just playing head games to gain my confidence. I won't fall for it.

I don't have long to wait for my breakfast, and I come to the realization that I have not had a decent meal in two days. Copperbottom walks in with a tray, and I decide to eat something to maintain my new rapport with my babysitters. I half expect him to spoon feed my meal; however, he sets the tray in front of me to eat on my own.

"_Hey garçon, where's the coffee? The service still sucks on this ward."_

I inhale the runny eggs, but I hesitate on the lumpy oatmeal. When I finish, I find myself staring at a purple liquid in the glass. I am afraid I will be forced to swallow it one way or another. I wait for something to make me sick or knock me cold, but I am relieved when it turns out to be grape juice that has not been spiked with anything.

"_One more head game."_

Once he leaves after picking up the tray I sit up with my chin on my knees waiting for Bulstrode to show up again. I keep staring at the door; I realize I am starved for human interaction. The use of isolation is a technique to break prisoners of war, and now I am experiencing the same treatment first hand at this hospital.

"_Another head game."_

I must have nodded off, because the opening of the door suddenly catches my attention. Bulstrode walks in with a smile carrying a vase of roses and a teddy bear with the words "get well soon" emblazoned upon its chest.

**"Isn't this lovely, your good friend, Dolores, has sent these to you,"** Bulstrode says in a cheery voice. She hands me the card, and I open up the envelope. It says **"You are always on my mind"** on the front; the inside message says **"Enjoy the roses, your friend, Dolores."**

I can feel my eyes water, and I need to tell Bulstrode to get the roses and bear out of the room. This is not out of panic or anger. I'm allergic to roses and Dolores knows that! The entire office at the Ministry knows this, because the Minister sent me roses after I was hospitalized after a seizure. The incident left me wheezing for a week. I can smell Dolores's perfume soaked into the fur of the stuffed animal, and the stench is making me want to vomit.

**"Please, take it away,"** I say insistently, my eyes watering out of control.

**"There is no reason to become upset. We really need to work out this anger issue with your dear friend,"** she tells me, and takes out a handkerchief.

**"Please!"** I shout.

**"Nell, it is time you accept your friend wants to help you."** Bulstode seems very insistent that I pick up the bear; however, I recoil away from her, and she places it on my lap. **"What a thoughtful thing to do. They smell beautiful, here."** She holds a bud up to my nose. The more I pull away, the more she presses me to accept the gift.

**"I'm allergic to…"** I start sneezing non-stop, my eyes are starting to swell, and I wheeze loudly.

Bulstrode finally catches sight of the hives breaking out on my face and races out of the room with my roses and teddy bear.

She bursts through the door a minute later with a potion, and I swallow it in one gulp; I fall back onto the mattress groaning in agony, because my skin feels like it will crawl away. I want to scream to Bulstrode that Dolores did this out of spite; trying to implicate Dolores in a scheme to harm me would only look like paranoia.

"_They have been_ _quoting little facts from my chart, but they miss the notation about flowers! It is in bright red letters pulsating across the page. What idiots!"_

The hives are slowly receding, but my face is still very puffy. I am a little annoyed both Healers have decided to sit in the room with me. The antihistamine potion is making me very sleepy. I can feel someone gently stroking my hair as I drift off.

I wake up to the smell chicken soup in my room, but I am in no mood to eat. I am still very itchy and any move amplifies the sensation.

**"Nell, sit up and eat some dinner, dear."** It's Bulstrode's "Mum Mode" voice. I can feel her put a hand on my shoulder trying to get my attention.

**"Where did it come from?"** I ask, refusing to turn over.

**"What are you talking about?"** she asks. **"Look at me so we can discuss this properly,"** Bulstrode demands.

I turn over and sit up quickly.** "I want to know who prepared it. The last thing you brought in this room made me sick,"** I state.** "Are you trying to kill me with kindness?"** I ask.

**"Nell, you should not be paranoid because someone accidentally sends you the wrong gift,"** she says.

**"I'm not being paranoid. Think about it, Bulstrode. Shouldn't a close friend know about an allergy that could injure or kill?"** I ask pointedly.

**"I think you are blowing this out of proportion,"** she says, picks up her self inking quill, and the file-laden clipboard. Bulstrode decides to take notes on my responses to the situation.

"_Sparky, you couldn't see a conspiracy even if it ran up and bit you in the leg."_

**"Look, Bulstrode, I will put it in small words so you will not become confused."** My voice is developing an edge of anger. **"This year at school she has choked me in a classroom, lied about a 'supposed' suicide attempt, blown up a tree, causing a horse to spook and fall on me, and faked my death just to keep me out of her hair. Dolores did not fake my death to save me; she did it to shut me up. My so-called friend has been helping to embezzle funds from the Ministry accounts for years. The same funds that are used to pay for keeping this hospital open."**

Bulstrode looks off-footed as she says,** "I see how deep your breakdown really is, Nell. Madam Umbridge is a member of this community who is above reproach. I believe this stems from the incident when you feel a classmate tried to poison you."**

**"So, you are saying I made that one up."** I am trying to control the volume of my voice.

**"Nell, I feel you have difficulty with trust; you tend to misinterpret the messages others give you,"** she tells me.

"_I give up! The more I tell this woman the truth, the crazier I appear."_

Bulstode picks up the bowl of soup and attempts to tempt me to eat; however, I push it away quickly.

**"I don't feel well enough to eat,"** I say quietly. I can see that she has another dose of potion to offer me, and I take it without a word of protest. As I relax, Bulstrode pats me on the shoulder and leaves without a word.

It seems to be morning when I open my eyes to find Copperbottom taking the morning vitals and writing them on his little clipboard.

**"How are we feeling this morning?"** he asks, looking at the fading rash on my face.** "You will need to drink this before I can feed you breakfast."** He holds out a small phial, but I refuse to take it.

**"What is it?"** I inquire suspiciously

**"It's your anticonvulsant. Now, take it. I have better things to do,"** he says impatiently.

It looks nothing like any type of medication I have ever had for my seizures, but I look at his expression. I know he has the advantage of incapacitating me. I decide to obey.

Breakfast is served a short time later, but it is hardly appetizing, and I just pick at it. When you are locked in a room for days at a time, the only things you can do are either mull over your thoughts or pass the time sleeping. I opt for sleeping, because my thoughts just turn darker and darker.

I don't know when I woke up, but I am shocked to my senses by someone calling my name and then saying, **"Nell, you need to read this."**

_Missing Teacher's Family and Estate Filing Suit Against the Ministry_

_Eleanor April Howard disappeared 22 December, 1995, from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A thorough search of local towns, Hogsmeade, Muggle hospitals, and St. Mungo's failed to produce any leads. A week later, a suicide note and her watch were found outside of the school grounds; however, Ms. Howard's body has never been located._

_Her parents, Vivian and Roger Howard, and the Executor of Ms. Howard's Estate, Remus Lupin, have filed separate law suits against the Ministry accusing the Missing Persons Department of mishandling the search for the woman. Documents filed in court have cited the investigation was superficial and failed to follow up on several leads. The Howard family and Mr. Lupin are demanding both an opportunity to examine the suicide note as well as the return of her watch._

_In another development, the family and estate are suing the Hogwarts School Board of Governors for the wrongful death of the deceased. The documents charge the School did not do enough to prevent this tragedy by not seeking help for Ms. Howard after a suicide attempt in November._

_The legal counsel retained by her parents and the estate executor is the controversial law firm of Dorish and Perks, who have been in litigation with the Ministry for various reasons since 1968. A recent high profile case was a civil action challenging the legality of the new Werewolf Legislation._

Leave it to my father, the barrister, to look for a way to litigate a situation. I have a feeling Remus picked the firm, because he chose the one that irritated the Ministry and Dolores the most. Dolores pushed most of the werewolf laws, but the courts have delayed many of the more severe ones. I am concerned this could inflame my situation here at St. Mungo's. This is a crack in the wall of conspiracy keeping me hidden. I wonder if Bulstrode and Copperbottom are aware of the article. I am not sure who left this for me, because I did not recognize the voice which woke from a deep sleep. I decide to hide the article between the mattresses; I do not know who to trust.

I don't have long to wait for Dolores's reaction, because she shows up in the late evening. Bulstrode has a strict time for lights out, and I have found this a bit juvenile. I will never complain about this rule after tonight.

The door opens slowly. I can smell the stench of Dolores's perfume. I can hear the familiar creak of Bulstrode's shoes on the floor.

**"I just wanted to take a peek in on her."** Dolores is quietly working her way over to the bed. I just keep my eyes closed hoping she will go away.** "Has she said anything?"** she inquires.

**"I cannot tell you specifics due to confidentiality. I can assure you, Dolores, she is very angry with you."** Bulstode is moving closer to me.

**"She only told you she is angry with me?"** Dolores asks.

**"I am telling you what I am allowed to tell you,"** Bulstrode says sternly.

I don't think that was the answer Dolores was ferreting for.

"_Stupid move Dolores, you take me somewhere to figure out what I know, and then when I say something, Bulstrode cannot tell you a thing. She has a sense of ethics, imagine that?"_

**"Nell, someone is here to visit you,"** Bulstrode says gently, stroking me on the head to gain my attention. I give a token grumble, crack open my eyes to acknowledge Bulstode's presence, and I pretend to fall asleep again.

**"Oh, Eleanor, I am so sorry about the roses. I forgot about that silly allergy."** As she speaks, she pats me slowly on the arm. I would love to reach up and hit her, because her presence is just for show. I will not open my eyes even if she hits me with a Cruciatus Curse. I love it when she cannot get what she wants.

**"Why won't she look at me?"** Dolores seems disappointed.** "Eleanor, can you hear me?"** she asks, shaking me gently by my shoulder.** "I said I was sorry."**

"_The apologetic good friend making amends. Go away before I vomit on that tacky cardigan."_

**"What ever substitute you have located for her to take, does not agree with her. It seems to leave her tired. It is difficult to work on her issues when she is unconscious all the time, Dolores,"** Bulstrode says.** "I have several other potions I need from you now. You were to get them a week ago. She cannot discuss her problems, dead."**

**"I will tell my source to make a few adjustments. I do want to get to the core of her delusions."** I can hear Dolores moving away.

"_I am willing to bet who is supplying_ _Dolores with those potions. He is low enough to comply with her."_

**"Have you been letting her read anything from the papers?"** Dolores asks.

**"No, I don't think she is ready to look at anything from the outside world. I fear anything brought in from the outside will cause anxiety and paranoia."** Bulstrode sounds concerned about me. **"Dolores, I have a question I want to ask you. What are you going to do with her once the publicity dies down? I cannot keep her here forever. Nell requires more specialized care than psychiatric treatment, and she should go to a residential setting where her other medical needs can be met."** I can feel her stroking my head. It almost feels like a protective gesture.** "There is a lovely place you can send her in Wales with a bed open, they are very discrete."**

I never get to hear the answer, because both women suddenly leave the room. This is an interesting question, because what will happen to me? Bulstrode's right, I cannot stay here forever. Someone will figure this out, because no patient is allowed to stay on this ward on a permanent basis. Dolores has never been the type to think things through before acting.


	12. Lost and Found

**_Profile of An Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 12: Lost and Found_**

The past few days have been spent in a blur, and it is obvious that the medication has been changed. But, I feel worse. Even the attempt at eating a meal is too much, and I nod off after a few bites. Any movement I make causes my heart to hammer out of control, and I feel very dizzy.

This morning, I hear Copperbottom come in; however, I do not respond when he calls my name. I want to say something, but it takes too much effort to open my eyes. I hear him stomp out of the room in disgust after he takes the morning vitals.

"_I'll bet Severus would be getting a kick out of watching me lie here speechless. He has always tried to get in the last word. For once, he is going to win."_

I try to fight off sleep, but I give in. I smell stale rose perfume, and I know the nightmare in pink will be in my face the second I open my eyes. I have no idea what she is doing here.

**"Eleanor, it's me, Dolores."**

I don't bother opening my eyes. I hear another voice say,** "Nell, your friend is here to visit, and I think this would be a good time to discuss your relationship."**

I really want to fire something back at the "Princess in Pink," but I cannot come up with a cheeky remark or a scathing insult. I settle for opening my eyes and glaring at her.

**"I have really missed you, Eleanor,"** Dolores says in that sickening high pitched tone.

**"Shut up,"** I manage to mumble. Then I bark out,** "Go away."**

Bulstrode sits on the bed, strokes my head and says, **"This anger will not help, dear. Why are you so angry? Let's sit you up and discuss this like adults,"** she tells me.

I am propped up on some pillows, and I seem to be finding a bit of strength. **"She put me in here to shut me up. I don't want to speak her."**

**"Eleanor, you should not have told those lies about the funding. I just want to do what is best. I am saving you from yourself,"** Dolores says.

**"They are not lies. How long has Fudge been in Malfoy's pocket?"** I ask, realizing I am treading on thin ice.** "I wonder how far Percy has been sucked into this cesspool."**

**"Eleanor, this is not true. There is no theft, bribery, or official corruption; this is something that your mind came up with during your breakdown last year."** She is now pacing the room looking uncomfortable. **"Where's your proof? If this is true, you need to give me the evidence so I can help you. What can I do to help you?"** Dolores asks.

"_I would rather look crazy than answer that question. What a lame thing to ask." _

**"Nell, you are projecting the result of your anxiety on to someone else**," Bulstrode says.

I can feel my pulse suddenly shoot up, I can't breathe, there is a sickening feeling of dizziness, and the world seems to turn upside down. I feel like a vacuum is sucking the reality of the room. I can hear Bulstrode force Dolores to leave the room, someone calling my name, and everything is growing dark.

**"What kind of rubbish did you bring me?"** Bulstrode whispers, while taking my pulse. I notice a wet cloth is now draped across my forehead.

**"My supplier said this would improve on its potency,"** Dolores says meekly.** "He did not have the 'exact' potion you wanted, so he came up with a substitute."**

**"Where are the other medications you were to bring me over a week ago?"** Bulstrode asks.** "Copperbottom says that her heart is constantly racing out of control. She could have a heart attack at any moment. That little episode in there was only a warning of things to come."**

**"Like I said, he does not have the exact one you want. He has to make a substitute,"** Dolores says.

**"Are you trying to help her get better, or are you trying to kill her? I am beginning to see where she gets her anger from."** I can hear Bulstrode tapping her foot impatiently.

"_A little slow on the uptake, Bulstrode, but you get there eventually."_

**"This ward is not meant to house a person needing around-the-clock medical care, Dolores. She cannot stay here forever. I read the article in the paper about the law suit. Her family thinks she is dead, and there is an executor settling her will. They have stopped looking for her. Dolores, you will have to find a residential setting within the next two weeks."** I feel Bulstrode wiping my face with a wet cloth.

**"I need more time, Augusta. It has been very busy lately,"** Dolores whines.

**"Dolores, I have received a subpoena to give expert testimony about the mindset of a suicidal person by Nell's lawyers; I find myself having ethical concerns. You have two weeks,"** Bulstrode says, and moves away from the bed.

I have no idea how long I have been sleeping since Dolores left. I find myself feeling worse by the moment, and I could care less where Dolores sends me, because I know I probably won't live to get there.

I have noticed that Copperbottom is sitting in the chair next to the bed every time I wake up. I realize that he might actually care about me. The door opens slowly and I hear, **"How is she doing?"**

I hear Copperbottom reply,** "I don't see any improvement. In fact, I would say getting worse."**

**"Dolores has found a new supplier for the potions, and he has access to the actual ingredients that are needed. I was beginning to get worried about Dolores's feelings toward Nell's best interests."** Bulstrode has now moved to the bed, and I feel her holding my hand. **"He will be coming down this afternoon. He wants to look in on her in person and see her chart."**

**"You don't have her consent,"** Copperbottom says.

**"First, she is in no shape to make decisions. Second, I must remind you she has been declared legally dead. Dead people cannot give consent."**

There is a soft knock at the door, and Dolores's perfume permeates the sterile atmosphere of the room.

**"I just came in to check up on her and discuss what we are going to do with her. Keeping her a secret is becoming too complicated. I would hate for anyone to go to prison for harboring a criminal."**

"_A little blackmail never hurts, Dolores. All you have to do is say you saw me here; she will be the one in Azkaban, not me."_

**"Dolores, why did you wait to get someone who is qualified to make her medication?"** Bulstrode asks.

**"I wanted to make sure he could be trusted to keep this quiet. He knows her quite well, and I was concerned he may not want to cooperate with this,"** she replies. **"He is associated with several others who care deeply about her."**

I can smell Dolores's perfume getting stronger, and I realize she is standing next to the bed. I can feel the mattress sink as she sits next to me.

**"I just cannot stand to see my close friend suffer like this. I am so sorry, dear. I just hate to see you go to prison. I have to find some other way to handle this situation. I had no idea to the lengths some people would go to find you,"** she says, patting me on the hand.

I feel the room pitching left and right, my heart pounds hard in a funny rhythm, and I cannot seem to hang on to reality. I can hear frantic movements and the sudden movement of the mattress. I just don't care about trying to make the effort to breathe.

I realize there are people around me, and I hear a voice I have not heard in a long time. I think I owe Severus an apology. I should have known he takes too much pride in his work to botch a potion. I doubt if he would use "substitutes" when he has access to anything he wants at the school.

**"Well, I can't believe it's the missing teacher everyone has been looking for. You have Lupin 'chasing his tail' over your disappearance. I was prepared to believe you had finally fallen off the deep end. I should have known better. Your memorial service at the school put quite a damper on the holidays."** I can hear him moving around the room as he is speaking to me.

**"Here is what we have been giving her. I asked Madam Umbridge to change the original formula, because it left her sleepy and incoherent. This is what she brought back. The first time she passed out, Nell was in the middle of a discussion, her eyes rolled up in her head, and she stopped breathing for a minute. This morning it happened again, but her heart stopped for several minutes. I didn't think I would ever get it to start beating again,"** Bulstrode says with worry in her voice.

**"This isn't even fit to poison a rat. I am surprised she is still here and not in the morgue with Bode downstairs," he says. "Leave it to that idiot in Diagon Alley to brew this rubbish. I surprised he has not been run out of business."** I can hear clinking of glass from a corner of the room.

I can feel myself being pulled into a sitting position. Someone puts something up to my mouth, and I decide I have no choice by to drink it.

**"Bulstrode, why don't you go to get yourself something from the tea shop? I would like to sit with Eleanor for a while so I can watch her for any adverse reactions,"** he tells Bulstrode. A moment later I hear the door close quietly.

"_I can't wait to hear the guilt trip he is going to put on me."_

I feel his fingers on my neck checking for a pulse as he says,** "Still very irregular." There is the scraping of the chair on the floor. "Your suicide was quite an event in the Wizarding World. Dumbledore nearly had the school torn apart looking for you. He had Filch pulling up the floorboards in some of the rooms, the bottom of the lake was searched, and he even organized a search in the forest. Did you know Flitwick found your wand under a dresser? It nearly broke everyone's heart when Hagrid found that note and watch outside the front gates. Minerva spent the night in the Hospital Wing after she had to identify the handwriting for the investigator. Oddly enough, I felt sorry for you, because it is so pathetic for a Gryffindor to do something so cowardly."**

He has stopped talking for a while, and I can feel the weight of his gaze on my body. Before I start to drift off, he starts speaking to me again by saying,** "I cannot believe how much energy Lupin has put into this useless court case. I think there are more pressing things to occupy his time. It is rather clever to file suit against the school; however, your solicitors have been making the staff miserable with all these questions about your attacks of melancholy. The depositions about your attempt in November were the most irritating, because they want every detail about what happened that morning. I think you would find that there are new changes with the administration in the school. Dolores is now everywhere, and she has crushed any sense of self esteem Trelawney might have ever had. The misty-eyed fool has been nicking the cooking sherry from the kitchens for weeks. She should be here next to you."**

I cannot keep concentrating any longer, and I just let sleep steal any sense of reality. Every once and a while I will wake up, but the effort is too much. There is nothing but darkness, confusion, and pain. I hear small bits of conversation, but I cannot concentrate long enough to figure out who is speaking. I feel the sensation of my body being moved several times, but when I attempt to move to orient myself, I feel like I have just been hit over the head; this stifles my curiosity.

Someone has shaken me in the shoulder to get my attention, and I wonder what they want from me. **"What is your name, Miss?"** someone asks me. I mumble out a response, and I fall back into confusion again. I keep sensing people around me; however, I find this confusing, because it is normally very quiet at St. Mungo's.

I am startled when someone brushes my forehead with a hand, and says, **"Yes, that's her."** I could swear that is Remus's voice. **"We have been looking for you everywhere."**

**"She just appeared in the A and E several days ago. No one is quite sure how she got here, or who she was. We had a flyer sent out by the police around Christmas concerning someone fitting her description so we contacted the authorities,"** a male voice explains. **"I am sorry, Mr. Lupin, I was only able to give you a few minutes to see her. I doubt if she will be able to talk to you for a while. You can come back around three o'clock to visit again."**

I want desperately to say something, but I cannot make my mouth work. I hope this is no hallucination. I just wonder what game Dolores is playing now. I realize there is little I can do to help myself right now, and I give into the urge to sleep.

Voices in the room are waking me up a bit, and one of them seems a little upset. I open my eyes to see Mum, Dad, and Remus standing at the foot of the bed deep in discussion about me. They do not notice I am awake. I feel a bit disoriented by the beeping of a monitor behind my head and discovering I have sprouted plastic from every orifice imaginable. My body feels like it is filled with concrete.

**"Remus, I don't want anyone from the school or the Ministry visiting her at this hospital. They left my daughter out on the street in the middle of winter like a common vagrant,"** she says, and sniffles into a tissue. **"They did not check the all the hospitals. We only found her, because you suggested a call the police. The Ministry investigator found the note and closed the case that day. The police keep the case open until a body was produced. Where is the justice in that?"** Mum asks with anger.

The door opens slowly as someone has come in to check on me. **"I'm sorry, but the police are downstairs to talk to a family member so they can close the case and send out a bulletin that Eleanor has been found."** I have heard her voice several times, but I have never seen her face.

I hear Remus whisper,** "I forgot that we would need to speak with the Muggle authorities about this."**

**"I'll go down and deal with it. You can stay with Vivian, because I think she is too upset to deal with anyone rationally right now,"** I hear my father say.

Remus suddenly realizes I am awake when the doctor starts questioning me in a loud voice. I am really frustrated, because my mouth seems too lazy to work.

"Eleanor, do you know where you are?" she asks, and I shake my head. I haven't a clue where I am. **"You are at St. Mark's hospital in London,"** she informs me. "**Do you know how you got here?"** she asks, and I shake my head again.

"_I hate it when the medical professionals play Twenty Questions. If I knew how I got here, wouldn't I know where I am? I am floored to learn that I am in a Muggle hospital."_

She seems to be on a roll with her inquiry into my cognitive ability.** "Do you know what month it is?"** she asks.

I haven't even thought about that one. I don't know the month, because I have no idea how long it has been since I was at Hogwarts. I shake my head again.

**"Eleanor, it's January; Today is January 30th,"** she tells me, shining a light painfully into my eyes.

I have been missing over a month. What does my family think about me now? Do they think I ran away for some reason or had a breakdown? I am so frightened that they will be angry with me.

**"Why don't you go and talk to Eleanor. She is very disoriented from the sedation, but it will help her feel better. You can touch her, but just mind the wires. I am sorry I can only give you ten more minutes. The hours for the ICU ward are posted outside so you can decide when you want to come and visit,"** the doctor says to Mum, and exits the room leaving the three of us alone.

Mum walks over to the bed and strokes my hair like she did when I was a child.** "I thought I had lost you forever,"** she says quietly. **"I won't let anything take you away from me again."**

**"Nell, do you know who I am?"** Remus asks. I nod my head.

"_What a stupid question. How could I ever forget you?"_

**"Do you remember leaving the school before the holidays?"** he asks, as I shake my head.

He takes a deep sigh before taking my hand.** "Nell, what happened to you?"** he asks rhetorically.

I finally feel safe in the company of my friend and parents. I find myself dropping off to sleep, but I can hear Mum's voice again.

**"Remus, what did the hospital say about there being anything on the cameras covering the door to the Emergency Room?"** Mum asks in a whisper. **"I was hoping I could see how she came through the door. Did she wander in somehow, or did someone dump her here from the street?"**

**"They said it had quit working shortly before she was found,"** Remus says quietly. **"The administration said that Nell came in with clean clothing and groomed, but she could not talk to them coherently. A nurse found her slumped against a wall near the reception desk."**

I hear the door open again to tell my visitors that their time is up, and I need my rest. I don't want them to leave me again. What if they are angry with me? Will they leave me and never return? I almost feel ashamed of being found, because there will be a thousand theories on what happened to me. I cannot go through the same thing that happened in November. I refuse to be called a liar again.


	13. Damsel In Distress

I have no idea how long it has been since Mum, Remus, and Dad have left. Every once in a while someone will come in to adjust a monitor or to check on the numerous items stuck to my body.

Voices in the room have pulled me from a dreamless sleep. I realize Remus and Severus are at the other end of the bed. I can barely see their faces, because the only light in the room is coming from the monitor over my head.

**"What are you doing here?"** I hear Remus ask.

**"I was told you would be here,"** Severus says.** "You have other situations that need your attention, and I have been told for you to come with me." **

_"Who died and left you in charge?" _

**"Why did you wait so long before you informed us that she was locked in the psychiatric ward of St. Mungo's?"** Remus asks with an edge of anger. **"By the time I arrived, she had disappeared, and the staff denied she was even there."**

**"I had somewhere else I needed to be at the same time,"** Severus drawls.** "Aren't you supposed to be somewhere right now? I was told you were to return with me."**

**"Severus, do you have anything to do with her ending up here?"** Remus asks pointedly.

**"Why would I dump her here when there are better alternatives?"** Severus asks stiffly.

**"Did Nell say anything when you were at St. Mungo's?"** Remus asks, moving to the side of the bed. I close my eyes so they do not realize I am awake.

**"When I arrived, she was in no condition to carry on a conversation. I did what I could to keep her alive. It is obvious that my efforts paid off,"** Severus says smugly. He steps over to the side of the bed opposite Remus. **"Need I remind you that there is a prior engagement requiring your attention?"**

**"What do you have against her?"** Remus asks with interest.** "We are not in school anymore, and you should just let it go."**

**"I don't have time to worry about an attention-seeking drama queen. ****Eleanor was walking around school crying at the drop of a hat and slitting her wrists for attention,"** Severus says with venom.

_"Drama queen? Who has been bitching for the past few years whenever the Defense job is vacated? I think I am abdicating my throne." _

**"Dumbledore said that the incident in November was an accident. Nell knocked that glass over when she passed out. She probably landed on top of it,"** Remus retorts.

** "She is unbalanced, and I think your time should be spent on more pressing matters,"** Severus says.

I feel a hand brush over my forehead, and I hear Remus whisper, **"I'll be back in the morning to see you."**

I open my eyes to see two forms leave the room and shut the door quietly behind them.

I find myself waking up to the normal sounds of St. Mark's, wondering what the day is going to bring. I open my eyes to find someone standing at the end of my bed. I recognize the face as that of Geoffrey Fellows of the Missing Person's Division of the Ministry. Geoffrey's appearance is burned into my mind from an incident that occurred at an office Christmas party a few years ago; he made a pass at me in the buffet line, and the drink in my hand found itself mysteriously spilled on his robes.

**"Well, Miss Howard, how nice of you to finally wake up."** He glances down at his watch impatiently and says,** "I have a very tight schedule, and I was about to leave for a more pressing engagement."** He pulls out a notebook and sighs with exasperation. **"I am investigating your having disappeared for over a month, and I have a few questions for you now that your calendar seems to be free."**

_"I have not spoken a word to anyone in over a week, and I am not going to waste any effort on this git." _

**"What prompted you to leave school that afternoon and write the note?"**

I stare off into space to avoid looking at him.

**"Come now, there has to be something you can tell me."** He seems to be getting impatient with my lack of response. **"Runaway with a boyfriend, I take it?"** he asks. **"It must have been some torrid love affair."** Geoffrey is on a roll with his fantasy of what happened to me. **"Got yourself pregnant, did you?"** he asks in an accusatory tone, while scribbling in his notebook. **"I wouldn't blame you for leaving out of shame. What a horrible scandal for the school, a pregnant and unwed teacher at Hogwarts. Did he dump you here when he became tired of dealing with your excessive needs?"** he inquires.

I finally realize I need to say something in my defense, and I manage a whispered, **"No."**

Geoffrey stares at me with loathing and continues with, **"Broke some law then, Eleanor? Take something that is not yours?"** he asks pointedly

My heart is now in my throat, and I pray he does not notice the monitor over my head going wild. I hear the door open, Geoffrey is pulled off of his feet to the floor, and Dad is standing over him looking murderous.

**"I told you that I would speak to you before I would allow her to be questioned about this,"** Dad says in anger. **"According to the hospital administration, my daughter was on the floor of that lobby convulsing for ten minutes, not breathing, and had a non-existent pulse. From looking at her condition, she has probably had many more episodes before she was found. She is being kept sedated to keep them under control, and I doubt if she will be coherent for another week."**

Geoffrey is at a loss for words, and his mouth is just hanging open in shock, because he does not do well with being rebuffed. He seems to realize talking to me will do no good. He pockets his pad of paper and slips out the door.

Dad turns back to me after looking at the monitor behind me and asks, **"Did he do anything to hurt you?"**

I shake my head, but I find myself on the verge of tears. A month's worth of agony is threatening to spill over. Before I completely fall apart, Dad takes my hand and strokes the top of my head.

**"Don't worry,"** he says quietly. **"You don't need to say anything until you are ready."**

Remus appears in the doorway looking a bit concerned and asks,** "Was that Geoffrey from Missing Persons? How did he get in here?"**

**"I haven't a clue, and he had better not show his face again. I'll discuss a restraining order as soon as I get home,"** Dad tells Remus quietly.

_"Dad brings the saying, 'The pen is mightier than the sword' to a whole new level. He does not need his fists to bring pain to someone. He just needs a few legal documents and a good argument." _

**"You might want to include Dolores Umbridge in that order, because she is making a spectacle about this in the paper. She has been spouting how overjoyed she is that her friend has been found, but she is leaving hints that Nell disappeared voluntarily,"** Remus tells my father.

"I didn't," I say in a hoarse whisper, as Dad and Remus looked stunned that I have finally spoken up.** "Dolores sent me away and tried to make it look like I killed myself,"** I say in a rush of words. I can feel tears rolling down my cheek as I finally release the pent up feelings from the past few weeks. The effort to speak up has cost me a great deal of energy, and I feel like I have run a marathon.

**"Why did she do this to you?"** Dad asks.

**"I caught Fudge and Dolores stealing from a common fund at the Ministry used to pay for outside contracts. I ordered an audit, and I took the paperwork with her signatures on the purchase orders when I left,"** I say, and grab a tissue Dad has in his hands.** "We had an argument the day I was to leave for the holidays, because she found out I ordered an audit. She hit me with I don't know what curse; I woke up a couple of days later strapped down at St. Mungo's."**

**"Nell, where are the papers?"** Remus asks.

**"Stuck to the back of a painting at the school,"** I state quietly. **"It's the 'Master of the Hounds' near the Great Hall."**

**"Does Dolores know where they are?"** Remus asks.

**"I don't know. You can never tell what she is going to do,"** I say, looking into his eyes. I see a spark of anger I have never seen before.

**"Nell, do you remember how you got here?"** Dad asks.

**"No, I just remember someone asking for my name,"** I say, nearly out of breath. **"I want out of here,"** I manage to choke out, and tears are flowing heavily. **"Dolores is going to regret what she did to me."**

**"We'll discus that later,"** Dad says.

**"Nell, how did a suicide note with your hand writing appear outside the gate during Christmas?"** Remus asks.

**"Someone had to have forged it. I have not thought about hurting myself in over a decade,"** I explain.

**"There's a rumor that you ran away from the school with a boyfriend, because you are pregnant,"** Remus says.

**"So, I have been told. Who is the proud father?"** I ask, nearly laughing at my own thought.

**"I just want to prepare you for what is being said about you. There is an article in the _Prophet _about your reappearance."** Remus pulls out the front page of the _Prophet_ and hands me the article.

_**Missing Teacher Found Alive In Muggle Hospital **_

_**Eleanor April Howard, 35, disappeared from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry over the Winter Holidays. No trace of her was found until 28 January, when she appeared in the lobby of St. Mark's Hospital in London. **_

_**Dolores Umbridge, the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, comments, "I am thrilled my close associate has been found alive. I cannot wait to be reunited with her." An unnamed source within the school states that Ms. Howard may have faked her death to leave with a boyfriend when it was discovered she was expecting a baby in July. The identity of the father in question has not been determined at this time. The Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, told this reporter that he feels the rumors surrounding the reasons behind her disappearance are false. He states, "No matter what circumstances may come up with members of my faculty, I give them unconditional support when they need it. The staff knows that they can count upon my understanding and confidence in any situation." **_

_**The Missing Persons Division has reopened the case to determine the exact cause of Ms. Howard's disappearance. There has been no word on her condition or the cause of her hospitalization. Ms. Howard's parents and lawyers are refusing to comment on the current events. **_

I don't know whether to cry, laugh, or do nothing. What type of person do people think I am? What do my friends really think about me? I feel like I have been slapped across the face, and all I can do is stare off into space.

I am brought back to my senses when someone tells my visitors that their time is up, and it is time for me to get some rest; however, she tells me that I will be moved to a regular room in a couple of days.

When Dad kisses me good-bye, I find myself alone with my thoughts. A few minutes later, a nurse walks in with the afternoon medication that always knocks me cold into late in the evening.

I snooze on and off for a few hours as someone adjusts something or checks on the miles of tubes sprouting from my body.

_"How am I supposed to rest, when there are people in and out of here constantly? Now I know why I am kept so sedated." _

I vaguely hear someone mention that I am very restless, and I seem to need more medication.

_"What I need is a good sound dampening charm, not another injection in one of those horrible tubes!" _

I finally drop off for a while. I have slept soundly until some idiot walks in and clears his throat. This is the last straw.

I open my eyes to find Severus standing beside the bed leering at me. I am in no mood to deal with him in my condition.

**"What the hell do you want?"** I ask, in a raspy whisper.

**"Still playing the 'Damsel in Distress,'"** he says tauntingly. **"Eleanor Howard, the professional victim seeking even more attention." He has a nasty smile on his face.**

**"Did you come here to bother me, or do you have some other purpose in mind?"** I ask. I manage to prop myself up on my elbows to get a better look at him.

**"The Headmaster and several other members of the staff thought I should come over to check on you. Where is the lucky father?"** he asks. **"The _Prophet _has several candidates narrowed down."** He seems really pleased with himself as he continues with**, "I think Lupin is at the top of the list. I hear the first litter is due in July."**

**"Better watch it, Severus. From what I hear, you are the prime suspect. Sinistra always said we argued like an old married couple,"** I tell him, and he seems to purple in the face a bit.** "I think the nurseryshould be hung with 'ducky and bunny' wallpaper. Unfortunately, I think it will be impossible to 'baby-proof' the dungeon. What about making a DIY project out of the Shrieking Shack?"** I inquire, and laugh at the expression on his face.

**"I am tired of wasting my time squabbling with you. The Headmaster has asked me to return several items to you,"** he says, handing me a long thin box wrapped in plain brown paper.

**"Thank you,"** I tell him tonelessly.

**"Don't mention it."** He turns and slips out the door.

I pull off the paper and open the box. Lying wrapped in tissue paper are my wand and grandmother's watch; the two items I hold very close to my heart. I am unable to wear my watch because of the "hospital jewelry;" I decide it would be better to keep it and the wand in a small nylon bag Mum gave me to store personal items under my pillow. I have received two small pieces of my life handed back to me. I don't have a clue how Dumbledore was able to retrieve my watch from the Ministry. My grandmother gave it to me when I left Hogwarts. The watch has been in the family for generations, and I find comfort when I have it on my arm. I feel the ability to move forward and take charge of my life.

It has been several days since I have been moved to a regular room. I have been informed that I will be able to leave in three days. I am trying to make some decisions on how I will proceed, because no one can seem to get near the painting to retrieve the papers incriminating Dolores in the scam on St. Mungo's. Remus told me last night she seems to be watching everyone very closely.

I have been rather entertained by each installment in the _Prophet _concerning my disappearance. The whole dramatic love affair theory has taken on a life of its own. Apparently, anyone with a Y-chromosome in a twenty mile radius of the school is a suspect for fathering my imaginary love-child.

_"Eeeww! This puts Argus Filch in the running."_

I am working on what I am going to do when I get out of here. I sold my little house when I took the teaching position, because I planned on working outside the country when I finished teaching at Hogwarts this year. I had several offers from the States and Canada wanting to hire me, but the paperwork kept being mysteriously lost by the same clerk when it was resubmitted by both embassies. My parents have offered to let me move back with them, but I value my independence. I can see why they want me with them for a while. Whatever was fed to me at St. Mungo's damaged my heart even more and made my seizures harder to control. It is going to be a long time before my life resembles anything close to normal. I have some savings, because I did not have living expenses at the school, and my house sold for the asking price quickly. I know I won't be on the streets freezing to death.

My parents and Remus dropped the lawsuits against the Ministry for the handling of my disappearance, and the suit against the school has no case so it was ended. Being my father's daughter, I have decided to go after the _Prophet _for libel and defamation of character. I have an issue about being called an "irresponsible whore" in print.

I hear someone call my name, and I realize it is one of the nurses attempting to catch my attention.

**"Excuse me, Miss Howard, this was left on the desk with your name,"** she says.

I tear open the envelope to find a letter from Albus Dumbledore.

_**Eleanor Howard **_

_**Room 810 **_

_**St. Mark's Hospital **_

** _London_**

_**Dear Nell, **_

_**I am writing to discuss your possible return to the school. The substitute teacher I have in your position is due to leave soon, and I want to invite you back as the Muggle Studies Professor. I know you will have reservations; however, your presence is needed to prepare our students for what may come in the future. I am aware that you have not fully recovered from your ordeal, but I have arranged for a Healer in private practice to assist Madame Pomfrey in speeding your recovery and see to your needs. Please let me know your decision as quickly as possible to prevent the Ministry from putting someone totally unsuitable into this position. You have a gift for teaching, and your talents are sorely needed here. **_

_**Take care, **_

_**Albus Dumbledore **_

I don't know if I want to return to teaching again, because I have been warned that the possibility of a heart attack or stroke is an imminent threat. All my body needs is the right trigger, and it will be all over. With my savings and pension, I could live modestly and comfortably. I want to spend whatever time I have left enjoying the activities I love. I don't think he realizes how ill I really am. I was kept at St. Mark's for a reason, because it is the premier facility for cardiac research and has a neurology program which is second to none; there is a Healer in private practice who felt that treatment there would be the best option to keep me alive. The Wizarding World needs to realize not all their methods or potions developed for the community will work for all situations.

I have been staring out the window for the past few hours wondering what life would be like in retirement. I could open up a little horseback riding academy, work part-time in Dad's law office filing cases, or buy a little house somewhere with a pretty view so I can watch the sunset every evening. I can put this nasty business from the Ministry behind me and forget it ever happened; however, a little voice in my head is nagging me about abandoning my responsibilities to the community.

I have always had a habit of jumping into the middle of a situation no matter what the consequences might be. I was not worried the day I stole that file from the office with the incriminating invoices. I didn't care about me, because what Dolores was doing was stealing hard earned money to line the pockets of Fudge and Malfoy. Don't get me wrong, I am quite sure Dolores took her cut.

I sent out the profile letters knowing Dolores would find out, and I would pay dearly for it. My friends had to be warned about how dangerous she really is to the school. I know what makes Dolores tick, and this knowledge was hard won. I don't want to die with a dirty conscience, because I knew how to put an end to Dolores's little reign of terror.

I am afraid I will pick up a paper to find Dolores has decided to put werewolves down like some hopelessly wounded animal. I live in fear of a comeback of Voldemort to a community unable to defend themselves or Muggles because of Dolores's idea of a proper education. I could keep up my part in Muggle Studies to remind the students they hold a huge responsibility in the world that extends beyond the confines of the school or Diagon Alley.

I don't want to be a martyr for the cause, but I just want to die with a clean conscience. I don't want a statue put up in my honor, a holiday in my name, or an Order of Merlin. I just want to leave the world with the knowledge that I did everything I possibly could for the children of the school, the teachers, my parents, and friends. I have decided to throw my plans for a quiet repose in the sunset waiting for the inevitable to the winds. I will answer with a "yes" to Dumbledore's letter.


	14. Nell Howard, Professional Victim

**_Profile of An Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 14: Nell Howard, Professional Victim_**

**_Dear Loyal Reader(s),_**

**_It is good to be back giving you another chapter. I hope you will enjoy the latest addition to the story of our intrepid Muggle Studies Teacher. I have vanquished the last "Mary Sue" rumor at last! I appreciate the emails from fans discussing the issue of epilepsy in our lives. This is a subject very close to home, because I have temproral lobe epilepsy caused by a head injury. I am learning to live with it and thrive. My friends and co workers have come to know me as a person and not a collection of seizures. I try maintaining accuracy using my own experiences and research. I also need to remind you teachers are sometimes more poorly behaved than the students. We can be back stabbing, gossipy, petty, and poorly mannered; however, like our character, we are hard working, multi tasking, go-to-the-end-of-the-earth to save a student people, and willing to sacrifice our free time to bring you a better education._**

**_Have a great read,_**

**_Belle_**

_**P.S. Thanks to my awesome beta, MP! Without you, I would have never made it out of grad school. **_

_**Please remember seizures are like fingerprints, they are very unique to the person who has them. I am using a description of the sensations I feel and remember. Your brain tends to have problems sensing time and the surroundings. I am also basing this on what my friends and family have described they have seen when with me. It is important to remember that during a seizure, you never put anything in a person's mouth during an attack. It is a myth that you will swallow your tongue. Putting an object in the mouth can cause choking and broken teeth. Just loosen tight clothing, move away any objects that might cause injury, and be reassuring when that person wakes up. When I am with a person who knows when I am about to have one, her or she will normally take me out to someplace that is less public or ask people to leave the room. This is because they want to protect me from any embarrassment or well meaning by standers that might get in the way**_

The trip back to school seems to happen in a blur, and I suddenly find myself standing in my new bedroom.I am not taking up my old residence in the Staff Wing. The substitute teacher still lives there for another two weeks; it would be inappropriate for me to move there at this time. Since I arrived a few hours ago, I have noticed that the staff seems to regard me with an air of pity and fear of my dropping dead at any moment. I have a feeling that only a few really know the entire story about what has happened over Christmas.

When I arrived here this morning, the first thing that happened was a short meeting in the parlor of my quarters near the Hospital Wing with Dumbledore, Minerva, and Poppy. We have decided that when talking to the press, I would have no memory from the day before I left the school to the day I was found at St. Mark's.

As I walk through the Staff Room door for a quiet luncheon with some of the teachers, I find myself suddenly pulled off to one side by a large pink blur; a bright flash of light announces my arrival into the room.

**"Wonderful!"** someone exclaims with excitement.** "This one rates the front page! Now, Miss Howard, you can show a bit more emotion at seeing your friend again."**

Dolores has on iron grip on my shoulder, but the more I fight to get away from her grasp, the harder she holds on to me. I am struggling with the urge to curse her. I know this is one of her PR stunts, and I know I will be in the Daily Prophet in the morning.

**"Eleanor, I have missed you so much,"** she exclaims, and plants a kiss on my cheek.

_"Let go of me, you twisted Hag, before I wipe that smirk off your face permanently."_

**"Miss Howard, how does it feel to be reunited with the staff? What are your plans concerning maternity leave?"** the idiot reporter asks me. He seems to be bubbling over with excitement.

I finally get a chance to clear the air about the "baby issue," and I tell him, **"The reports concerning the birth of my child are false; I am not now, nor have I ever been pregnant."**

**"So, tell our readers what really happened,"** he says expectantly.

**"I don't remember,"** I snap.

**"Did you become inebriated at some get-together and wander off?"** he asks accusingly, tapping the pad of paper with the end of his quill. The ink is being cast off, staining the cuffs of his shirt.** "Were you so ashamed about this that you ran away?"**

**"I don't drink, so I find that quite improbable,"** I say with obvious irritation. I notice Dolores has finally released me. **"I don't remember any events from the day before the holidays to the day I woke up at St. Mark's."** I feel my temper rising up like a snake about to strike.

**"Hem, hem. Oh, this is such a tragedy for my beloved friend,"** Dolores says, pulling out a tissue to wipe away imaginary tears.** "Amnesia is such a horrible situation to endure."** She sniffles into the tissue, blows her nose, and wipes away another imaginary tear.

**"Could your problems stem from the same type episodes that sent you to the psychiatric ward of St. Mungo's?"** he asks, fishing for some tidbit to use against me.

I notice Severus's amusement as the reporter continues to badger me for answers. I know he is bursting to say he saw me at the"Ministry Funny Farm." He has his mouth cocked in a barely discernable smirk.

Minerva seems unable to stomach much more of this as she says, **"I think that is enough for her, and it is time you should leave."**

The reporter and photographer pack up their gear. Before they leave, I can see the reporter shooting me poisonous looks.

**"Hem, hem. Let's take time to review some procedures put in place since some staff members went missing,"** Dolores says pointedly, tapping her stubby wand on a blackboard behind her.

The words form in cursive writing seen in the assignments handed in by love-sick female adolescents.

_**Teachers are required to sign-in on a time sheet in the staff room before eight a.m...**_

_**All detentions must be cleared through the High Inquisitor before being assigned.**_

_**The Easter Holidays are cancelled for staff; instead, all teachers are to attend a series of Ministry-sponsored workshops.**_

_**Teachers will be required to have scheduled duty stations to serve during free periods or lunch.**_

_**Teachers may not receive newspapers or magazines without the articles being examined by the High Inquisitor.**_

_**Teachers are forbidden to discuss information from newspapers and magazines deemed improper in content.**_

I desperately want to make some cheeky remark, but I know the result would have me packed off to St. Mungo's faster than one can say "delusional."

**"Hem, hem. Now that we have gone over the procedures for this term, I would like to express the importance of supporting our Eleanor in her recovery. Please remember that pressing her for details could harm her delicate psychiatric state,"** Dolores says, her voice is sickeningly sweet. **"Shall we enjoy this delicious lunch?"**

I knew she would say something like this; however, my guess at her behavior does little to soften the blow. I look around to read the expression of everyone in the room. Everyone seems to be treating Dolores like a refugee from a Dragon Pox quarantine ward.

Minerva and several teachers walk over to talk to me as if it were any other day at the school. Everyone seems to be making it a mission to shun Dolores during this function. Severus hovers in the background surveying the scene around him. I have a feeling he is waiting to make comments when he can catch me on my own.

Lunch seems to fly by without me getting a meal. I suddenly realize how badly unaccustomed to activity I have become, and I make my way back to my room for a badly needed nap.

**"Eleanor Howard, the professional victim and drama queen makes her way back to Hogwarts,"** Severus's voice calls out behind me.

I desperately want to turn around to tell him off, but I am too tired to think of a nasty comment so I keep on walking.

**"Why did you come back? Was it that pathetic need for attention or is this another way for you to commit suicide?"** he asks, and I stop to face him.

**"Why should you care?"** I ask, venting my pent-up emotions on him.** "You had every opportunity to get me out of the Isolation Ward over Christmas; however, you were so stuck on yourself, the effort to tell someone was beneath you."**

**"You are clearly delusional,"** he says, but his voice lacks the conviction of a true insult.

**"You say I'm delusional. Tell me how do I know that Flickwick found my wand under a dresser, Minerva spent all night in the Hospital Wing after that note was found, or that I had Remus, how did you say it, 'chasing his tail' over my disappearance?"** I inquire, making sure that each word is driven into his soul like a nail being hammered into a coffin lid.

**"Your mind is playing tricks on you, Eleanor,"** he says.

**"Bedside confessions, Severus?"** I ask.** "You might want to talk to a therapist the next time you want to bare your soul instead of telling someone on their deathbed."**

**"Obviously, your mind has been unbalanced by some process over the holiday,"** he states, and crosses his arms angrily. **"You may need to return to an Isolation Ward at St. Mungo's for your own good."**

**"Hem, hem."** Dolores's cough echoes from another hallway. I can tell by the footfalls that she is not far away.

**"Eleanor, shouldn't you be resting? We need you to be at your best for the students,"** she says with false sweetness, and she pats me affectionately on the cheek.

**"Severus, I wanted to tell you that I had dinner with the Malfoys last night in Hogsmeade. Lucius wanted me to send you his highest regards,"** Dolores says, glowing with excitement.

Dolores is continuing her story about her night out with the Malfoys, and I decide to walk away before I vomit from an overload of Dolores's sugary-sweet commentary. I manage to make a dash for the safety of my bedroom.

I have slept solidly through dinner, and I wake up to the fussing of Poppy; I did not eat the entire day. This makes medication very hard to keep down. I have managed to hold down a bit of toast and weak tea. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I have not had a sound night's sleep since I left school before Christmas.

This morning, I find the standard breakfast waiting for me. But, there is acopy Daily Prophet sitting next to the tray. When I open up the folded paper, I see that Dolores and I did make the front page. My photographic counterpart is struggling furiously against Dolores's vice-like grip. I realize how tired and drawn I must have looked that day.

**_Controversial Return of Teacher to Hogwarts_**

**_Eleanor Howard, 35, returns to her position as the current Muggle Studies teacher after her disappearance over the Christmas Holidays. The only evidence to her potential whereabouts was an antique watch and suicide note found outside the front gates of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. An extensive search was launched; however, there were no other clues to where and why she disappeared. On Friday, 26 January, Ms. Howard mysteriously reappeared in the lobby of St .Mark's Hospital in London incoherent and suffering from convulsions._**

**_Geoffrey Fellows, head investigator for the Missing Persons Division, was unable to ascertain the sequence of events from the day she disappeared to her discovery in the hospital lobby. Fellows discussed with this reporter, "Ms. Howard has no concept of where she was during her absence over the holidays. She and her family were uncooperative with this inquiry. When questioned about her absence, Ms. Howard refused to answer any questions, and her father assaulted me when I attempted to discuss matters further with the subject of the investigation."_**

**_During a press conference with the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, Dolores Umbridge, it has been revealed that the alleged motive behind Ms. Howard's disappearance may have not been due to a tragic love affair and pregnancy. She discusses that Ms. Howard's amnesia may be due to psychiatric reasons. The returning teacher has an extensive history of depression, anxiety, and paranoid tendencies. For which, the High Inquisitor has facilitated professional help for her closest friend. She says, "I have an excellent professional who will be coming to the school to help my dear Eleanor in her recovery from any trauma she might be going through." _**

**_The Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, was not present at the news conference but has released this statement: "I am pleased to have our beloved friend and colleague back among us. She is a highly gifted teacher who provides her students with the knowledge and support to succeed."_**

**_Several parents have expressed concern with the allegations of questionable personal and professional conduct. One parent, Lucius Malfoy, expressed concerns about her personal choices. This reporter's research has found validity in the concerns of the parents. There are eyewitnesses that say they saw her in the company of many gentlemen during school visits and patronage of local drinking establishments during the school year._**

I throw down the paper in disgust. I am owling my lawyer, and the Prophet will be hit where it hurts the most, in their vault at Gringotts. I guess shutting me in a psychiatric ward did not work, so the Ministry is forced to ruin my character. I hope my parents don't see this, because Dad may forget about filing an injunction and settle for throttling the reporter. I still have two weeks of free time to deal with my anger at the paper; I am going to make their lives a living hell.

There is a sharp knock at my door, and I really want to ignore it. I know that the door will be blown apart if I don't answer quickly enough. I open the door to find myself face to face with Filch holding a letter in his hand. I notice the ink is blood red, and it makes my skin crawl.

**"This is from the High Inquisitor. Don't be late,"** he barks without respect. I pull the envelope roughly from his hand and open it. Filch retreats down the hallway without another word.

_**Eleanor,**_

_**You are to report to my office for a meeting in one hour to discuss some measures put in place due to your return. I wish to share some reservations I have about having such a controversial employee working around the students**_

_**Dolores Jane Umbridge**_

_**Hogwarts High Inquisitor**_

I know her office is five flights up and on the other side of the school. I decide I need to get dressed quickly, because it will take me awhile to get there on time.

I make it to Dolores's office out of breath and a little late. I open the door to a room with those horrible kitten plates, garish pink paint, and an obscene amount of lace doilies littering the room. There is a roaring fire leaving the room very hot and stuffy.

**"You are not starting out on a good note, Eleanor. You are late as usual,"** she says from behind her desk. She is scribbling notes on that tacky paper of hers.

**"Dolores, you are five flights up and across the school from the Hospital Wing. You gave very short notice to get up here,"** I say with irritation.

**"Your return has brought forth some serious issues that could harm the image of the school and Ministry. I am concerned about your unstable temperament and possible poor morals. Eleanor, you are exposing the students to a considerable amount of danger,"** she says behind her desk, resting her elbows on the faux antique finish.

**"Danger, Dolores?"** I inquire.

**"Let's start with the simple things that show a questionable past,"** she says, leaning forward to grab my right arm, which was resting on the desk. I have my sleeve rolled up slightly, revealing the ugly reminder of November's accident. There are five slash marks that are still very angry and raised despite Poppy's best efforts.

**"I want these covered up at all times,"** she says, pushing my sleeve toward my elbow. **"They are disgusting, and I've heard that suicides are contagious in a setting like this. What example are you setting? I don't want students to think that being so cowardly is acceptable. Speaking of cowardice, I don't like it when you wear your hair up. It shows that horrible scar on your neck. Why were you attacked from the back? Were you afraid of defending the Minister from a killer?"** she asks.

**"You're calling me a coward, Dolores?"** I inquire, and pull my arm violently from her grasp.** "Who was the first one out the door when spells started flying?"** I ask pointedly. **"I seem to recall you nearly ran Fudge over in your haste to save your own arse."**

**"How dare you?"** she asks, puffing up like a pink porcupine. **"I will not tolerate any disrespect from you. I have decided you and I will have twice weekly meetings to discuss any issues you may be having in the classroom. Your therapist will be there to assist me in the process."**

**"You're volunteering to participate in group therapy with me, Dolores? I'm touched,"** I say to her with sarcasm.

She seems to blow off my comment and says, **"I will be conducting surprise inspections weekly. I forbid you to assign detentions, make parent contacts, or conduct meetings without my express permission. Goodness knows what you could do or say that might endanger the prestige of the school. I will be keeping watch on where you go while in residence. If you wish to go down to the village, it will have to be when the students are released for a visit. That way, you will be unable to slip off to do who knows what with some scoundrel or another. I cannot risk another controversy because of your poor personal choices in relationships," **she says self-righteously

**"Dolores, I am not an 'irresponsible whore' as painted in the Daily Prophet!"** I shout, jumping to my feet and pounding hard on the desk with my fist.** "Let's put the cards on the table. I am very aware of the events that took place at St. Mungo's during the holiday, and the truth will come out eventually,"**

**"Sit down!"** she shouts.** "I will not be addressed like this."**

I remain on my feet and say, **"You are going to do anything to discredit me, but the truth will come out eventually. We have five months left in the school year, and I know that I will be leaving here either in a coffin or under my own power. I am not tied down here like some of the others. I am sure you will be informing me of my new schedule. Until then, you know where to find me."** I turn away from the desk and slam the door behind me.

I walk out into the hallway to return to my room, but I turn around when a shadow falls over my shoulder.

I hear a sniff of a laugh and a familiar voice says,** "The drama never ends with you, does it? You cannot be happy unless you are at the center of a crisis,"** he says.

**"Shut it,"** I say, and I turn to face him.** "I didn't ask for this. If you were so sick of my drama, you shouldn't have come to help Dolores keep me around. No Nell, no drama. But, I guess such simple reasoning for you would strain that one last brain cell not damaged by years of potion fumes."**

**"Eleanor, there will come a point when you will run out of allies, and there will be no one to come find you, not even Lupin,"** he says in a low tone.

**"That's my problem, isn't it?"** I ask, and continue my journey down the hallway.

I suddenly feel my body taking the full impact of the incredible amount of stress brought on by my return to school. I can feel my heart pounding hard as I manage to make it back within one hallway of my room. I know that I am within a few feet of safety as I feel my breath catch and that all too familiar feeling of being dunked in a bath of hot tar. Sounds from several floors below are echoing painfully in my ears while my eyes lose the battle with my out-of-control nervous system.

_"I just cannot afford any more drama. All they see is a walking textbook entry for a brain disorder."_

**"Nell,"** someone calls to me.** "Nell, open your eyes, dear."**

_"Oh, god, no. I am either invisible or on fire!"_

I am very tired, and I know if I open my eyes I will start crying. This just means one more thing someone can use to prove that I am a drama queen. I find myself attempting to drift off to sleep again. I have never understood the need to sleep like the dead after a seizure. I always have a vivid dream when this happens. My dreams usually contain a memory from a previous day; they are so lifelike, I cannot tell if they are real or not.

**"Hem, hem. I was wondering why several of you did not turn up at today's faculty meeting,"** I hear Dolores say, causing me to come painfully back to reality. **"What is the matter now? Did she have a panic attack, try killing herself, or did Eleanor get drunk and fall over?"**

_"Please tell me this is one of my nightmares and not Dolores in the flesh."_

**"Dolores, this is not one of your useless multiple choice tests; however, if you insist on a pop quiz, I will pick the choice lettered as 'none of the above,'"** Poppy says, and I feel something hit my forehead with a burning sensation. I just cannot summon the energy to pry my eyelids apart.

I cannot believe that I have just pushed myself so far emotionally that I would allow the stress to overwhelm me. I am not weak because this has happened; however, I should not let someone else push my buttons. I know that I will become sick again, but I should not help it along by allowing Dolores to push me to my limits. I must be on the offensive instead of waiting for her to attack. I am in the same position I was in my fifth year at this school; I am angry, unable to find some sense of control, and giving permission for others to run all over me.

I am being subjected to pity parties from Minerva and Poppy. I feel more like an injured puppy looking for comfort than a colleague.

I spend the entire night in the Hospital Wing thinking about my next move. I cannot make Dolores's mistakes of not looking at the road ahead or contingency plans. She tends to act on impulse because of her emotions. I am going to watch the activity around the Master of the Hounds painting and find an opportunity to remove the paperwork. Until that time, I am going to put the wheels of justice in motion. What Dolores has done with the money is a criminal offense, but my cry of "foul" will be lost in her ability to cover her sorry arse. I am going the civil court route, because Dolores will be forced to be on the defensive. She does not plan for all contingencies, and she will be blind-sided by this tactic. I will chip away her best weapon, the Daily Prophet. I know there is a good possibility that I can slap them with a gag order by filing suit for libel. I can appreciate what Potter and Dumbledore must be going through right now. The Prophet is the mouth piece behind Fudge and Dolores. For some strange reason, people tend to believe that words printed on a page must be true and should not be questioned. I see the people of this community being herded like sheep to their doom, because they do not question the world around them and content to take the path of least resistance. Why fight the tide, when you can just let it sweep you along? They will fight me tooth and claw, but I am not going to give up easily.

Dolores will be another story, because she does a good job of snowing everyone; however, I can find a way to use those receipts to shut her up quickly. Unlike the Prophet, she takes the passive aggressive route. I just cannot risk tipping my hand too soon. I cannot leave her room to duck and dodge the truth.

I know that her plan is to keep me from going down to the village to visit, but she did not say anything about inviting someone up here. She cannot deny my right to visit my solicitors. If she puts up a fuss, it just brings more attention to her underhanded tactics for controlling the staff.

I have decided to contact my lawyer. I know Dolores is checking the post; she will not want me to get an owl from the village, or let me near the Floo Network. She won't be able to stop me from revising my will with legal council. It is common knowledge that any situation has the potential for killing me. How horrible would it look if she does not allow me to put my affairs in order?

_**To The Office of Dorrish and Perks:**_

_**As you know, my health has been very unpredictable. Several problems were found in the format and contents of my will. My executor and parents did not have certain provisions for disposal of my debts and property. I did not leave special instructions for property dispersal, burial instructions, or the conversion of some funds to be deposited in my parents' Muggle financial institution. I wish to settle these issues in the next week to be filed with probate court. I would like you to come to meet me at the school, because I am not able to handle a journey down to Hogsmeade.**_

_**Eleanor April Howard**_


	15. Are You Being Served?

_**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**_

**_by Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 15_**

**_"Are You Being Served?"_**

_Hello everyone!_

_I hope you will enjoy reading this latest chapter. I am off for the winter holidays for two weeks, so I am able to upload faster. Please keep the happy thoughts coming!_

_Belle_

It has been several days since I left the Hospital Wing and owled Dorrish and Perks about revising my will. I am planning on working on the document, but I will find a way to use this opportunity as a vehicle of putting the wheels of justice in motion.

It is very early in the morning, and I cannot stay in bed any longer, so I decide to pull on a dressing gown and sit in front of the fire to mull over my thoughts. There is a pounding at my door, and I jerk it open to reveal a very angry Dolores holding a torn envelope in her hand addressed to me.

**"Why do you need to see a solicitor?"** she asks, brandishing the letter violently in my face. I notice that she must have dressed in haste, because her cardigan is misbuttoned, her hair is not curled in its normal fashion, and she has not put on any make-up to disguise the age spots on her face.

**"Dolores, I am sure you have read the contents of the letter; I need to revise my will to make some changes,"** I tell her, and motion her into the parlor. I am worried that our conversation will be overheard by the students.

**"You are not allowed to visit with others without permission and this extends to the school,"** she says in a self righteous tone, as she sits down heavily on the chintz sofa. **"I want to be there to prevent you from getting into mischief or do something embarrassing that could harm the school's image,"** she says. **"Look at the _Prophet_ from two days ago; the parents said they saw you running around with men and drinking. You are too irresponsible to be out in public**."

**"Dolores, it seems to have escaped your attention that I am not exactly the healthiest teacher in this school. There are problems with my will. I need to make certain provisions for the distribution of my property."**

There is a long pause as Dolores searches for a comment, and a loud pop from the fireplace causes me to jump slightly. It is difficult to figure out Dolores's moods or possible actions, because her behavior is unpredictable. I am poised to pounce should she go on the offensive.

**"I want to be there to prevent you from getting into mischief or doing something embarrassing that could harm the school's image,"** she says.

**"Sorry, Dolores, there is something called 'Attorney–Client Privilege.'"** I watch her expression change from a pious look of triumph to one of boiling anger.** "That means you are not allowed to be there."**

**"Eleanor, keep in mind I know everything that happens in this school,"** she warns, and shoves the letter into my hand. She walks out the door and closes it with a distinct snap.

"_Everything, Dolores? I guess you don't know that I am about to dismantle your little universe piece by piece. The only things you will have left are a subscription to the Prophet and those horrible kitten plates."_

According to the letter, Lyle Perks is coming up tomorrow to discuss and finalize my new will. This is probably my best chance to take care of the _Prophet _first.

I am waiting in the Entrance Hall for Perks to show up, and I find that Filch has joined my welcoming committee. An elderly gentleman carrying a battered brief case walks up to join me with someone I have not seen since I left school. Rupert Osgood was in Hufflepuff, and we had many classes together. He used to sit behind me and ask to borrow the odd quill. I used to think he was careless with his materials, but Aggie told me a few years later about his rabid crush on me. Rupert was not considered one of the most attractive boys in school. He had a serious overbite, was poorly coordinated, and wore some of the most oddly-shaped glasses I had ever seen.

Rupert seems to have grown into his looks. He has lost the overbite and found himself glasses that complement the shape of his face. I notice Rupert is gaping at me like he used to in Herbology. I cannot decide if I find it creepy or flattering.

I decide to use an abandoned classroom so we can talk privately with some charms to protect our conversation.

We spend several hours hammering out the details of my will, and I decide it is an opportunity to discuss the libel suit.

**"Lyle, I know my father has been speaking to you about the articles in the _Prophet._ I want to file a suit about the lies they are publishing and file an injunction to stop printing stories about me," **I tell him quietly, and I notice a smile creeping across his face.

**"I was hoping we would discuss this,"** the elderly gentleman says, and instructs Rupert to start taking more notes.

I finally get to discuss what happened over the holidays with an outside party who does not see this as hopeless ranting. I find out Dad has been talking to Perks about what happened to me. Our discussion continues well towards lunch, and I have a house-elf send up some food. The legal discussion drags on until there is a loud knock on the classroom door.

I stop to find out who is there, and I discover Dolores is our visitor. She says, **"Lyle, I did not know you would be coming up today. You must stay for dinner; I would like to catch up on old times."** I feel this is an attempt to show me her large circle of control on the Wizarding World; however, Perks does not feed into it.

**"Madam Umbridge, I am sorry, but I have more pressing matters of legal interest,"** he says. "Now, I need to finish talking to my client." He shuts the door in her face.

"_Where are the Creevey_ _boys with their camera when you need them? I would love to have a picture of her face when Perks shut the door. This is just too priceless." _

Perks breaks into a wide grin and sits down. **"Rupert here is about to become a partner in the firm, and I would like to turn this case over to him. He has a talent for dealing with the _Prophet._ This is not the first case of libel he has handled. Rupert handled the case of Marchbanks when they published rumors about her dealings with subversive goblin groups."**

We make an appointment for Rupert to come in once a week to work on the suit and check in on the dealings with Dolores. Both solicitors are concerned about my physical and mental well being.

As I walk down the hallway to see my guests out, I find Dolores conveniently in conversation with Severus. He is looking with particular hatred at Rupert. I have no idea why Severus would even care about him. Rupert was that "every kid" who filled the empty seat in the classroom, and I don't remember him having any run-ins with any other students. Severus continues staring until both solicitors leave the front doors, and when I turn around, he looks at me with contempt. As I walk away from him, I hear a loud sniff of discontent.

It is only a few days before I resume my teaching duties, and I need to start setting up lessons and getting my office in order. The substitute teacher, Charity Burbage, seems to be a sweet person, but it is apparent she cannot leave soon enough. Her belongings have been crated up for the past week. Dolores's constant nagging and demands have driven her over the edge. According to Charity, Dolores was not happy about Dumbledore's selection for a substitute teacher, because she was not on the Ministry's approved list of candidates. Dolores was popping surprise inspections, calling meetings with her constantly, and setting up duties that had nothing to do with supervising students.

**"Ah, Nell, I see that you are ready to resume your duties in a few days,"** Dumbledore says, appearing in the doorway. **"I am sure you found everything in order to begin classes. I see you are ready to go home, Professor Burbage."** He grabs one of the carpet bags out of her hands and steps into the hallway.

As the substitute's footsteps retreat with the Headmaster's, I hear that all too familiar cough.** "Hem, hem."**

Before she is even near the door, I yell, **"What now, Dolores!"**

She slithers into the office with that horrible sticky grin on her face that normally means one of her plans to torment someone is in progress.

**"Eleanor, here is your schedule and duty roster. As you notice, you have hall monitoring duties before breakfast in the Entrance Hall and evening patrol after lights out from 9:00 to 10:30."** She stands before me with a neatly handwritten schedule waiting for me to make a comment; her face seems to fall when I do not respond. **"There is a faculty meeting in fifteen minutes; there will be consequences if you do not show up on time."** She turns on her heel and strides out the door towards her impromptu meeting.

Somehow, I arrive early enough to beat Dolores to the Staff Room. Severus is sitting on his throne in the corner looking rather put out. I look around quickly to see who else is in the room, and I realize that we are alone.

I can feel the weight of his gaze, and I ask him, **"What are you leering at?"**

**"Rupert Osgood, Eleanor?"** he asks sharply.** "Isn't he a bit below your standards?"**

**"Standards for what?"** I ask defensively. I move across the room to confront him.

**"I heard he was absolutely infatuated with you when you were in school. I see nothing has changed. He is still carrying a torch for you, or didn't you notice?"** he asks with a teasing lilt in his voice. He normally reserved this tone for a student he was about to curse when he was a teenager.

**"He's my solicitor, if it's any of your business. Jealous, Severus?"** I ask him, and he seems to be caught off guard.

**"Eleanor, with all the accusations of your promiscuity, I would be careful of the company you keep,"** he tells me, as if I were a teenager coming in late from a date.

**"For the last time, stay out of my life!"** I shout, and then turn away from him so I can compose myself.

Minerva and Pomona walk in together, and Severus does not make any attempt to respond to my last comment. Both women seem to sense something happened before they walked in, because you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

Pomona makes a token effort to break the silence by asking about how I feel about being in a classroom. I answer her in a distracted fashion politely, but I cannot get the argument I just had out of my head.

"_He is just as big of a prat as when we were in school. I guess some of us never grow up."_

A happy Dolores strides through the door with a crooked grin that only means trouble. She decides to stand in front of the chalkboard next to a wardrobe that has a bad-tempered boggart in residence. I must suppress my urge to open the door to find out what Dolores's boggart could be.

"_It is probably some half-human creature carrying a box of chocolates, a bottle of love potion, and proposing marriage."_

Dolores makes a huge production on the next Hogsmeade visit for the students, and she hands out the duty roster for the supervision. I have noticed my name is not included. I have to say I am relieved. Rupert is coming up that day to decide on the first motions to be filed against the _Prophet._

We are managing to make it through this meeting without Dolores accusing me of being either one ingredient shy of a potion or a "scarlet woman," as Molly Weasley would say.

As the meeting breaks up, Dolores approaches me with a note in her hand.** "This is the time for our first therapy session,"** she tells me.** "It will be on Thursday at 3 pm sharp. I think you will recognize the therapist."**

I decide to keep any cheeky remarks to myself, because I am sure she is taking notes to use when we meet.

"_Just wait until Bulstrode sees me for the first time not out of my mind on potions or tied down to a bed."_

Saturday has fallen finally, and I must make my way up to Dolores's office to attend our first therapy session. I find myself curious about what Dolores is planning on using this for.

When I open Dolores's office door, I am greeted by a hot blast of air from the fireplace. I notice there is the last flicker of emerald flames in the hearth. The room is still that horrible shade of pink, and I swear there are even more doilies scattered about the room.

I find Dolores is missing from the room, and I wonder if she has flooed off to some destination unknown.

"_Quick! Someone board up the fireplace and remove it from the network! Maybe we will get lucky; she might go one grate too far."_

Augusta Bulstrode is the only occupant in the room. She has the familiar clipboard with my thick psychiatric file in her lap.

I have decided to play nice, because any negative behavior would seem to be paranoia and anxiety issues. I am going to let her take the lead until I can figure out what is going on.

**"Hello, Healer Bulstrode, where's Dolores?"** I inquire.** "She said this was supposed to be a session for the three of us."** I sit down on one of Dolores's chairs that have a nauseating rose pattern on the cushions.

**"Madam Umbridge had some unexpected business to attend to; however, she has given me some observations that she wants me to analyze," **she tells me, opening one of the files. I notice there is a thick stack of rose colored parchment normally used by Dolores to write her "hate mail."

**"I have to say that I am a bit concerned about a discussion between you and Madam Umbridge in her office about a week ago. She told me that you became violent when she had to impose some conditions upon the resumption of your duties,"** she expresses to me. **"She writes in this entry: Eleanor became enraged when told she was not permitted visitors without proper supervision. She stood up abruptly, pounded the table violently, and stormed out of the room. Nell, what prompted this outburst,"** she inquires. Bulstrode produces a blank tablet to take down my response.

**"Dolores was being unreasonable and condescending towards me,"** I inform her, and I hear her scribbling furiously on the paper. **"I believe I am more than capable of making sound decisions concerning my personal life. I don't understand this obsession she has with my love-life and relationships with men."**

**"Nell, she is trying to protect you and the school from any scandals. A parent told Dolores that he saw you drunk and running around with different men in the village,"** she discusses.

"_Three guesses on the witness's name. But, the first two don't count."_

**"That's an odd thing. I think you should look into my file a little deeper, because I don't drink. I am not stupid enough to put my life in jeopardy. Being on the floor convulsing in the Three Broomsticks is not my idea of a good time,"** I tell Bulstrode with determination. **"Alcohol is a trigger for my seizures."**

I notice Bulstrode is changing course in the conversation by picking up a different piece of parchment. I think the "drinking allegations" just hit a dead end.

**"Nell, there is a note discussing a panic attack you had about a week ago. You were found lying in a hallway by another teacher shaking uncontrollably and hyperventilating."** Bulstrode is now hanging on my every word.

**"I believe that is called a seizure,"** I snap, realizing I should watch my tone. **"Why don't we clear this up with Poppy Pomfrey? I am more than willing for you to look at my records for that morning,"** I state.

I notice she has scribbled something down as she says, **"I am worried that you are becoming suicidal again. Madam Umbridge has told me that you had solicitors up here to change your will. I am thinking we may need to discuss some measures to insure your safety should this behavior continue."**

**"I have some property issues that needed addressing. They were brought to light during my holiday on your ward,"** I growl. **"This is my right, and the contents are considered confidential."**

**"Nell, you are exhibiting the same behaviors that I saw in my ward. I see you displacing your anxiety issues on Madam Umbridge by being hostile and uncooperative. I am glad we have scheduled this for twice a week. I would hate to see this spiral out of control and have you attack her. Like the day you panicked and threw a bowl of soup, because you thought she was going to curse you. She told me that she just wanted conjure up a pot of tea and discuss how you were getting along."**

"_Conjuring a pot of tea? Somebody's not dealing with reality. That is one lie for the record books."_

I have spent the last forty-five minuteswith Bulstrode discussing my hostile nature towards Dolores and the Ministry. We go around and around in circles discussing my delusion that Dolores is working a scam. I am really getting tired of this rubbish; however, any display of impatience will be seen as further delusional behavior.

At last, Bulstrode closes the folder and puts her notes in a large handbag, and she informs me that our next session will be with Dolores on Wednesday.

I am leaving Dolores's office to find some place where people will leave me alone. I have decided that I will lock myself in my office

"_I am past numb, and I feel like all the emotion has been drained out of my persona. I exist to fill a job here at the school. I cannot cry, scream, or find a way to reach out to others on a personal basis. I find that I am folding more inwardly on myself."_

I have spent the entire day sitting in my office staring at pictures of friends, family, and pets; they seem to have existed in another lifetime. With every hardship, my soul seems to grow dimmer and dimmer.

I can hear students and staff chatting loudly in the Great Hall, but I am too depressed to join them for dinner. I don't want my misfortunes to contaminate the mood. I know all the excitement is over the Hogsmeade visit this weekend.

I walk into the parlor of my quarters to find a card with my name on it sitting in the middle of the coffee table. Sitting next to the card is a squeaky troll and a large box of dog biscuits. I am shocked out of my confusion by the sound of excited barking from my bedroom.

As the door opens, I realize what is making the noise. I find myself shouting, **"Daisy!"**

There is twelve pounds of over-excited terrier grinning up from the floor, and I realize she is just itching for me to throw the troll across the room.

As I do just that, I see the card sitting on the desk. I open the card to the inscription that reads: **_"Happy Valentine's Day, Love, Mum and Dad."_**

I find a flicker of hope coursing through my body, and I realize how depressed I am without Daisy or Ozzy in my life. I left them behind, because I did not want to contaminate their happiness with my episodes of melancholy. I remind myself that my pets do not judge me or analyze my behavior. They just love me for who I am and no less.

Today is the big Valentine's Day visit to the village for the students and staff. I am of course not allowed to go; like I really care about missing out on this. Rupert is coming up with some papers for me to sign for the law suit against the _Prophet._

As I walk with the students towards the front door, I notice that Severus seems to be shadowing me again, and I fight the urge to turn around to find out what he wants.

I have brought Daisy with me to wait, because she loves playing in the snow with the students. Several students have discovered she likes a game of "fetch" with the snowballs.

**"Nell!"** Rupert shouts from the courtyard outside. He is covered in snow and carrying a battered bag on his shoulder. He has a wrapped package in his hand. "**This is for you,"** he says with the same amorous stare which he had when we were in school.

I tear open the paper to reveal a book called, _Wizarding Probate Law Statutes. _There is an inscription reading, **_"To Nell, Happy Valentine's Day, from Rupert."_**

"_Wow, what an appropriate gift for a visitation on Valentine's Day."_

**"Thanks, Rupert. This is quite thoughtful,"** I tell him, but I am not sure of what to say next. I was not expecting this.

**"I figured that since your Dad said you enjoyed working with him at his law office during your summers, you might enjoy this. I …"**Rupert suddenly stops short as the smile on his face withers.

I hear a familiar voice behind me say,** "Hello, Rupert."** I turn to find Severus standing next to my shoulder. When we were students, Severus was the type of kid that sought out the weakest in the school. Rupert had managed to avoid any prolonged contact with him, but Severus did have a nasty reputation especially when he was hanging around with many future Death Eaters who left school with him.

Rupert stammers slightly before he manages to say, **"Severus, how nice it is to see you again."** He extends his hand, but Severus refuses to return the greeting. The falling snow is dampening the sounds from the students, causing an eerie silence around us; the flakes make a hiss as they hit our clothes.

Severus seems to be wrestling with his actions inwardly, and he is determined to make poor Rupert uncomfortable.

"_Get over it, you stupid git! It's not like he has come here to whisk me away and elope!"_

**"Severus, don't you have some First Year to traumatize this morning?"** I ask him pointedly. I am getting cold, and his piercing stare is not helping me warm up any.

Rupert suddenly finds his confidence and offers me an elbow saying, **"If you will excuse us, we have important business to attend to. Severus, it has been interesting to see you again."** He has a hint of laughter in his sapphire-colored eyes as I take his elbow.

As I allow Rupert to escort me into the school, I catch a quick glance towards the court yard. Severus is standing motionless in the heavy snow with an expression of distaste. I don't think he was quite finished with the conversation; he was not expecting to be rebuffed by someone he saw inferior when we were in school together.

"_Somebody's a bit jealous. He looks like he wants to jinx poor Rupert around the castle and back."_

Rupert and I have agreed to meet in my office this morning, and I notice that Dolores is lurking just behind my shoulder.

**"Hem, hem."**

**"Can I help you, Dolores?"** I inquire angrily, rolling my eyes and turn around to face her sharply. I cannot stand it when she shadows my every move.

**"Eleanor, I just wanted to be sure you are not doing anything to embarrass the school or the Ministry,"** she says with a sickening simper. "You know that there are certain restrictions on visitors."

I see Rupert open his satchel to produce a thick packet of papers, and I have no clue what this is about. I am a bit angry that I have not been in the loop of information.

**"I almost forgot. Consider yourself served, Madam Umbridge,"** Rupert says with a twisted smirk. **"This is a restraining order against you concerning the 'meetings' Nell has for those so-called therapy sessions. You cannot force someone to seek psychological council when they are not a danger to themselves or others. Any referral must be made by the family for a hearing on the psychological competence of an individual. I believe Healer Bulstode was served with an identical order last night."**

Dolores's mouth is hanging open; she reminds me of a Wide-Mouthed Bass.

**"I believe I have to confer with my client right now,"** Rupert says. **"Well, Ms. Howard, we have an appointment to attend. Good day, Madam Umbridge."**

Rupert steers me by the shoulders towards my office. I cannot describe how I am feeling right now. It seems to be a mixture of elation, disbelief, and a dash of apprehension. I am a bit concerned about the backlash I may experience. I always thought Rupert was shy and passive. I have never seen this side of him; I think I have underestimated Mr. Osgood.

Our conference is going well, and I am finding some sense of liberation since Dolores was served with legal papers. The _Prophet's_ editor and owners are being given notice that I am filing suit, and Rupert has filed a motion to slap a gag order on the paper to prevent them from publishing or discussing the case.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel of my misery. I have the ability to exert my will and take charge. Dolores can no longer hold the weekly sessions over my head. I can handle her when we are one-on-one, but adding a third person into this personal cocktail, causes the delicate balance of power to shift her way. That horrible cloud of misery is going away. I am so looking forward to the next chapter of my life.


	16. Found: One Village Idiot

**_Profile of An Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 16_**

**_Found: One Village Idiot_**

This morning is the first day I am facing a classroom full of students. Developing rapport in the classroom is difficult enough under normal circumstances; however, a teacher returning from controversial circumstances is another issue all together.

As I am walking into the classroom, I find that my heart is in my throat, and my stomach is in complete knots. I know that I have to remain completely in control of myself as I reassert my presence in the classroom.

"_Students are like wild animals, because they can sense fear from a distance; they take absolute advantage of the situation."_

Before I reach the threshold of the classroom, I can hear my name mentioned several times along with a great deal of sniggering from the children. As I greet the class, the commentary stops suddenly, but the expressions on the students' faces suggest they have plenty to say about my character; however, I cannot allow this to stop me from delivering a quality lesson to my charges.

Charity Burbage was a competent teacher, but she lacked any experience in the Muggle world. I looked at the material she was using, and I noticed a tendency to follow the current textbooks having information that is twenty to thirty years out of date. Although I cover what is needed for the O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, I manage to slip in information containing basic survival skills to prevent any misunderstanding while living around Muggles.

Since I have third years this morning, I decided on a hands-on activity using a telephone. I know the Floo network and letters by owl are a common means of communication, but I have learned from one disastrous phone call from Arthur Weasley made to me when I was at my parents' house during Christmas several years ago, the skill is not normally taught.

I have the students put their books away before I even announce the lesson. I suddenly hear sighs of relief from the students. Before I left at Christmas, I was hearing constant complaints from the students on being forced to copy down material from the textbook. They seem to be wand-shy about Dolores's "cookie cutter" lesson plans. The loathing of the learning process from the written word only is spilling over into other content areas. I am like Remus; I believe in a practical approach to learning. I pull out two cordless telephones I had stashed in my office before Christmas, and I go through the motions of appropriate conversational techniques while using a telephone. After my demonstration, I have the students divide into pairs and pretend to make phone calls to each other using some predetermined topics I have randomly assigned to them.

The room is full of activity and laughter as the students enjoy their role playing game for the next ninety minutes of the classroom period. I decide to call the lesson to an end before the bell rings. For homework, I assign them the task of imagining several other skills they would need to survive without magic for a day. They must consider transportation, money, food, and shelter. I emphasize this is not found in the textbook, and I expect ideas coming from their own imaginations.

My next class is also a group of third years. This group is made up of Slytherins, but they give me little trouble. Many of them greet me as they walk through the door, and there are no comments made about me when taking their assigned seats. They seem to be enjoying the lesson like the previous class. I am beginning to wonder if the heads of house had a discussion with their students about appropriate classroom behavior towards my return. For some reason, I feel a bit angry that they have not allowed me to tackle the relationships with my students on my own.

I mange to make it through lunch at the Staff Table without fanfare or embarrassment, and I return to my classroom to find a book and letter on my office desk. It is obvious that Dolores has opened them, because the paper is poorly rewrapped around it.

The book is titled, _Wizarding Tort Law Statutes. _I do not have to look at the card or inscription to see who sent it. I know that it is from Rupert. I have a suspicion this was to annoy Dolores and remind her about what is going on with the _Prophet _and remind her that she may be next. I have decided to keep it with me and resolve to be reading the book when in her presence.

Dolores has called a staff meeting before dinner. I find that the more she tries to micro manage through these events, the more she drives the staff closer to open rebellion. We are all tired of her games; however, we are powerless to stop her without risking serious punishment.

When I arrive in the staff room, I notice that I am the first one there, so I pull out my book and proceed to take notes on various pages. I don't know how my father can do this day in and day out. I am so deep into thought, I have not noticed that the others have arrived.

**"Writing a letter to your precious Rupert, I take it?"** Severus inquires, making an attempt to read from the pad of paper sitting on my lap.

**"No, Severus, I am writing the 'Lost and Found' section of the _Prophet,_" I say while my voice drips with sarcasm. **Severus looks a little befuddled by my reply.** "Some village has probably lost their idiot, and I want to put in an ad to let them know I have found you."**

He is looking back at me with an odd unreadable expression on his face. I cannot tell if he is amused or annoyed.

Dolores is making her grand entrance in all her glory. I wonder which teacher or student she has psychologically scarred now. I have a feeling it is Trelawney, because the poor woman seems to have completely fallen apart. During my 'duty' last night, I found her wandering around the hallways mumbling incoherently and smelling of cooking sherry. I attempted to talk to her, but she looked straight through me.

**"I am developing a whole new curriculum based on some new textbooks approved by the Ministry last night,"** she announces, handing out textbooks to each teacher according to the content area they teach. **"I have worked hard to make sure each book contains solid information that is useful and practical."**

I open my new textbook, and I really have a hard time containing my laughter. A slight snigger erupts from my body; I hide it with a fake sneeze.

The book contains pictures that are years out of date. I thumb through to find pictures of automobiles from the beginning of the last century, fashions from the nineteen-fifties, and an old-fashioned crank telephone from the same general era as the automobile.

"_The only thing this is really lacking is the picture with a Muggle dressed in a loin cloth made of animal skins and carrying a club."_

**"Eleanor, are you taking exception to the approved curriculum?"** Dolores asks with irritation. She moves from her position by the boggart-infested wardrobe to stand in front of my chair. Her face is developing the color of her cardigan, but the shade is turning redder by the second.

I quickly attempt to compose myself, but I having problems with the amused tone in my voice as I say, **"Not exception, Dolores. Just absolute amusement to the contents of the new Muggle Studies text you have approved. This is an insult to the students' intelligence."**

**"I believe I did not ask for your opinion. This is the only information our students truly need; the experts at the Ministry have carefully developed this material."**

**"I am glad I am only here until the end of the term, because I would be too embarrassed to use this rubbish,"** I exclaim.

Minerva decides to redirect our argument by saying, **"What this lacks is practical exercises for our students to do. How are they to learn this from a textbook? I take it the ability will suddenly appear during their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s?"** she asks irritably.

We don't seem to be making any headway, so I decide to shut my mouth before I start something I cannot finish. Minerva realizes she cannot get through Dolores's thick skull.

"_I would have better luck convincing lemmings not to jump off of a cliff before getting Dolores to understand reason."_

**"Why did they change the herbology textbook?"** Pomona uncharacteristically interjects. **"There are only descriptions of the plants and no instructions on their care. Wasn't someone killed at St. Mungo's because of an inabilityto recognize two completely different plants?"**

Flitwick has a nasty scowl on his face, and I hear him mumble, **"This Charms textbook is setting the school back at least two millennia."**

Severus cannot hold himself out of a good argument and chimes in with, **"I believe it will take some getting used to for use in the classroom. I think it would be helpful for us to have time to read your new texts."** He has some twisted smirk on his face as he catches Dolores's attention.

She gushes, **"I see one of us is able to appreciate the hard work our Ministry has done for our children."**

"_I think Severus needs a scouring charm to get the brown off of his nose from kissing Dolores's arse."_

Dolores seems to have finished with the latest insult on the world of education, and she ends the meeting mercifully quickly. As I pack up my things to leave, she steps in front of me and says,** "I am warning you that your attitude needs to be in check."**

**"What are you going to do now that the _Prophet _can no longer be a vehicle to damage my reputation?"**

**"I have other ways of taking care of those trying to endanger the peace in our world."** Dolores tries standing on her tip-toes to look me in the eye; however, I refuse to pay attention to her gaze, and I leave for the Great Hall for dinner.

Today is Saturday, and my meeting with Rupert this afternoon. I am hoping that he can tell me more about what is happening with the court case. I have learned from my father to be patient with the legal process, because it can take years to bring something to trial. I find myself looking forward to his visits, even though he can be completely annoying in how he seems to moon over me every second of our meetings.

Before I go down to greet him, I decide to make a run by my office to see what has been moved or removed by Dolores. The only change is a thin book sitting on my desktop without a card. I open the plain paper wrapping to reveal a book of poetry by Edgar Allen Poe. More specifically, it is a richly bound copy of "The Raven." One of the verses marked catches my eye and causes the hair to stand up on my neck. The poem seems to be about a man upset about losing his love named, "Lenore." I find it eerie how her name sounds similar to my own. I am the namesake of my grandmother, Eleanor Howard; however, the family called her, Lenore.

_**Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,  
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.  
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow  
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -  
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -  
Nameless here for evermore**._

I put the book down and realize I am running late to meet Rupert. I shake off my chill to walk down to the Entrance Hall and find Rupert waiting patiently for me. We are going to meet in my office again, but I would rather move somewhere without a draft. It is so chilly in the room even Daisy is wearing a coat.

**"Rupert, thanks for the books. I have been making an effort to read them; however, I must ask why you sent me such morbid poetry?"** I inquire while charming more warmth out of the fireplace.

**"I just sent you the legal statute book. I didn't send anything else. I did not know you liked poetry at all. Maybe, it is from someone you are seeing."**

A slight cloud of emotion drifts quickly over his face, and I wonder if there is a sense of jealousy there.

**"Rupert, I am not seeing anyone right now. Let's get onto another topic like my law suit."**

I find out that we are still in preliminary motions with the editors of the _Prophet. _They are trying to worm their way out of the suit by dragging out the scheduling of the trial. The paper is constantly asking for a continuance. Rupert told me that this is normal when dealing with the publication and to be patient.

"_When everyone is finished playing with my life, I would like it back."_

We discuss how Dolores is behaving, and my concerns about escalation the closer we get to trial with the _Prophet. _I decide to broach the subject of how to handle Dolores when the opportunity presents itself. I know that the evidence is safer behind that painting than in the hands of another, but he disagrees with me. He is worried that someone else will find it. He is a bit upset about the fact I seem to be dragging my feet. I remind him that my ability to retrieve it difficult. My ability to conceal them is complicated by daily "rearrangement" of my possessions.

I am finding his stubbornness to be quite irritating. I see that he has a distinct lack of common sense when dealing with practical matters. He is probably a brilliant solicitor and quite intelligent, but I think he lacks some ability to process the potential moves that can be made by an opponent. I am giving him a copy of that report I have written on Dolores, so he can understand how she thinks.

Rupert and I go around in circles about Dolores, and it ends several frustrating hours later. I am a bit put out by his inability to look for potential behaviors. He seems to stay focused on concrete evidence to decide his next move.

Rupert and I call it a day after dinner, and we say an amicable farewell, but there is definitely a clear strain in our relationship. As he walks away, Severus appears at my shoulder.

**"Lover's quarrel, I take it?"** he inquires. **"I told you he is a bit under your standards."**

**"Shut it, Severus!"** I storm off in another direction.

My mood is already poor, but it gets worse as I walk back to my room. I missed the Quidditch game between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Apparently, Gryffindor went down in flames 230 to 240. It seems that my former house managed to save face by Ginny Weasley catching the Snitch.

Sunday is just as cold and drafty as Saturday, and I resolve to stay in my quarters where I know I will be warm. I curl up with Daisy on the sofa to go over my notes from the _Tort Statutes_ book sent to me by Rupert. I just cannot get the poetry book out of my mind, so I bundle up and make a run to my office.

As I walk through the door, I find the room completely destroyed. Graded papers, files, and books litter the floor. I notice the last final flicker of emerald flames coming from my fireplace. I know there is nothing incriminating here, but it is a reminder Dolores is searching in earnest to find those papers. I think it is odd that someone would Floo out from my fireplace. I would expect Dolores to use the one in her office. I have a feeling she is having someone from outside the school to search through my possessions, because it would be foolish to use the Floo system to move from room to room. Dolores has carte blanche to come into classrooms and personal spaces. Why would she leave from my fireplace? This makes absolutely no sense.

As I start to put my office back together, I have a bit of concern about my book of poetry, and I have no idea why. Maybe because I find it very personal, and I don't want Dolores digging any further into my life. There is no dedication in the book, but many of the passages are highlighted to have special meaning to me.

The book is located under the center desk drawer that is lying across the room. Although I find the poem morbid and eerie, it is something sent just for me to catch my attention. As I open the cover, there are no ripped or soiled pages; it seems to have slipped through Dolores's dragnet unscathed.

Just before I close the book, I see another passage staring at me from the page:

_**Prophet!' said I, thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!  
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -  
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,  
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -  
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'  
Quoth the raven, Nevermore.'**_

**I am a bit mystified about why someone would choose to send me** a poem about a dead person named Lenore. The death of the character could be seen as a warning about the danger that I face right now; however, the narrator is torturing himself about his dead lover. He misses her desperately. The setting takes place on a stormy late December night. Just like the day I disappeared from the school. Everyone thought I was dead, and the news devastated many people. Did he mourn my so-called passing to the point of torture? Why doesn't he come out and tell me?

When I walk back to my room, I start to realize that I could easily compare Dolores to that horrible raven in the poem. She is often harbinger of bad news, and her presence only brings hurt and confusion. Like the raven in the poem, she can have her vocabulary boiled down to one word, in her case: 'order.' Whenever Dolores is confronted by a situation or question, she seems to always default to her version of reality or 'order.' During important meetings when I worked at the Ministry, Dolores would constantly scream the words, "I will have order." She did this when events were not going her way. This present hits me on so many levels. The person sending this must carefully analyze the thoughts and actions of others, and I find this admirable skill.

I finally settle down on the sofa next to a very sleepy Daisy; I cast aside the law book and my notes to pick up the poetry book. I need to find the solution in order to unmask the sender.

This Monday morning finds the school in a bit of an uproar. The students in my first class all have a copy to the _Quibbler_ in their hands as they walk in. Curiosity takes over my urge to call the class to order for the start of the lesson. I ask Amy Booth if I could have her copy to look at.

The front page has a picture of a sheepish Harry Potter with a headline reading: **_Harry Potter Speaks Out At Last: The Truth About He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named And The Night I Saw Him Return._**

"_Dolores must be livid! How long will it take until Educational Decree Number Twenty-Seven is put on the wall?"_

Amy waits for me to confiscate the paper; however, I just hand it back to her. I calmly ask them to put them away to start the lesson. I have a feeling there will be a brief meeting about the latest decree.

The signs go up shortly before lunch. During lunch, there is an air of relief and happiness moving through the staff. I see smiles for the first time amongst us, but we do not discuss this latest turn of events, because Dolores has been staring us down for the past twenty minutes. She is normally shoveling food into her mouth non-stop during lunch, but she has not touched a thing.

The staff room this afternoon is being used for yet another one of Dolores's meetings. This time, I look forward to finding out how furious our little princess is over this one.

Dolores enters the room with the subtlety of an exploding cauldron. Her face is a nasty shade of purple, she is out of breath, and her hands have many small cuts on them. It is obvious she has been searching the students during the day looking for the paper. She even had Filch stopping students at random. To top it all off, she even searched some of the classrooms and teachers' desks. I have a feeling my office has been redecorated.

Dolores has not told us anything we did not expect. She expresses disappointment that we did not take more of an initiative to look for any copies of the _Quibbler._

Minerva has decided to spring to our defense by saying, **"We thought we would be in trouble for violating Decree Twenty-Six; it states we are not allowed to talk about the subjects we don't teach. I teach Transfiguration, so I would not be discussing a gossip magazine.**

"_Fallen on our own sword, Dolores? Your stupid decrees are backfiring and being used against you? What will Twenty_-_Eight contain? Could it be a rule against breathing without permission?"_

Dolores breaks up the meeting, and we all want to get out of here as quickly as possible. But, she steps in my way before I can leave the door.

**"Don't you dare try pulling the same stunt as Potter, Eleanor. You will regret ever speaking to anyone from the press."**

**"Do I detect a hint of fear, Dolores? I know you cannot stand anything that is not in 'order,'"** I state pointedly. **"By the way, the next time you move my possessions, take a moment to dust underneath where they were sitting."** I walk away from her to join the others for dinner.

While I am on my way to dinner, I can see the edges of Dolores's empire crumbling at her feet. I am in fear for us all as she realizes she is losing control. By what means will she use to hold everything together?


	17. Mentorship

_**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**_

**_by _**

_**Eleanor Belle**_

**_Chapter 17: Mentorship_**

Today, I am sitting in front of a group of third year Slytherin students who are just as restless as a group of Gryffindor fifth years. This school is about to crumble down around our ears due to Dolores's iron grip. My students are focused on the lesson, but there is this horrible under current of discontent. There is one student in the front row that seems to be falling apart at the seams.

Ursula Stanhope is not the most stellar of students; however, she is polite and hard-working. I have noticed her withdrawing further and further away from her classmates not only during class but during other activities at school. During the past few days, she has been coming to class looking quite pale and with eyes showing obvious signs of tears.

**"Ursula, could you please stay behind for just a few minutes?"** I ask her quietly before she can exit.

**"I'm sorry about daydreaming again, Professor," **she states while looking towards the floor. She seems to be close to tears again. **"I guess I am going to get detention with you, too. I got in trouble during Potions, because I was not paying attention, and I burned myself,"** she explains, showing me a hand with a thick bandage on it.

**"Ursula, you are not in trouble with me,"** I tell her, picking up her chin so that she will look at me.** "I am just a little worried about you. Is there anything you want to talk about, because I am willing to listen."**

**"It's just stupid kid stuff. It doesn't matter,"** she says quietly.

**"I don't see this as 'stupid kid stuff.' If it is enough to bother you this much, I don't find it stupid."**

**"I miss my friends from my other classes. My friend, Georgia, is in Hufflepuff, and I got in trouble with Professor Umbridge, because I was told not to associate with students from another house. She said that my family would not approve with my choice of friends. Georgia is my best friend so why is it wrong to be with her?"** Tears rolling down her eyes are dripping onto her silver and green tie; I give her a tissue to stem the flow.

**"I see nothing wrong with your choice of friends. I had close friends from different houses when I went here. In fact, your aunt was in Slytherin also. We were in the same study group for our N.E.W.T.s. If it weren't for that study group, I would have never made it into Auror training."**

I feel a pang of sadness remembering that Ursula's aunt was an early victim of Voldemort's wrath. Her husband tried to pull away from the Death Eater movement early on; however, he and Rose were murdered brutally in their home. I remember being one of the first Aurors to arrive and see the Dark Mark leering down on what was left of their home.

**"Professor?"** I hear Ursula ask, bringing me back to the present. **"I'm sorry."**

**"Sorry for what? You haven't done anything wrong."**

**"I am sorry about what the others said about you. You aren't the horrible monster. I didn't know that you really cared. My other teachers never ask about my feelings."**

**"Hem, hem."** I hear that all too familiar guttural noise coming from the door of the classroom. **"Ursula, you have been told that when you are not in class or eating in the Great Hall, you are to stay in your common room!" **Dolores screeches.

**"But, I wanted to ask Professor…"** Ursula is cut off in mid-sentence by Dolores.

**"Your parents are among the most influential families in the country. If they knew about whom you are conversing with, your father would be outraged,"** Dolores chides, pulling the poor child out of the room into the hallway, and ordering her to remain outside the classroom.

Dolores steps back into the classroom and promptly slams the door; she looks like she is about to hit me with an Unforgivable Curse. I have pulled out my wand to defend myself in case of an attack.

**"Eleanor! How dare you carry on a conversation with a student who is a member of such an influential family!"** Dolores shrieks from her position by the door. **"Who knows what damage you can cause to the Stanhope family reputation? You are clearly violating a directive about interactions with a student."**

**"Dolores, heaven forbid that I should speak to a child in my own classroom! I thought my job description entailed using speech to teach my students; however, judging from your teaching technique, you lack this capability. What if Ursula is looking at the business end of the wand? I can put Slinkhard's entire textbook procedures into three simple steps when confronting a homicidal Death Eater: first stop, second, bend over, and thirdly, kiss your arse good-bye!"** I am totally outraged, and I would love cursing her into oblivion.

**"You are obviously unbalanced, and I should have just left you in that ward to die after Severus's potions ran out."**

**"Dolores, what the hell are you saying?"**

**"I had to do something, because there would be the messy affair after your body was found within the walls of St. Mungo's. I told Dawlish just to leave you somewhere for someone to find your body, but I was not expecting some Muggle hospital."** She seems very pleased with herself as she crosses the room and points her wand like she is ready to cast a spell.

I point my wand directly at her heart, and she stops in her tracks in shock that I would draw my wand on her. **"Stay away from me, Dolores! Fortunately, I learn from my mistakes!"** I shout pointedly.

**"I have a better weapon than some spell; I have ruined your reputation and health. There will be nowhere for you to go. I heard what the Healer said about you, and I just need to wait for you to have a tragic heart attack in some isolated part of the school. By the way, I know it is just a matter of time before I find those papers, and I will keep searching until I find them. I have plenty of resources,"** she says with an icy stare that turns my blood cold. She lowers her wand while she steps back toward the door and says, **"You don't have it in you to hurt someone, so I am not worried about some unbalanced whore who thinks she stands a chance against the Ministry."** She walks out the door and slams it behind her.

It takes me a moment to lower my wand, and I find my legs have turned to jelly; I am forced to sit down in my chair to gather my thoughts. My predictions have come true about Dolores. I have lived life, and death does not scare me; however, students like Ursula are caught in Dolores's expanding spiral of psychosis.

"_It is only a matter of time before she turns that stubby wand on a student to use an Unforgivable Curse as a punishment. Who will be the first?"_

I find myself wandering back to my quarters in a bit of a daze. Dolores's disclosure about how I ended up at St. Mark's caught me a bit off guard. I figured it would have been someone like Copperbottom who removed me. I am sure Dawlish did not mind the task; I remember him as dancing right on the edge of the law from my days in Internal Affairs.

Daisy is overjoyed to see me walk through the door, and I notice she has a bright orange tennis ball in her mouth. Someone gave it to her, but it was not me. I pull it from her mouth as she growls angrily at me. I decide to check it for curses and poisons, but I cannot find anything wrong with the fuzzy orange orb. I figure she has been playing with it for a while, and she seems to be unharmed. I throw it hard into the bedroom; Daisy runs wildly after it towards the closet.

A plain envelope catches my attention as I walk towards my over-stuffed club chair. Inside, I discover a single piece of paper torn from a very old book. As I read it, I find myself breaking out into goose flesh.

_**I Watched Thee**_

I watched thee in the breakers when the rock  
Received our prow and all was storm and fear  
And bade thee cling to me through every shock  
This arm would be thy bark or breast thy bier.

I watched thee when the fever glazed thine eyes  
Yielding my couch, and stretched me on the ground  
When overworn with watching, ne'er to rise  
From thence, if thou an early grave hadst found.

The Earthquake came and rocked the quivering wall  
And men and Nature reeled as if with wine  
Whom did I seek around the tottering Hall  
For thee, whose safety first provide for thine.

And when convulsive throes denied my breath  
The faintest utterance to my fading thought  
To thee, to thee, even in the grasp of death  
My spirit turned. Ah! oftener than it ought.

Thus much and more, and yet thou lov'st me not,  
And never wilt, Love dwells not in our will  
Nor can I blame thee, though it be my lot  
To strongly, wrongly, vainly, love thee still.

_**-Lord Byron**_

"_Is there someone watching me here at school? Who is watching me all the time and sending me copies of creepy love poetry? I hope it's not Filch, because I will drown myself in the lake!"_

The entire poem reads like a blow-by-blow account of the winter holiday in hell. My first instinct is to throw it into the fire or give it to Daisy to shred, but I cannot bring myself to putting the faded page back into the envelope; I place the gift in my copy of "The Raven."

I spend tonight with this unshakable feeling of being watched all the time. I am more paranoid now than when I had all those breakdowns. Even my exhaustion is not allowing me to seek rest.

This morning's third year class is breaking my heart. Ursula looks even worse than usual, and I feel that Dolores is playing a role. The poor child looks as though she has not slept all night. Although she seems to be participating in today's lesson, her heart is someplace else.

The bell rings for lunch, and I need to find out what is really wrong with this poor child before it spirals out of control.

Ursula is packing up her things, and I see that her classmates have left her behind. She is walking very slowly out of the room. Before Ursula can make it to the threshold, she stops to face me to say, **"Professor, I need to talk to someone who understands what I am going through."** I can see there is a torrent of misery about to be unleashed.

**"Does this have anything to do with yesterday?"** I ask quietly. **"I heard you say that you wanted to ask me something, but you were rather rudely interrupted."** I motion her to one of the desks in the front row, and I sit down next to her. **"What were you trying to ask me?"**

**"I wanted to talk to you about something that happened over the holidays, because you are the only person who could understand this,"** she discusses, picking at invisible bits of lint on her robes. **"The day after I came home when the holidays started, Mum found me on the bathroom floor having some sort of fit, and she took me to St. Mungo's. This is a bit embarrassing…"** She breaks off to wipe the tears off of her cheeks, and I hand her a tissue.

**"Ursula, were you told it was epilepsy?"** I ask quietly. **"I can tell you that it is not the end of the world."**

**"I am afraid I will have a fit in front of everyone. What will they think of me?"** she asks, looking at the floor.

**"My friends were not sure how to handle it at first, but we talked about it,"** I tell her, but I don't think she believes me. **"What does Georgia have to say about this?"** I ask.

**"Professor Umbridge told my parents that no one should know about this, because it could embarrass the family name,"** Ursula says quietly.** "She told my father that I just need a good dose of detentions to force them to go away."**

**"Hem, hem,"** the grunt echoes down the hallway.

**"I think it's time for you to go before Professor Umbridge realizes you are here. I am always here for you, and my door is always open for you to talk when you need me,"** I tell her, getting on my feet to figure out which hallway Dolores is headed down.

I manage to show Ursula a back way as a short cut to the Great Hall; however, Dolores gives another cough, and I realize she has turned into the opposite direction.

When I enter the Great Hall for lunch, Dolores is looking at me in an icy stare. I wonder if she caught wind that I talked to Ursula without her being there.

Ursula is sitting at her house table looking very pale and uncomfortable. I resign to keep a closer eye on her from now on. I don't feel like seeing a repeat performance of my childhood taking place before my eyes. I had friends to talk to, Madam Pomfrey to repair the injuries from a sudden seizure, and sympathetic parents; however, I lacked the guidance of a trusted adult who understood what I was going through. I am not going to let another child endure this disorder on her own.

By some bizarre quirk in my schedule, I have one afternoon free per week, and I am making full use of it. I have notified the concerned parties that we need to meet about one of the students, and I found out what Ursula's schedule is for on Thursdays; I am going to walk past the Dark Arts classroom to take a quick look into the room without Dolores seeing me.

As I sneak down the corridor outside of Dolores's classroom, I could hear a pin drop outside her classroom; however, I hear Dolores shout out suddenly, **"Ursula, I told you to pay attention!"** followed by, **"One week's detention and I am writing your parents!"**

There is a titter of laughter coming from somewhere in the classroom; I fight the urge of running in there to the poor child's rescue.

**"Ursula! Lying on the ground having a tantrum is not allowable, and I am ordering you to stand up!"** Dolores voice is growing angrier and angrier. I realize I must intervene, because I know something is very wrong.

Walking into the unwelcoming classroom, I see Ursula on the ground convulsing while Dolores continues to shout at the poor child to get up off of the floor; however, Ursula is powerless to help herself.

I find the students are standing around in a circle looking at her convulsing violently on the floor in front of them. I know that feeling of shame after waking up, and I refuse to allow this child to experience the pain.

Pushing through the crowd of students, I ask Holly Perkins and Abigail Marsh to find Poppy and Severus. I have the girls earlier in the day, and I know they are reliable.

**"Dolores, why don't you do something?"** I ask, kneeling down on the floor over Ursula. I do not wait for a reply, because I know Dolores will not accept something is out of control in her presence. **"Class dismissed!"** I shout to the students, who looked shocked but they quickly comply. I point my wand towards the door and slam it shut on some curious students standing outside attempting to watch the drama unfold.

**"Eleanor, how dare you…"** Dolores says sharply. **"You do not have the authority to barge in here while I am handling a classroom situation. She was just being difficult."**

I am ignoring Dolores, because I have a bigger problem lying before me on the floor. This is the first time I have ever seen a seizure from the "outside." I just hope I will never see one again. With every muscle contraction, her head is repeatedly hitting the floor, and I relive the times I have woken up to badly bruised limbs. Ursula's skin has taken on a bluish hue as the seizure drags on. I know that I can only keep her from injuring herself further, and I realize how desperate it must feel to wait for the victim to come out of it. Because of my shock, I have to force myself to concentrate on Ursula by pulling her tie away before she strangles herself.

Ursula's convulsions have stopped. Dolores takes this as a cue to start in on the poor child,** "Ursula, enough is enough, now get off the floor."**

**"Shut it, Dolores,"** I whisper, attempting not to disturb Ursula. I have my arms around her and rock her quietly like Poppy did so many times when I was a child. I always found it comforting when someone was there making the fear and embarrassment go away.

**"Eleanor, you have contaminated a child of a very influential family in the Ministry,"** Dolores says indignantly.** "She has been infected by your unbalanced mind."**

**"She is not a pedigreed pet, Dolores; she is a thirteen year-old child with some health issues,"** I whisper back to her in annoyance, but I refuse to look at her while I respond. I have become preoccupied with stemming the flow of blood running from Ursula's nose. I know using any spell or charm when she is like this can set her off into another round of seizures.

I really wish Poppy would show up soon, because I am finding difficulty in holding back my temper. Ursula has started sobbing and there are fears of Dolores shouting at her again. I have been whispering soothing words, but I know the tears are not from emotion; they are just a nasty side effect of waking up.

I barely perceive the door opening, and I do not realize that Severus and Poppy have made it down to rescue the pair of us from Dolores.

**"Nell, what happened?"** Poppy asks quietly, squatting down to examine the still sobbing child. I make a motion letting her know that Ursula needs more time to calm down and wake-up.

**"I came in to the classroom to find her convulsing, and Dolores was accusing her of having a tantrum; she even gave her detention."** I glare towards Dolores's direction. I glance at my watch and estimate the length of time the episode lasted and tell her, **"It was about two minutes from the time I came in until it stopped."**

Severus bends down to indicate he wants to carry her to the Hospital Wing himself, but I instinctively hold her a bit tighter. I don't think he expected this reaction.

**"Eleanor, I need you to give her to me. She is my problem now,"** he says, prying my fingers off of her arm. There is no anger or accusation of insanity in his tone of voice. He cradles her in his arms and sets off for the Hospital Wing.

Poppy is walking behind Severus, and she turns to me and Dolores asking us to come upstairs to give further details about what happened. I cannot wait to confront Dolores in front of witnesses, because she will be unable to deny my accusations.

We are waiting in a small waiting room down the hall from her office. This is a room my parents knew too well, and I hope that Ursula's father, Aden, does not face this process.

Dolores, Severus, and I sit in silence while waiting for Poppy to come back to discuss what happened. I have decided not to start an argument when I believe I am outnumbered two to one.

Poppy walks in with a chart informing us that Ursula is sleeping and will be fine in a few hours. She informs us that Ursula has asked for me, but Poppy told her I would need to come back later on in the evening.

Since Dolores was the only adult in the classroom when the seizure started, Poppy starts with her. I am hoping she will 'fess up' to her attempt to cover up her awareness of Ursula's holiday visit to St. Mungo's. Unlike Slughorn in my fifth year, she gives a convoluted, glossed-over account of the incident. She manages to do the same dance he did about being the hero.

I finally cannot take it anymore as I say, **"Tell the truth, Dolores. I know about what happened over the holidays with Ursula. Don't you even attempt to deny this, because Ursula told me what happened this morning after class."**

**"Didn't I tell you not to discuss anything with the students other than your content areas? I forbade you to discuss matters with Ursula yesterday,"** Dolores barks. **"She is a Stanhope, and her family is very influential in the community; you are calling her defective. All she needs is a few detentions for not paying attention to her teachers. That display was just some sort of tantrum. I cannot believe that you have dismissed my class without permission."**

I turn to face Poppy and Severus to state, **"Ursula told me about a seizure she had the day after she came home for the holidays. Her mother took her to St. Mungo's, but Dolores told them to keep Ursula's condition a secret so as not to damage the family reputation."**

**"Dolores, is this true?" **Poppy inquires, her face reddening with every passing second. **"You are lucky she did not hurt herself, and to think this was the cause of all those mishaps this year."**

Severus has been ominously silent, but he manages to say, **"Professor Umbridge, I believe it is imperative I contact her parents seeing my role as her head of house."** He seems to be angry about his role being derailed by Dolores's political games.

**"That silly girl should understand her role as an example of a fine family participating in the processes of the Ministry,"** Dolores interjects, attempting to justify her actions.

**"Once more, Dolores, you have placed an adult role on a child who should not be forced to bear it at such a young age. She does not understand complicated politics or the consequences for not playing along with games better left to her elders."** I walk over to her to glare down at her in my anger. She is just under ten inches shorter than me, and I just want to remind her of that.

**"You have no idea about how a child in our community is expected to behave. Your reputation is an example of this,"** she shrieks, her face reddening in anger.

Severus and Poppy are not interceding in the argument. I guess they figure I have a handle on the situation as I say, **"I find a perfect example of your treatment of children who are stakeholders in this community. I believe a trial for underage magic against a fifteen-year-old Potter being treated like a capital offence is a case in point. You are giving adult consequences to children who lack understanding the chain of events for their actions. I saw the memos circulating around the office; there were a total of three changes made in the trial location; however, none of the notifications agreed on time. Maybe you need to have a chat with Percy, because he seems to lack the ability to read a clock."** I am on a roll and continue with, **"Potter is just a child! Your need for control and keeping secrets is going to get someone killed one day. I cannot wait until Aden Stanhope finds out your politics could have gotten his only daughter killed!"** I am now shaking with rage, and I want to curse her. I feel a hand on my shoulder seeming to hold me back. I turn to knock it away, and I realize the headmaster is standing right behind me.

"**Professor Howard, I believe I can take it from here,"** he says quietly. I storm out of the room as he takes charge of the situation. I am feeling that cooler heads might better handle the situation.

I retreat to the safety and quiet of my quarters just so I can clear my head. Daisy comes running over to me when I open the door carrying that stupid orange ball; however, it is now missing most of its fuzzy skin from her enthusiasm of playing with it. She drops it at my feet, and I find a certain satisfaction throwing her ball into the bedroom repeatedly and running it back to me.

Finally, Daisy has run out of steam, and we settle on the couch staring at a roaring fire. I find myself struggling to stay awake. I think the adrenalin rush from dressing Dolores down in front of the staff took too much energy.

I am startled from a light doze by Daisy's bark reverberating around the room. It takes me a minute to get my head together and stumble to the door. As I open the door, I realize Aden Stanhope, his wife, Elizabeth, and Dumbledore are standing out in the hallway.

**"Professor Howard, Ursula's parents, Aden and Elizabeth, wish to have a word with you about the incident in Professor Umbridge's classroom,"** Dumbledore says with a tone of voice betraying little emotion.

I invite them to sit down; however, Daisy is attempting to butt into the conversation with her continued barking. I don't want to use a silencing charm, because she is only guarding her territory. It takes me a moment or two to shut her behind a barrier used to confine Muggle children.

Aden is a very vocal Ministry employee who wields a great deal of power through the Department of Revenue and Taxation. He is infamous for his audits of employees who have been problematic in the past. I have been fortunate not to have any run-ins with him. I am a bit unnerved as he walks in wearing his trademark pinstripe robes and spats.

**"How may I help you?"** I ask uncertainly.

**"I see you are enjoying yet another leisurely occupation, Eleanor,"** Aden says stiffly, turning a ring on his hand absent mindedly. He normally does this when he is faced with social situations. **"I wish to address your social interaction with my daughter. There are a few things that concern me."**

"_If Dolores has the diplomacy skills of a forest fire, Aden's ability is slightly higher at the level of a drunken troll."_

I cut in with, "**You have a wonderful daughter who is feeling very lonely and isolated by not only her condition, but by her social connections. She wants to be loved and accepted, but the adults in her life are preventing this. She should not be exposed to games best left to the adults and the resulting consequences."**

**"You have always been intervening in situations that do not concern you, and I have always find it quite annoying; however, this time I believe your purpose is in the best interest of Ursula,"** he says with a warmer tone of voice, no longer twisting his ring on his finger.

Elizabeth reaches out to me and takes my hand leaving me a bit shocked. She has always been a bit cold in her manner. We called her "The Ice Princess" at work behind Aden's back.

**"Ursula told us how she remembers you sitting on the floor holding her while Madam Umbridge was arguing with you. She also explained you spent some time discussing how she felt about the incident over the holidays,"** Elizabeth says, sniffling and taking out a pink monogrammed handkerchief from her elegant dragon skin hand bag. **"Madam Pomfrey explained how dangerous it is to ignore our daughter's health. We were so foolish."**

**"My parents were a bit clueless how to respond to my seizures, but they gave me unconditional support despite their lack of knowledge,"** I tell her, taking my hand out of her grasp. I feel a bit odd allowing someone who told me off last year for having such unfashionable attire at work to hold my hand like a long lost relative.

**"I believe you will find no objections for spending some time helping my daughter to work through this situation. I appreciate the effort you have gone to for her,"** Aden says, twisting his ring again.

**"Then there should be no problem with Ursula spending time with her friend in Hufflepuff. Ursula needs to be around someone her own age with similar interests,"** I discuss, hoping he will not say no.

**"I am not sure about how I feel about her friend, but we will discuss this at another time."** He is twisting his ring leaving an angry red circle around his finger. **"I believe we need to go home."**

I grab the legal pad and self-inking quill on my coffee table to write down some contact details for my parents. They may be Muggles, but they understand how epilepsy is handled from a parent's point of view.

**"Send my parents an owl if you need to talk to someone who has managed the mine field of adolescence and epilepsy. They are Muggles, but they are very familiar with owl post. Please contact me when you wish to discuss any concerns,"** I inform them, not knowing if they will take me up on the offer.

Our meeting has broken up, and I must say good-bye to my company. Aden and Elizabeth are leaving with Dumbledore to go home. As the Headmaster closes the door, he gives me a slight wink and a whispered thank you.

Dumbledore left with the Stanhopes about an hour ago, and I realize that Ursula must be awake by now; I don't want to break Poppy's promise that I would return later.

I walk through the doors of the Hospital Wing, and I see Ursula lying on a familiar bed waiting for me to show up. She is excited by my visit, but I cannot figure out if this is due to our new-found mentorship, or the box of Chocolate Frogs in my hand.

We spend the better part of fifteen minutes discussing her feelings on what happened this afternoon, and how to handle any possible fallout. I explain the difficulty of dealing with the initial jibes and teasing from her classmates. I remind her about the shortness of the memory of the average teenager. It may seem like forever, but they will find someone else to dine out on.

Madam Pomfrey kicks me out after the normal twenty minute time limit. I know hanging out any further would be pointless, because it is nearly time for evening medication. Ursula will be unconscious before long. Tomorrow is Saturday, so I can spend more time with Ursula after I meet with Rupert.

When I arrive back into my parlor, Daisy is still behind her barrier, but she suddenly scurries under the bed and whines loudly. I am puzzled by her behavior, but my concern is cut short by the lanterns in the room going out at the same time.

**"Who's there?"** I inquire in near panic. **"Show yourself, you coward!"** I pull out my wand to shed some light into the room; everything is casting long, eerie shadows. There is a loud thump, and I think I hear someone very close to me. I am ready to curse the first thing that might appear out of the dark.

There is another loud bang, and I shout, **"Come on, Dolores, enough games. You have been rearranging my possessions for months, you don't need to hide yourself."**

I shine a light towards the source of the noise located around the fireplace. I realize the fire has been extinguished, but I can see the faint outline of someone; however, it is too tall to be Dolores. I refuse to be the victim anymore and throw a curse at the outline. The purple light is almost blinding as bricks fly across the room with a resounding bang. There is a cry of pain, and I aim for the source of the sound. I throw another curse; the wall behind the silhouette erupts into purple flame. I feel the force of gravity suddenly lifted, and I am thrown across the room into a table; I hear a loud snap coming from my right shoulder. My wand slides out of my hand, but I hurts too bad to roll over to pick it up.

**"You idiot, I thought you said no one would be coming back!"** one voice shouts in frustration, moving towards my location behind the over-turned table.** "Did you find the book and notes? The Boss said they would be in here."**

**"I found a book with notes in the margins and some parchment folded in it."** The second voice seems very pleased with himself as he reignites the fire in the fireplace, casting some light into the room.

I cannot see what the men look like, because the over-turned table is blocking my view. I am holding back the urge to scream in pain. I can hear them walking closer to the table. I can smell stale whiskey and tobacco in the room becoming stronger.

**"Looks like she winged you,"** the second voice says with a tone of amusement.

**"That bloody bitch burned my arm! You didn't get off easy either. I can see she has removed the hair from the back side of your head,"** the voice counters his friend's jibes. **"Where is she, anyway?"**

**"She is probably behind that table,"** the second man says. "**Let's go so we can get this back to the Boss. I don't feel like sitting in that god-awful office being grilled about being late."**

**"I want a little payback from that bitch for cursing me,"** one of the men growls. I can hear him stomping towards the table. I close my eyes hoping he will think I am knocked out. **"Found you,"** he whispers menacingly. **"So many curses and so little time."**

**"I think she's dead."** The smell of stale whiskey is almost unbearable as someone grabs my wrist for what I assume is a pulse. **"No, still breathing. Put your wand away, we don't have time for this. We got what we came for."**

"_What do they want with some moldy books with scribbles in the margins?"_

I open my eyes when someone bangs on the door and demands entry. I realize one of the intruders is still bending over me. I cannot trust they will leave on their own without cursing me. I manage to kick the man in the face hard with a satisfying sound of my shoe contacting his skin. He shouts, raises his wand, and quickly puts it away when the front door is blown off the hinges. There are horrible stabbing sensations in my shoulder as I scream in pain from the movement of my body when I struck him. Suddenly, the room is filled with an eerie green light.

**"Nell!"** Dumbledore shouts. **"What happened in here?"**

Someone is righting the table which is blocking me from view. I realize that it is Rupert, but I notice his face is badly bruised. **"Over here!"** He is attempting to sit me up; however, I scream again when he touches my shoulder; I find myself in hysterical sobs when he lets go. **"I tried to get here to warn you, but I could not make it soon enough," **he says apologetically. **"They broke into my office to find some papers, but they cursed me when I told them I don't understand what they were lookint for." **Rupert is stroking my head with tears welling up in his eyes.** "The men told me they were coming after you for some papers when they did not find what they wanted."**

**"Osgood, you fool. Stand aside before you make things worse,"** Severus says, stepping up to Rupert shoving him violently out of the way. **"Make yourself useful and find Poppy."** Severus pulls the objects that fell from the table off of my body and grabs a blanket.

**"Daisy?"** I ask, but I cannot articulate what I wanted to ask. My shoulder is really hurting me, and I find myself really getting tired; my eyes are refusing to stay open.

**"Your furry Bludger is just fine."** He almost says it in a kind way; there is no edginess in his voice.

**"Where's Dumbledore,"** I speak, slurring my words horribly.

**"He is looking to some security measures for you,"** Severus informs me, but his voice fades away. I am jolted back to semi-consciousness by him shouting my name. **"Eleanor, wake-up, you stupid woman!"**

I am exhausted by the horrible pain in my shoulder, and I just let go of any will to stay awake.


	18. Someone's Watching Over Me

**_Chapter 18_**

**_"Someone's Watching Me"_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

I feel like I am a drowning person clawing their way to the surface of the ocean. There are hushed voices in the room; however, I am unable to participate in the conversation. I have this bizarre feeling of disconnection from my limbs.

The first voice I hear is Rupert's saying, **"I tried to get to you; I'm so sorry, Nell."** I hear him give a rather large sniffle as he breaks off.

**"Osgood, sitting there staring at her is not going to make her wake-up any sooner. Stop your blubbering and get your face cleaned up by Poppy,"** Severus orders, his voice moving closer to where I am. "Although, I have to say the new position of your nose seems to be an improvement."

"_Have to get that one last dig in, don't you, Severus?"_

I hear Minerva's voice now, and she whispers to someone, **"The Headmaster is furious. He has sent Mundungus Fletcher out to see if anyone knows who attacked Nell, not that it will do any good. The fool will probably attempt to sell her attackers a load of stolen cauldrons."**

"_Fletcher? Didn't I arrest him once for impersonating a tax assessor to 'confiscate' property of those who supposedly did not pay their fees? He managed to wiggle his way out of that one somehow; he is more slippery than Flobberworm snot."_

**"They should not be hard to spot from the looks of her quarters. Eleanor blew a five foot hole in one wall and severely scorched the paneling on another. Remind me not to sneak up on her in the dark,"** Severus says almost with cheek. **"I hear that Professor Dumbledore is having a chat with our High Inquisitor in regards to the Floo System monitoring practices."**

**"What has Rupert been going on regarding this book that Nell supposedly had? She has been very upfront about her audit results. Is there something we are missing?"** Minerva inquires in concern.

**"Minerva, Eleanor has always behaved secretively and irrationally. You never know what is going on in that twisted mind of hers,"** Severus says. I notice his criticism lacks the conviction of the past, and he seems to be putting up a front.

I am just about to fall back to sleep when I hear Dolores enter the room. By her heavy footfalls and breathing, I can tell she is really angry about something.

**"This is where you all are. I see Eleanor is having some breakdown. I have been told she thinks someone was attacking her. I saw the hole and scorch marks on the wall where she was throwing curses at some imaginary foe,"** Dolores says, pausing to find out what everyone else thinks. Her tone of voice is giving me a headache as it reverberates around where I am lying. **"Why, she even says they came in through the Floo Network."**

**"Madam Umbridge, when the Headmaster and I arrived in Eleanor's quarters, we definitely saw the evidence of someone leaving in the fireplace,"** Rupert corrects Dolores quickly. **"Eleanor was thrown twenty feet across the room into a large table, breaking her shoulder. I doubt she used a banishing curse to throw herself around a room." He continues with, "You should be expecting a meeting with me tomorrow concerning my client's safety, and your negligence to prevent her potential death. I would suggest you and the Ministry should advise your legal council about this."**

"_Yeah, Rupert, let's fan the flames a bit more!"_

**"I am afraid I will need for you all to take this somewhere else. I don't need you waking everyone up with this conference,"** Poppy orders.** "Rupert, didn't I tell you to lie down five minutes ago? I am holding you here over night. I am worried about the bump on your head."**

I hear everyone move around the room and then a door shut somewhere else. I have a feeling I may have just gained back some credibility with my friends and colleagues. Although, I have mixed feelings about Rupert going after the Ministry for negligence in monitoring the Floo Network Dolores supposedly has full control of here at the school.

It is still dark when I open my eyes. My heart skips a beat when I discover someone sitting next to the bed. From the even and slow breathing, I surmise my visitor is dozing in the chair. The light is too scarce to figure out who is sitting there. The impression is that the person is a male who is slimly built. I know it cannot be Rupert, because Poppy would have put a charm on his bed to detect him leaving it.

"_Is someone sitting here watching me? Could he be the 'poet'?"_

My curiosity is getting to me; however, I am still too groggy and in pain to attempt communication. Unfortunately, Poppy's potions overtake me; sleep is my newest priority.

The sun is streaming in through the Hospital Wing windows in the staff section, and I notice there are several get-well cards lying on the table next to the bed. I realize with horror many are sent by students.

"_What must the students think having a drama queen as a teacher? What about poor Ursula?"_

I gingerly sit up, but it is difficult not to use my sore shoulder. Although it is firmly held against my body by a sling, this does not allow total immobilization. I want to open an envelope which is different somehow from the others. Most of the cards and envelopes are colorful with charms to make characters dance on the surface; however, this envelope is very plain.

This time, the words are not printed from a book. On the page, tiny cramped handwriting reveals another poem for me.

**Her Voice **

**The wild bee reels from bough to bough  
With his furry coat and his gauzy wing,  
Now in a lily-cup, and now  
Setting a jacinth bell a-swing,  
In his wandering;  
Sit closer love: it was here I trow  
I made that vow,  
Swore that two lives should be like one  
As long as the sea-gull loved the sea,  
As long as the sunflower sought the sun,-  
It shall be, I said, for eternity  
'Twixt you and me!  
Dear friend, those times are over and done;  
Love's web is spun.  
Look upward where the poplar trees  
Sway and sway in the summer air,  
Here in the valley never a breeze  
Scatters the thistledown, but there  
Great winds blow fair  
From the mighty murmuring mystical seas,  
And the wave-lashed leas.  
Look upward where the white gull screams,  
What does it see that we do not see?  
Is that a star? or the lamp that gleams  
On some outward voyaging argosy,  
Ah! can it be  
We have lived our lives in a land of dreams!  
How sad it seems.  
Sweet, there is nothing left to say  
But this, that love is never lost,  
Keen winter stabs the breasts of May  
Whose crimson roses burst his frost,  
Ships tempest-tossed  
Will find a harbour in some bay,  
And so we may.**

And there is nothing left to do  
But to kiss once again, and part,  
Nay, there is nothing we should rue,  
I have my beauty,-you your Art,  
Nay, do not start,  
One world was not enough for two  
Like me and you.

**Oscar Wilde **

This poem is not as creepy as the others, and it does not raise goose flesh on my skin. Although the poem is sad, I find it a bit easier to understand. The imagery is not complicated, and I do not find myself searching for hidden symbolism.

**"I see we have finally woken up,"** Poppy says, shocking me back to reality. **"How are you feeling?"**

I grab the poem and shove it quickly into the envelope before she notices. I have never known Poppy to pry into the content of get well cards to the staff, but I am not taking any chances.

"**I am just a bit stiff. What time is it anyway?"** I ask, dreading the answer.

**"It's Monday morning, Nell. I have been letting you sleep, so you won't be using your arm. That was a nasty break in your shoulder. Rupert said you were thrown at least twenty feet; it is a wonder why you didn't injure anything else."**

"_No! Really, Poppy! I would have never guessed I broke something! So, that's why my shoulder feels like it has been used as a chew toy by one of Hagrid's pets!"_

I hear someone enter the room behind Poppy's back. I find that my visitor is Minerva and Albus Dumbledore. He seems pleased to see me; however, his eyes project serious concern. I have always wondered how anyone could stay so serene in an emotionally charged event like this. If I walked in and found anyone, begrudgingly even Severus, being attacked and thrown across the room, I would be rather inclined to go on a rampage, cursing anyone within a one mile radius.

**"You are looking much better this morning,"** Dumbledore says in a cheerful way.** "I am sure you noticed the cards given to you by several students."**

**"What did you tell them?"** I ask, stiffening up unconsciously. **"I am sure the students were not told, 'Your Muggle Studies professor is hiding secret information meant to rock the current political regime to its knees.' My guess is that it did not include someone jumping out of my fireplace, the idiotic intruders being roasted by one ex-Auror with a reputation for being a bit off center, and tossing said Auror twenty feet into a mahogany dinner table."**

Dumbledore seems a bit amused; however, Minerva looks scandalized.

Dumbledore pulls up a chair to reduce the strain on my neck from looking up at him, and Minerva sits gingerly on the bed. Poppy has never been one for crowds, and she busies herself with some task elsewhere in the Hospital Wing.

**"Your classes are being handled by the same substitute teacher who stepped in for you after the holidays. They only know you have been ill, and you should be back to work by the end of the week," **he informs me. **"Unofficially, the rumor is you were injured in the line of duty. Someone spread the tale you were foiling one of Peeves's plans for mischief, and you were injured falling down a flight of stairs."** He seems a bit amused by this tall tale.

"_Why, Albus Dumbledore, who could have started this wild rumor?"_

**"I think we need to formulate some action on taking care of the p…"** Dumbledore holds his hand up to stop my sentence before I can finish my thought.

**"Now is not the time to discuss any possible complications. When you leave the Hospital Wing this week, we can talk in private. I have a feeling conversations are no longer private any more,"** he says, patting me affectionately on my good hand. There is an aura of sadness seeming to envelope the elderly wizard. Even the cheerful colors of his robes seem to dull as he takes a deep breath.

I realize Minerva is still here when she tensely says,** "Nell, I don't think it is safe for a return to your rooms when you leave here. You would be better off in the Staff Wing." **Her shoulders seem to relax as if she let go of feelings she has been holding in for a long time. She reaches out to stroke the top of my head like she did when I was a student. This was a common behavior after my fifth year. I overheard Slughorn tell Flitwick that Minerva was very unnerved when she walked into Slughorns' class to find me nearly dead on the classroom floor. From that day on, it was common for her to sit with me after a major seizure, stroking my head and holding my hand until the danger had passed.

**"No, I don't want to move, because Dolores's room is in the Staff Wing also. The less I have to see of her, the better. Besides, there is a fireplace hooked up to the network all over this school," I say, smiling back at her**. I turn my hand to squeeze hers in a sign of confidence.

"_Sorry Minerva, this is not the product of Gryffindor courage; this is an exercise in pure stubbornness to not be defeated by a perceived enemy."_

**"How's Rupert?"** I ask, noticing he is not hovering around me.

**"Rupert left yesterday to file suit against the Ministry,"** Minerva informs me quietly. **"He will be back tonight for a visit."**

**"Stupid prat,"** I blurt out, causing both teachers to stare at me.** "Let's just throw more fuel on the fire. He does not live with that psychotic hag on a daily basis. Every time he files a brief, I pay for it."** I can feel my face redden in anger. I did not realize how angry I was over this latest development. The legal maneuvers are for my benefit and not to feed his ego by sticking it to the Ministry.

**"Minerva, Albus, I told you not to get her worked up,"** Poppy orders, pulling my hand away from Minerva to take a pulse.** "I need for her to get some rest."**

No one ever questions an order from Poppy. Even the school's headmaster does not question her requests. She has been able to put Dolores in her place more than once.

Once everyone leaves, Poppy gives me a dose of some foul tasting potion. I always wonder why they cannot be a fruity flavor.

Today is Thursday, and I have decided that I must attend the staff meeting about Ursula before returning to my quarters after being released from the Hospital Wing. The headmaster has been holding off this conference until I am able to be out of bed. Rupert owled a letter saying he would be back on Saturday.

As I enter the Staff Room, I notice all eyes are on me. I cannot tell if my colleagues are wondering about the attack and its effect on my so-called "fragile mental state" or my reaction to the injustice being carried out on one poor Slytherin student.

Dolores is taking center stage with the normal threats of probation for infractions of the educational "disgraces" put in place by her. She seems to be stalling in an effort to maintain control over us.

It is a bit unusual for Dumbledore to conduct these meetings since the beginning of the school year. He manages to wrestle a second to butt into Dolores's meaningless babbling. When he finishes, I become the center of attention.

**"I know that Poppy has explained what to do if Ursula should have an episode, but I wanted to give some advice about the aftermath of seizure,"** I tell my colleagues, watching Dolores in the corner of the room looking furious. **"I know what it's like waking up to the staring of classmates and well-meaning teachers. Being seen at such a vulnerable moment is often more frightening then the seizure itself."**

It is really therapeutic being able to let loose twenty-four years of anger, fear, humiliation, and doubt. I finally have a room full of my former teachers and headmaster listening to my true feelings without judging me.

**"I want to start with knowing when to leave the room before something starts. I know when I am going to have one rather quickly; however, Ursula will need to learn this for herself. Seizures are like finger prints, they are different for every person, but many look quite alike."** Minerva and Dumbledore are giving looks of pride as I am able to continue with,** "I can only tell you my feelings and sensations."**

**"Hem, hem."** Dolores interjects into the conversation with her signature cough.

**"Dolores, can I offer you some of my peppermint tea to sooth the irritation in your throat? I know that Madam Pomfrey has a wonderful cough syrup to tame that tickle,"** I hear Minerva tell Dolores, smiling in false pleasantness. If it were possible, I think the entire room would break out in applause for the jibe. Instead, we settle for smirks and sniggering quietly.

"_Saucer of milk for two, table three!" _

Dolores resumes her sulking near the Boggart-infested wardrobe. Severus, on the other hand, seems to find the exchange very amusing. He has his arms crossed, sitting in an overstuffed blue chair, and tapping one forearm with an index finger.

**"Please resume,"** Dumbledore says, eyes full of amusement.

**"I always get some sort of warning, but the Healers at St. Mungo's called this an 'aura.' At that first hint, I always feel a compulsion to leave the room before I can embarrass myself in front of others. I know this is stupid and dangerous, but I just cannot stop myself, because I am not in control of my body. I have to say, we need to recognize this with Ursula. I know the feeling of panic, and I want to save her from any teasing from the other students. We need to agree on a signal for her to let us know when she is about to have a seizure. I know when I went here, I would raise my hand and ask to step out of the room, a teacher would then send another student on an 'errand,' and they would follow me to a predetermined area or to see Poppy. I think this should work fine for Ursula."** I stop to catch my breath, and I notice a few heads nodding. Oddly enough, I don't see Severus's normal scowl of disagreement, because I have spoken my mind.

**"I feel that is quite agreeable,"** Minerva says, knowing how well this worked in the past.

**"Hem, hem."** Dolores walks towards me looking irritated by not being the center of attention. **"Giving her this excuse to skive off classes because she wants to miss some assignment is ridiculous."**

**"I never abused it. I hated calling attention to myself in class. Besides, I had to report to Poppy, and I don't think being poked and prodded by her is a pleasant holiday from class."** I look across the room at the school matron to see her reaction. **"No offense, Poppy."** Poppy has a look of amusement on her face as I finish my defense.** "Aden Stanhope is looking for me to help his daughter work through this. I don't think he would appreciate your assistance with her, considering your track record with her well-being."**

The other teachers notice I have put Dolores in her place on my own, and I feel the scale of credibility has shifted closer to me.

**"I know Poppy has already gone over the first-aid portion; however, I want to mention the aftermath. I know the feeling of having your classmates watching you lying on the classroom floor, laughing at you. Please, clear the room for her sake. Dismiss the class to the library under pain of death. I know you all understand she is not faking an episode or having a tantrum, Dolores,"** I say pointedly, looking in her direction with disgust. **"I can tell you from experience, she probably cannot hear you or respond."**

I start to say something; however, I am cut off by Dolores shouting, **"Eleanor, I want to give you a piece of my mind!"**

**"Sure you can spare it, Dolores!"** I shout back.

**"How dare you!"** She is now on her feet, red faced, and with the wand in her hand spitting out sparks.

**"I feel your conduct is unprofessional and disrespectful. You seem to have a wish for us to follow an example of behavior set forth by our omnipotent Ministry, but you violate those parameters constantly, so I chose not to follow,"** I tell her with little fear.

**"You are completely unhinged and need to be committed for your own safety,"** she says menacingly.

**"Didn't your last attempt to reform my behavior over the holidays fail miserably? Stop derailing the conversation, Dolores. We are here to handle the future of one very troubled student."** I am attempting to keep the conversation professional; however, I am not doing a good job.

**"I will discuss this later with you in my office,"** she threatens.

**"This will have to wait until Saturday when my solicitor is available. Isn't there a restraining order concerning your little meetings,"** I remind her, feeling quite empowered.

**"I refuse to be insulted like this, Eleanor. We shall deal with this later,"** she says, walking to the door in a blur of pink anger.

I find myself with my back on the assembled group, but I turn around when a round of applause catches my attention. The only person not joining in the celebration is predictably Severus. I have to give him credit, he seems to have a bizarre smirk on his face.

As I leave the meeting, I remember that I need to take inventory of what was stolen. There is nothing incriminating in the books. I think Dolores may be focused on what notes I have written in the law books. I hate to break it to her, most of the scribbling came from reminders of the cases I saw during my summers at school. Dad dragged me to court whenever he could, and I really enjoyed the theatrics of the trials. Dad has a way of giving his summations with a flourish; I always felt the desire to break out into applause after closing arguments.

In each law book, I tried to compare the differences and similarities between wizarding and Muggle law. I found cases that were held in both courts with the same outcomes on each decision. The major differences I found are in the area of tort law. The Muggle courts make it so much easier to file a civil suit, but in the wizarding courts, the cases are filed very rarely; there are very few cases taken to trial because of the difficulty in proving there has been an infraction. I guess the Ministry figures most tort issues can be settled with a wand.

I am shocked when I hear my name is called before I can open up the door. **"Nell, let me help you sort through your things,"** Minerva says.

**"I'm a big girl now, and I am certain that nothing incriminating is missing,"** I tell her, pushing the door open.

I notice someone has fixed the walls, but no one has put anything back the way it was that night. I feel sick when I look at the overturned table where I landed. I can still hear the snap of my shoulder when those idiots hit me with a banishing curse.

I feel Minerva's reassuring arm around my shoulders attempting to comfort me as I survey the chaotic vista in front of me.** "I still feel you should move back to the Staff Wing."** I can feel the tension in her voice, and Minerva's grip on my shoulder is almost painful.

I manage to extricate myself from her grip to pick up books from the floor wondering what the bumbling thieves took.

Both law books are lying on the floor with one of them open towards the ceiling; my notes are clearly visible to any observer. As I take inventory, I discover that the poems are missing. I have a wide range of emotions running through my brain. I feel violated, relieved my notes are still there, and amusement at how thick a person can be to mistake a book of poetry for law books; however, a pang of worry surfaces to my mind.

"_Maybe someone was looking for my poems?"_

**"Nell, is any thing wrong?"** Minerva asks, walking over to me putting her arms around me again.** "I know how frightened you must feel."**

**"No,"** I coolly lie. **"They didn't get a damn thing."**

Minerva and I put the room back together and repair the shattered remnants of several picture frames. My heart breaks as Minerva picks up a picture of Remus sitting next to me and Aggie. I can feel the sting of unshed tears in my eyes at the sight of the picture frame with a crack running between me and the two of the most important persons in my life. I sit down on the sofa as I take the frame away from Minerva and repair it without another word.

Three hours later, you cannot tell that some horrible event took place in the room. As Minerva leaves, she attempts to convince me to move to the Staff Wing; however, I stand my ground and promise to see Professor Dumbledore for a discussion on the papers hiding downstairs.


	19. Houses

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

_**By**_

_**Eleanor Belle**_

_**Chapter 19**_

_**Houses**_

I am waking up to Daisy's incessant insistence that I get out of bed and feed her. Still drowsy, I use my wand to open up a can of her favorite dog food. The label shows a witch walking a Crup down a street. I look towards the calendar on my desk next to the kitchen, and I realize I have a meeting at the Headmaster's office at nine; in addition, Rupert wrote he would be here to join me for lunch. I am rather curious as to the plan we will devise to secure the documents I took from the Ministry. That day when I confronted Dolores in my office last August seems a lifetime ago.

I arrive for a meeting with Dumbledore. The last time I was here for anything serious is when I put toe-shoes on Severus, and I received a week of detention weeding the Quidditch Pitch with tweezers.

I find myself staring at the huge griffin leading to the stairs of the headmaster's office, and I give the usual passwords dealing with some unusual sweets. As I enter the office full of portraits snoozing in their frames and bizarre little machines whirring away, there is a trio of faces staring back at me. Dumbledore, Rupert, and Minerva are looking at me with very grim expressions.

"**Have a seat,"** Dumbledore says, offering a bowl full of lemon drops. I politely decline as my stomach drops to my feet. He takes a deep breath then says, **"I feel that it is important to settle the complications from this audit you have conducted over Ministry finances."**

"**What do you mean 'complications'?" I ask. "I conducted the review and took the paperwork as proof Fudge and Dolores were crossing the line with their abuse of Ministry procedure,"** I tell him, shifting uncomfortably in my chair. I hate being put on the spot.

"**Nell, I have been able to retrieve the papers successfully,"** Dumbledore says, quickly putting my mind at ease. **"However, I am not going to tell you where they are just yet."**

"**Are you saying you don't trust me?"** I inquire in shock. I look down at the floor and notice that I can see my heart pounding underneath my robes. I look over to Rupert in outrage, saying, **"Rupert, you are my solicitor! Are you in on this as well?"**

"**Nell, I need to tell you…"** Minerva cuts in before he could give voice his thought.

Minerva rises out of her chair and walks over to where I am sitting, taking my hand. Her soul-penetrating stare renders me speechless as she tells me quietly**, "Nell, you have been through such horrible trauma in your life; I am a bit worried about you right now. I don't want to see you locked away somewhere far from our help."** She takes her free hand and runs it down my hair then places it on my shoulder in an attempt to reassure me, but I find it unnerving that she is treating me like a toddler waking from a horrible nightmare. **"You are so frail right now, and I am worried about your safety since you were attacked earlier this week; I am so frightened it will happen again."**

Rupert finds his voice again. **"The less you know, the better. I know Dolores searches your personal property almost daily now, and we know that there is nowhere left to hide."**

Dumbledore cuts in with**, "I am concerned about your current ability to defend yourself. The last attack could have seen you killed. I worry about your strength to fight off an attempt at coercion by curses or potions."** I feel the hammer blow**. "I know you have been taught resistance to these methods of interrogation, but your frail state might impair this ability,"** Dumbledore shares, interlocking his hands serenely. I am finding myself becoming angrier as he does this, because I see this behavior as patronizing. **"I also feel the less you know, the better."**

"_So, you're treating me like a mushroom; you keep me in the dark and feed me lots of shit."_

"**Nell, the Headmaster has already taken charge of the evidence you have retrieved and put it into the proper hands. I am concerned you may not be able to do this,"** Rupert states, unable to meet my gaze.

"**So, you are saying my choices are unreliable as well? You think I am in danger of going around the twist, or my holiday at St. Mungo's has damaged me in some way!"** I blurt out loudly, causing the snoozing portraits to awaken with a grunt. I hear a few say, **"How dare she!"**

"**To put it simply, you have a reputation of leaping into action without looking for potential consequences,"** Dumbledore reiterates, leaning back in his chair.

I am hurt that the three people whom I admire most are treating me like a child. I interject**, "Let me get this straight. You are afraid that my psychological functioning has been impaired by a near fatal seizure twenty years ago, I could be forced to give up the location of the papers, or I might do something rash with them that could see me thrown in prison."**

"**Nell,"** Minerva calls my name soothingly. **"We just want to protect you from any further harm." **She sighs loudly and fixes the collar of my shirt. I am ready to knock her hand off of my neck; however, I know that she tends to fidget to hide the extent of her worry.

"**Why does everyone feel I need protection from someone or something? What you are really saying is that I need to be protected from myself."** I'm starting to hyperventilate and attempt to calm down.

"**This is my decision for better or worse. When the time is right, we will determine the best course of action. Until then, you need to put this out of your mind and concentrate on making it to the end of the year,"** Dumbledore states with a note of finality. I feel any further arguments will do little good. This will only strengthen the assertion that I am one butterbeer short of a party.

I turn on my heel and walk quietly out of the office down to the exit into the hallway. I hear someone running up to me from behind.

"**Nell, stop!"** Rupert shouts, but I continue towards my office to collect my thoughts. **"Nell, please stop so I can talk to you!"**

When he catches up to me, I vent my anger and hurt upon him. **"I thought you were here to look after my legal affairs and not help others to interfere with my life."**

"**Nell, it's for your own good. Just trust Dumbledore to handle this,"** Rupert states, attempting to calm me down.

I am afraid I am going to snap and hurt him; I need to get out of here quickly, but Rupert calls my name again as I walk away.

I turn sharply, walk over to him in a rage, and inches from his face I growl, **"Piss off, Rupert."**

I have somehow made it to my office without cursing Rupert or any one else for that matter. I sit here with my face in my hands waiting for tears that have not come. Why are the others dancing on egg-shells when dealing with me? Do they think I am crazy, and they are just humoring me like they did when I was fifteen, trying to placate me? I guess I will know when I am dragged out of the school for a stay at Hotel de St. Mungo's. Will I have that private suite all to myself again in the Psychiatric Isolation ward?

"**Sulking again, Eleanor?"** I hear a drawling voice that can only be from our so beloved Potions Master coming in from the door way leading to my office.

I look up in an attempt to be civil; however, I can only blurt out inquiringly**, "Do you have some purpose for being in here or just paying me a royal visit?"**

"**A little defensive, are we?"** Severus is walking over to my desk with his arms crossed and an irritating glint in his eye.

"**What do you want, Severus?"** I inquire with a sigh of irritation, cupping my face with my palm.

"**I came to see how you were getting along after your stay in the Hospital Wing,"** he says, with a sickening false grin**. "On a different note, Eleanor, I saw Rupert leaving without eating lunch with you, lover's quarrel perhaps?"** he asks, leaning down over me, resting his palms on the desk. His face is only a foot from mine. **"I heard that Dumbledore retrieved your papers, but he never revealed what he did with them during your meeting."**

"**How do you know about that?"** I inquire, my voice rising in volume. **"I take it you know what happened to those papers."**

"**Let's just say some of us are a bit more responsible and don't have a history of being a bit off center."** He takes his hands off of my desk and crosses his arms with an air of superiority.

"**You have room to talk. Aren't you the one who went skipping off happily to join the rest of the psychotic little worms from your year who became Death Eaters?"** I notice his superiority is disappearing quickly and replaced by insecurity. **"You are one of the most narcissistic persons I have ever seen. Maybe you are the one who needs therapy to rid yourself of that personality disorder of yours."**

"**Eleanor, you are making a case to have yourself locked away,"** he says, defaulting to the only defense he could come up with. When ever he cannot come up with a proper cut-down, he goes back to calling me a head case.

I pull my wand out of my sleeve and throw it on the desk in front of me. I make a gesture like I am waiting to be arrested, and I say, **"Go ahead then. Send me packing to the Ministry Funny Farm, Severus. You seem so insistent that I need to be there; you can haul me away without resistance. Look, I am not armed."** He seems off-footed by my behavior.

"**Eleanor, you are beyond help,"** he states, turning away from me and walking out the door.

"**Thanks for stopping by! That was quite a nice chat!"** I shout at the now vacant doorway. As I finish venting my spleen, I sit down to put my head into my hands, trying not to think about how everyone has betrayed me.

I have been sitting here for the past few minutes attempting to put my thoughts together before attempting the long walk to my quarters. I just want to be alone with the only thing I can trust not to turn their back on me, Daisy. I feel that a cup of hot chocolate and a little attention from my dog should make me feel better. The feeling of having my hopes, dreams, friends, and simple control on determining a course to pursue in my life has slipped away. What is the point for living when I have no one to depend on for a soft place to fall?

Today is Sunday, and I wake up to a sense of depression, sitting on the bed attempting to understand why I am so miserable. I realize I have not prepared for the activity on Monday or braced myself for Dolores's normal grilling at one of her meetings. I slowly drag my arse across the school without looking anyone in the eye. I definitely feel anti-social this morning.

I have sat down at my desk with little initiative to do anything other than sulk and feel sorry for myself. I don't know if I have the energy to even make my way into the holidays. The passing of the last twenty-four hours has done little to soften the blow of finding two of your mentors feel that you are unable to handle your own affairs, and you cannot be trusted with anything.

A knock on my office door and a familiar voice captures my attention at once. **"Professor, it's me, Ursula. I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. You look a little busy, and I can come back later."**

I cannot turn away from her now. She needs someone who understands her. I have to snap out of this deep torpor, because I am responsible for her.

I motion her to sit down and offer her a box with a smiling witch and a newt dancing a waltz across the front of the package. I have always found that Chocolate Frogs and Ginger Newts go a long way in easing the angst of most children. I offer her the biscuit and ask, **"How did things go with the others this week? Did anyone tease you about your seizure in the classroom or have the others found someone else to dine out on for a while?"** She grabs her newt-shaped snack and sits across the desk from me in an overstuffed chair.

Ursula swallows the dry biscuit quickly and says, **"It was odd. I had a couple of students make fun of me, but it stopped by the end of the day. I know that Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson were pretending to swoon and warn people to watch out that I may be contagious. I think they wanted make me cry like a baby, and then I would run to a teacher and snitch on them."** She seems a little disheartened, but she smiles as she continues with, "**They stopped teasing when I caught them snogging in a broom cupboard on the fourth floor. He was going to curse me, but Pansy said something about my father finding out about it."**

This is the first time in my life another human needs me for guidance and comfort. I am almost afraid to continue the conversation, because I do not want to ruin her life for saying the wrong thing.

"**Any problems in Professor Umbridge's class for you?"** I ask, feeling like I am walking on a tightrope over a very wide canyon. I have no idea where I am drawing the strength to keep the conversation going.

"**She hasn't said anything to me. When I sat with Georgia in the library, she seemed to stare at me the entire time. I don't like it. Sometimes it seems like she is following me."**

I cannot come up with a sensible way to handle the Dolores problem with a thirteen-year -old. I don't want her inside a dangerous game played by adults. So, I think it would be better to come up with another topic to steer around this issue.

"**Did you and Georgia talk about what happened to you in class?"** I ask, tempting her with another ginger newt, but she waves away the box.

Her face reddens a bit when she says, **"We did talk about it, but she seemed to be afraid of what to do if I have another. I get the impression she thinks I will have a seizure if I so much as sneeze."**

"_Been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt." _

"**My friend, Aggie, did the same thing. It takes a while, and then you and your friends just forget about having the possibility to have one."** She seems to perk up a bit, but I can read the next question from her face. **"I think that a short lesson on first-aid from Madam Pomfrey with a few of your closest friends is important. It tends to take some of the fear away from the people who are around you most of the time. By the way, we have solved what to do if you feel like you're going to have one in class."**

Ursula looks down at the floor as she says, **"I'm afraid of having one in front of everyone. I don't want to sit in classes waiting for someone to tease me when I fall down."**

"**The other teachers and I have agreed to use the same system I had when I was a student here. There will come a time when you will figure out when a seizure will hit, and you will be able to leave before calling attention to yourself. Just raise your hand and ask to step out of the room. In a few moments, a student will be sent on an 'errand' for that teacher, and you the two of you will make your way to another quiet room or the Hospital Wing,"** I say in a positive tone, but she seems a bit tense.

"**What if I don't figure this out in time?"** she asks. **"I don't want to embarrass myself in front of a class again."**

"**After years of having me in their classes, all of the teachers know to kick everyone out and send them to the library on pain of death for not going,"** I tell her with a forced smile.

"**I better get going to my common room, I have an essay for Professor Snape due in the morning,"** she tells me quietly, standing up to walk out the door. **"Thanks for the Ginger Newts."**

"**Ursula, I am always here if you need me."** I walk over to the door and give her a quick hug of reassurance. I stand against the door jamb to watch her walk down the shadowy hallway, praying silently I have not screwed up her head.

I am torn between two feelings. First, I discover a certain giddiness at being needed, because I am truly needed to keep Ursula safe and whole. I have always been the one needing comfort and reassurance. So many times others have jumped in to help me before the situation became out of control. She needs me as much as I need her. The second feeling is that of the burden of responsibility placed on my shoulders. The pressure is crushing, and I have a horrible fear that it would only take one bit of poorly given advice to ruin her life.

I have no idea how Minerva has survived several decades of working with generations of students without going mad.

Monday has snuck up on me again, and I sign in on the clipboard to confirm we actually showed up for our classes on time. As we sign in one-by-one, there is a notice that our usual meeting has been cancelled. The teachers have an on-going bet on with Dolores's scheduling. Many bet she has become ill or died. In my opinion, she is zeroing in on one of the staff and needs the time to develop a plan to do this. Knowing Dolores, she is going to make this event very public. I just cannot decide if she is going after me, Hagrid, or Sibyll. My instinct tells me that Sibyll is the first on the chopping block, because she has few social connections in and outside of the school to give her the capability of gathering up defenses against Dolores's continuous attacks.

This morning Ursula is looking quite happy in class. She is all smiles when she catches my eye a few times during this morning's activity. It is really a relief to see that Ursula is finally finding joy just being a kid. This is something that has been taken away by from someone like Potter, who is being treated like an adult. Why can't they just let him be a kid? This kind of treatment is one of the worst types of child abuse that I know of. This is the time when he should be having that first awkward kiss with some pretty girl, sitting in his dorm room laughing about some silly prank pulled during class, sneaking food from the kitchens for some impromptu party, or going to The Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer on a cold winter day. I know he stopped Voldemort, but it is not fair to try him like some criminal who murdered someone in cold blood for a childish incident like underage magic.

This afternoon, I am on my way to take a leisurely break from the usual boring meeting held by Dolores. When I look down as I enter the doorway of my office, there is an envelope that has been shoved underneath my doorway. The contents are in the same cramped handwriting as before.

_**Houses**_

_**By**_

_**A.S.J. Tessimond**_

_**People who are afraid of themselves  
Multiply themselves into families  
And so divide themselves  
And so become less afraid.**_

People who might have to go out  
Into clanging strangers' laughter,  
Crowd under roofs, make compacts  
To no more than smile at each other.

People who might meet their own faces  
Or surprise their own voices in doorways  
Build themselves rooms without mirrors  
And live between walls without echoes.

People who might meet other faces  
And unknown voices round corners  
Build themselves rooms all mirrors  
And live between walls all echoes.

People who are afraid to go naked  
Clothe themselves in families, houses,  
But are still afraid of death  
Because death one day will undress them.

I like this one because of my belief that making friends and connections outside of your house is very important for functioning in the real world. I was rarely asked what house I was placed in during school when at work. I never asked; I really don't care about where someone was placed during the sorting ceremony. The only issue that concerns me is that I said exactly that recently to Ursula; I did not mention it to anyone else. I am a little worried about someone over hearing my conversations. My sense of safety is rapidly dwindling. Why is this person doing to me? Is it out of some twisted sense of admiration or a plot to scare me? I like the content of the poems; however, the idea of someone watching me is creepy. I am not sure if I can let this continue. The only way to put an end to this is to figure out and confront the person sending the poems to me.

I look up towards my clock, and I notice that it is after five. I think I might make it in time to catch the end of dinner. I can hear shouting from the hallway leading to the Great Hall.

Dolores is on a roll castigating someone, and I assume the noise is from some infraction of one of her stupid decrees; however, I realize I am dead wrong. Sibyll's unmistakable voice shows signs of hysteria. As I make it to the mezzanine above the Entrance Hall, I can see a circle of staff and students surrounding a scene of horror.

I am right on target with my prediction. Dolores did use the afternoon to develop this spectacle of public humiliation. Poor Sibyll, she does not deserve this at all. Her class is not exactly a career-based class, unlike mine; however, it does prove useful in sharpening your deductive skills.

Dolores's attack appears to have started out quite violent, judging from the trunks scattered about the floor. Although Sibyll appears to be down right vapid, she takes pride in taking care of the instruments of her craft. She almost reminds me of Severus and his potions supplies.

Severus has bolted from his dungeon with his wand in his hand as the sounds have grown louder. He is wearing a nasty scowl on his face. His dark expression does not show if he is bothered by Sibyll's drama or Dolores's behavior. He looks up at me from below as if I caused the theatrics in front of the staff.

Poor Sibyll, she has completely fallen apart at the seams. She is holding a bottle of sherry like a life preserver on a sinking ship. I am relieved as Dumbledore shows up to put a stop to Dolores's tirade. She may have sacked the poor woman but forgot that Dumbledore determines who uses Hogwarts as their owl post address. As Minerva and several of the others help Sibyll back to her home, there is a sound no one expected. I can hear the unshod hooves walking slowly through the front doors, and I realize who has become our new Divination teacher. His name is Firenze. He is a handsome centaur, and Dolores's worst nightmare.

"_Aww. Is ickle Dolores afraid of the pretty pony?"_

I feel a certain satisfaction in Dumbledore trumping Dolores's control. This feeling is quite short lived when Dolores stomps up to where I am standing and says, "There's one out of the way. Don't get too comfortable, Eleanor, because I don't think he will be able jump as quickly to your rescue before long." She strolls heavily down the hallway.


	20. Suicide Solution

_**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**_

_**By:**_

_**Eleanor Belle**_

_**Chapter 20:**_

_**Suicide Solution**_

Dolores's warning has me very unnerved as I walk back to my quarters to retire for the night. The dynamic at the school is causing a wedge between the staff and students. It's like the students no longer trust us, because our character and abilities to teach are being called into question. The loyalty to a favorite teacher is splitting students along House lines. I especially see this with the Slytherin students isolating themselves from the rest of the school population. It's sickening how Ursula is now caught in the middle. When it is constantly hammered into their heads a teacher is incompetent, the students tend to take this a gospel. I wonder what the students say about me behind locked doors.

Tuesday morning's tension at breakfast is frightening. The teachers are very quiet, and there is little discussion during our meal, because we are all afraid to say anything Dolores might over hear. I could swear that she owns an Invisibility Cloak and a Time Turner. How is she able to be all over the school at the same time? I know she was attending Sibyll's class multiple times per day; however, there is no way she could attend her own classes at the same time. Is there a chance she was in my office when I talked to Ursula? There are security charms to detect this subterfuge, but Dolores has resources to counteract my efforts.

During this morning's classes with the Slytherin third years, Dolores has decided to pay me one of her visits. I am not sure if I want to continue with my normal plans or conduct a "dog and pony show" to please her. My original plan is to have the students put on a bit of a Muggle fashion show from extra clothing my parents have been sending from second hand shops in London. I am having the students grade their peers on correctness and originality.

Despite my worries, I am having fun with this one. Some of the outfits are completely outrageous. Ursula seems to have put more effort into her assignment than her classmates. She is wearing a cocktail dress and a pair of trainers. As I wrap up the lesson, Dolores walks out of the classroom without saying a word. Normally, I would find this amusing, but now I find it unnerving. I need the normal nasty comment to see where she stands that day. Is she a little slow on the uptake this morning or just suffering from a bad case of PMS?

During lunch, Minerva attempts to start a conversation; however, I give her the cold shoulder, because she has violated my trust on so many levels. Not only did she conspire to help Dumbledore hide the truth from me, but she treats me like a child. I am not sure what I would do if Dumbledore were to call me into his office to speak to me. As I digest my feelings towards the situation, I realize Rupert is thrown into the mix. Should I sack him for what he has done to me? He is my lawyer and not my nanny. I really have to figure this situation out by confronting him during his normal Saturday visit.

After lunch, I notice Severus has been making himself scarce. I know he is kissing Dolores's arse, but I wonder if this is just one of his "playing one side against the other" moments. He used to cause chaos when he was a student here with this little game of his. I cannot believe Dumbledore trusts him more than me. He told Snape, a two-faced traitor and a gutter-dwelling bastard, about where my papers are hidden, and what has happened to them now. I am the one who took the initiative and risk when I ordered that audit, not Snape; it's just not fair. Why does everyone say keeping me in the dark is "for my own good?" What is so damn important about a few receipts that could warrant being treated like an infant? I would be the last person that would compromise my own investigation. I just want to stand in the middle of the Great Hall and scream, "I am not some weak-minded head case who needs someone else to decide what is 'for my own good'!"

I am really angry this Wednesday morning, because Dolores has called a meeting at 6:30. All this drama surrounding my situation is wearing thin with me. I am tired of my treatment by Minerva, Dumbledore, and Rupert; Severus is not helping my attitude towards the school with his nasty gibes at my mental health.

I can hear voices as I approach the door to the Staff Room. I notice my name is mentioned several times, and I decide that a little eaves-dropping might fill in the blanks. I can distinctly hear the indifferent tone of Severus and the concerned voice of Minerva.

**"Severus, are you sure no one saw you retrieving the papers from behind that painting?"** Minerva inquires. **"I have noticed that Dolores seems to be fawning all over you when ever she can."**

**"I made sure no one was around at the time. Filch was cleaning up after one of Peeves' stupid pranks, and Dolores was occupied by giving a student detention," he says haughtily.** **"I can tell you Eleanor is taking exception to Dumbledore's wish to withhold that evidence from her. She has no idea about what kind of trouble she has stirred up with this."**

**"The Headmaster is concerned Nell will have some sort of break with reality before the end of the term. Filius said she has been walking about the school looking as if she were lost,"** Minerva says with note of worry in her voice. **"I hope she will not do anything rash like hurting herself again."**

**"Even without this current situation, Eleanor would find some sort of drama in her life to occupy her time. You might want to tell Poppy to hide her medication again, because she might decide to poison herself one day,"** Severus drawls; his foot steps seem to be coming closer towards the door, but he moves to another part of the room away from my hiding place. "**She is such a drama queen, and I cannot figure out why everyone is wasting their time dealing with her. She is faking seizures for more attention."**

**"I can assure you they are real,"** Minerva says indignantly.** "This has nothing to do with her having another breakdown."**

**"Didn't you hear that Dumbledore wrote to her parents last week about the possibility of having her committed until this whole situation blows over? However, her parents are vehemently opposed to the idea; they seem to mistakenly believe she will come out of it on her own. One day she will just snap again and hurt herself or someone else. I think she is a danger to Ursula Stanhope."** I am absolutely furious while listening to this exchange. I see how deep their betrayal has run as Severus talks about my commitment.

**"I forbid you to make light of her mental and physical status in front of her,"** Minerva orders angrily.** "I think Albus is doing the best thing keeping Nell in the dark to prevent her from doing something that will see her in Azkaban or killed. She is so frail right now. I don't want to lose her because of some heart attack brought on by all this stress. She needs to enjoy what little time is left to her."**

**"You and Dumbledore coddle her too much. How much of her erratic behavior is a ploy for pity from the pair of you? Face it. She uses her issues to manipulate people," Severus says spitefully. "Why doesn't the Headmaster just send her home to stay with her parents and have that substitute teacher deal with her classes. It's not like Muggle Studies is essential for anything when students leave the school."**

Minerva inquires, **"If we send her away, who will protect her? Nell is not aware of what she has done by conducting that audit. She does not know that Fudge…"**

Pomona walks up from behind, causing me to jump involuntarily. She bids me good morning and the conversation in the Staff Room comes to a quick end. I walk into the room acting innocent and oblivious to the situation. I hope my coldness in manner does not give the impression I know what they said about me. I wonder if Ursula's father has been told about my supposed downward spiral of mental health.

Dolores shows up to begin the meeting. The content is so pointless, and I cannot follow the thread of the conversation, because I am too preoccupied with what to do about the handling of the situation. I think a direct confrontation would be a bad idea. I would look completely delusional, and I might find myself hauled away with straight jacket hex.

Dolores does not like missing her meals, and she ends the meeting so she can stuff her face this morning. I follow in everyone's wake to see if I can over hear anything; however, the others only talk about our new Divination teacher.

I have managed to make it through the day and all I want to do is go to my quarters. I want to sleep and attempt the process of "tending to my wounds." I can hear someone shouting my name. I realize that it is Rupert.

**"Nell, wait up,"** he says, panting from his effort to catch up with me.

**"What are you doing here?"** I inquire angrily. **"It's only Wednesday."** I stop in my tracks, turning to face him.

**"I came here just to see you. McGonagall sent an owl to me this morning, because she is concerned about how depressed you seem to be since Monday,"** he says in a rush of words, walking around me to block an escape. **"I need to clear up any misunderstandings from our meeting with Dumbledore. I want to discuss why I was there. I hope to do this rationally now that you have had a chance to calm down."**

I walk into an empty classroom and prepare to let him have it. I know that I cannot act like an infant and throw a tantrum.

**"I should sack you for interfering with my life; however, I am stuck with you, because I would hate to disappoint my father. Did you go running to him before our meeting?"**

**"Nell, I didn't mean to hurt you, but I am just keeping you away from harm."** He looks at me, waiting for a verbal assault to come; however, I am not going to vent, because I don't want anyone thinking I have lost my mind.

**"I have news for the lot of you; I don't want your coddling, pity, or help. I started this fiasco, and I want to finish this on my own,"** I tell him acidly, wanting to strike out in some way at him.

Rupert reaches out to grab my hand, but I recoil from his grip.** "Nell, you don't understand what has been dredged up by your investigation. There are wheels in motion that you cannot stop. You are in danger; the attack in your quarters is a sign that the situation is heating up."**

**"What are you talking about when you say, 'there are wheels in motion'?"** I inquire. I can feel my level of anxiety building as my heart beats harder and my mouth runs dry. I instinctively look around the room to see if anyone is listening in.

**"I cannot tell you that,"** he says with an expression of guilt. **"It's …"**

I finish his sentence in unison with him sarcastically. **"For my own good."** I glare at him, crossing my arms in a defensive motion. **"What does everyone mean when they tell me, 'it's for my own good'?"**

**"Just trust us to take care of you,"** Rupert says, looking nervous and waiting for some sarcastic comment to fly out of my mouth. **"I know how confused and angry you must feel, but this situation is completely out of my control."**

**As my anger builds, I comment without thinking, "I know that Dumbledore contacted my parents to have me committed."** Rupert's jaw drops in shock. **"I refuse to be manipulated like this. I will not remain here as a pet project in Dumbledore's crusade of saving 'the lost sheep' of the Wizarding World."** I almost regret saying this when the last word escapes my mouth, but I know there are some that have wanted to openly say it; however, they were afraid it was blasphemy to say anything against him. **"From now on, let's just stick with my legal affairs and stop conspiring with Dumbledore and Minerva to ruin my life,"** I growl, turning on my heel, and walk out of the door.

**"Nell, stop and just listen to me for a second,"** Rupert calls into the hallway from the classroom; he sprints up to where I am standing and glances around him, checking that there is no one to over hear. He faces me, takes my hands, and in a low voice he apologetically says, **"Look, I am sorry about this. You have to understand the shock of finding two people breaking into my office and assaulting me when I did not give them what they were looking for. I was frantic as I realized they were coming for you."** His voice is shaky, and he is near tears; however, this does little to soften my seething anger hiding just below the surface, but I don't want to let go of his hands for some bizarre reason. **"I…We could not bear to see anything happen to you,"** he stammers, looking at the floor. **"I think I have said too much"** He gives my hands a final squeeze and walks away without looking back.

This day is the lowest of the low in my life. My only safe harbor seems to be my own quarters where I can cry away from everyone else. I can feel the tears flow as I go and unlock the door; however, my worst nightmare has been realized. Dolores is standing by my couch, and from the look of things, there is a silencing charm on Daisy.

I walk over to Daisy's play area blocked off by a Muggle baby barrier to reverse the charm and shout, **"What the hell have done to my dog!**

A bright flash of light misses my nose by less than an inch; the spell hits the fireplace with a crack. Dolores seems very pleased with herself as she points her wand at me.** "You, filthy, stupid whore, what is his name? I'll bet you have been sneaking off somewhere to satisfy your needs."** I instinctively back away from her in total confusion as she continues with, **"Is it that Rupert of yours? I wondered about those Saturday visits; you were settling more than your legal affairs in your office. I hope it was worth it."**

**"I don't understand …"** I stammer, attempting to pull my wand out of my sleeve, but I am shaking too much to retrieve it. I hear a slight thud as my head hits the wall behind me; I can see silver stars glinting for a moment, clouding my vision.** "I didn't…"**

**"If I get a chance to sack you, I know you will head to Knockturn Alley before long to sell yourself on the streets."** Dolores has her wand pushed into my chest; it feels like she is burning a hole into my skin.** "You cannot lie to me, Eleanor!"** The pain is spreading to my shoulder as she presses harder. **"Why was Rupert here today? I saw you two when I came down the hallway, coming out of that classroom. He was holding your hands."**

**"Dolores …can't breathe."** I gasp, unable to fight back or give her an answer. Suddenly, she releases the pressure on my chest and I wheeze loudly. There is a sickening sensation of nausea taking over taking me.

**"He's been slipping you little love poems on the side, hasn't he? You thought he could smuggle this in without me intercepting it."** She pulls out the Edgar Allen Poe poetry book. I can see bits of mismatched parchment poking out of the cover.** "This is just plain pornography."** She pulls one of the pages from the cover of the book and reads:

_**I watched thee in the breakers when the rock  
Received our prow and all was storm and fear  
And bade thee cling to me through every shock  
This arm would be thy bark or breast thy bier.**_

**"Dolores, I collect poetry from old books and write them on a sheet of paper,"** I lie quickly, hoping she would be satisfied with that explanation.

**"You liar!"** Dolores screeches. **"This is not your handwriting!"** She pushes her wand into my chest again, but this time, the pain has migrated to my head.** "How dare you allow someone to send this filth to the school!"**

The pain is so strong, and I can barely think to articulate an answer.** "It wasn't Rupert,"** I whisper, wishing I could lie down.

**"No more lies!** **Who have you been having this torrid affair with?"** I have a sense that Dolores does not understand how strong of a curse she is holding on me. It's going dark in my vision as I attempt to mumble out an answer, but I just can't. I can feel the burn of the carpet as I hit the floor.

**"Stand up!"** she shrieks. **"I will have order in this school! Do all of you think I don't know the dirty little secrets each of you is hiding? I have disposed of that half-wit Trelawney, and you don't want to be next. Eleanor, I said stand up!"** I hear some incantation, and I feel the pull on my mind, bringing back conscious thought; however, it only lasts for a second as I am swallowed by darkness and pain. I can feel my heart pounding extremely fast as she attempts to pull me back from the abyss once more, but her efforts are failing. I faintly hear, **"Stand up!"** But, her words just fade away.

Waking up comes in with a rush of colors and sensations. My chest feels like Ozzie has kicked me over and over. I look around for Dolores, but I can no longer smell her rancid perfume. As I attempt to process what has happened, I still hear her screaming for me to name my imaginary lover and to stand up after she cursed me. The next thought that slaps me in the face is what happened to Daisy, but her whining and barking tells me that she is safe.

Something is horribly wrong; however, this cannot be due to a seizure. I know that I need help, but I cannot sit up on my own. The large dining room table is only inches from my head; all I need is to pull myself up, so I can find a way to seek help. My effort is wasted as the table cloth slips sideways, and a bottle of medication falls near my head, smashing into the floor with a sickening crack. I just need to rest for a few minutes to regain the courage before trying it again.

**"Rupert, why did you leave her alone?"** Minerva inquires from the other side of the door.** "I sent an owl to you this morning about how worried I was about her."**

**"When I left, she seemed fine,"** Rupert says, knocking on the door. **"Nell, it's Rupert. I need to talk to you. Open the door, please."**

**"More drama from Eleanor, I take it?"** Dolores asks sarcastically.** "What trouble is she causing today?"**

I hear the click of the door knob and the door swings open with a long, moaning creak.** "That's odd, it is already open,"** Minerva says, walking into the parlor, greeted by Daisy behind her barrier.** "Daisy is still here."**

I want desperately to open my eyes again, but they seem to be glued shut. My need to scream for help is over ridden by the pain in my chest and back.

**"Nell?"** Minerva inquires in shock, shaking me gently by the shoulder. I hear the crunching of glass underneath a foot. **"Rupert, is that a bottle of her medication on the floor?"**

Someone gently grabs my wrist saying, **"She's still alive, but just barely."**

**"Nell, why did you do this?"** Minerva asks in disbelief. **"Where did we go wrong?"**

**"It's my entirely my fault; I should have listened to both of you on Monday. All I needed to do is petition the court and have her committed, because she was a danger to herself,"** Rupert says remorsefully. I can feel someone holding my hand and stroking my forehead. **"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would try this a third time."** To my horror, his words let me know what is happening. They think I have attempted to take my own life.

**"I warned you this would happen someday,"** Dolores triumphantly states.** "I saw Eleanor with a man, coming out of an empty classroom this afternoon. They were quarreling about something before he left. Who knows what they were doing alone in that room. She has disgraced the name of the school by not being able to control herself around men and then she decides to kill herself."**

I had no idea Severus is in the room until he inquires, **"Eleanor, what have you done this time?"** He suddenly barks out, **"Osgood, make your self useful and inform Poppy and the Headmaster we need assistance."**

**"Nell, please stay with us," Minerva begs.**

I am comforted by Severus carefully picking me up off of the ground, moving my body the short distance to the comfort of my bed with down duvet, warm sheets, and a soft mattress. They are a welcome change from the floor pressing against my back, but I cannot force myself to keep up with the activity in the room as a fresh burst of pain erupts across my chest and back.

**"Eleanor?"** Severus inquires loudly. His voice disappears in a tidal wave of silence.

Sounds are trickling into my awareness as there are voices in deep discussion around me. I want to open my eyes, but they seem to be sealed shut. I am happy for the mercy of still lying in my own bed.

**"Child, why have you done this to yourself?"** Dumbledore sorrowfully inquires. **"Where is her suicide letter?"**

**"There wasn't a note."** Minerva replies tearfully. **"We searched everywhere, but we couldn't find one."** I can feel a gentle hand stroking my forehead. **"All we found was a smashed potion bottle."**

**"With her previous two attempts, there was always a letter."** Dumbledore seems confused about the lack of a letter, explaining what drove me to attempt taking my own life.

Something is disturbing the positions of the people in the room, causing a sense of discomfort.

**"Nell, what have you done?"** There is a distinct note of disbelief in Poppy's voice. I can sense her bustling about, checking my vital signs while the room develops a chilly silence.** "What did she use this time?"**

I hear Rupert tearfully confess, **"It's entirely my fault, Poppy. I shouldn't have left her alone, but I thought she seemed fine when I left."** Rupert is losing control of his emotions as he sobs loudly. **"When I came in, she was lying next to a smashed potion bottle from her medication. I am so sorry; I will never forgive myself for not listening."**

**"I need to contact her family to be with her and make any arrangements. Step outside with me, Rupert."** Dumbledore requests gently. **"I think it's best if you assist me with notifying her family. Maybe a glass of brandy might help to calm you down."** I can hear both sets footsteps retreating from the room as Rupert continues to sob.

**"Nell!"** Poppy calls my name as I find the strength to open my eyes.** "Can you tell me what happened?"** She shines a bright light into my eyes. **"Nell, tell me what happened!"** she orders loudly.

Before she can get a response, Dolores cuts in with,** "It had to be that argument with the jealous lover, angry that she is seeing other people. Eleanor has problems with self control when it comes to men."** Dolores' attempts to inject her own facts are being ignored. **"I told you she was in a classroom with some boyfriend. I could hear them quarreling."** I can hear that simper in her voice that makes me want to wince. **"You did this to get back at your lover, didn't you?"**

Minerva responds with, **"What has you so fixated on her love life. Is there something you want to tell us about the reason for this fascination, Dolores? Just leave her alone; you are being quite inappropriate. **"

**"Well, I will be in my office filling out the proper forms for removal of her body,"** Dolores snaps.** "It is poor for morale to see a body being removed from here, In case she lives, you will draw up the paperwork to have her committed for her own safety."** I can hear her footsteps as she leaves the room, and I hear her mumble,** "Whore."**

I am a little tired of Dolores' insulting behavior, so I manage to force out, **"Didn't."** They should understand that I didn't attempt to kill myself nor did this because of an out of control need for sex.

Minerva inquires, **"Nell, didn't what?"** I can feel her hand touching my cheek. **"You didn't what?"**

**"Didn't,"** I choke out again; my strength is failing and my eyes shut.

I can hear a voice call my name, but I cannot respond. I surrender to a wave of darkness around me.


	21. For Your Own Good

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_By:_**

**_Eleanor Belle _**

**_Chapter 21: For Your Own Good_**

**_FYI:_ _Pseudo-seizures are caused by repressed emotions not being able to find voice by a person. They are seizures set off during some emotional situations, normally most are caused when a person is feeling judged or stressed. This is NOT a behavior exhibited by a _****_hypochondriac._****_ An Epileptic seizure is an electrical issue in the brain. It is not uncommon for an epileptic to have both types of seizures._**

Voices around me bring back to reality and pain. My eyes are glued shut, and I have that all too familiar feeling of the restraints on my limbs, that horrible lumpy mattress, and the funny smell from the disinfectants used on the Isolation Ward.

"Mr. and Mrs. Howard, I am Healer Thomas Edwards, and I am taking care of your daughter on this ward." As Edwards finishes this sentence, my worst nightmare is being confirmed; I am back at St. Mungo's. **"As you know, she is here due to a possible suicide attempt last night. Eleanor was found in her room, unconscious, and next to a broken bottle of her medication. She didn't have anything in her system; however, I believe there has been some serious concern about her unstable behavior."**

I hear my father say, "**The Headmaster wrote us early this week that she seemed to be battling with some depression. He expressed the possibility of having Nell committed, because she may be having another breakdown."** I can feel his familiar touch as he takes my hand. **"Do you think this could have been a failed third attempt?"**

I want desperately for them to understand I was not trying to kill myself. As I take a breath to speak, I can feel how much pain remains in my chest and back. I manage to gasp out the word **"didn't."**

**"She's been repeating that word over and over since she came here early this morning,"** he informs my parents. **"Does this mean anything to you?"**

**"No, I have no idea."** The tone of Dad's answer seems to indicate he is very concerned about what I meant by saying that word.

**"I have some forms to fill out for an involuntary commitment of an adult patient. I believe a solicitor has begun most of the paperwork for guardianship so you can handle her affairs. You will be responsible for decisions concerning her care. She can no longer check herself out of treatment. I think this is for her own good, because she is a danger to herself."**

**"Our daughter has been very troubled since she was a teenager. Her last episode was at least fifteen years ago, and we hoped that she would never find herself committed again. I know her health has been rapidly declining; however, I kept wishing this would never come to pass,"** Dad states sadly.

**"Nell, it's Mum."** I have no idea how I am going to face her now. **"Can you open your eyes and look at me?"** She strokes my forehead in a comforting gesture, but I still don't want to face my parents.

The glare of the lighting is burning my eyes as I see an elderly Healer standing next to both of my parents. I notice his badge has the name **"Thomas Edwards, Chief Healer, St. Mungo's Psychiatric Ward."**

"_Looks like Bulstrode is now scrubbing bed pans in the 'Spell Damage' ward after all."_

Mum reluctantly signs the papers to have me committed for something I did not do. I feel so betrayed. I desperately want to tell them I am not going around the twist again. This is another example of "it's for my own good" pushed too far.

The Healer leaves the room with the forms, allowing me a few minutes alone with my parents.

**"Nell, we brought you here, because you need the help. Everyone is so worried about you lately."** Dad is trying to control his tears, remaining stoic in this heart breaking moment in his life. **"I tried to get in touch with Remus, but he has been out of contact. Dumbledore said he found some work, and he is attempting to track him down for you."**

Unwanted tears of frustration are falling down my cheeks, and Mum uses a tissue to dry my face. **"We need to leave you, but I promise we'll be back during the next scheduled visiting hour."** She gives me a quick kiss on my forehead, takes my father's hand, and leaves with a stifled sniffle.

The elderly Healer walks back into the room carrying a glass with some type of liquid in it. I obediently swallow what tastes like a cross between motor oil and rotten cabbage. I don't like taking "mystery potions." Experience on this ward has taught me something; patients should never make a fuss when told to take any form of medication, because your refusal to follow directions always makes it into that stupid file that follows you everywhere.

Every time I wake up, it is like being the subject of a slide show. I come back to consciousness to see someone else in the room making comments about my behavior. One time, I float to the edge of consciousness only to hear conversations from several Healers about my case, making me feel like an exhibit at the London Zoo.

A familiar cough permeates the fog impairing my cognitive function, and I realize Dolores is visiting my new home.

**"Healer Edwards is restricting Eleanor's visitors to her guardians and solicitor. I can only let you see her for a few minutes. I could get into a lot of trouble for letting you in here,"** a female voice I don't recognize says in a whisper. **"Be careful not to wake her up, because he wishes her to remain sedated for the next few days."**

From the smell of rancid perfume, I can tell Dolores is standing next to my bed. I hear the scraping of a chair on the floor. "**This is such a tragedy."** She is stroking my hair, and I long to slap her hand away; however, I want to hear what she has to say. **"Her behavior has deteriorated so rapidly in the past few months. It seemed to grow worse when she reappeared after the holiday. Eleanor became violent towards me when I laid down some simple rules after the holiday. Why, she has been caught coming out of empty classrooms with men during the school day; who knows what she is doing in that room."** She has stopped stroking my hair and places her hand over mine. "How sad that she's been declared unable to handle her affairs, and those poor parents having to deal with a troubled child so long, and now they are forced to bear the burden of caring for her once more." It sounds like a false wail of sympathy is coming from her mouth. **"I would like to send her some roses to cheer her up; she so loves flowers."**

"_Princess, if I was not strapped down and wandless, you would be so dead, they would need to bury you twice."_

**"Sorry, Healer Edwards has given orders that nothing may be delivered to her room without permission from her parents,"** the unknown person informs Dolores, correcting my ability to have deliveries.

**"Has she said anything?"** Dolores inquires.

"I really cannot reveal any conversations, but Healer Edwards said she is repeating the word 'didn't' over and over." I can hear the squeak of shoes on the waxed floor. "You were there that night, do you understand what she meant by that?"

**"I have no idea, but Eleanor is so delusional lately, it might just be nonsense. She was walking about the school looking so lost and depressed."** Dolores lets go of my hand, but she is still next to me. **"She is faking some illness to get out of her duties. She even has everyone convinced she is dying."**

**"How awful it must be for you, Madam Umbridge,"** the unknown female voice expresses. **"I am sorry, but this is the most I can allow you to be in here."** The chair moves back to its former position, and I can hear the squeaking of shoes receding out the door.

I am not sure of how much time has passed since I fell back to sleep, but I am finally finding some clearness in thought; however, there are severe cramps rolling across my back and chest. The scrape of the chair against the floor is pulling me rudely back to my misery.

**"Good Morning, Eleanor."** My eyes snap open, and I find that it's Edwards again. I am not really in the mood for socialization right now. "Do you remember me? I am Thomas Edwards, the Chief Healer of the Psychiatric Department; I will be taking care of you." I notice he has that stupid file with every sordid detail of my life. I wonder if Bulstrode's comments are still in there.

**"Eleanor, I want to talk about what happened the day before you came to us,"** he calmly starts the new subject in our conversation. **"You were found in a room with a broken bottle of medication; however, the tests show there was none of it in your system."**

**"I didn't hurt myself,"** I choke out as another cramp slides across my back and chest. **"I fell and tried to pull myself up on the table, but the table cloth moved and a bottle fell off."** I am not going to tell him that cause of the fall was a five foot tall pink nightmare, masquerading as a staff member. I want to keep it to myself until I can speak to Mum and Dad privately. I don't want to sound like I am ranting and raving. **"I kept trying to tell everyone that I didn't do that, but no one seemed to understand."**

It looks like he finally gets the hint as he says, **"Ah, that's why you kept repeating the word 'didn't' over and over."** He does not skip a beat as he asks, **"Your friends seem to worry about how depressed you have been lately. Can you explain why?"**

**"So far, I have been treated like a toddler, dismissed as a nymphomaniac, called too unstable to handle my own affairs, and that I have faked my health problems to gain attention. Yeah, you can say I'm a little depressed and pissed off."** He looks a little shocked with my candid reply to his question.** "For the record, I would like to say that I have not been running around with strange men, satisfying an insatiable appetite for sex. That is a figment of Dolores Umbridge's twisted imagination. Having a boyfriend at the school is a bit difficult; the choices are so limited. They are either way too old or a complete pompous arse."**

**"Eleanor, I have heard that you may be exaggerating the extent of your illness. One source said you were having seizures, but they are caused by stress. They are real seizures; however, they are caused by emotion and not electrical issues. This form of pseudo-seizure could be part of the problem,"** Edwards discusses, his pen poised for my reply.

The restraints are keeping me from shifting my position so I can relieve another round of cramps rolling across my back **"Are you calling me a hypochondriac? I don't like having seizures, because it is painful and a bit embarrassing. I am not making this up because of some repressed feelings,"** I snap, trying to shift again; however, I don't want to scream out in pain; this would look like a ploy for pity. **"I just want to be left alone! I hate calling attention to myself; I had enough of that in school!"**

**"Eleanor, why are you fidgeting so much during our discussion?"** Edwards asks, looking a bit mystified at my behavior. **"I know you want to lash out and hurt me as you did that trainee Healer during your hospitalization after the second suicide attempt."**

**"No."** My wrists and ankles twist in the restraints as another round of blinding pain hits me, trying to escape the torture.

**"I want you to get past your anger issues. Why are you so agitated?"** Edwards inquires, oblivious to my pain.

**"Pain,"** I choke out, my entire body twitching from the agony.

Edward's face is becoming blurry as he says, **"Yes, Eleanor, working on your deepest issues in painful. Don't avoid this issue by expressing it through an imagined illness."**

I just want him to understand this is not in my head. **"Chest hurts…"** I gasp, while my breathing comes in a series of short, high-pitched, popping noises. **"Can't… breathe…"**

Edwards is standing over me, but he is now just a shadow in my blurry vision. **"Eleanor, I need you to calm down; you are going to hurt yourself."** I can feel the relief of the restraints being removed." His voice is rapidly fading as a curtain of grey slides across my eyes. **"Eleanor?"** I can hear him inquire, but I am unable to respond. As everything is going dark, my eyes close for the last time, and I can hear him shout to get someone from Cardiology Department. The last words I hear are, **"Will you hurry! I'm losing her!"**

A rush of noises launches me into awareness as I attempt to orient myself. I can hear the sound of several chairs scraping across the floor and whispers coming from the occupants discussing something urgently. Although my chest no longer has cramps hitting me like waves on an ocean, my breathing is still coming in wheezing gasps.

**"I appreciate you contacting us so quickly,"** whispers someone sounding like Mum. **"We were told that she could have a heart attack one of these days, but I was hoping one would never happen."** Mum has a definite note of sadness. **"Nell has been dealing with this since she was fifteen. I never thought I would be sitting here one day watching her slip away." **What Dolores said about me being a burden to my parents during my entire life has a ring of truth. I have done nothing but brought sadness and misfortune to their lives.

I can hear Edwards' smooth speech as he introduces someone new to the room. **"This is Healer Preston from the Spell Damage Ward."**

**"I thought Nell had a heart attack?"** Mum inquires in confusion. **"When you contacted us, you told me that was the problem."** She seems to be getting a bit worked up.

"From the looks of her condition, she seems to have had several heart attacks in the past few months," says a female voice says whom I do not recognize. "When did someone notice her behavior change drastically?"

**"Her friends at the school said her personality changed in late November. The Headmaster commented that she went from making her normal snappy comments to withdrawn and anti-social."** I can smell Mum's perfume as I feel her familiar touch on my hand. "It was about the same time Minerva McGonagall found her on the bathroom floor covered in blood from falling on a glass that shattered on the floor."

I can hear someone take a deep breath and inquires, **"Where exactly are you going with this?"** I realize the owner of the voice is Dad.

**"Eleanor is the victim of curse that I have only read about in textbooks, because it was outlawed thirty years ago,"** Preston explains in a manner that is not condescending to my parents. "It was used as a way to interrogate someone without using potions. The curse is one that can be quickly learned but easily botched with lethal results."

Edwards cuts in with, **"All it takes is the correct contact of a wand with the vital area of the body you wish to stop working momentarily and cause pain. For example, if applied to the neck, you can cut off someone's ability to breathe."** I can hear him moving closer to where I am lying, and I long to open my eyes to tell what really happened and point the finger at the culprit; however, my wheezing is making it nearly impossible for me to speak.

**"Whoever did this to Eleanor applied it too long in the chest, causing substantial injury on her heart and lungs. I have evidence this is not the first time this may have happened. She may have been attacked around the time of her first collapse."** The Healer has confirmed my worst fear of Dolores trying to kill me.** "Unfortunately, that is not all. This type of curse does not wear off when the wand is withdrawn. The long term effects can be organ damage, cognitive difficulties, and depression."** Preston is attempting to prevent Edwards from taking over her case.

**"I hope your daughter can tell us who did this to her and when it occurred. We cannot help her if I don't know what happened."** Edwards butts into the conversation again like a toddler looking for attention. **"She still needs some psychiatric help; however, the curse's effects need to be eliminated before I can look into her issues. There are some lingering psychological problems brought on by the repeated heart attacks."**

**"If this is some sort of curse causing her problems, isn't there another ward that she should be in?"** Dad inquires. **"Nell told me a long time ago that you have separate wards for magical injuries."**

**"Eleanor is still a danger to herself, and I want to make sure she doesn't find a way to cause self-injury. Just because a curse is undone, doesn't mean the damage is going to go away instantly,"** Edwards comments. **"I am concerned that the person who did this may try again at some point, and here we can restrict visitors very easily."**

**"We want to give you a few minutes alone with Eleanor. She is still in danger of not pulling through, and I think having her parents at her side can increase the odds of a positive outcome,"** Preston says, his footsteps retreating from my bed.

The warm touch of my Mum's hand and Dad's humming a song I once knew as a child is helping me to relax, and I retreat into a restful and healing sleep.

Someone's touch is pulling me out of the abyss to the reality of St. Mungo's. I no longer smell Mum's perfume or Dad's aftershave, so I know the person next to me is not either of my parents. I open my eyes to see Remus and Rupert sitting next to my bed. The familiar hand holding mine is Remus'. The light is very subdued, but I would know it was him holding my hand even if it was pitch dark.

**"We can only stay in here for ten minutes, because Healers Preston and Edwards want her to remain as quiet as possible, because her heart is still in danger of failing again. That curse took so much energy away from her,"** Rupert whispers. **"I am going to leave you both alone for awhile." **I watch him walk across the room and reluctantly leave.

Remus looks so tired and careworn. **"I received a letter from Dumbledore saying that you had tried to kill yourself again; I tried to get here as fast as I could. When I arrived, I found out that you had a heart attack due to some outlawed curse,"** Remus says in a hoarse whisper, stroking the top of my head with his free hand. **"What is this about us and hospital reunions?"** he inquires with a wry grin, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. **"Nell, can you tell me who did this to you?"** I am almost afraid to answer this question, because I know it will get back to everyone, and I don't want to look weak.

However, I know Remus and my parents will not be that judgmental about my capability to take care of myself. I manage to croak out, **"Dolores."** I can feel tears forming in my eyes.

He gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, giving me a charge of courage.** "Did she curse you in November before you collapsed in your bathroom?"** he inquires. Before I can answer, he holds one finger to his lips. **"Just nod or shake your head, I don't want you to wear yourself out."** I manage a weak nod of my head as he asks another question. **"Did it happen again a few days ago?"** I nod my head again, and the tears flow unchecked. **"Were you worried that we wouldn't believe you the first time?"** I nod again, spasms of silent sorrow emanate from my body. **"Nell, your parents and I don't see you as being a liar to gain attention."** Remus pulls out a handkerchief from his threadbare robes.

**"…Weak."** The word comes out in a very breathy whisper. I look away from his eyes out of shame.

He turns my face to look him in the eye saying, **"You are not weak, Nell. When that woman targets someone, there is little chance of avoiding her wrath. She is underhanded and cruel with unlimited resources to create havoc." The best way to defeat Umbridge is to beat this curse and come back fighting."**

Ten minutes have passed and I am totally exhausted by his visitation, and Rupert has come in to tell Remus it is time to go. I don't want to be left alone right now, and I refuse to let go of his grip; however, I am too weak to continue hanging on to his hand. He leaves the room, making it a point to stop and look at me in the doorway before he leaves.

Rupert has not left the room, and he walks over to the bed, looking as if he wants to burst into tears. **"I'm sorry, Nell. I jumped to the wrong conclusion when I found you lying next to that bottle. It hurt so much when I thought you were gone. I really do love you. I wish I had the guts to tell you this when we were at school, but I could not pluck up the courage just to say it."** He takes a deep breath as if he were going to dive to the bottom of the ocean. **"Severus cornered me a few weeks ago, telling me that I was not good enough for you. I believe that after what happened recently, he is right; I am below your standards."** He wipes his cheek with his hand before any tears can fall.

I can't let him feel this way. He isn't below my standards; if anything, I am damaged goods, and I don't deserve happiness. I just cause misery and pain to those around me. I manage to force out the word **"no**." I attempt to reach for his hand, but I just cannot summon the energy for an extended effort. Instead, Rupert reaches out for mine; I notice the dark circles underneath his hazel eyes, and his clothing looks like he hasn't been changed in days.

**"I should be as romantic as the person sending you that poetry book last winter. I seem to lack that ability in the excitement department. All I gave you for Valentine's Day was a book of tort statutes. I am such an idiot, and I guess you feel that I am a little boring,"** he says in mournful tone, gently squeezing my hand.

The word **"no"** comes out of my mouth without my thinking about it. I don't see him as boring at all; he has always been a pain in the arse, but he means it for the best. I watch the same smile he gave me the day last winter before Severus was leering over my shoulder in a bid of intimidation. I fight the encroachment of sleep overpowering me as his smile lights a bit of spark in his eyes. I lose the struggle and fall asleep to the sensation of him holding my hand.


	22. The TenSickle Floozy

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_By: Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 22_**

**_The Ten-Sickle Floozy_**

The smell of an obviously burnt breakfast hits my senses, waking me rudely to my hell. On this ward, they pretend to ask you what you want on the menu for the day; however, our requests are rarely met. The food is often cold, over cooked, and too salty.

This morning, I don't think my lack of appetite is due to poorly prepared food. I cannot wrap my mind around the last conversation with Rupert. I don't want him to set himself up for an emotional disaster when he discovers that it would never work out. Rupert has always worn his heart on his sleeve, and it would often lend itself for being teased by some of the most ruthless heartbreakers at school. They would often set up a meeting with him during a Hogsmeade visit, leaving him stranded at Madam Puddifoot's alone. When several of my friends tried to set me up with him, I refused to go on a visit that weekend. Poor guy, he just never got that the girls were having a game with him. I think he just enjoys the chase. My reaction when he was holding my hand came out of a need not to be alone in this awful place, not a declaration of my feelings for him.

After picking at my food, the only thing I feel like doing is sitting up with my chin resting on my knees and staring aimlessly at the wall. I must have drifted off, because the clearing of someone's throat catches my attention. I just want to dig a hole and hide when I realize Severus is standing in front of me.

**"Home sweet home, isn't it, Eleanor?"** He has this twisted smirk on his face that only means trouble.

I look him square in those beetle black eyes, telling him,** "Piss off, Severus. I am not in the mood."** I would love to get out of bed and strangle him, but I don't want to end up in restraints for the rest of my life. **"What the hell do you want?"**

**"Eleanor, this show of aggression could see you getting shock spells to work on your attitude."** He is pacing the room like a leopard cutting a weak animal out of the herd. **"The Headmaster has asked a staff member to find out how you are progressing. I volunteered because it is my morning off."** He has stopped pacing, reaches into his robes, and pulls out a book-shaped package. "Minerva found this package on your desk the morning after you were admitted. I thought I should bring it here to save her the trip."

I snatch the package out of his hand with more strength than he is expecting.** "Tell her thank you." **I wave my hand in a dismissive gesture saying, **"So, why don't you toddle off to your classroom and scar some poor first year for the rest of their life?"** There is definitely venom in my voice. **"And, what twisted tale have you told the students about my disappearance?"**

He has his lip curled as walked over to the side of my bed and leers down at me. **"I didn't tell them anything but the truth."** He always gives an ambiguous answer when he toys with his victims.** "There is never a dull moment with you in the vicinity. When you left, Umbridge was coming up with wild theories of what pushed you to attempt suicide; at any rate, she claims you were coming out of an empty classroom with a man in the middle of an argument. Her theory is that he was abandoning you, because you were caught cheating on him."**

I am fighting to keep myself from getting worked up. I don't want to fall into his trap for humiliation. My mouth remains shut before something stupid could come out by accident.

**"By the way, Eleanor, where's that precious Rupert of yours? I heard he was in here mooning over you, holding your hand while you fell asleep."** I think he has spent too much time with Dolores.** "I hope he was only holding your hand, because you both have a reputation of slinking off together for a quick romp."** I swear butter would not melt in his mouth as he says, **"I am sure the Healers advised you that it is dangerous for someone who has your condition to engage in sexual activity."**

**"Why don't you just shut it and leave me alone?"** I can feel my face getting hot. "**Right now, I don't care about Rupert or anyone else. Just go!"** I fall backwards onto the pillow and let out a grunt of irritation, knowing I should not show that he is winning.

Severus stalks over to the doorway, turns around, and says, **"I shall let the Headmaster know that you are looking much better today."** He leaves the room with a slam of the door.

I look down to my lap and realize there is still the question of what has been delivered. As I open the package, the title of the book is _A Boy's Will by Robert Frost._ There is a piece of parchment marking a particular poem, and it is very sweet and inspirational. I break out into a tearful grin as I read:

_**MY NOVEMBER GUEST**_

_**My sorrow, when she's here with me, **_

_**Thinks these dark days of autumn rain **_

_**Are beautiful as days can be; **_

_**She loves the bare, the withered tree; **_

_**She walks the sodden pasture lane. **_

_**Her pleasure will not let me stay. **_

_**She talks and I am fain to list: **_

_**She's glad the birds are gone away, **_

_**She's glad her simple worsted gray **_

_**Is silver now with clinging mist. **_

_**The desolate, deserted trees, **_

_**The faded earth, the heavy sky, **_

_**The beauties she so truly sees, **_

_**She thinks I have no eye for these, **_

_**And vexes me for reason why. **_

_**Not yesterday I learned to know **_

_**The love of bare November days **_

_**Before the coming of the snow, **_

_**But it were vain to tell her so, **_

_**And they are better for her praise. **_

This simple passage makes all my anger and frustration fade away. This poem is about seeing good things in the saddest places. I really wish I knew who has been sending these tidbits of literature. I know I can eliminate Rupert from the list of suspects. But I need to answer the question: What got Dolores' wand in a knot about the bits of poetry she was waving about my last night at the school? She kept acting like it was an address book of the who's who in my non-existent love life. Point of fact, why is she acting so jealous over some unnamed person sending me bits of old parchment with some poetry on them?

I have spent most of the day reading the book, and I don't notice that Edwards has walked into the room. I look up in surprise, because I didn't realize he is there until he clears his throat.

"I see that someone brought you something. Your parents were contacted by the school, and they approved a teacher to give this to you." He pulls up a chair, peering at what I am reading.** "Robert Frost? I didn't know you enjoyed poetry."**

I close the book with a snap, because this is something private given to me, and I don't feel like playing "show and tell".** "It helps to pass the time."**

I am on my guard as we begin our conversation, because I am a bit hurt over his handling of our first conversation the day I had my heart attack.

For over an hour, we are talking about my social history, major life events, and how I was doing at Hogwarts. It was not as painful as that stupid trainee who was belligerent and condescending; however, I don't think he understands my seizures are not in my head. Many may have been triggered by stress, but most of them were not.

Edwards is gathering up a few things, and I can see the room becoming overly clear and the sound of him rustling papers is like a jet engine taking off. I have been sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling a flood of horror and fear. I wish he would leave me alone right now.

**"Eleanor, are you feeling all right?"** he inquires with a strange expression. "You are looking a bit pale." He has a hold on my shoulder, and his touch is burning my skin.

I brush his hand off my shoulder saying,** "No, nothing is wrong."** I lie quickly, hoping he will just leave me alone as I attempt to stop the jerking in my neck. **"Lunch must have not agreed with me."** I give him a sickly smile, but I don't think he is buying my excuse. I can hear my own characteristic wheezing in the room.

**"Eleanor?"** His voice sounds as it were coming from inside a cave. **"Eleanor, you don't look well at all. Why don't I get…"**

Everything suddenly goes dark, and I have the sensation of falling and hitting the floor face first; every muscle is out of control, twitching and jerking over and over. Someone has mercifully put something soft under my head after rolling me over. A man is yelling in the room, but I can't figure out what he wants. The world disappears under a curtain of silence and darkness.

Mum's voice catches my attention, but I am too exhausted to open my eyes and figure out what is going on. **"Well, it's obvious this one wasn't caused by repressing some feelings. Nell broke her nose and has a concussion because of your stupidity."** Mum has never been intimidated by the awe of the wizarding medicine, and she is very happy to interject her own opinions. **"Why don't you stop dealing with her psychiatric problems and concentrate on not killing her because of an over-bloated ego."**

**"Mrs. Howard, you need to understand her extensive…"** Edwards is cut-off by my father.

I can just imagine Dad purpling in the face; he always backs my mother up when facing decisions about me.** "I want her placed in a more appropriate setting. It's really hard to cause self-harm in her condition. I want to just concentrate on getting her body in one piece before putting her mind back together."**

Mum is just getting wound up again as she says, **"You figured out how some curse is making her so ill and promised that she would be better with some treatment; however, it looks like she is slipping away piece by piece."** I hear a loud sniffle as she finishes her thought.

**"When we first discussed this situation, I told you there might be many layers to this spell. Since it was botched and poorly cast, there is no telling what kind of other curses or contamination that may have taken hold by accident or design."** I recognize the calm voice of Preston. I appreciate her not treating my mother as an outsider. **"I cannot help her if you are unable to have faith that I will find a solution."**

**"You need to understand that she is our only child, and we are willing to do anything in our power to protect her. We have seen her written off more than once; our only hope Nell has the strength to weather this one as well." **I can smell his aftershave, making me feel more secure as he stands next to the bed.

Preston is close to the bed, she always wears lemon verbena perfume when I have been in her presence. **"I have to concur with her parents' wishes, Thomas. She needs to be in a ward that can monitor her medical needs."**

I cannot keep up with the thread of the conversation, because my exhausted brain can no longer handle it.

There is confusion at every level as I wake up because the room I am in is not the one on the psychiatric wing. This room is very small and like the other wing, I am the only patient in it. There is monitor like the one at St. Mark's that registered my vitals; however, I can clearly tell by the name stamped on the sheets, I am still at St. Mungo's. I realize I have been in a room like this before; I was here after Aggie and I were attacked to recover from my injuries.

I find my mother sitting in a chair knitting to keep herself busy. She started this when I was here after I was attacked at the Ministry. Mum seems pleased as I open my eyes and look at her, I feel so guilty because of my new drama. Rupert, for his part, looks rather worried by my state. He looks haggard and exhausted as if he has spent many days without sleep.

Without a word, he leaves the room in a hurry; a few minutes later, he comes back with a Healer I remember from my stay in the ward, learning how to care for myself after a curse broke my neck. Healer Stanwyck treated me with a combination of sympathy and a manner that would not let self pity take over.

Stanwyck shines a light from her wand into my eyes and seems pleased about what she sees. **"It has been a long time since I have seen you."** She turns to face Mum saying, **"She's going to be here for a while and not upstairs in the Psychiatric Ward; however, Someone from Spell Damag department will be down here to continuing her treatment. I understand that Edwards is no longer working with her at this time. I would like to give you a few minutes to visit with Eleanor privately."** The Healer dismisses herself from the room.

**"I'm sorry, Mum,"** I say in a barely audible voice. I just hate putting her through all of this. I can hear Dolores' discussion with that woman in my room several days ago about how much of a burden I am on my parents.

Mum's brow furrows as she tells me, **"There is nothing to be sorry about. I'm not angry about this. Your father is in court today, and he is unable to be here; he will come down here after he has finished. The hospital is allowing your father and me to stay with you as much as we want."**

Rupert is standing in a corner and seems to want to say something, but he cannot find a way to determine if this is the appropriate at this time.** "Nell, I have received requests to add more people on the suit against the Prophet. I am trying to force them to settle with us instead of going to court. I will come by to see you if I can everyday; however, I cannot make this a promise."** I am a little taken aback when he plants a quick kiss on my forehead, whispering a quick good-bye.

Stanwyck walks in with some potion for me to take. I want to escape from this nightmare for awhile so I do not protest swallowing it. Sleep hits me like a bludger to the head, and I fall into the deep pit of unconsciousness.

I don't know what time of the day, but I awake when my father plants a quick peck on my cheek saying, "**Nell, the hospital wants Mum and me to take time to get some sleep. We have been ordered to take a nap before someone is forced to slip us something in our tea."** He has a mirthless grin on his face.

Someone has given me a dose of medication, but I don't want to go back to sleep. I am tired of being ill, drowsy, and pissed off at the world. I have always been the type of person who is active and loves the outdoors. I would spend hours at the stable when I was working at the school. Very few staff members wanted to leave the comfortable confines of the castle, but I did. As a student, I was forbidden to ride a broom for fear I might have a seizure and fall to my death. I had to find other ways of enjoying my time outside of classes. Aggie had a horrible case of vertigo and only rode a broom during her first year, so we found other ways to occupy our free time. We were not in the same house, preventing us from spending time in a common room together. There were some days I wanted to be in Hufflepuff with her. I wish she were here right now, because she always knew how to make me laugh.

I am slowly dropping off with fond memories of my time at school. There is someone entering the room. I look over towards the door, hopeful for a friendly face; however, I am out of luck when two people appear: one a stranger in the robes of a hospital employee and the other wearing an ugly cardigan walk into the room.

I want to confront Dolores instead of hiding in a feigned sleep, but I don't have the strength to fight her blows to my character. The urge to curse her into oblivion is tempered by the fact I do not have a wand. At some level, I would settle for slapping her senseless.

**"Madam Umbridge, I am glad you could make it. You told me to let you know if her condition changed. Eleanor was moved down here a few hours ago after she had an eight minute long seizure. I found out that Healers from the Spell Damage ward has discovered Eleanor is the victim of a botched curse no one has heard of for years. She told Preston who did it, but no one is privy to the information. I do know the effects have caused several heart attacks in recent months."** The stranger is acting like Dolores is a close relative.** "It's a highly restricted area, so I will get sacked if we get caught in here. I can let you in for a moment before her guardians come back; they are refusing to accept any visitors for her right now. They only permitted one of the teachers at the school to bring a gift by."**

**"I want to find out who sacrificed their time to come here, so I can thank them for helping my dear friend raise her spirits,"** Dolores says with a sound of false gratitude in her voice. **"I will personally thank them when I get back."**

**"I'll leave you two alone for a minute for a private chat. Please be careful not disturb her too much. Healer Stanwyck's wish is to just make her comfortable until…"** The woman seems unable to finish her sentence for some reason. **"I'll be back in a while."**

It is frightening to find her staring at me intensely, because I am unable to even sit up in to defend myself. **"Eleanor, I want to know what you said about our little private chats to rearrange your attitude."** There is an odor in the room; it's a mixture of her rancid perfume and cheap wine.

**"They know everything,"** I tell her, attempting to stare her down with what little strength I have left. **"The Healers know you attacked me with an illegal curse. You are so incompetent, Madam Inquisitor, you botched a spell that the dimmest third year could do."**

Dolores is standing over me, and I want to vomit from the smell emanating from her. **"Eleanor, I know for a fact you stuck those papers to the back of that painting. They are not there now. What did you do with them?"**

**"Dolores, I don't know."** I hold my breath, bracing myself for the onslaught to come.

**"Liar! Where are they?"** she shouts, pointing her wand in my face. **"Tell me the truth!"**

**"I don't know!"** I shout back. **"They're gone; someone else got there first."** The urge to run is tempered by the fact that my body is refusing to respond. I am totally helpless, because I lack a wand.

**"All you ever tell are lies!"** Her face is beet red, swelling with anger.** "You stole Ministry property. I should have you thrown in prison."** She moves her wand within an inch of my neck, threatening to cut off my air.

**"Even if you have me thrown in prison, everyone will know what happened with your creative accounting, because another party has them safe now."** I have a smirk rolling across my face; however, her wand still hasn't moved. **"You authorized 400 Galleons for a luncheon with Malfoy last spring?"** The look on her face is priceless. "**You served pumpkin juice and cucumber sandwiches amongst four people. What kind of pumpkin would warrant a price like that?"**

**"Eleanor, you know I can have your pension and school salary disappear."** She looks happy at the shock on my face. **"If you want to keep it, you will tell me!"**

**"Dolores, the way things are going, I probably won't live long enough to collect on it anyway,"** I retort, attempting to reassume a neutral look on my face. **"Try again; I am not afraid of you."**

Her wand is now pointed at my heart. A smile creeps across her face as she threatens, **"Don't make this any harder, Eleanor. Your parents will be so devastated when they wake up from their nap down the hallway, finding you have had another heart attack and died all alone." **She is distracted by someone opening the door. Her wand is still aimed dangerously close to my heart; however, it disappears behind her back when the stranger appears from the hallway, adopting a look of benevolence when facing the intruder.

**"Madam Umbridge, someone is coming back."** The stranger in Healer's robes has opened the door to warn Dolores; however, she doesn't even care.** "I think it is one of her Healers,"** she says urgently. **"I am going to be sacked if we are found in here."**

**"Gladys, I am not finished with my chat. Go back outside while I talk to my dear Eleanor."** Dolores seems to be a bit irritated as Gladys attempts to pester her again with her bleating. **"I will leave when I feel like it!"** The door shuts, and I am forced to weather the oncoming storm on my own.

**"Dolores, you're drunk! Leave before you do something you regret!"** My breath is coming in small gasps, but I make an effort to keep my emotions in check a little while longer.

Her wand is touching my skin, and I wait for the burning to start; however, she seems to be holding back for some reason; her toad-like grin is growing wider. **"Thanks to me, the entire community is about to learn what a demented whore you are. The bumbling idiots who broke into your room supplied me with plenty of evidence. So, who have you been sleeping with when you get a moment alone? Could it be Osgood during those private meetings? Isn't it odd that he is coming to see you in the middle of the week as well as keeping your usual appointment on Saturdays?" **Dolores inquires, taking her wand away and moving to the foot of the bed. **"Who are you with when he isn't there to satisfy your cravings? I have it on good authority that you enjoy copulating with anyone who will oblige you. Lucius Malfoy overheard a witness say your favorite place is in your office where it is nice and private. Are you having an affair with one of the students? What a horrible thing to do with a child," she declares with false shock**.

This one is a low blow. I would never touch a student, especially not to have clandestine sex in my office. **"Never," **I blurt out.** "I would never do something like that."** My protest is drowned, because she is ignoring me.

Dolores continues her verbal assault on my character saying, **"The school governors are going to be stunned when they find out you attempted suicide when Rupert caught you in mid-act with another man in your office. I witnessed the horrible argument in the hallway when he found out you were cheating and three months pregnant. Let's see, you would be due in November then. You have been with so many men, how are you every going to find the** **father?"**

**"That's a lie!"** I shout. **"I am not a slattern, and Rupert and I never…"** Dolores doesn't even hear my reply.

**"The _Prophet _could have been right about where you were during the winter holidays. Eleanor, the seeds have been sown so to speak."** She laughs at her own comment.** "No one will want be associated with you when I am finished."** The angrier she becomes, the more her speech seems to slur. She lunges forward to press her wand back on top of heart, and I can feel the contact point with my skin start to heat up.

I know what is coming next as she applies more force to the contact point from her wand on my skin. Without even thinking about it, I scream, "No! Dolores, I don't know where they are now! Someone got there…" My crying has disintegrated into racking sobs. "Please, no!"

**"If you tell me what happened, I will leave you alone."** She has a malevolent look in her eyes.

I hear her mutter something under her breath, and my chest is struck with sharp stabs of pain.** "I am telling the truth!"** I could tell her who stole them; however, I think she enjoys having someone begging for mercy. She has always been a sadistic control freak. **"Dolores, stop!**" My breath is starting to come out in short gasps.** "I can't…"** She releases the pressure, smiling at my distress. Silver sparks glint into my vision as darkness creeps in. I can feel sweat dripping down my face, mixing with the tears. **"Gone…"** My efforts to speak are swallowed up by my own wheezing.

**"Tell me the truth, you filthy …"** Dolores hides her wand when someone opens the door.

Dolores' lookout pops her head back into the room. **"Madam Umbridge, I saw Rupert Osgood coming down the hall,"** Gladys whines. She hears my raspy breathing and gets a look of shock at the sight of the monitor over my head. **"What are you doing? Are you trying…"**

Dolores turns around and fires off a hex, pinning Gladys against the wall. There is terror in the poor woman's eyes when Dolores is standing a foot from her; however, it is only fleeting as her memory is modified, and she is sent out the door looking very content.

Once Gladys has drifted into the hallway, Dolores seals the door shut, then lunges at the bed with her wand pointed at me once more. **"If I don't get the papers from that audit, I will show everyone how you have been cavorting with your many lovers indiscriminately on school grounds; everyone in the wizarding world will know that Eleanor Howard is a deceitful, cowardly, psychotic whore, needing to be put out of her misery."** She is cut off from another word as someone hammers on the door.

There is a loud bang and the door is forced open. The rescue party consists of my parents, Rupert, and one of the Healers. All four have adopted look of unadulterated fury when they sees who is standing by the bed. Dad starts to say something, but Rupert beats him to the punch. **"Umbridge, get out of here!"** Rupert barks. "**Leave her alone. She hasn't done anything that warrants what you did to her."**

**"Why are you defending that harlot?"** Dolores asks, with wine-scented spit flying in his face, pointing her wand my direction. **"You shouldn't be around her. Eleanor is giving people the impression you both slip off to have sex in her office during your 'meetings'." **She gives a dramatic sigh and says, **"It's so heartless for her to cheat on you."**

I have never seen this side of Rupert as he shouts, **"You're drunk!"** I see him grimace from the smell. **"Nell and I never had relations! You're just grasping at straws to ruin her life."** Rupert has a white knuckle grip on his wand as he shouts,** "I can't wait to see you in front of a judge! When I am finished, you will only be left with that puke-colored cardigan and the stupid kitten plates Fudge gives you every Valentine's Day."**

Apparently the Healer has heard enough as she orders, **"Get out of my ward, Madam Umbridge!"** Her wand is drawn, and she seems to have made an impression on Dolores.

Dolores stomps angrily towards the door. Instead of immediately leaving, she turns to address the assembled room.** "Rupert, I hope you get a paternity test to figure out if that is your baby she is carrying before signing the birth certificate in November."** She develops a smug expression, knowing she has humiliated me in front of my family by making me out as a "ten-Sickle floozy". **"By the way, you might think about a chastity charm to prevent her from ruining another man's life."** She exits the room with a violent slamming of the door.

The Healer walks over to my bed as Dolores finally leaves, attempting to find out what is going on as my eyes start rolling up in my head from the pain. My chest and back are so sore, and I cannot take a breath deep enough to tell her what transpired. Every time I open my mouth, all that comes out are short, high-pitched popping noises. The lack of oxygen is causing me to shut down.

I am losing touch with the world as shoves a glass under my nose, and I swallow the potion without tasting it. As my eyes finally close, I hear Rupert say, **"I am going to slip out, because I want to see about some security measures with hospital officials. If you need anything, let me know." **There is a sound of shuffling feet and then someone's hot breath on my face. **"I'm not going to abandon you,"** Rupert whispers, planting a soft kiss on my cheek. With my face tingling from his contact, sleep sucks me down for the last time.

The Healers have worked hard most of the evening to reverse the injuries inflicted by Dolores. At one point, to my horror, one conducts a pregnancy spell to see if I am expecting in November. When it comes back negative, there are grateful sighs of relief from the direction of the half-open door after one of the Healers leaves to break the news to Rupert and my parents.

The past few hours I have been floating in and out between doses of medication, but I just need to think. I know that the only way to stop Dolores Umbridge is to show the truth of what is really happening. There is little I can do right now; however, I will get out of this bed and go after her at all costs. Nothing is going to stop me. I told her I would be leaving the school at the end of June, either in a coffin, or under my own power. When I make a promise, I always try to keep it. I want my wand back, and if I don't get it, someone's is going to get "lost."


	23. Signed, An Ally

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 23_**

**_Signed, An Ally_**

A crop of whispers brings me out of a potion-induced escape. I just don't understand why people assume I am asleep when they enter the room, and my eyes are closed. The mild soreness in my chest is making me a bit cranky; they should leave me alone before I snap on someone.

**"Nell, can you wake up for me?"** It's Albus Dumbledore trying to rouse me. **"I need to talk to you."** Someone picks up my hand and gives it a squeeze.

I don't know if I want to talk to him right now. The sting of betrayal is still there, and his prediction about being unable to defend myself is false. That bitch tortured me no less than three times, and I didn't reveal anything. I could have told her that Dumbledore had Severus remove the papers from the back of the painting; however, I was able to resist her no matter how much she tormented me.

**"Nell."** A female coaxes me to open my eyes; it's Minerva standing somewhere in the room.

I might as well get this over with. They are going to stay here until I am willing to get the whole Dolores fiasco out in the open. I crack open my eyes to see both teachers looking at me with serious concern on their faces. I want to scream, "If you're so interested in protecting me, where were you when Dolores had me pinned to the bed, cursing my body within an inch of death?" I doubt if either one of them would be willing to answer the question.

**"What do you want?"** I inquire stupidly in a gravelly whisper, propping myself up against my pillows.

**"You seem to be looking much better since the last time we spoke."** Dumbledore seems to be testing the waters of my mood. **"I was horrified to find out that you had a heart attack after being admitted here. I apologize for jumping to conclusions when you were found in your parlor, lying on the floor."**

I take a deep breath and avoid his gaze whispering, **"Apology accepted."** I end up pushing my knuckle between my teeth to avoid saying any words I might regret.

I hear the scrape of a chair, and Minerva pushes the curtain of hair shielding my face from her view.** "Nell, tell us what happened; we need to know so we can help you."**

My finger is no longer blocking the question to come. **"Help me with what?"** I quickly take a sideways glance at her face, but I cannot read the emotion from her expression. **"I didn't tell Dolores anything, end of story."**

Footsteps are moving towards me, and I can tell it is Dumbledore. He pulls my chin upwards, forcing me look him in the eye and says, **"Now, can you understand why I did not reveal their location?"** He releases my chin, smiling benevolently.

I look at Minerva for some support, complaining, **"I didn't give into her one bit. I could have so easily told her that Severus got there first." The realization hits that I did reveal someone took them first, but I didn't say who. "No matter how much she tried to curse me into submission, I was able to keep any information from her. Doesn't that count for something?"** I can barely contain my temper. **"What the hell is so important about a 400 Galleon luncheon with Malfoy, and Fudge's purchase orders for extravagant birthday presents for employees who are dead and gone decades ago? This mess is about embezzlement of some discretionary funds. There is something you are not telling me!"** The urge to strike out at him is almost overpowering. **"You cannot dismiss me like I am some dim first year who botched a hex outside of a classroom. I want an explanation!"**

**"When the time is right, we will discuss what is happening. Until then, you must respect my wishes."** Dumbledore is starting to shut me out with a wave of his hand. All it has done is piss me off even more.** "Minerva, I must return to the school. I shall come by later to discuss the matter further."** He retreats out of the room without another word.

Minerva is remaining by my side, but this does little to make me feel better. **"Nell, you really need to let us handle this. You are so frail right now, and I would hate for this stress to make you any more ill,"** Minerva explains. **"You are safe and protected here. I want you to concentrate on getting well."** She is stroking my hair, and it is irritating me to the point of slapping her hand off.

**"Your 'this is for my own good' shit is causing more anxiety than it is preventing."** I make a move to sit up with my legs hanging over the bed, looking her straight in the eye. I want to make a show of strength.

There is a look of mild surprise as she says,** "Nell, there should be nothing to bother you now. Your classes are covered by Charity Burbage again, there is tightened security around your room, Rupert is taking care of your daily affairs, and your parents are here to support you. Just concentrate on healing."** There is so much tension during this exchange with Minerva, the room could potentially spontaneously combust at any second.

**"We are wasting time every minute I am in here. I know that psychotic menace in pink better than anyone. I am feeling better, see."** I stand up on my own two feet to prove that I am capable of doing more than lying on the bed, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. All the blood rushes to my feet, and the room spins momentarily. **"Don't leave me in here like some budgie in a gilded cage."** I have unshed tears of frustration forming in my eyes as I sit back down on the bed once more, feeling utterly spent from my outburst.

**"I will discuss this with Rupert and your parents; however, I agree with the Headmaster, you need to forget about the whole situation."** She seems to be placating me as if I were a student again.

Before I can blurt out a protest, one of the Healers walks in to give me the once over. Minerva takes this as a cue to leave quietly after grasping my hand, giving it one last squeeze before making a reluctant exit.

I am almost relieved by this disruption, because my head is beginning to swim in confusion. As she walks out, I collapse back on the mattress and close my eyes to block out any further intrusion to my private thoughts.

I cannot even go back to sleep no matter what potion the Healers force down my throat. I am ready to leave this bed and prove my ability to handle my own affairs. Before I know it, several hours have passed without my even noticing. Someone is dropping off my lunch, and I jump at the unexpected sound of my lunch tray being placed on the bedside table. As I pick up the napkin, I notice a long, thin box wrapped in plain paper. When I open it up, I am stunned to find my wand nested in the parcel. There is a letter buried beneath the wand in small but tidy handwriting reading:

_**Eleanor, **_

_**Keep this close to you, but don't tell anyone it is back in your possession. There is something you need to understand. You are not out of allies yet, but you need to stand on your own feet, so you don't wear them down. **_

_**Signed,**_

_**An Ally **_

I would love to use my wand to make my escape from this room; however, there are several things stopping me. First, no one can Apparate or Disapparate from any where within the hospital, and second, Rupert made sure that the unauthorized use of spells would be prevented unless cast by a Healer. I need to just play nice until I can persuade everyone of my need to leave here. If I complain too much about my lodgings, the bed in the Psychiatric Ward is still waiting for me.

A voice causes my head to snap up, and my new guest is Pomona Sprout. I loved having classes with her. Sprout's personality is buoyant and refreshing. Even when Dolores was examining the other teachers and insulting every adult in the school, she never gave in to the black cloud hovering over the school.

**"Nell, it is so wonderful to see you."** She is walking over to my bed with a vase of the first flowers of spring, obviously enlarged with an engorgement charm. **"Minerva told me you could use a bit of cheering up after lunch today."**

This is an obvious ploy by Dumbledore and Minerva to manipulate my emotions. I cannot take out my frustration on an innocent party who has no idea she is a pawn in a game.

Pomona places the vase on a table next to the bed, but she hesitates when catching sight of the book of poems next to a lamp. **"I didn't know you loved poetry. If I had known this, I could have brought you another book."**

**"I enjoy having something to keep me amused other than counting the cracks in the ceiling." **I give her a wry smile, unable to come up with a better answer.

**"I think it is fascinating that you and Severus have never gotten along, but you both love reading poetry. I went down to his dungeon to deliver some plants for potion ingredients, and there were several books of them on his desk."** She has this bubbly smirk on her face; it reminds me of the times Mum used to discuss possible boyfriends when I was at school.

**"Odd, how that sort of thing happens."** I had no idea our melancholic Potions Master had a soft side. Of course, I remember Remus once telling me that when practicing with boggarts, he had Longbottom imagine Snape in the elder Mrs. Longbottom's dress, including that hideous vulture hat. I would have loved being a fly on the wall in the staff room that day.

"_What are next, tea parties in the Potions classroom? I wonder if he has the bullocks to ask Dolores to loan him that bloody kitten teapot Fudge gave her the Christmas before last."_

**"We really miss you at the school. The meetings are not the same without you and Severus squabbling at each other. I miss your Daisy chasing the gnomes out of my greenhouses,"** she says with a note of sadness, pulling up a chair next to the bed. **"Are you coming back?"** she inquires.** "I know Ursula Stanhope misses you terribly. She told me herself a few days ago. She is having problems with her fits again. Dolores seems keen on the idea the child can stop them any time she wants to. That poor child really needs someone who understands her."**

**"I miss her too, but I can't do anything from here."** I can imagine how that poor child feels so misunderstood. I remember how it was then, how I am still going through this now. I feel a few tears flowing down my cheeks.

**"Nell, I didn't mean to upset you,"** she says apologetically, pulling out a grubby handkerchief to dry my eyes.

**"Thanks for not giving me some sugar-coated commentary that has been sanitized for my health."** I hope she understands even everyday news and tragedies are important for me to know about. It makes me feel more connected with the outside world.

We spend some time discussing the latest gossip and little stunts the students are pulling to undermine Dolores' world; however, she does let on some teachers are just as guilty of mischief as the students. My visits are only limited to thirty minutes. The time has flown by; she is shooed out by another Healer checking my vitals before dinner.

This visit has done more than any potion to make me feel better. I am needed and missed by students and other teachers willing to look past the steady diet of shit Dolores has been spreading around the community. I am now more determined than ever to fight my way out of this bed and back to the school, keeping my promise to walk out of those massive gates at the school on the last day of school in late June.

I wake again in this prison to the sounds and smells of breakfast in my room. There is a need for me to ask my parents of the plans for my future. Will they send me upstairs, or put me in some sort of convalescence center, or move back home? I don't like being in the dark about what life is handing me. I think the person who sent me my wand back is right, I do need to stand on my own two feet.

After my less than satisfactory breakfast, the Healer on my ward hands me a dressing gown and slippers, announcing that it is time I get some exercise by walking around the ward. I am a bit concerned about a plot by Dolores to catch me out in the open; however, I remember my returned wand is stuck in a pocket in the lining of my dressing gown.

I am a little shaky as I stand up and journey out in the hallway. The waves of dizziness are being replaced by agonizing joy at moving around under my own power. I know the route followed by all the patients on this ward for rehabilitation. The time away from bed only strengthens my resolve to leave here to fulfill my oath to Dolores.

The past fifteen minutes have been wonderful, walking around on my own again. Although a Healer is guiding my movements by the elbow, I feel so free. As we slowly make out way back to my room, Rupert shows up carrying a package in his hands, beaming at the sight of me.

**"Nell, just look at you walking around."** He walks up to the Healer and me as we make it to the door of my room.

**"Rupert,"** I say in an exasperated tone, **"I am just walking down the hallway for a stroll."** He attempts to take my elbow from the Healer; however, she refuses to allow him to help; I cannot help but to be grateful for her gesture. **"Why are you here? I thought you were busy with the _Prophet _suit."**

**"I came down to see my favorite client,"** he states in an irritating manner. **"I have been meeting with your dad in his office a few times a week."**

I roll my eyes to the ceiling as I ease myself back into bed saying, **"I don't want to know what you were talking about."**

**"I really enjoy spending my free time with him. I didn't realize how much your father has learned about Wizarding law in such a short span of time,"** he says in a voice of admiration, sitting down in the chair next to the bed and fingering the flowers. **"I have been helping with some decisions on where we go from here."**

I am floored at his intrusion on my life. I bet he is getting chummy with dad to gain some more influence to feed his ego.** "Who is involved in the 'we' of this discussion?"** I inquire, attempting not to throttle him.

**"Your family and I were planning for you to remain here for the meantime. Minerva and Dumbledore feel the same as we do."** He is so patronizing.

**"Rupert, my parents are in charge of what is happening to me, and I would appreciate if the decisions are made by the people who brought me into this world. The rest of you have no clue of what I am really like as a whole person, not just a student or teacher."** My face is starting to redden as I tell him,** "You don't know me at all. Rupert, you have only seen me in passing at school and as my attorney. I appreciate how you have comforted me through this disaster; however, this does not qualify you to make life altering measures."**

**"Nell, I don't understand. I do love you, and I thought you did care for me too."** He seems to be a bit hurt.

**"Rupert, you are a wonderful person, and I don't want to break your heart; however, this environment is not a proper place to start any sort of relationship. Watch out for my dad, because he can fill your head with silly ideas about me."** I hope I have let him down easy.

He looks like I have smacked him across the face as he hands me the package. "**I thought you might enjoy this book with the works of Kipling."** He looks so hurt.

**"Rupert, come back to discuss things in a capacity of a friend and not a spouse. I still want to see you; however, there is a need to build a friendship developed by trust and not a hostage situation."** He leaves with his shoulders slumping and shuts the door quietly behind him.

I open up the book, and I find a poem marked with a piece of parchment. It reads:

_**If**_

**If you can keep your head when all about you  
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,  
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you  
But make allowance for their doubting too,  
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,  
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,  
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,  
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:**

**If you can dream-and not make dreams your master,  
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;  
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster  
And treat those two impostors just the same;  
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken  
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,  
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,  
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:**

**If you can make one heap of all your winnings  
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,  
And lose, and start again at your beginnings  
And never breath a word about your loss;  
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew  
To serve your turn long after they are gone,  
And so hold on when there is nothing in you  
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"**

**If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,  
Or walk with kings-nor lose the common touch,  
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;  
If all men count with you, but none too much,  
If you can fill the unforgiving minute  
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,  
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,  
And-which is more-you'll be a Man, my son!**

_**-Rudyard Kipling**_

I like the book Rupert brought; however, he is intruding on something that is between me and my parents. I think it is time to set some boundaries. Dad really likes him, but he needs to realize that Rupert is not a family member. I have always tolerated Rupert's attention, but he is slowly taking too much liberty when he has little attachment to me. We have never dated or taken the time to really know each other. I don't like how he is taking advantage of my captivity to manipulate my emotions.

I must have dozed off, because I wake up and find the book lying on the floor. As I reach over to pick it up, there is a presence in the room.

"_Why is it when Severus enters the room, he sucks the happiness and light out of a room quicker than a crowd of Dementors?"_

He walks soundlessly over to the bed, crossing his arms as he attempts to pull a menacing face. **"Eleanor," **he calls my name.

"_Maybe if I use a Patronus charm, I can chase him out of the room."_

**"I came here to find out when you are sending out invitations for your baby shower."** I wonder if this is an attempt to get a rise out of me. "**It's wonderful you will be due so close to the holidays."**

**"Stifle it, Severus,"** I bark.

**"I saw Rupert in Dumbledore's office this afternoon nearly in tears."** I hate it when he smirks at me. **"I told Rupert he was below your standards. I see you are finally coming to your senses where he is concerned,"** he says in a self-satisfied tone. **"I think it is a pity you will be a single parent."**

**"Do you believe that rubbish?"** I ask, wishing I could curse him.

**"I don't, but you need to be aware Dolores is drafting a letter to the School Governors discussing your lack of morality,"** he informs me.** "She is accusing you of being a whore with an insatiable need for sex with multiple partners in your office. Where did you find the time?"**

**"There is nothing I can do from here, so I really don't care,"** I snap. **"There is no way my parents are going to let me leave here if Dumbledore has any influence on this."** I want to scream, but I don't need him to get any satisfaction from his taunts. **"I think you forget I have been declared incompetent to handle my own affairs."**

**"That's odd,"** he says with false shock. **"Dumbledore seemed a bit unhappy today when he discovered your parents never allowed that sorry excuse for a solicitor to submit the proper documents for guardianship over your affairs."** He moves over to the side table and absent-mindedly toys with the floral arrangement. I hate it when he knows all the facts and teases me about my lack of knowledge. "Your heart attack changes everything; you can walk out of here any time you please."

**"How did you come by this information?"** I inquire.

**"I told you I was in the Headmaster's office today."**

I don't know if I should believe this two-faced bastard; however, he does take delight in feeding me truthful, disturbing information. I am confused by my feelings and wonder when I should confront everyone about this.

**"Who sent you here?"** I inquire without really thinking about it.

**"That's not important."** He moves towards the door.

**"What are you getting out of helping me?"** My stomach has turned to jelly as I ask, **"Why have you been so intent on taking care of me? I have seen you watching me when I was in the Hospital Wing, brewing custom potions when I was ill, scraping me off the floor when I was unable to help myself, and giving me your version of 'friendly' advice."**

**"That is irrelevant to the issue at hand,"** he says, blowing me off again. I think he is enjoying this. I wonder if Dumbledore is aware of the "personal assistance" by his Potions Master.

**"I am tired of people not giving me a straight answer. Stop treating me like I too fragile to handle some simple facts."** I am holding back tears of frustration. Severus has about as much empathy as a moldy rag, crying would only inflame his desire to cut my soul apart.

**"Eleanor, you need to stand up for yourself and not cower behind being ill all the time."** The door opens with a creak, but he does not walk out right away. **"You are allowing people to use your emotional state to ruin your future."** He finally steps out into the hallway, leaving me speechless.


	24. Reading Between the Lines

**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**

**by:**

**Eleanor Belle**

**Chapter 24:**

**Reading Between the Lines**

Hooray! I made it down the hallway by myself today during a stroll around the ward. The Healer is so pleased about how quickly I have regained my strength; however, I am not asking anything about leaving the hospital.

When I arrive in my room, there is an envelope on the table from my friend Renee, who is keeping Ozzy during his retirement. She shares stories about his ability to escape from his stall and paddock. Last week, he opened his own stall then released the other horses in the barn. Renee found all ten animals in a next door neighbor's pasture. She even gives me the latest gossip about our circle of equestrian friends and their love lives.

The clearing of a throat catches my attention, and I realize Mum and Dad have come in; Mum has a box of my favorite pralines in her hands. She found that my tongue loosened as a child when she could get a favorite sweet in my system; it is more devious than Veritaserum.

"_She must be pissed about something and needs to drag it out of me."_

Mum starts off with the token "you look much better today." Both of my parents have the same expression on their faces as the time I mysteriously set fire to the front room rug without a match or lighter before receiving my Hogwarts letter.

**"Nell, what happened with Rupert yesterday? He is such a nice gentleman with a blossoming career. How could you turn him away?"** Dad inquires.

**"Dad, he is my solicitor and not a boyfriend,"** I say angrily, looking him square in the eye. **"He has had a crush on me since my first year."** I have no idea how to explain this to the pair of them. **"During my third year, he borrowed a quill from me Herbology. Aggie told me later that he'd slept with it under his pillow for a month."**

Mum sits on the edge of the bed, taking my hand, saying, **"We don't want you to be lonely."**

**"You had me married off to him, didn't you, Dad?"** I inquire, coldly looking at my parents.** "What were you discussing during your meetings? Were you there, Mum, picking out the china patterns and wedding invitations?"**

Dad has a chilly crestfallen look washing over his face. **"It's time to settle down, and I think you should give him a chance."**

**"If you like him so much, why don't you marry him?"** I don't like having my future messed with. **"Just stop meddling in my life."** I just can't get it through his head about Rupert. **"All I want right now is for you and me to make the decisions about my future without input from anyone else. Rupert and the others don't know me the way you do, and it is unfair for them to decide on my daily affairs,"** I tell them, looking for some idea of how they are taking this. **"I didn't sack Rupert or tell him that he is a fool for loving me; I told him to talk to me as a friend and not a spouse. You cannot start an honest relationship in a setting like this."**

A chilly truce is settling between us as I cross the next bridge of independence. **"I know that I am able to walk out of here when ever I choose. I have no idea why you didn't tell me about not taking over guardianship."**

Mum puts her arm in front of Dad in a bid to stop him from saying something. **"Nell, we stopped the paperwork when we discovered that your behavior was not due to a break with reality, but some horrible injury inflicted by someone else. If we went through with it, you would never have any sort of independent life. We couldn't do that to you. We have been wrestling with the idea of when to tell you. Maybe what we did was cruel, but we didn't want you to leave and do something rash about this situation with Dolores Umbridge.**" Mum's voice is very shaky, and I grip her hand in a gesture of understanding.

**"I can't even walk to the next ward without assistance, and I am not stupid enough to leave here until I am ready."** I am crushed at the lack of trust between us.** "Besides, my trump card has already been played with Dumbledore stealing my papers," I** tell her, my voice full of venom. **"There is little for me to do."** I am only telling them a half-truth. The minute I can leave there is a good chance for me finding my way back to the school.

**"Nell…"** My mother begins to admonish my behavior, but I cut her off.

**"Is it your wish that I live out my remaining moments lying with my feet up on your sofa sipping cocoa?"** I inquire.

"_That's right, play the pity and guilt cards."_

**"We want you safe and whole," **Dad says tentatively. He seems to be wrestling with his thoughts.

**"I told Dolores that I would walk out of the front doors to theschool in June, and I will do it!"** I exclaim, finding relief at speaking my mind. **"I want to leave this world with the knowledge no one will see me as a coward, chased away by a cardigan-wearing twit."**

**"Nell, I think you need to let this go. You've fought a good battle, but it's time to let someone else take up your sword."** Dad gets up quickly and leaves the room in frustration. I need for him to see that I am an adult, needing to fulfill a task set before me.

**"Nell, I am going to leave, so I can talk to your father about this situation."** My mum is blowing me off like Dumbledore. She stands up and moves to the door.

I cannot let her leave yet. **"Don't take this away from me, Mum. You taught me when starting something, you need to see it to the end. Don't force me to give up this chance for closure, wishing I would come home with you and wither away wearing fuzzy, warm slippers."** I am holding back tears of frustration. They are smothering me with their good intentions. Mum leaves without saying a word, but I am unable to determine her mood.

I feel emotionally drained by the exchange with my parents. I know they are desperately trying to keep our family together. Mum and Dad tried so hard to have children for years before I came along. After multiple miscarriages, they gave up on their dream of having a child of their own; Mum was told that she would never carry to term. Their "miracle child" was born a year later in April. I have always been "Daddy's little girl." I don't want to shatter the close bond I share with them over a misplaced desire to prevent me from having gloomy, lonesome future without love.

As I wipe a single tear off of my cheek, I look at the table to find Renee's letter to read again. Something pulls my eyes away from her letter to the poetry book sitting beneath it. The piece of parchment from the box my wand was returned in is sticking out of the pages. I was so excited about seeing my wand, I didn't pay attention to the little details of the letter discussing some familiar terms. Somewhere, I can recall an argument with someone about my running out of people willing to deal with my drama.

Severus! We had that fight in the hallway after Dolores and I had a blow-out about my return to the school after the holidays.

"_Eleanor, there will come a point when you will run out of allies, and there will be no one to come find you, not even Lupin."_

What would motivate that pitiful excuse for a human being to help me? As far as I know, neither of us has a hold over the other along the lines of a "Wizard's Life Debt" or an Unbreakable Vow. Who knows what lies in the dark, barren recesses of his mind. Is this one of his cruel tricks?

If he has sent the wand, did he send the poems? Pomona said that there were poetry books on Severus' desk. She couldn't believe that two people who loathe each other would share this. I didn't know if I even liked poetry. I hope this is not a declaration of love or a case of show and tell gone wrong.

There is a harsh slap of reality as I remember the tiny, cramped scrawl on the wand letter does not look at all like poetry entries I received during the time I was teaching. My heart drops to my knees as I realize the author of the wand note is not the same person sending me the poetry.

Remus is definitely out of the running. First, his script is very fluid and his pen strokes are broad. Second, he and I only had an "older brother and little sister" relationship. He wouldn't be so cruel to tease me like this. If it is not Remus, who could it be? There are so many suspects who have some contact with me.

Instead of looking at plausible benefactor, my mind gravitates toward the most absurd characters. I cannot keep focus on who is the most likely suspect. Let's see, how about Geoffrey Fellows from Missing Persons? Maybe he wants to make up for pinching my bum at a Christmas party. It could be Copperbottom; he was with me when I was dying in that ward. Dolores' favorite go-to-Auror, Dawlish, might do it out of penance for leaving me in that hospital, but he did like to walk past my office door more than he normally needed to. Oh, god, no! Please not Filch. That mental image is enough to make me stop this silly game. Why is someone playing with me this way?

I have been lying here since dinner, mulling Severus' commentary about allowing people to manipulate me. I need to move on and stop worrying about things that are outside my locus of control. Dad is only partially right about needing to allow someone else to take over my sword. Dumbledore has control over those papers, causing me to wait until they resurface again to explain my side of the story. I think I should not hand over my fight against the Ministy, I just need to focus my energy somewhere else.

Dolores is involved in not only the embezzlement of funds, she is guilty of attempted murder on an ex-Auror and teacher. The only way of getting back at her and fulfilling my final quest is to return to Hogwarts. I am still under contract, and I have not resigned my position. If the hospital says I am well enough to leave, this means I can go back to work. There will be little poor Dolores can do to stop me.

Before I can make this next huge decision, I need to heal the rift between my loved ones. I need to make peace with Rupert and my parents. I really need their support. There is only one thing for me to do; I need to meet with Rupert on my terms. Mum and Dad gave me parchment and quills so I can contact Renee or someone else when I want to.

_**Dear Rupert,**_

_**I think it is time we have a talk about what has been happening over the past few weeks. I want you to remain as my lawyer and a friend. I know my parents went a little over board with their matchmaking. Although their intentions were mislaid, I don't want this to remain as a rift between us. **_

_**Nell**_

I have an assistant to one of the Healers owl the letter to Rupert before I go to bed. Having unsettled business with him will not lead to any closure in my life. Like I told my Mum, I always finish what I have started. A few minutes after sending off my letter, I fall into an exhausted sleep.

I do not have to wait long for a reply:

_**Nell,**_

_**I was about to send you a letter discussing my handing the case over to someone else. Your actions hurt me to the core, especially after spending so much time being at your side in the hospital. You were right, I crossed the line between being your lawyer to acting like a boyfriend; however, some of your actions led me to believe that you wanted a more intimate relationship. I will be there this evening to speak with you.**_

_**Rupert**_

Rupert shows up dressed up in his most business-like robes and carrying that tatty brief case. His manner seems to be cold, but his eyes are telling me a different story.

**"Well, Miss Howard…"** Rupert starts out formally like I am some stranger.

**"Rupert, enough of the 'Miss Howard' crap. I really need to talk to you, and this is not going to help either one of us." **I motion for him to sit next to my bed. **"I need the people closest to me now more than ever. I cannot just shut you out because of a misunderstanding."**

**"I thought that night when I held your hand after Lupin left, we shared something special."** He is close to tears, and I feel so guilty. **"You told me that Severus was wrong about me being below your standards and being boring."** He is looking down at the floor in despair.

**"Rupert, I don't think you have ever been boring, and I am proud to call you my friend. You were asking me questions, and I gave you answers from the standpoint of a friend. It was far from a marriage proposal." **I need to be careful about coming across as being sarcastic. He is very hurt. I don't want to traumatize him with some stupid comment. **"Have you ever heard of something called, 'Florence Nightingale Syndrome'?"**

**"No,"** he answers in confusion

**"She was a Muggle nurse who took care of British soldiers in the nineteenth century. It is a relationship that evolves from the gratitude between a caregiver and patient; however, the feeling is sometimes interpreted as love. The feeling then becomes a possessiveness to alter the lives of those in their charge, making decisions when they don't have a right to do so."** He raises his head and looks at me with a softer expression.** "I am afraid that is what is happening between us. I am resentful about how everyone jumped into taking over my life. It felt like a carcass waiting for the vultures to devour me."**

He is unable to look me in the eye. As he shifts his gaze to the ceiling, there are tears rolling down his cheeks; I hand him a tissue, waiting for him to respond.** "I'm sorry, I had no idea. I wanted to look out for your best interests. You don't know how horrible it was to find you lying on your parlor floor. I felt I had let everyone down by not having you admitted here."**

**"I am going to need your help and support when I leave here."** He doesn't seem to be paying attention to me. He is lost in his own guilt. **"Rupert, are you paying attention?"** There is a tone of annoyance in my voice as I say, **"I really need your support when I leave here. I want to go back to Hogwarts to finish out the year."**

**"Go back?"** he inquires vapidly. A veil of horror covers his face as he has finally processed what I have said. **"You can't do that. Someone else is working in your place." **His hand covers his eyes in an expression of frustration. **"Go to the beach, stay at some resort, but don't go back there!"** he exclaims franticly.

**"You of all people should know that I am under contract, and I can't resign my position."** With every word, he grows paler in the face. **"I am reclaiming my position, and I need you to help uphold the rules. As my lawyer and friend, I need this."**

His voice is business like as he expresses, **"As a friend, I think you may need some serious therapy; however, as your solicitor, I will fight for you. I cannot say that I am happy about this, but I need to look after your legal affairs."** A wry grin spreads across his face. **"Merlin, imagine taking on the _Prophet _and the Board of Governors at the same time; you do keep me busy."**

With the canyon of misery bridged, we are able to discuss my affairs as my own, not my parents' version of what they should be. Although he is reluctant to agree with my choices, he puts on his professional face and soldiers on. Our conversation lasts for hours and is broken up by a Healer who asks Rupert to leave.

As he walks out the door, I no longer resent his view of me as a person. He understands that he needs to separate his professional and social feelings, and I have learned discussing my feelings appropriately will prevent any further misunderstandings.

Since he has left, I have been sitting here with a quill and paper for the past hour, attempting to write the headmaster about my return. I don't have a clue what his reaction will be when he receives this. He may see this as an opportunity to control me or another way to speed up my death.

"_If I get myself closer to danger, the further I am from harm."_

_**Professor Dumbledore,**_

_**I am writing this letter to inform you that I am returning to the school to fulfill the terms of my contract. St. Mungo's will be releasing me in several days with the ability to resume my duties. There will be few restrictions on my capabilities when at Hogwarts.**_

_**None of the restrictions prevent me from any teaching duties.**_

_**Eleanor A. Howard**_

Renee has sent me another letter discussing Ozzy's creative ability for mischief. Yesterday, he let himself out of the stall and turned on every faucet in the barn. Renee knew exactly who was responsible for this prank, and he was snoozing peacefully in the stall.

I laugh at the story, reading it over and over with a pang of nostalgia. A squeak of shoes on the tile floor catches my attention, and I look up to find Minerva standing in front of me.

**"Nell, is it true you wish to come back to Hogwarts?"** she inquires. **"Rupert came to the headmaster's office this morning with a copy of your contract in his hands, stating you were going to finish out the year."** She pulls out a chair to sit next to me.

**"Minerva, I need to do this. I refuse to allow the school and community to believe what Dolores has said about my character. How would you feel when someone enters a room to see you, calling you a 'whore' instead of your name? She is drafting a letter to the school governors saying that I had sex in my office with anyone having a 'Y' chromosome. Let's not forget her accusations that I was pregnant after cheating on Rupert,"** I say sharply, clenching my fists in frustration. **"How would you like to live with that floating out there? I am reclaiming my position and reputation. Like it or not, this is what I am going to do!"**

**"You don't understand how badly the school environment has disintegrated. Dolores is taking over the position of authority, preventing Professor Dumbledore from carrying out any of his duties. It is dangerous for you to be there."** Her voice is near hysteria. **"She is concentrating most of her punishments at the school on students who are half-bloods and Muggleborns. I wonder if she will be ordering the need for tagging an ear and tattooing someone across the forehead to identify blood status. I overheard her having a discussion about Muggleborns not being worthy of going to our school or working at the Ministry."** Minerva looks at me in earnest, grasping my hand hard and brushing a few stray hairs away from my face. **"Nell, you are the only Muggleborn teacher at the school, and this makes your situation more dangerous. She has been paying…"** Minerva stops speaking suddenly. It seems she has slipped out with something I shouldn't have been told.

**"She is doing what?" I inquire, knowing she is not going to say anything else. Minerva always wears the same expression showing the topic is closed. "Then I must go back. This will give her the opportunity to run witches of my birth off without a fight. There are people who need me. Take Ursula for example, I heard she is falling apart. I don't want her to end up like me, strapped down as a teenager for her own safety at St. Mungo's."** I hope she understands how urgent it is for me to return.** "Besides, Charity and I were discussing her desire to get some mentorship on her teaching technique when I came back from my so-called Winter Holiday."**

**"Rupert told us your family is reluctantly supporting your decisions. Although we feel this may be a fool's errand, you are correct on the legal aspect of your contract. I wish for you to reconsider and resign."** Minerva's face reminds me of my Mum when she would talk to me after a nasty seizure. There is genuine concern there, but I want to stand on my own two feet.

**"I will storm the gates if need be; however, I told that horrible woman I would walk out those doors under my own power or removed in a coffin. I refuse to go back on this promise."**

Minerva stands up and slides the chair to its original position. **"I shall inform the headmaster of your return upon your release."** She walks out the door stiffly. I hope I have not torn our relationship apart.

It has been a week since our conversation, and I find myself with Rupert, sitting in Dumbledore's office; Minerva is sitting next to us with a muscle moving in her jaw as if she were biting back some comments. She doesn't look angry but concerned. She has that "mother hen" look on her face. As I hand over my release papers to return to work, Dolores waddles in looking a bit unhappy with the news of my return.

**"Albus, as Hogwarts High Inquisitor, I really don't feel that her return is appropriate. Stories are being told about her loose morals in the community,"** Dolores says irritably, standing next to my chair.

**"Dolores, your comments are baseless and unfounded,"** Dumbledore speaks up in my defense. **"We all know what really happened in the past few weeks; the topic is closed as far as we are concerned."**

**"What about her health? She looks dreadful!"** Dolores roughly grabs my chin pulling my face upwards to look into her eyes, causing my neck to hurt; I slap her hand away to relieve the pain. Dumbledore hands the paperwork to Dolores, and she purples in the face. **"There is no way I will permit some unbalanced, diseased whore to return to this school!"** Dolores tosses the document back onto the desk.

Minerva's mouth gapes in outrage. She stands up before I can say anything, shouting, **"How dare you!"** Rupert grabs the sleeve of her robes to prevent her from cursing Dolores.

**"Professor Umbridge, I will ask you to not speak about one of my teachers by such terms."** Dumbledore is composed, but I have noticed his eyes have narrowed to tiny little slits. **"I have known her since she was a student, and this behavior you have accused her of never happened." His expression and tone change when he hands her a copy of my signed contract. "Eleanor is on contract unlike Professor Trelawney. The Ministry has stated that she will not be allowed to resign or be sacked unless a Healer declares her unfit to work. She could run naked, leading a conga line of plimpies across the Great Hall, and the only action that could be taken is limited to a docking in her salary. Look at Section two, paragraph nine, subsection eight-B." **The twinkle is now returning into his eye. **"You know that Magical contracts are binding and cannot be changed."**

I take a sideways glance at Minerva, and to my surprise, she seems rather pleased at the turn of events; however, I feel there will be a need for a private conversation to fully explain my feelings.

Rupert clears his throat. **"If I may interrupt, there is something I need to give Professor Umbridge. This is a restraining order that does not permit you to come within twenty feet of my client unless myself, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva, or, oh yes, Madam Pomfrey in the room. There is a provision for discussing anything about my client without her permission, seeing as the issue is that of physical and mental fitness. It is illegal to discuss any of these topics to a third party."**

He hands her the paperwork without any expression on his face. **"If you violate this order, there is a nasty repelling charm that will take effect."**

Dolores is very angry, swelling like some hyperactive, pink puffer fish. **"Watch your step, Eleanor."**

**"Dolores, I always watch my step; however, I must remind you to watch where you have stepped."** Everyone looks down at her foot. There is a large wad of Droobles on her pumps.

She points her stubby wand to Vanish the sticky mess, but it keeps reappearing at every attempt.** "Dolores, do you require assistance?"** Minerva inquires, smiling slightly. I think she suspects a Weasley invention in progress.

Dolores just removes her shoe, storms toward the door, and turns around growling with irritation at the four other occupants of the room before exiting the room. I have a feeling there will be some decree on candy issued today.

**"Welcome back,"** Dumbledore says, eyebrows disappearing under his hairline.

I give Rupert a quick smile before informing everyone of my need to depart the room to unpack and speak to Charity about how my students are dealing with their upcoming N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s.


	25. The Snitch and The Sneak

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by:_**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 25_**

**_The Snitch and The Sneak_**

Coming back to the school feels quite surreal in a way. I know that this place is familiar, but it just does not seem to be home anymore. I am back in my old "home" in the school, and it has not changed a bit since that night when Dolores attacked me here. There are only two things missing: Daisy and the bloody bottle that started this chain of events.

With all the crap going on in this place, Daisy will be staying with my parents. I keep expecting her to run up to the door to greet me. At least at my parents', she can run around in a fenced in yard; Dolores is on a rampage, and the poor animal does not need to become a victim of her wrath again.

There is a sharp knock on the door, bringing me to the present. As I open it, I see that Charity has come to welcome me back with enthusiasm and plan how we are going to handle the classes. Dumbledore feels that Charity and I should share classes, collaborate on teaching styles, and classroom routine. If Trelawney is ever reinstated, I wonder what will happen to the Divination classes. I guess she and Firenze will have to split up the classes between them.

Charity and I didn't get a chance to really know each other until today. She is very young and enthusiastic about the subject she is teaching; however, she seems oblivious to the present climate of anti-Muggle policies being pushed forth by the Ministry. She reminds me of a female version of Arthur Weasley.

**"Charity, I have always been the type to give my view of the world without regard to the consequences. I want you to be very careful around Dolores. I don't want you in the same situation that I am in."** I can't give her the full story, because I am not sure who I can trust around here.

Her face clouds over with concern. **"I know Dolores is constantly dragging me into the office for tea and asking questions. You don't think…?"**

**"All I can tell you is to not meet with her one on one, especially when she offers you a beverage,"** I inform her, understanding that sharing any private details would be a mistake. **"I would watch your back from now on."**

**"Nell, Dolores has been telling some of the staff that you tried to kill yourself a few weeks ago. Did you really end up in the Psychiatric Ward?"** she inquires sheepishly.

**"I am not going to tell you a lie, this was an unfortunate accident taken out of context. I fell after blacking out and tried to pull myself up by using the table, but the table cloth slipped, knocking a bottle to the floor. I did end up in that ward, but I was moved when the Healers discovered evidence of a heart attack. Actually, it seems I had at least three this year without realizing it."** I think this is just enough information right now.

**"I need to tell you about little Ursula. She has completely fallen apart. The other teachers see her becoming more and more isolated everyday. When I ask her about it, she excuses herself from the classroom." **Charity is concerned about the behavior of her student, and I have to admire her ability to observe this when no one else did.** "She had a fit during my class, and I sent everyone to the library, so no one would see it. Dolores told me it was a tantrum, but it wasn't. I paid for sending the kids out. Dolores kept coming into the classroom to make sure my students weren't sent out."**

With everything out in the open, I think Charity and I can work with each other until the end of the school year. I need her to understand there is more going on here at the school than she realizes. She is not savvy enough to pick up on the little games being played by everyone. There is some level of distrust between all staff members, and the new administration is not helping matters. This is what they want. Isolate each teacher and pick them off one by one.

This morning is my first class with the O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students, because I have more experience in the Muggle world. Charity is probably going to take over my position when I leave this horrible situation. She would like to work with the third and fourth years to allow them to move along with her teaching methods from the ground up.

This class contains fifth year Slytherin and Hufflepuff students, and I am really feeling self- conscious about my absence. So, I make it my first objective to clear the air about what took place during my leave sans the Dolores part. I discover most of the students were aware this was not a suicide attempt. The Slytherin students inform me that Severus explained about how I was ill and at St. Mungo's, putting to rest rumors that may have been floating around; however, I don't think everyone in his house believes this.

Lunch has rolled around very quickly. The first thing I do is to look for Ursula and find out how she is doing. I sense she is avoiding my eye for some reason. I think I will find a way to speak to her in private. I wonder if she feels like I have abandoned her in some way. Charity probably wouldn't mind sending her to see me during class this afternoon.

I am trying to figure out how I am going to broach this subject as I sit in my office. Before I can really rehearse some sort of speech, there is a timid knock at the door.

**"Professor, you wanted to see me?"** Ursula inquires.

I motion her to come in and sit down, but she hesitates at the door as if I have asked her to sit on a chair laden with nails**. "How have you been doing? I heard from Professor Sprout you are having some episodes during class."** She looks reluctant to answer me. I think she may feel as if I have abandoned her. **"Tell me how you feel about what is going on. Forget for a moment that I am your teacher."**

Ursula looks down at her feet, unsure about something. When she finally raises her gaze to meet mine, she says,** "You abandoned me."** She looks frustrated and angry with tears rolling down her cheeks. **"You weren't here to talk to. One of my friends told me she overheard Professor Umbridge say you had lost your mind, and she found you on the floor after overdosing on medication. She said you had done it over a boyfriend who caught you cheating. Are you really going to have a baby?"** she inquires, reddening in the face as it dawns on her this is a very private matter.

I hand her a tissue to dry her eyes. **"Yes, I was lying on the floor when Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape found me after having a heart attack,"** I say pointedly, hoping this will rid her of any doubts; however, I see the damage has been done.** "I saw your Head of House at least every day while I was at St. Mungo's." **I suddenly realize how much effort he took to see me on a daily basis. What he was getting out of it is a mystery to me.** "So, there was no suicide attempt, jealous boyfriend, and I am certainly not pregnant."**

**"I'm sorry. I just heard…"** She trails off, looking towards the ground.

**"Don't be sorry. You cannot believe everything you hear. I wanted to come back to see you as soon as I could, but it took a while before I was well enough to leave,"** I tell her gently, but she doesn't look up.

**"My friend said she heard something else. Professor Umbridge said this was not the first time that you tried to kill yourself; this was your third attempt,"** Ursula says timidly, unable to look up again. She seems to be embarrassed, but she deserves an honest answer.

**"Ursula, look at me,"** I order her gently.** "The part about attempting suicide twice before is true. I was a mixed-up kid without an adult who could understand me. The teachers didn't understand how depressed a teenager can get. The second time was after an attack when I was protecting Minister Fudge from a Death Eater. I lost my best friend that day, and I could not cope with the physical pain as well as my grief. I didn't know how to ask for help. I envy you a bit."**

**"You envy me?"** she inquires, lifting her gaze in astonishment.

**"I wouldn't have tried to ask a teacher about my problems, but you did. I could not understand that an adult would really want to deal with me. I also envy the fact you kept pursuing help even though Professor Umbridge so rudely interrupted you."** Ursula looks like she is finally regaining her trust for me. **"I know how it is to worry about sitting in a classroom, waiting for a seizure to hit and the embarrassment of finding that this has happened in public. It happened to me one year. I lost complete control and wet myself."**

**"I don't want that to happen. How would I face everyone's teasing?"** she inquires.

**"The more down trodden you get, the more other students will pick on you. I hated that my teachers told me that I should ignore it; however, they were not living in my shoes. Just talk about it to someone. When people isolate you, the easier it is to destroy everything you call dear. Promise me you won't do that**."

**"I won't. It's just that you weren't there, and I felt that killing yourself was selfish; I was very angry at you."** She still seems a bit confused, but one little talk is not going to solve this problem instantly.

**"What happened a few weeks ago was a horrible accident. There is always someone who finds delight in making up stories to make them self seem more powerful or moral."** I want to scream it was Dolores's fault for spreading the rumor, but that is inappropriate for a child to hear. **"Ursula, I think there is more we need to say; however, I need to get you back to class. I don't want to step on Professor Burbage's toes."**

As I hand her the note, she tells me, **"Thanks for being honest with me."** She retreats toward the door without another word.

Dolores has called her normal meeting this morning, and I enter the room to find Dolores and Minerva staring each other down like two alley cats fighting over territory. When I find a seat, both sets of eyes turn my way, and the confrontation ends.

Dolores takes advantage of the fact that she cannot be harmed by a jinx from the restraining order. **"Eleanor, it's so good to see you up and about this morning. Too bad you won't be with us much longer,"** she whispers menacingly, taking her normal position next to the boggart-infested wardrobe. **"Everyone will miss you so much when you are gone."**

I don't know if this is a threat against my life, or her idea of sarcasm about my leaving at the end of the term. For my sake, I am defaulting to the idea of her threatening my life.

She really hits a nerve with me while discussing loyalty to the Ministry and inappropriate behaviors of the students and staff. Every time she wants to make a point about behavior, she turns her head, staring at me. I can feel all eyes in the room straying in my direction. I want to tell her to stop looking at me like that, but I know it will just call more attention to me.

I am the first one out the door after we have finished. I secretly want to stay behind and leave after Minerva just to watch the jinx take effect; however, I know that Minerva will probably drag me out by the scruff of the neck out.

This afternoon, I am tired and quite grumpy. I long for the sanctuary of a hot bubble bath and a good book. Unfortunately, my hopes are dashed as Minerva walks into the door, announcing that Dolores has called another staff meeting in fifteen minutes. It is probably about some new stupid decree. I wonder if this one will be about breathing without permission.

As I walk into the staffroom door, I am bombarded with a shout of "Happy Birthday." I didn't check my calendar, so I really forgot it is the second of April. I don't know how I could be so dense. My middle name is on my office door, and Mum decided to name me after that month. I am so glad I was not born in November.

Most of the teachers from the academic areas are present, and Minerva tells me that Rupert has something special planned for Saturday afternoon. She hands me a short letter written in his flowing script.

_**Nell,**_

_**Please meet me in the Entrance Hall at noon for a luncheon at the Three Broomsticks. Don't worry; this is just a friendly meeting between two friends. I miss you very much and cannot wait to catch up on how things have been going. I have something very special that I want to give you for your birthday; it is something you should be very pleased about receiving.**_

_**Yours truly,**_

_**Rupert**_

I look over towards a corner of the room, and I see Severus standing apart from everyone else. He reminds me of a small child wanting to interrupt the adults talking, waiting politely to ask for something. I sincerely doubt he wants anything to do with the festivities; however, I am sure there will be some sarcastic comment awaiting me if he catches me alone.

I am having so much fun, because this is the first positive attention I have received from the others in a long time. As I look on the end of the table at the wrapped gifts, I see one in a plain brown wrapper. My heart sinks thinking about who it could possibly be from. I leave this one for last. I open it up, and it is a poetry book with the works of John Henry Dryden. There is no note or card identifying the giver, and no one present cares to claim the honor. My parents normally send sweets or a card. I blow off the confusion and get back to enjoying my party.

Suddenly, the room falls silent; the happy mood disappears with an abrupt explosion of the door. It flies open with such force, there is a hole cut into the wall from the hardware. Out in the hallway, Dolores glares at the celebration taking place without her approval.

Flitwick is the first person to speak, breaking the tension. **"Sorry, we didn't know you wanted to come, or we would have saved you some cake." **Everyone in the room waits for Dolores's next move.

**"I told you that there were no meetings without me present!" **she bellows, flushed in the face with anger.

**"This isn't a staff meeting, Dolores. It's Nell's birthday. I didn't realize birthday parties were considered a discussion between the staff on academics."** Minerva has a bit of cake still on her fork, and she takes a bite. This seems to inflame Dolores even more.

**"Everyone should return to their quarters or duties this instant. Why you even waste any effort on this tart is beyond me."** Dolores looks in my direction when using the word, "tart".

Minerva opens up her mouth to say something in my defense, but I cut her off by saying, **"She's not worth the effort either."** I stare coldly at Dolores. **"I think I will just get some rest. Thanks for everything,"** I tell the room full of adults. I really don't want allow anyone else to be drawn into the games Dolores is playing with my life. It is just easier walk away and get into the bath waiting for me upstairs.

Rupert arrives on Saturday; standing near the front doors, he looks quite dashing in his new robes. He is grinning from ear to ear as I walk over to meet him.

It looks like rain, but I don't want to ruin the moment. As we are walking down the drive, he is making small talk about his new role as a partner in the law firm. I am so pleased with his success. He is no longer the misfit from Hufflepuff but a confident and talented man.

We are sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks waiting to be served, and Rupert is still looking at me with that insufferable grin. I am glad he didn't pick a Hogsmeade weekend.

"**Rupert, has someone hit you with a cheering charm?** **Why are you looking at me that way?"** I inquire irritably.

**"I have a special present just for you, Happy Birthday,"** he says cheerfully, handing me a thick envelope.** "Read it,"** he urges.

I open the envelope, exploring the contents. It looks like a formal legal document saying:

_**Eleanor April Howard vs. Daily Prophet**_

I scan further down the page, passing most of the details of the case to find the ruling. My charge of libel has been upheld, and the _Prophet _has settled for 50,000 Galleons. I am beyond stunned.

Rupert leans over the table at me, and says,** "The _Prophet _gave in when they decided that my constant litigation is costing them a fortune."** He looks so thrilled. Is this because he won this case, or the fact he receives one third of the money? **"This is enough to get you through retirement after you leave the school."** He changes the subject with,** "I heard about Umbridge breaking up your party earlier this week. I hope this is making up for it a bit,"** he says with a smile. **"She is determined to crush any sort of joy and happiness that might come your way."** His face falls as he continues with, **"I heard she called you a 'tart' in front of your friends during the party, I'm sorry."**

**"I'm fine. Can we talk about something else?"** I inquire, giving him a strained smile.

Before I can get another word out, there is an explosion of singing from a large birthday cake being delivered by Madam Rosemerta. I hate calling attention to myself; however, I am really enjoying the moment of having everyone in the room singing along with my dessert.

After lunch, I start to walk up the street towards the school, but Rupert doesn't follow me. In fact, he spins me around by the elbow, saying, "Oh, no you don't, Nell."

**"Rupert!"** I shout out of shock.

**"Professor Howard, It's time you had a bit of fun."** His eyes have that mischievous light to them again. He gives me a quick shove toward a Quidditch supply shop, laughing at my bemusement.

We amuse each other for half an hour with Rupert trying on bits of equipment, waiting for some sarcastic commentary from my end. Our laughing and carrying on turns a few heads, but I am not seeing looks of disgust. The elderly shop keeper sniggers at our jokes, thinking we can't hear him.

Rupert finds a small container of Snitches sitting in the corner of the shop. Each one carries a guaranteed homing charm, allowing for it to only fly a few feet from the individual playing with it. **"Well, I know you are a bit old to play on a school Quidditch team, but it never hurts to have a bit of practice."**

As we walk out of the shop, Rupert stops, stands in front of me, saying, **"You know, I haven't heard you laugh in a long time. I missed it."** He has started walking again, pulling the Snitch out of his pocket to challenge me to a game of "catch."

We visit a few shops, and he inclines his head toward Honeydukes. **"I heard your mum say you had a weakness for pralines. I think there are some in here I think you would like."**

**"Rupert, have you been talking to my mum about the inner workings of my mind?"** I ask suspiciously.

**"What do pralines have to do about 'the inner workings of your mind'?"** He seems genuinely oblivious to this quirk of mine.

**"Rupert, I need you to promise me something, if Mum mentions anything about giving me pralines to cheer me up, please use a silencing charm on her and walk away quickly."** As I snort at my own comment, I notice that the sky is now cloudless.

He shakes his head as if to clear it of this bizarre topic, and we continue walking around the village. The pair of us continue a game of catch with the Snitch as we walk around.

The sun is slowly fading into darkness as we re-enter the school grounds. Dolores is waiting by the front doors. She reminds me of a chimera about to strike. **"I hope you didn't do anything to bring shame to the school?"** she inquires.

Rupert takes out the Snitch, tosses it in the air with a wicked grin, and says, **"That one, Madam High Inquisitor, falls under 'attorney-client privilege'."**

The Snitch flies towards my direction, and Dolores takes a swat at it; however, she is way off target. I retrieve it from the air, much to her irritation.

**"Rupert, thanks for such a lovely birthday present."** I stride over, glance coldly at Dolores, and give him a friendly peck on the cheek as we say good-bye. She looks scandalized by this action. Rupert picks up on this and returns my sentiment with a hug. I hope to God she isn't nursing a crush on him. Poor Rupert would die of embarrassment if that ever came out.

As I watch him retreat towards the driveway of the school, I hear Dolores stomping away mumbling, **"Whore."**

Our usual ritual of a Monday meeting is right on schedule; however, Dolores seems to be acting a bit odd. I wish I could put my finger on it. She seems to be very satisfied about something. Charity is concerned as well, and we decide to meet in my office later on this evening while Dolores is occupied with the normal detention schedule.

It is now late evening, and Charity is asking so many trivial questions about the lifestyle of Muggles. I actually find this quite amusing. She is knowledgeable by Wizarding standards to teach, but she would have trouble functioning for an extended length of time without magic.

There is a flurry of sounds coming from the level upstairs; it sounds like all hell has broken out. Charity and I run up the stairs to see what is going on. Kingsley and Dawlish are on the hunt for someone. Dolores is shouting,** "Where is he? He just can't Apparate out of here! Kingsley, check the grounds; Dawlish, I want you to search the dungeons, and I will check the Floo Network. Albus Dumbledore is finished!"**

Minerva is rushing past me with a girl with pustules spelling out the word "sneak" on her forehead and Potter in tow. I attempt to follow in her wake, but I am distracted by Minister Fudge's voice. He looks very upset and disheveled as he tells Percy Weasley to draw up a declaration for Dolores to become headmistress of the school and to inform the Magical Law Enforcement office that Dumbledore is to be arrested on sight. They are to use what ever force is necessary to bring him in.

It feels like the world is crashing down upon me. What is going to stop Dolores now? We no longer have the Headmaster to buffer Dolores's attacks. I'm in grave danger, and there is nothing I can do about it now.


	26. Heaven's Gate

**Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor**

**By **

**Eleanor Belle**

**Chapter 26: Heaven's Gate**

I feel like I am the butt of some great, cosmic joke. The atmosphere around the school is more like Azkaban than a place to learn. It's unbelievable that Dumbledore is really gone. I heard that Dolores tried to get into his office, but the door sealed itself shut. Maybe this is Hogwarts' way of letting her know that she is not his successor.

Dolores calls an early staff meeting to gloat about this turn of events. She warns anyone who has contact with Dumbledore will be sent to prison for aiding and abetting a wanted person. During the entire meeting, she struts back and forth like a pink-colored peacock under an over-done Cheering charm. I wonder if this is what her Patronus looks like?

Sitting in the stuffy Staff Room, everyone except Severus is wearing an expression of pure hatred when watching Dolores do her "victory dance." Although no one has spoken a word, there is a sense of mutiny hanging over the room. The perception deepens as she unveils new "ethical standards" for conduct.

We have received a handbook of conduct from the Ministry. The bloody thing is at least 150 pages long. It contains some bizarre ethical standards like: not mentioning Voldemort in any version by name, not discussing our former headmaster, addressing Dolores as the "Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," and no lessons involving unnecessary wand-work.

I am starting to get a glance of what it might be like in Azkaban. We are trapped and unable to escape with Dolores as our personal Dementor. She is sucking the heart and soul of this school dry with her decrees and refusal to accept the truth about the return of Voldemort. The Ministry is just as responsible for the murders in the past few weeks as the Death Eaters.

Dolores sits with us at breakfast; however, she is sitting in Dumbledore's chair as if it were a throne. I can feel her gaze piercing me like daggers, and I know she must have something pretty nasty for me. The restraining order is still in effect, but how long will it last now?

I don't have to wait very long to find out my answer. As I walk out of the Great Hall, I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. I know who it is without looking, because I can smell that horrible rancid rose perfume.

I turn around in horror as she says, **"I told you that those restraining orders were worthless. I have more influence over the courts than you know. The judge rather enjoyed his meal at my expense the other day. By the way, Rupert has an order to stay away from the school."** She has a menacing grin on her face.

**"You can't do that,"** I whisper to her in shock.

**"I know you are lying about those papers, Eleanor. The Ministry may not be able to remove you because of a contract; however, this letter will make it to the Board of Governors."** Dolores shoves a piece of pink parchment into my hands. Nothing has braced me for the content.

_**To the School Governors,**_

**_It has come to my attention that Eleanor Howard, the current Muggle Studies professor, has been participating in improper and erratic behavior since her start of employment. Her sudden disappearance and inability to remember where she was during the winter holidays is disconcerting. Before she went missing, several parents spotted her in Hogsmeade drunk and in the company of less than reputable men. This behavior resurfaced after developing an intimate relationship with Rupert Osgood, her solicitor and lover. Mr. Osgood and Professor Howard were found __arguing openly in the corridors after he caught her having sex in her office with another male. He is very concerned about the potential pregnancy that may have resulted from this act. After this confrontation, she was found on the floor of her quarters having over-dosed on her medication._**

_**The attempted suicide is not the first occurrence of this issue. This is the third attempt since her time as a student. In November, she was found on her bathroom floor with her wrists slashed. Behavior such as this is dangerous for the children to be exposed to.**_

_**Professor Howard's behavior falls into a long line of the former headmaster's eccentric choices for teachers. As the new headmistress, I wish to put an end to this problem. I have stopped the privileges of visitors to the school and the village. **_

_**Best regards,**_

_**Dolores Jane Umbridge**_

_**Headmistress and High Inquisitor **_

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**_

**"Now, tell me where they are and I will burn this letter. I am willing to bet that you were not taking my threat seriously. You are a liar and need to be punished. Eleanor, you will tell me the truth sooner or later, but your time is running out. I will give you one week to make a decision. Your life as you know it is finished."** She turns to walk away, leaving me stunned and unable to move. She seems to be in an awful hurry after threatening me, shouting at Filch to go get a student and bring him to her office right away.

I really do not remember leaving the Great Hall and walking to my office. Luckily, I don't have any classes today, but I have some serious review assignments that need to be graded. It won't be long until the fifth and seventh years take their exams. I can't lose focus on the students; however, Dolores's ultimatum keeps intruding on my thoughts. Even though the letter is a lie, the resulting fall out will ruin my life forever. I would be known as a dishonest, drunken whore and Rupert as a pervert; his professional life will be destroyed. That is a fate worse than death.

I seem to be reading and re-reading the same answer on a student's practice O.W.L. paper. I can't focus long enough to decide if it is correct. I think I will walk back to my quarters, make some cocoa and get my head together.

As I walk down the hallway, I stop at the classroom where Dolores cursed me the first time, warning me to mind my own business by cutting off my air. Everywhere there are reminders of how she has hurt me.

I walk into my own quarters only to find myself looking towards the wall Dolores slammed me into before she induced my heart attack. I am starting to feel nauseated from reliving the moment, so I run into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. A flashback of that horrible day in November when I collapsed in this bathroom, bleeding heavily from my wrists replays itself in my mind. The metallic smell of the blood still haunts my senses. With all these memories, the desire to retire to my bed is tempered by the memory of lying there as my friends agonized over my supposed suicide attempt.

I am going to walk the grounds. Maybe I can find somewhere that doesn't contain some horrible memory of Dolores tearing apart my life piece by piece. This is one of those times that I miss having Ozzy; a gallop out in the forest would go a long way in clearing my head.

My thoughts turn elsewhere the closer I come to the front gates. I wish I could talk to Rupert. He would always listen to my angst without allowing me to indulge in a pity party. I wonder what he is thinking right now? I can see him pacing in his office, attempting to find a way to reach me. I never realized how much I came to depend on him for support. I miss him so much. That day he took me to Hogsmeade was one of the most wonderful days in my life. I loved his creativity in setting up my birthday surprise. He must have been planning that since I came back to the school. It's been a long time since I allowed anyone to be this intimate in my life. I never want to lose this feeling for someone again. I think since Aggie died, I have been afraid of allowing someone to get close to me because of the fear they will go away also, leaving me alone in my grief.

Without realizing it, I find myself standing at the gates leading outside the school grounds. My first impulse is to run towards the village, find a way to contact Rupert, and go home to my parents. I could easily lose myself in the Muggle world as Dad's legal secretary. It's there right in front of me, all I need to do is to put one foot in front of the other, and leave this hell I once called a home.

What if I make a stand and not run home to Daddy? I am not the cowardly whore Dolores likes to portray me as. I have no idea what I am going to do to save my own arse, but I cannot walk away. There is no way Dolores is going to let me waltz out those gates into the sunset. Knowing her, she will hunt me down like the darkest of wizards and happily relocate me to Azkaban. Who could help me deal with her? Even though Dumbledore is on the run, there has to be somehow he can be contacted. If only I could get some word to Rupert. He ran rings around Dolores at every turn; however, he is out of my reach now, thanks to that psychotic bitch. As Severus once told me, I need to stand on my own two feet. With a heavy heart, I turn my back on the gates leading away from the school and return to my version of Azkaban.

I have made it through another day of classes, and I decide to skip dinner and stay in my office. The law book Rupert sent me so many months ago sits open on my desktop. It is the first present he gave me, and the inscription looks just as fresh as it did on Valentine's Day. I honestly have to admire his tenacity in staying with me through thick and thin. It must be a Hufflepuff trait, because Aggie refused to give up on me either.

**"Eleanor!"** Severus shouts, standing in the doorway with a look of disapproval. "I have been calling your name for ten minutes." He glowers at me with a stare that tells me he is not here because he wants to be.

**"What the hell do you want?"** I inquire. **"I am not in the mood to deal with you right now."**

**"Lost in our angst again, are we?"** He looks amused with himself for some reason. **"Still worried about the letter Dolores is sending off?"**

"_Oh God, who else saw it?"_

I am starting to panic with the room closing in on me. I feel as if someone has knocked the wind out of me. I cannot catch my breath, and I attempt to control the tiny wheeze that is leaking from my mouth. "**When did she let you look at it?"** I inquire in a rush of words.** "Was it before or after I left the hospital?"** She has let the Kneazle out of the bag, and I will be unable to face anyone again. I would like nothing better than to blast a hole into the floor and bury myself in it.

**"No matter what you do, Eleanor, she won't stop until she gets what she wants."** He is standing uncomfortably close to me reeking of sulfur and sour milk from some foul potion in his classroom. I don't like him to be so close to me. His demeanor is frightening me. **"She gave you an ultimatum, didn't she?"**

**"Where do you find out all this information?"** I never really thought to ask this question.

**"Dolores feels that I am the only one in the school who is worthy of confiding in. Eleanor, you are only as good as your allies."**

"_I think I should sneak up behind that bloody bitch, stun her, and pull up the sleeve of that atrocious cardigan. I want to see if Dolores is a closet Death Eater."_

**"Yeah, they are important. However, you need to watch the spots they can leave on your character, and in your case, Severus, your arm."** I see him grasp his forearm as if to hide something from me.

**"I don't seem to be the person that no one has the faith to confide important information to,"** he retorts, losing the smug expression on his face, trading it for a look of concern.

**"What did you want in here? I want you the hell out of my office!"** He is hitting a nerve.

**"I am not your personal owl,"** he says, pulling out an envelope. "**I still don't know what you see in him."** He stalks out of the room with a grunt, slamming the door behind him.

_**Nell,**_

_**Meet me tomorrow by the front gate during breakfast. Don't worry, the others will make sure that we are not interrupted. I miss you terribly and desperately need to speak to you. Nell, you are running out of options. Don't feel like you are alone, because that is what Dolores wants.**_

_**Truly yours, **_

_**Rupert**_

Sleep wasn't in the cards last night, because I worried about the others keeping Dolores busy while I find Rupert by the gates. I have no idea what Rupert is able to do for me from the outside; however, it is comforting to know I will see him again.

I walk down towards the gates, looking for Rupert, but I can't see him. I am frightened he might have been caught before I could get there.

**"Nell,"** someone calls to me.

**"Rupert, where are you?"** I inquire in a whisper, suspicious this might be a trap I have my wand in my hand.

Rupert appears behind one of the trees just inside the gates; he is untangling himself from an Invisibility Cloak, looking around for anyone who might have spotted him.** "It's so good to find you in one piece."**

**"I have never been so pleased to see you,"** I tell him, rushing forward to give him a hug. I just don't want to let go. Even with the danger of being spotted, I feel secure in his arms.

**"I have missed seeing you."** He is stroking my hair and plants a soft kiss on my temple.

**"I have no idea how you got a letter into the school. I felt so alone."** I am afraid I am going to fall apart completely.

He pushes me away so he can look me in the eye, pleading, **"Nell, you can leave with me right now. I am sure there is a way to hide you somewhere."** He looks expectant that I will just run for it. **"You are shortening your life by doing this to yourself. I can't bear to see that happen. Your parents are positively panicked."**

**"Rupert, she will just hunt me down and throw me into prison. I am trapped here."** He looks surprised by my reply. **"I need to face the consequences of my actions. What ever can of worms I have opened up, I need to clean up this mess. Leaving now would delay the inevitable."** I have started crying in earnest, and he holds me close again as if to shield me from the horrors at the top of the driveway.

**"I was afraid you would say this. We have another plan to keep you out of harm's way."** He steps back, holding out an envelope. **"I don't like it; however, Dumbledore thinks this will buy you a little more time."**

I wipe the tears off of my cheeks and take a deep breath. I take the envelope and open it to find what looks like the receipt for that lavish luncheon with Malfoy. I doubt if anyone would like me just to hand over this jewel to Dolores, so I decide to check if it is for real.

I marked every one of those documents secretly to prevent them from being tampered with. There should be three blue dots in the upper right hand corner. You can only see them through a spell that shines a red beam of light onto the page. As I check for the mark, I realize they are fakes.

**"This is a forgery, a clever one, but still a forgery."** I look at him with a minor note of irritation. **"I always mark documents like this," **I inform Rupert, showing him the spell to reveal my own hallmark."

**"We can't let you hand over the originals. They will be needed in the future so the truth is not covered up," **he explains, nervously running a hand through his scalp. **"We will send them one at a time in some way. You need to tell her you will only give her them one at a time, because you want her to behave herself. If there is only one hint of harassment, you will have the rest destroyed. We are going to give them to her with the least damaging papers first."** He reaches out to grab my chin to look at him. **"I would rather see you leave with me right now. You still have a chance; there is room enough for two under this cloak."**

**"Rupert, I can't. I am not happy about looking like a coward by giving these back to her. I know they are fakes, but I still feel like a traitor as I hand them over. She will see me as just caving in to her might."** I realize my time is running short, and I know we must leave each other.

**"Nell, I need to go now before you are missed. My offer still stands, you can walk away right now."** I know he doesn't want to leave me here. **"I know you get irritated when I say this, but I do still love you."** He throws the cloak over his head and leaves without another word.

All I can manage is a teary good-bye. I wonder if I should have shown him that I love him too.

When I get to the top of the drive, I head straight into my office to write Dolores a letter and send it via her favorite side-kick, Filch.

I have serious doubts as to whether I can pull off this ruse with Dolores. The same thought keeps running through my head: This is pointless; even if I manage to pull this off, it will just get covered up anyway.

As I wait in the Dark Arts classroom for Dolores to show up, I feel so alone. She thinks I am going to give her the entire set of papers; however, she could turn quite nasty when she discovers this treat is about to be denied to her. I know the evidence I am about to hand over is just a forgery, but I cannot stop the feeling that I am just caving into her desires.

**"Eleanor, you are one cowardly little whore who has just realized she is nothing against the power of the Ministry."** She walks out of the shadows with a sticky smile, wand held loosely in her hand. **"Hand them over, and I will leave you alone. You and that Rupert can go skipping off happily, screwing each other when the urge hits."** She seems really pleased with herself as she says, **"You shouldn't have bothered with taking those papers; it will be covered up, and you will end up in a psychiatric ward if you and your friends try to expose anything. Who will they believe, the sickly, thieving whore or the Headmistress of Hogwarts?"**

**"You first, Dolores, I want to see the letter you want to give to the Board of Governors."**

I can feel my heart racing out of control. **"Even exchange at the same time. I give you mine; you give me yours. I want to see it out in plain sight; I don't want any tricks."**

I can see in the flickering candlelight that it is the letter that threatens to ruin my life. We execute a mutual snatch-and-grab; however, Dolores looks furious as she opens the envelope.** "This is only a receipt for that lunch with Malfoy."** Her face looks menacing in the half-light of the room. **"Where are the rest, you deceitful bitch?"** Her wand is now pointed directly at my heart as she charges me. **"I'd stick you in Azkaban; however, I doubt if you will make it to a holding cell with the Dementors guarding you."**

I have my wand out instantly, shouting, **"Stop, right there! Anything happens to me, you won't see another receipt."** Dolores seems to freeze on the spot. **"I will give them back piece by piece if you behave yourself. There are ninety days left in this school year; you will receive when I want to give them to you until I walk out those gates."** My mouth has run completely dry. **"You will receive one paper every two weeks. Don't follow me or harass me with your flunkies watching my every move, and I want that order against Rupert lifted."** She doesn't look too pleased. **"Keep away from me, or I will have my source destroy the rest. This includes writing or speaking to anyone about my so-called character issues."**

**"Two weeks from today, Eleanor, at the same time and location. Come alone or our bargain will be null and void. You will find yourself strapped down somewhere either in St. Mungo's or Azkaban."** She is staring at me with cold anger, and I swear there is a tinge of red in her eyes. She looks positively demonic from this angle.

**"I'll be here."** I decide that is enough to be said, and I cautiously turn on my heel to leave in a hurry. I don't make it far, and I end up in a hidden corner of a disused classroom three doors down from the Potions classroom. I am shaking so badly, I can't even move. I am thinking about attempting to crawl that few feet towards Severus's office; however, sparkles of darkness have quickly over taken me.


	27. Easter

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_Chapter 27: Easter_**

**_By _**

**_Eleanor Bell_**

I realize that I am still in the classroom as I regain consciousness. The stress of handing over the receipt overwhelmed my body. I don't even recognize which classroom I am in, but the spare potion bottles give me a clue that I am near the Potions hallway.

I have been sitting here for a few minutes attempting to get my head together. I have got to stop the cycle of panicking and making myself sick. This behavior is giving Dolores an edge on telling the world how unbalanced I may be. Sitting on this floor bawling like an infant is not going to solve my problem.

The Easter holidays are coming up, and I remember that the Ministry is calling some sort of workshop to tell us how inept we are at teaching. Frankly, I think it is a waste of time. Most of us have families and friends we only get to see once or twice a year. This serves to cause resentment and restlessness among the staff.

Although my legs feel like jelly, I manage to make it back to my bed; it only takes just a minute to fall into a nightmare.

_Everything is dark, and I want to find my wand to see where I am; however, when I try to move, some force is holding me down on a bed. I don't like this one bit, but when I cry out for help, all I can come out with is a strangled moan._

_The strange smells and scratchy sheets in the Psychiatric Isolation Ward give me a sickening realization that something is horribly wrong. I don't understand why I am here. It's hard to get my bearings when my eyes seem glued shut. Everything just hurts; my skin feels like it is on fire, I cannot take a deep breath, and my heart is racing erratically. _

**"**_**That's the last dose."** Copperbottom's voice echoes from a long distance. **"What do we do now?"**_

**"**_**I'll go Floo Dolores,"** Bulstrode says in a disheartened manner. **"We just can't let her suffer like this."** Someone is touching my arm in a tender manner. **"Just sit with her, I'll go find out what she wants to do about this."**_

_I want to get up and run; however, my body feels like it is encased in concrete. I try to call out for help, but all that comes out is a guttural moan. Why doesn't someone help me? I just can't make anyone understand I am in pain._

_I can open my eyes now, but it's not worth the effort. They keep slipping in and out of focus, and the images make no sense. I want someone to help me, but again, all that comes out is a wheezy moan. Someone is speaking, no, reading something. I can recognize Copperbottom's voice. **"Nell, let's see; maybe this would be a nice one for me to read for you."**_

**Her pleasure will not let me stay.  
She talks and I am fain to list:  
She's glad the birds are gone away,  
She's glad her simple worsted grady  
Is silver now with clinging mist.**

_I like the sound of his voice, and it seems so soothing. He continues to read for a while from a book with more poems. "**I think this does more for you than any potion,"** he says. **"Someday, I will find a way to send you more of these."**_

_The door violently opens, and our "High Inquisitor" is darkening my door step. **"What are you doing?"** Dolores does not sound happy._

**"**_**I am reading her some poetry. Since she isn't calling out or thrashing anymore, I think it's soothing to her."** Copperbottom seems rather pleased with his discovery. **"At least I'm trying to do something,"** he informs her pointedly._

_My eyes slide closed as Dolores screeches, **"Bulstrode, they are coming for her. Get her dressed, now!"**_

_I don't want to be touched, but someone has their hands on me. I strike out with a fist, making contact with something. I hear a distinct "ouch" come from above my head. My protest does not halt the progress of my being disrobed and redressed so painfully. _

**"**_**Dawlish, get her out of here. That half-breed Lupin is downstairs causing quite a fuss."** Dolores is out of breath._

**"**_**What do you want me to do with her?"** Dawlish inquires impatiently. I am being roughly picked up, and I struggle against the arms holding me. My protests only come out as incoherent whispers. Someone shouts for me to stop; however, I can't stop my body from twitching. I can feel a curse hit me, stopping any movement. **"I'm not going to roam around London with a half-dead woman in my arms,"** Dawlish complains loudly._

**"**_**Take her to Knockturn Alley to be with the rest of those drunken whores for all I care,"** Dolores snaps. **"That is better than this lying slut deserves. The last thing we need is to account for a dead body in the hospital."**_

**"**_**Madam Umbridge, you can't do this; it's murder."** Copperbottom should know better. His loud protest encourages me to open up my eyes to look at his face._

**"**_**Shut it, Copperbottom, I didn't ask for your opinion. Dawlish, what are you waiting for?"** Her orders echo in my ears as everything goes dark. _

I wake up in a pool of sweat and tears, because the images were so vivid. Was this dream, a memory that I had forgotten? Copperbottom has been the person stalking me all this time. What is his motive for reading and sending me these books? Is this a sick declaration of love on his part. I remember seeing the poem he was reading somewhere. I bolt for the book shelf in my study, and I pray that it is not the one Dolores took away from me. I won't rest until I find out which one it is. As I pore through the books, there is a sickening sensation rolling across my midsection. It was in Robert Frost's _A Boy's Will_. I am relieved to find it still on my shelf, and I tear through each page; I finally find a poem called, _My November Guest._ I cannot resist the urge to keep looking over my shoulder as I stand in my own home, because I find the whole thing disturbing and frightening.

I shudder suddenly as I realize they were going to leave me in Knockturn Alley. What would have happened to me if I was left there, dying alone without a name? Oh, God! What else did they do to me while I was unconscious? I feel almost "unclean" for some reason. Was Copperbottom, Dawlish, or someone else watching me at such a vulnerable moment as I am not only stripped of my clothes but my dignity? The most uncomfortable feelings come from the knowledge that Copperbottom and I spent hours alone together. Could I have been the victim of some sexual assault? It makes me sick just thinking about it. Maybe, this could have something to do with why Dolores calls me a whore or slut when she sees me. I pray the anger and humiliation of my discovery will lessen as the Easter holiday begins next week.

As they finally do arrive, the Easter holidays do not bring a reprieve from the pressure of dealing with Dolores. Once the kids have left on the train, I know I must face that woman tonight. My new receipt appeared this morning in a hollowed-out chocolate Easter egg. It is for the purchase of a Christmas gift the year before last for a certain Archibald Quimby; however, the poor sod had died eleven years previous.

I am on my way to see Dolores in her classroom like we had planned the last time. The cold chill of foreboding sinks to the bottom of my stomach as I finally approach the door jamb.

Dolores is sitting at her desk, twirling her wand between her fingers in the dim candlelight. I quietly cast a detection charm, looking for anyone who may be hiding in the shadows.

I walk up the darkened aisles of the classroom, sensing her desire to inflict as much pain and humiliation as possible. It's that same hopeless, creepy feeling of being around a Dementor.

I am going to control the situation this time. I slow down my strides, swaggering arrogantly as I walk towards her.** "You're a little bit early, Dolores. I have always wondered if you were the sort of child who peeked at her presents before Christmas morning."**

Her expression sours the closer I walk towards her. **"Enough dawdling, Eleanor, I want what is in that envelope."**

**"Apparently, you have been sticking to our bargain. As long as you can play nicely, you will continue to get your little treasures."** I shouldn't over play my hand.** "I trust that permission for Rupert to come up here and for me to visit Hogsmeade has been reinstated?"**

The candlelight is playing tricks with her features. Her face looks like a poorly carved pumpkin on Halloween. Her eyes look like caverns and every wrinkle is highlighted. **"Yes they have, but I am warning you to watch your step."**

I stop at the desk, envelope in hand for her to take. I wonder if I should walk out of the room before she can open it, or if I should hang around to watch her expression when she looks at it. **"As promised, Dolores."** I try to keep my hand from shaking as her eyes fall upon her prize.

She snatches it abruptly away from me and tears the envelope open.** "This is the receipt for Archibald Quimby's presents! You shouldn't play games with me!" **She reminds me of a child who did not get the flavor of lollipop she wanted.** "You aren't going to get away with this much longer, you filthy whore."**

**"You really need to come up with a more original insult, Dolores. It is beginning to sound like a term of endearment."** I give her a forced grin. I don't know why I am still standing here exchanging insults.

**"You know your efforts are being wasted. With the papers in my hands, no one will believe a psychotic invalid over a Ministry official."** She is attempting to counter my defense.

**"I may be considered a psychotic invalid, but you are the one who is stealing money to feed some twisted purpose of her own. I don't know who or what you are spending that money on, but I would watch the company I keep."** As I turn on my heel towards the door, I hear the shattering of glass, then an eerie glow filters through out the room. I look back and the last remnants of green flame tell me that she has gone, but I am itching to know where she has to get to in such a hurry.

Miraculously, I did not have any nightmares after my meeting with Dolores last night. Although my burden has not been lessened, I know that I will not have to deal with that wretched hag for another fourteen days.

Breakfast during holidays is a relaxed affair without the students. Most of the teachers opt to hole up in their quarters and enjoy some peace and quiet. With my freedom from duties and Dolores's edicts, I decide to contact Rupert for a visit.

_**Rupert,**_

_**Dolores has dropped her restrictions about having you visit the school and my ability to make a journey to the village. If you are free for the holiday, I would like to invite you for lunch at Hogsmeade and a game of "Keep Away" with the Snitch you gave me for my birthday. I really miss you and cannot wait to see you again.**_

_**Yours Truly,**_

_**Nell**_

Figuring I might not get answer until the next morning, I decide to vegetate with a book, but I skip the section of the shelves with the poetry. I have an urge to throw them into the fire; however, I just cannot bring myself to do it.

After lunch, I lose interest in the book and feel the need for a long, hot bubble bath. Minerva had given me some lavender-scented bubble bath that hums when the bubbles break to the surface. I thought it would be obnoxious, but as I sink into the garden tub, the humming lulls me into a stupor.

There is a creaking of the door into the room attached to my bathroom. Thinking Dolores is up to something, I jump out of the tub, grab my wand, and roughly pull a towel around me. Stumbling into the room with a drawn wand, I start to throw the first curse I can think of, but I suddenly realize it is just Rupert. **"What in the hell are you doing here?"** I have that "unclean" feeling creeping in my midsection.

**"Nice outfit,"** he comments, smiling sappily at me.** "I thought I would surprise you by asking you to dinner; however, I think I am a bit over-dressed."** I wish he would quit gawking at me.

I realize my "cover" is slipping, and I end up dropping my wand to save my dignity. I feel like I am rooted to the spot as a rush of heat hits my face. I have longed to see him since the day he left me at the front gates, but I wish he would at least turn around. **"Rupert, would you mind averting your eyes and stop gaping at me!"** I stomp quickly from the room, totally embarrassed. As I dry off, I just wonder if I can face him again. I find myself needing to be in his company.

Walking out into the parlor, I just cannot summon the energy to shout at him. There is a moment of awkward silence when I sit on the sofa with him. His smile has faded a bit when he sees the tense expression on my face.

**"I'm sorry. Minerva gave me the passwords to your door. I just wanted to surprise you. I apologize about my comments. I was just a bit stunned when you came out looking like that."** A blush rises to his cheeks, and it is obvious that he has been punished enough.

**"Rupert, I have already ordered dinner to be sent up here, so how about we just eat in instead."** I would prefer to spend some time with some quiet conversation without prying ears and interruptions. I want time to ourselves.

As dinner arrives a few minutes later, he apprehensively broaches the subject of dealing with the papers and Dolores. I can tell he is not happy about this choice of action. Knowing there is no way I can change his mind, I change the topic to asking about his new partnership in the firm.

When we finish, the dishes disappear, and we sit down on the couch together. He is sits next to me and pulls a small box out of his pocket. My brain is screaming he is up to something, but my heart is telling me to stay put.

**"Don't get upset with me, but I saw this in Hogesmeade and had to get this for you."**

I take the velvet box and open it to find a delicate silver charm bracelet with a diamond in a setting in the shape of a Snitch. I am speechless.

**"I found out your birthstone is a diamond, and that Snitch reminds me of our day in the village."**

He seems to be waiting for me to hit him or reject the gift. Instead, I ask him to put it around my wrist. I notice his hands are positively trembling as he closes the clasp. Before he can move away, I put my hand over his to steady it.** "I love it, Rupert. Thanks for thinking of me."**

We have been sitting here for several seconds, staring each other in the eye. He leans closer and closer to my face. Before I realize what I am doing, I lean forward into a lingering kiss. It could have been a few seconds or hours until we break apart.

**"Nell, I'm sorry…"** he stammers a bit, waiting for me to throw him out on his arse.

**"Rupert, do you hear me complaining?"** I inquire in a sultry tone, removing the glasses from his face, and banishing them to the coffee table. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him towards me. I am intoxicated by the smell of his aftershave. As his weight pushes me back into the sofa cushions, I notice how his freshly shaven cheek makes my skin tingle. His kiss is full of emotion, but his lips remain tender against mine.

We break apart momentarily, and I want to look up and into his eyes. Although the light is soft, I can see the look of happiness in his face. It is not the lustful, anxious look of a hormonal teen, but a gentle glance of a man in love. Reaching up to explore the texture of his hair, he responds by giving me fiery kiss on my neck. I have completely melted into a puddle, and I am unable to form an argument to stop the moment.

I don't know how much time has passed, but Rupert and I end up watching the fire while curled up on the couch together. I haven't felt this "complete" in a long time.

As I relish the warmth of his body against mine, that unclean feeling creeps back into my stomach.

"_What am I doing? I am ruining his life by falling for him."_

**"Rupert."** He doesn't seem to hear me, being completely caught up in playing with a lock of my hair. **"Rupert, I need to ask you something."**

**"What is it?"** I can feel him holding me a little tighter, resting his chin on my shoulder.

**"Isn't our relationship going to cause problems with the practice?"** I inquire. **"You've fallen in love with not only one of your clients, but one woman who has the reputation of being a psychotic whore. I'm scared that I am going to ruin the rest of your life."** Tears are prickling at the corners of my eyes. **"I don't want to lose you, but I cannot feel like you are going to resent me one day."**

He leans forward to kiss me on the temple and says,** "Nell, you are definitely not a psychotic whore, and I wish you would quit thinking of yourself in those terms."** I can feel a cool rush of air as he brushes my hair from the back of my neck, causing the most delicious shivers to run through my body.** "As for the practice, I have bought out my other partners, and I am unable to sack myself."** He moves his chin to the back of my neck, planting a little kiss at my hairline. The horrible unclean feeling is rapidly being replaced by something more pleasant.** "Need I remind you, my office is infamous for pissing off the Ministry and some of its favorite resources? I have loved you from the moment you loaned me that spare quill in class. I slept with that ruddy thing under my pillow for a month,"** he says in an amused tone.

I start to chuckle at a long forgotten memory. **"I know. Aggie told me about it a few years later."** I tilt my head back so I can see his face. I can see every laugh-line in his face, and I fight the urge to kiss him again. **"Did you know, she predicted we would end up together in Divination one year?" **It's been a long time since I have talked about my best friend with anyone. **"Remember our talk in the hospital about my fear that any feelings for each other might just be the result of 'Florence Nightingale Syndrome'?"** I ask him in a more relaxed tone.

**"Yes. What made you change your mind about me?"** He is running his hand up and down the sleeve of my blouse, and I end up stroking his other arm holding me securely against him.

**"That day when you came back after replying to that letter telling you to return to my hospital room. I was blown away by how you were willing to make a choice between my wishes and your personal feelings."**

Rupert responds to my answer by planting small kisses on the back of my neck, and I turn my head slightly, so I can reach up and stroke his face. We are forced out of our own universe by the grandfather clock striking ten.

**"Nell, I need to go."** He pulls away reluctantly from the comfort of the couch, and the room seems to become chilly again. **"I have a meeting in the morning with a client, but how about lunch tomorrow? That way, we can go out for a meal and maybe another cuddle on the sofa again."** He has a wicked grin on his face.

I follow him to the door, and he plants another soft kiss on my lips, and I swear my spine is going up in flames. **"Goodnight, Nell."**

**"I love you,"** I tell him quietly as he leaves.

Our feelings are honest in nature. We are not clinging to one another to fill some selfish need, but it is because we complete each other. I have opened my soul to someone else for the first time in years. I walled myself off from my feelings because of a fear in getting hurt if someone were to leave me. No matter how much I rebuffed him, Rupert still kept a place for me in his heart.


	28. Can't Ride the Pedigree

_**Profile of an Incompentent Inquisitor**_

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Bell_**

**_Chapter 28:_**

**_"Can't Ride the Pedigree"_**

**_The title of this chapter is an old horse trainer's saying about looking at a horse from the point of bloodlines. "You can't ride the pedigree" simply means that just because an animal come from pure blooded stock or from champion heritage, you cannot bank on this to produce a good performance horse. _**

**_I wish to thank the citizens of Dingwall, Scotland for allowing me to borrow the name of their hometown._**

I am still lost in a fog of happiness this morning since Rupert promised to have lunch with me today; however, I come crashing down when I walk into the staff room for our workshop, pick up the agenda, and find Dolores blowing up like a pink puffer fish while Charity discusses the need for understanding between Muggles, Muggleborns, and the rest of the wizarding community.

I don't think Charity knows that she is playing with fire. It was public knowledge at the Ministry that Dolores had begun work on some sort of registry and identification system for Muggleborns. For her, blood status is everything.

Charity is arguing the movement of "purity" is slowly destroying our community and health. Many of the Pureblood families have shown tendencies towards inheriting some serious psychological and physical disabilities. It is no secret that the Black family had developed a reputation for producing a crop of sociopaths.

**"How dare you spread that filth about the most prestigious families! I am descended from a long line of Selwyns, I'll have you know. I don't see any signs of mental defects in my family!"** Dolores shouts indignantly.

"_I guess you wouldn't count Gerald Selwyn, the patriarch of the family, as a relation. He has been locked in the 'special accommodations' wing in the Psychiatric Department at St. Mungo's for fifteen years."_

**"There is so much more that I can teach other than how Muggle inventions work and cultural idiosyncrasies. We need to teach tolerance."** Charity is out of her league, and she doesn't know it.

**"The Ministry does not believe in blending in with Mud… Muggles, and this behavior needs to be discouraged. Coming to Hogwarts is a privilege and not a right."** Dolores is showing her true colors.

Dolores suddenly realizes that the room is quickly filling up for our workshop. She drops her argument with Charity as she takes attendance, donning that horrible look of benevolence towards the room. I look down at the pink page in front of me seeing the topic of the day is the dangers of Muggleborn culture invading the school's curriculum. No wonder Charity was so pissed.

While Dolores is distracted, I sit down next to Charity and ask her if she could assist me in some planning for the upcoming exams. I am also going to take the opportunity to discuss the potential for serious harm for not playing along with Dolores's radical views on blood status. Charity is setting herself up for Azkaban or worse if the winds of Ministry policy shift towards persecution of any non-pureblooded wizard or witch.

I pray no one decides to say anything. I catch a quick glance around the room to gauge the expressions of the staff. Minerva seems to be grinding her teeth, Charity's mouth is gaping, Sprout is wringing her hands, and Severus remains impassive as usual. The only thing keeping me going is that I will see Rupert later on in the day.

I have decided that I will catch up with Charity on my way back to my quarters so I can change to meet up with Rupert. I have no idea what he is planning for today, but I hope it isn't to pay a visit to Madam Puddifoot's. I have always hated that tacky place. Charles Bingham took me there once, and I almost choked to death on the confetti flowing freely from the ceiling into my tea.

After Umbridge finally decides she's browbeat us enough for the day and releases us, I catch up with Charity and arrange to meet with her the next morning, under the pretense of discussing exams. Then I head as quickly as I can downstairs; I need a breath of fresh air after breathing in Dolores's Eau de Elitist Bull Shit for an hour and a half.

**"Nell!"** I hear Rupert shout from the stairs in the Entrance Hall. **"Ready to go? I brought pralines,"** he inquires, smiling broadly and holding a box.

I hear a whispered,** "Oh, my. This is so sweet."** I look over my shoulder to see Minerva standing next to Pomona.

When I reach Rupert's side, I give him a quick kiss, causing him to blush. I hear the clearing of a throat, and I look around to see Dolores giving us a look of irritation. I expect her to say something, but she does not.

**"Rupert, come on. The stare of that pink-nightmare is giving me the creeps,"** I whisper, gripping his arm to lead him upstairs.

We make it to my quarters with me laughing stupidly at every comment; however, my laughter stops when I open my door. The room is in shambles. Cushions are ripped open, containers are spilt, my mattress is in tatters, and the picture frames are smashed.

**"What the bloody…"** Rupert cuts off his comment as he picks up a picture of me and my parents at my cousin's wedding last year. A large 'X' has been struck across the photo.

**"Oh god, Dolores is going after my parents!"** I shout, storming into my bedroom. **"I've got to warn them."** I throw on some Muggle clothing, intending to get to the next telephone in the Muggle village of Dingwall as quickly as possible. I don't want to let on that I know what Dolores is up to, so Flooing anywhere is out of the question. Just going home to my parents' house may give me away.

**"Nell, where are you going dressed like that?"** Rupert asks in exasperation. **"Let me go with you."**

**"I need to make a phone call,"** I inform him irritably. **"My parents need to be warned and this is the quickest and safest way to do it."**

**"What can I do to help?"** he inquires.

**"Go to their house and baby sit until I can figure out where to send them. I cannot be there to keep an eye on them, but you can,"** I tell him; tears of frustration are leaking out of the corner of my eyes.

The pair of us dash downstairs and out the front doors, bolting across the lawn toward the school gates. Once safely outside, I Apparate to Dingwall and head for the public phone outside the local supermarket. I know I can find Dad somewhere using his mobile phone or calling his secretary.

I try at home first, just in case, but as I expected, there is no answer. Barely able to hit the numbers, my fingers are shaking so much, I finally manage to dial Dad's mobile.

**"Dad, it's me Nell."** I say, hoping our connection would not be dropped. **"Is everything all right?"**

There is no response from him. **"Dad, is everything all right? Did something happen to Mum?"**

He finally answers in a voice cracking with concern. **"Love, the house was ransacked last night while we were out. They didn't take anything but left the place in shambles; someone even sliced open the mattresses."** He seems to be putting things together.** "You don't think this has anything to do with the mess you are in?"**

**"Where's Mum?"** I inquire.

**"You mother has been shopping all morning; I just talked to her a few minutes ago."** The tension in his answer gives away his concern.

**"I don't want either one of you out on your own. Dad, you need to leave the country before someone comes back to try again. This time was only a warning; next time, I don't think we will be so lucky."** I really wish I could give him a hug right now. I am afraid I will never see him again. **"Dad, Rupert is going to keep an eye on you until we can get you out of here."**

**"Nell, we can't just pick up and…"** He seems agitated when he answers me.

**"Dad, please. You need to get out of here now! "** I don't know how I can make this any clearer. **"There is something beyond some abuse of funding at the Ministry going on. Something else is being added to the mix."** There is silence on the other end of the line, and I pray we have not lost our connection. **"Go to some pretty beach in Florida or Aunt Clara's in Toronto, but you need to leave now!"**

**"I'll go collect your mother and arrange to take a second honeymoon,"** Dad says reluctantly. **"What about Daisy?"**

I completely forgot about the rules of transporting animals internationally.** "Call my friend who has Ozzy, she is always willing to take in a well-behaved dog. She has been writing that she needs a good mouser."**

**"Nell, be careful."** I lose the connection with his phone.

**"Dad… Dad, can you hear me?"** I don't have any more money left, and I slam the receiver hard against the cradle of the phone. **"Shit."**

Standing in the middle of the pavement in Dingwall, I struggle to keep my thoughts from racing into the worst case scenario. It is maddening how much I envy some of the citizens of this town who are able to live a peaceful life.

Rather than borrowing trouble, I am looking for a concealed place to Apparate. I can't help but to feel like I am being watched. No one has a clue where I have gone, at least I can hope.

I Apparate back to the school gates with a heavy heart as I look towards my prison. My pace slows as I get within two hundred yards of the front doors, and I can now hear other footsteps crunching on the gravel behind me.

I carefully pull out my wand in case it might be someone out to hurt me. Before I can turn, I hear an incantation, and I am thrown ten feet into some shrubbery in front of a brick wall; my wand finds its way into the grass several feet in front of me. When I look up to see my attackers, all I can see are two people with Death Eater garb on their bodies.

I know trying to lunge for my wand is foolish, but I make the attempt. I hear a loud crack; I smash back into the wall, and a male voice says, **"Don't even think about it, you Mudblood whore."**

**"What do you want?"** I inquire defiantly from the ground.

**"You will speak only when spoken to,"** a female voice says, firing a hex that stings my face. **"Someone needs to put you in your place."**

I suddenly realize it is the Carrows. I can remember their lack of intelligence from when I arrested them many years ago. The combined intellect of the two can make Goyle senior look like Merlin in comparison.

**"Give it to me," **Amycus Carrow growls, lunging at me with his wand pointed at my chest.

**"Give you what?"** I inquire. My reward is a swift kick in the ribs by Alecto.

**"You have something of mine, and I want it!"** Amycus is starting to lose control.

It hits me like a train; Dolores is involved with some Death Eaters, and they are realizing I am on to her.

**"I told you I have nothing on me!"** I shout, and his sister throws another stinging hex at me; this one hitting me in the eye.

Amycus attempts to search me; however, I land a well-aimed kick in the face, breaking his nose. I can see a flash of red and all goes dark.

I wake up to find my clothes disheveled and jacket ripped apart. It takes me a few minutes to stand up, because my ribs are killing me, and I can't see out of my right eye. My progress in getting into the school is slow and painful.

As I get into the Entrance Hall, my heart sinks as I realize that I need to climb up several floors to my quarters. I think it would be easier to find a fireplace and Floo to my room directly; however, I don't want to alert Dolores of where I am.

My quarters are a still a disaster area, but I flop down on the torn up sofa anyway. I just need a minute to digest what has been going on.

With Dolores, family connections are everything. She is a rabid supporter of blood purity in society. This community is so small it is not hard to trace families. I am only two receipts away from completing my mission.

One of the receipts is for Dagwood Barnsby. The receipt was for twelve new brooms for the Department of Experimental Charms. The problem is that brooms are not needed by this department and Barnsby has been dead for fifteen years. The connection is with the Carrows. Barnsby is related to the maternal line of the Carrow family. Each receipt leads to the families of Death Eaters.

Oh, god! This is making so much sense now! Archibald Quimby's Christmas gift of an antique spell book is connected to the Goyle family. Quimby is Gregory Goyle's first cousin twice removed. All that money being filtered down to the families of Death Eaters using falsified purchase orders. If the gift doesn't make it to its intended recipient, someone in the family is allowed to claim it. I'm startled by how clever of a scam this really is.

Staying in these filthy clothes and walking around with a swollen eye are not going to make anything go any faster, so I get to the task of cleaning myself up. When I am finally able to see out of my eye, I put my possessions back in order. Most of what was destroyed could easily be put back together. Whoever did this did a rather amateurish job at destroying my quarters. The only thing I find really disconcerting is the "X" through my parents' picture. I want to get rid of it, but it seems like a life-line to their reality.

It is starting to get late, and I figure no news is good news; however, I refuse to relax one bit. There is a knock at my door, and I yank it open to only find that it is Rupert standing there with a very dirty Jack Russell Terrier in his arms.

Rupert stumbles over to the ruined couch and sits down heavily, leaning forward to put his forehead in his hands.** "I got them out of the house fine, but when I went back for Daisy, the house looked like it had exploded. The local fire department was dowsing some flames and a kind lady was holding the dog. I heard the woman say that there was a funny green glow over the house after it blew up."** I can hear the despair in his voice as he says, **"Nell, I was hoping it would never come to this. Dumbledore knew there was some connection between the missing funds and payoffs to people in the Ministry. I just cannot figure out why someone would conjure a Dark Mark over your parents' house?"**

**"Rupert, where did my parents go?"** I ask, feeling like I have a rock in my stomach. I am so relieved to hear that they made it out that my knees are trembling.

**"Your dad decided they would go visit someone named Clara in Toronto. They took the first flight out they could get. He gave me this for you,"** he says and hands me a large **manila envelope.** "Your dad said you would know what to do with all of that stuff."

I dump the contents of the envelope on to the coffee table, and I am a bit surprised at what I find: Dad's credit card, my passport, Aunt Clara's phone numbers and address, rolled Muggle coins, a voucher for a flight to Toronto, and a short letter.

_**Nell,**_

_**When you receive this note your mum and I will be half way over the Atlantic to stay with your Aunt Clara. I want you to know how much we love you. We understand how important it is to you for us to make this trip. **_

_**I have left you what is needed for you to escape if you need to. I am not sure how hard it would before the people who are trying to harm you to detect this mode of finding your way to safety.**_

_**I want for you to call us every Monday and Friday at Clara's so we know that everything is fine. I have left you enough money to make as many calls as you please. I told Rupert to make sure he takes care of you.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Dad**_

_**P.S.**_

_**Your mother says that Daisy is family, and she should stay to protect her mummy instead of going to your friend's farm in Wales. Give her lots of hugs and biscuits from us, because I am afraid we have spoiled her terribly.**_

**"Nell, what is all that?"** Rupert breaks into my train of thought, causing me to snap out of my own little world.

**"It's a way to get out of here via Muggle means in a hurry. My parents have left me a way to make sure we can keep in touch,"** I tell him quietly as someone knocks on the door.

I stuff the contents of the envelope back into the package, and I shove the package under the cushion of the couch. Rupert rushes over to the door to find out who it is. My heart sinks as I recognize that it is Dawlish being trailed by a rather smug Dolores.

**"What do you want, Dawlish?"** I inquire irritably.

**"Professor Howard, I have come from the Ministry to officially inform you about an incident involving your parents,"** he says, holding one of those envelopes that I have not seen since the last days of Voldemort's reign of terror. He walks into the room uninvited, but I am too stunned to throw him out on his arse. **"I have come to inform you that at one-thirty p.m., your parents' home exploded and a Dark Mark was conjured above the scene. There didn't appear to be anyone home, but no one has been able to locate your parents."**

**"Oh, Eleanor, I was so concerned when I heard about this. I rushed up here as soon as Dawlish arrived. If there is anything I can do just let me know,"** Dolores coos, tapping me affectionately on the cheek. She sees Rupert walking over to my shoulder and says, **"Mr. Osgood, I am glad Eleanor will have someone to help her through her time of need."**

**It is taking every ounce of self control not to slap the woman, and I am trying to come up with some** snappy little comment.

**"Professor Howard,"** Dawlish snaps. **"I need you to sign off on this note."**

I snatch to quill out of his hands, sign the form, and shout, **"Get the hell out of here!"**

**"I am so sorry," **he says with a slight note of sympathy, and Dolores walks out the door with him.

**"Thank god that's over with,"** Rupert says, walking over and pulling me into a hug. I cringe and roll away from him. **"What the …?"** he inquires, tugging at my shirt. "You entire side is black and blue!"

**"I had a friendly reunion with the Carrows. They were demanding something, and it didn't make sense until after they stunned me and left." I try to play down the incident, but I can read the worry on his face. "They are after those papers that are in Dumbledore's possession right now."** I give him a weak smile and say, **"I'm fine. I just have a few bumps and bruises. Dolores is involved in some shady dealings with Death Eaters at some level in the Ministry. I think she has been funding some sort of scheme with them." **I absent-mindedly pat Daisy on the head as she tries to gain my attention.

**"Nell, with this escalation in violence, I am really concerned about your safety. Promise me you will not be out on your own anymore. Listen, why don't you let me go along when you contact your parents. It's not like I really need to have an excuse to be up here."** I have to appreciate Rupert's loyalty and love for me.** "You can't do this alone. You got off easy with the Carrows."**

**"Rupert, you know this is not going to end with me handing over that last document. There is something nasty going on at the Ministry, and I don't think it bodes well for anyone that is not half or pure blood. You haven't anything to worry about. Your family is one of the older and more established families. You know, Dolores feels that Hogwarts should not be open to Muggleborns. She said so this morning. What if she gets her way, Rupert? Let me tell you, my parents were relieved when they found out why weird things kept happening when their daughter was angry or teased. My Aunt Clara once proposed that I may be possessed or something, and Mum should see about taking care of it. When someone showed up from the school, Dad was so proud to have a daughter with that kind of talent. I could harness all that energy, make use of it, and maybe make a difference. You can't have children running around doing accidental magic all over the place, it will be chaos. Will the Ministry just round them up only to prevent Muggleborns from contaminating the rest of the wizarding community?"**

**"Nell, I just don't know. When it comes to you, I will do anything to keep anyone from hurting you or anyone else. What is it you said about Ozzy a while ago? 'You can't ride the pedigree.'"**

I know Rupert is referring to the time we were talking about Rolonda's horse, Gracie, and the mare's extensive thoroughbred championship pedigree, and Ozzy's origins of being a horse from a mismatch of breeds and bloodlines. I explained to Rupert how Ozzy is easier to handle, quicker to pick up different skills, and could out last Gracie in any endurance contest. In essence, the pedigree and ancestry isn't worth anything if the horse is not willing to work.

Rupert and I end up sitting on the sofa staring at the fire. Daisy is curled up at our feet snoring loudly. There is another knock at the door, and I walk over to find out who it could be. If it's Dolores, I may just hex her and be done with it.

Minerva is standing in the doorway looking very worried. I let her in, and her eye falls on the official "Congratulations, Your Family Has Been the Recipient of the Dark Mark" envelope. **"Rupert, I am so glad you are here. She…"**

Rupert has put his hand up to stop her sentence. **"Minerva, Vivian and Roger are safely out of the country. Nell came up here after the staff meeting to find the room ransacked and this." **He holds out the crossed out picture. **"She was able to warn them before any harm could be committed."**

**"Minerva have a seat,"** I say, motioning her to a comfortable chair. **"I think it is time that we work on this as a team. I need as many people as possible around me for help. This mess goes deeper than you think."**

The three of us spend the evening discussing what Dumbledore really knew, and I let her know what I have found out. I have let Dolores isolate me and put me at risk. I cannot allow her to divide and conquer. If she can push me around, what can she do to another?


	29. Death's Playground

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_By Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 29:_**

**_Death's Playground_**

Rupert and Minerva left about an hour ago, and then it hits me that I will need to break the news to my parents about the house. I am in a state of mourning from the loss of a part of my childhood and understanding my parents have lost something they had worked so hard to obtain. The guilt of making a rash decision to challenge Dolores last August is biting at my gut.

Sleep does not come easy. I keep having nightmares about my parents being killed or captured and tortured by the Carrows. In one particularly nasty variation, I am at my mum and dad's funeral, where their corpses sit up in the caskets, point at me, and say that it's my fault they are dead.

The students have returned this morning, and I am going to play the part of the child of missing parents. I don't want to blow my parents' cover by blabbing the fact my they are alive and well in Canada. I have got to prevent anyone from figuring out that I am making regular excursions to Dingwall to call Mum and Dad. Should I change locations for making contact?

During breakfast, I receive condolences from everyone on the staff; Minerva even makes a point to show me public sympathy. The news doesn't seem to have traveled any further than the faculty of the school.

As I leave the Great Hall for classes, I can hear my name being called, and I turn around to find Charity walking up to greet me. **"Nell, I wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your parents. I hope someone finds them soon."** She pulls me into an awkward hug. **"There have been some mysterious disappearances, and I pray they are not among them."**

**"Thanks for thinking of me. I just haven't heard from them, and the house was leveled. The only living thing left was the dog."** I keep my gaze towards the floor, avoiding her eyes.** "That gives me the hope they have gone into hiding somewhere and are afraid to contact me."**

**"I don't know how you are able to make it to class in one piece."** She takes my hand and squeezes it.

**"I need to keep busy and leave the searching to the Auror department."** The warning bell is ringing. **"Why don't you come by tonight for tea, so we can talk. I could use the company."**

We part ways to get to class before we are late. I am going to use her visit as an excuse to discuss the situation with Dolores' opinion towards Muggle-rights sympathizers.

It is late afternoon, and I feel that I need to phone my parents. This is a task I really loathe. Although I think that I don't need to drag Rupert into every crisis, there is safety in numbers. The incident with the Carrows has me very concerned.

I have made my way to the front gates of the school, and I can hear Dolores talking to someone. I decide to Disillusion myself and stay out of sight.

**"You are an idiot, Carrow. I heard you were at the Hog's Head whining about how you couldn't get those papers off of Howard the other day. If any of this gets out, everything will be ruined. I want to make some radical changes to the school curriculum, especially in the Muggle Studies department. The two fools teaching it right now are spouting about getting along with those savages. Alecto, it is going to take some patience to put my plans into place for revolutionizing how the community treats those of lower birth."**

**"Eleanor Howard is just a loopy bint, and why Dolohov didn't Kedavra her when he had her cornered in the fight with Fudge, I'll never understand."** There is short pause in the conversation.** "I want what belongs to us!"** Alecto shouts.

**"Will you keep your voice down, you imbecile. She will give me what is due. If not, she will pay the consequences. By the way, what did your brother do with Eleanor's parents?"** Dolores seems keen on knowing every sordid detail. **"You were only to scare them, not make a public spectacle in front of a bunch of Muggles."**

**"You just told us to scare the bitch. I don't know where that Mudblood's parents went,"** she replies stupidly.

**"You and your compatriots had better find out,"** Dolores orders. **"Now, get out of my sight, and don't come back until I call for you."**

I hear a loud pop, and I dive behind one of the pillars of the gates to hide from Dolores's sight. That pink nightmare is going to rip this community in half, and there is more at stake than a few racist insults. Lives are on the line now.

As scheduled, I am meeting Rupert in Dingwall to call my parents in Toronto. I look forward to hearing their voices; however, I wonder how they are going to take the bad news.

Rupert is standing behind the dumpster looking concerned about my tardiness. **"Where have you been?"** he inquires, giving me a kiss on the forehead. **"What kept you?"**

I notice that he looks a bit awkward dressed in Muggle clothing, wearing garish golfing pants, trainers, and a suit jacket as I say, **"Dolores was talking to Alecto Carrow about what she and her lovely brother did to my family. Apparently, the Carrows are getting a bit impatient for their receipt. Do you think we should make that the next one to be handed back?"**

**"I don't know. Either way, the Carrows are very involved with what is going on with you,"** he says as we walk up to the phone booth.

I use my Dad's credit card to make the phone call that will change their world forever. Clara answers the phone, and she quickly hands it over to Mum.

**"Mum, how are you?"** I inquire.

**"Nell, you sound odd; is there something wrong?"** she asks.** "Are you okay?"**

**"Mum, I'm fine, but I have some bad news. Someone has destroyed the house. I am so sorry, because this is my fault,"** I answer tearfully. **"Rupert went back for Daisy and found the fire brigade putting out the last of the flames. Somehow, Daisy managed to survive. The Ministry thinks you are missing or dead."**

**"Nell, the house can be rebuilt and things can be replaced, but you are more important than our possessions. Where is Daisy?" **she inquires and lets out an audible sniffle.

**"Rupert brought her back to the school. Mum, I am so sorry."** There is a note of desperation in my voice.

**"Love, we are safe, and I want you to stay in one piece. Your father and I know that Rupert and your friends are there to help."**

**"Mum, I need to go, because I don't want anyone to know that I am contacting you. I love you,"** I tell her reluctantly and the line goes dead.

I step out of the phone booth and find myself sobbing into Rupert's shoulder. I feel so guilty. Rupert guides me back to the rear of the supermarket, pulling me tightly against him. He doesn't say a word. I am quite grateful for this, because I just need to cry this one out.

We have returned to the school, and Rupert is walking me back to my quarters. As we get to the Entrance Hall, I find Charity walking towards the stairs, and I realize I have forgotten we were going to meet tonight.

Rupert and I give each other a final good-bye, and he reluctantly leaves me. He has promised to come up for his usual mid-week visit.

Charity and I start up the stairs and she notices I have been crying. I hope this just confirms my story about not knowing where my parents have gone.

**"Nell, you've been crying. Did you find something out about your parents?"** she inquires, putting an arm around me.

I hate myself for not telling her the truth, but my parents' lives depend on my silence. **"Sorry, I guess it is all catching up to me."**

**"Maybe that chat about the upcoming exams will help to take your mind off of things."** She gives me a strained grin.

As Charity and I sit in my parlor, we hammer out the details for the coming exams. With time tables finalized, I decide to broach the subject of her speech in the last staff meeting.

**"Charity, I need for you to understand a few things you might know about Dolores and the Ministry. It is no secret that she has been developing a plan on registering and tracking Muggleborns. There is talk of her creating an entire department devoted to this mad plan."** I am about to burst her bubble on how fickle the Ministry really is in the hands of Dolores and her supporters. **"She is of the opinion that Hogwarts should accommodate children of magical families only. This will mean there will be no place for any Muggleborns in the community."**

**"I can't believe anyone would go along with such nonsense. Does she plan on rounding up Muggleborns to tag them like wild animals?"** she inquires in disbelief.

**"I hate to say it, but I would not put it past her. Charity, you need to be careful about how you express your views on this matter. Dolores will see this as a threat to her plans to restore her version of order. She has connections that are dangerous and unlimited resources to take advantage of this. Don't put yourself in the same position I am in today. So far this year, she has attacked me physically in and out of the classroom, spread rumors about my morals, and generally made it impossible for me to live a normal life. You don't know her like I do."** I see her expression change as I finish my last word.

**"You are telling me that I shouldn't fight for the rights of Muggles and Muggleborns. Whose side are you on anyway?"** Her face is clouded in anger. **"Somebody has to educate the community properly, and you are telling me not to do my job."** She is now on her feet, striding towards the door.

**"Charity, I'm sorry, please stop and listen for a minute."** I aim my wand at the door to make sure it stays shut. **"I am glad you are standing up for your beliefs. There is one thing you need to understand: It's alright to stand up for a cause, but you should make sure where and how you pick your battles. Don't appear to be a threat to the status-quo. You don't have to shout this cause from the rooftops of this castle to make a difference. Change can come from chipping away slowly at the prejudice we see by educating those students in our classroom,"** I tell her, praying that my message is getting through. I unseal the door to let her leave, but she stands there with her hand on the knob.

**"Nell, I don't think you are right in telling me to keep some of my opinions to myself. I am a grown woman and can make my own decisions,"** she says sharply.

As she leaves with a slamming of the door, I feel horrible about losing an ally within the school. Severus might be right about my habit of driving away those whose support I will need to face this situation.

The situation with Charity has not improved during this week. She continues to be polite; however, there is a coolness in her manner. There has to be some way to heal this wound.

No one seems to have caught on that my parents are alive and well. Dolores seems to spring the question as to where they could have gone at the most unusual times. Everyone else seems to be giving me the normal pats on the back with the occasional: I hope they are all right. It strikes me that I will blow my cover by going to Dingwall every time I want to contact my parents.

This weekend is the time when Dolores will receive her next tidbit. The closer we get to Saturday, the more my things are being moved in my quarters and office by some unknown person. I thought Dolores understood that she needed to "call off the dogs." Today was the living end when I came into my classroom to find the blackboard had been pried roughly from the wall and my desk hastily reassembled after lunch.

Although Friday is a school day, I have the entire day to make a call to my parents. Rupert and I have agreed to meet at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch, and I can take the opportunity to call my parents.

I Apparate to a car park near the bank to find Rupert waiting for me, wearing sensible jeans and a dress coat with a tie. Rupert and I share a quiet lunch at the Leaky Cauldron. After Tom removes the dishes, Rupert hands me an envelope with a greeting card in it. The card is decorated with cheeky cupids, grinning stupidly as they send arrows towards a heart. My amusement is cut short when I realize there is another piece of parchment stuck securely into the folds of the card. I give the poor man a quick kiss, but I keep my comments about the extra content to myself.

We decide to go walking around Diagon Alley before I need to return to the school. I keep seeing someone following us out of the corner of my eye. Rupert and I visit several shops before he decides to run by his office. It takes me a moment as I realize the names on the sign: Dorrish, Perks, and Osgood.

As we enter the cramped office, the atmosphere is wrong. Rupert draws his wand as a look of concern washes over his face.

**"Rupert, what's wrong?"** I inquire in a whisper, pulling out my own wand. When I follow his gaze, I can see the dead body of Lyle Perks slumped over a desk with a twisted look of pain on his face.

**"Nell, I want you to get back to school."** His face is a white mask of terror and concern.

**"No,"** I fire back angrily. **"I'm not leaving you…"**

I am cut off by a scarlet bolt sizzling past my head. Instinctively, Rupert and I duck behind a desk.

**"Come out! Come out and play, Nellie!"** a woman cackles with insane, childish laughter. **"Who is your little playmate?"** I look around the corner just long enough to see her eyes are wild with anticipation.

"_Oh, goody, Bellatrix Lestrange. This just makes this day so complete."_

**"We want those papers, and we are tired of waiting for our turn."** I don't recognize the male voice calling to me. He is standing apart from Bellatrix, smirking as she taunts us. **"Where are you hiding them in here?"**

**"Nell, I'll distract them, and you run for it,"** Rupert whispers.

Rupert starts to stand up, and I grab his arm to keep him behind the desk. Chivalry has its place, but now, he needs to put a bit of trust in my abilities. Defense and dueling have always been a weakness for him.

**"Rupert, I wouldn't make it past the door before they could kill us both," **I tell him. He tries to stand again, and I pull him to the floor once again. **"I helped to capture that crazy bitch, you have no idea what you are up against."**

I steal another look from behind the desk. We might as well be taking refuge behind a sheet of tissue paper.

**"How rude to whisper in the company of others,"** Bellatrix chides as the desk is blown to splinters around us.

I send several curses in her general direction as I attempt to guide Rupert to the safety of another desk by holding him by the wrist; however, a curse cuts him down before I can get him out of the way.

**"Rupert!"** I scream in panic as Bellatrix laughs hysterically.

**"Aww, does ickle Rupert, not want to play anymore?"** Bellatrix's amusement is making my blood boil.** "I'll play with you. Don't be shy."**

I realize I am caught out in the open as another spell is sent in my direction. I throw a stream of purple flame between the two assailants to buy an opportunity to get away, but I know I cannot take both on at the same time. I manage to finally get to the desk.

**"You don't have a choice now."** I recognize the male's voice as Dolohov. **"Why don't you just give it up now, and I will make your death significantly less painful."**

"_It's just like a reunion of nightmares past." _

I know either way, the outcome for me is looking very bad. I have lost Rupert like I lost Aggie. Dolohov and Lestrange are going to be really pissed when they discover the information I have on me is about the Carrows. There isn't anything that would implicate their sorry arses from this one.

**"I'm not hiding anything. What do you want?"** I ask. I had heard Bellatrix liked to "play" with her victims before going in for the kill. Dolohov is another story.

**"The little slut dares to ask us questions. Maybe she needs to learn some manners,"** Dolohov growls as the desk disintegrates; I am blown across the room, hitting the opposite wall hard with the back of my head, and slide down to the floor. I cannot see who hit me through the lights popping in front of my eyes. Someone has moved across the room and stops very close to where my body has come to rest.

I don't hear the next spell, but its effects are all too familiar.

My bones feel like they are being crushed into dust and skin turned inside out. I just want to die to make it stop. The curse is lifted for one glorious moment.

**"You're going soft, Dolohov,"** Bellatrix chortles. **"Now, this…"**

Her words are lost in a sea of pain and agony that makes Doloholv's attempt pale in comparison. I don't know how much more I can take.

Time seems to have disappeared as the curse is lifted. Bellatrix's laughter is permeating the fog. My heart is beating erratically, finally betraying my need to live. I am sucking in air in tiny, shuddering gasps. My ability to string together a complete thought is quickly leaving as I become numb and immobile.

**"Where is Osgood hiding those papers?"** Dolohov inquires, pulling my head up by my hair. **"Answer me, where are they?"** He lets go of my hair, and I slam into the floor face first. **"Damn, Bella, you just had to push it too far."**

**"Shut it, you should have killed her the first time around!"** she shouts indignantly.

"_I don't want to die alone."_

**"One less Mudblood whore and her blood traitor boyfriend left to contaminate the world," **Dolohov says triumphantly. I can hear him move closer to me. I think he is kneeling down to check if I am close to death. I can feel fingers touching my neck for a pulse and a hand on my ribs looking for the signs of a last breath. **"Will you just hurry up and die. I have better things to do today."** He lets out a sigh of irritation as he prods me with his foot. I just want to die in peace with Rupert close by me.

There is a shout from Doloholv for some unknown reason. I am afraid to open my eyes to see what they are doing. Maybe now that Rupert is gone, it won't matter anyway.

**"Who wants the honors?"** Dolohov asks; however, I don't hear a reply as the world disappears in a bright rush of light


	30. Death's Playmate

**_Profile of an Incopetent Inquisitor_**

**_Chapter 30_**

**_Death's Playmate_**

"_Voices? That means I'm am still alive. Rupert? Where is he?"_

I keep my eyes shut and remain as still as I can. The longer I stay undetected, the better chance I have of getting us out of here.

"_Rupert, I know I saw you cut down, but you are just playing "dead" like I am. Just hang on, I can get us out of here."_

I crack an eye to see Rupert lying a few feet away, and it is eating me up that I cannot go to him right now. He needs to know I am still alive.

"_He's probably lying there hoping that I don't do anything rash. I don't need to complicate our situation by trying something stupid. I wish he could signal me somehow."_

Someone is speaking again, and I am afraid it might be Dolohov and Lestrange. I just close my eyes, praying for a swift, painless death. I cannot take another curse from either of them. However, the blissful release never comes; instead, the voice continues, and I realize I know who it is.

"_Severus, you gutter-dwelling bastard."_

**"What do you think you're doing, mucking about Diagon Alley where you could be spotted?"** Severus inquires. **"If either of you are seen in the open, everything is going to be ruined."**

**"Just taking care of some overdue business," **Bellatrix explains in a casual tone. **"When did you decide to join our party?"** A hysterical cackle issues from her, and it is making my hair stand on end.

**"I was in Umbridge's office when someone from the Ministry contacted her about a disturbance in Diagon Alley. Apparently, screaming attracted the attention of one of the shop keepers. There are Aurors on the way,"** Severus says in a rush. **"It looks like you have made my job a bit easier. Not taking chances with witnesses, are we?"**

"**Bella took care of that tiresome old man, and I managed to put Osgood out of his misery,"** Dolohov brags.

"_No! He's not gone! Rupert, this can't be true! Any second you are going to pop up and throw a curse in someone's direction."_

He continues with, **"We were just going to take care of Osgood's little Mudblood whore when you arrived."**

**"I know, how about we flip a Galleon to see who gets the pleasure,"** Belletrix quips maliciously.

Someone picks up my arm and touches my wrist.** "Don't waste the gold,"** Severus answers in a low tone, and I feel his nails dig into my arm hard. It seems to be an unspoken warning to not move. **"We are a little late for that."** I feel a release in the pressure allowing my arm to drop limply to the floor.

A toe prods me in the ribs. **"Poor, ickle Nellie can't come out to play anymore,"** Bellatrix says in a childish voice.

**"Bella, I am warning you to stop these foolish games,"** Severus chides. **"I am getting tired of cleaning up everyone's messes. Get out of here before half the Ministry arrives."**

**"You are in no position to be giving orders. You are just Dumbledore's lap dog, living comfortably while those who were truly loyal were suffering in Azkaban for the cause,"** Bellatrix spits out, stomping around the room.

"**Stifle it. I am not going to put up with the ravings of a mad woman,"** Severus snaps defensively.

I hear Severus mumble off several levitation charms, and I can hear objects scraping across the floor, followed by a series of bangs.

**"What are you playing at?"** Dolohov asks.

"**Making this look like an accident,"** Severus answers flatly. **"My job would be easier if you are gone."**

There are two soft pops, but a third does not follow. Someone walks across the floor, stops, and roughly turns me onto my back**. "Eleanor, open your eyes and look at me. I don't have time for games."**

I don't look him in the eye. All I want is to touch Rupert, proving that he is still with me.

**"I don't have time for this. He's gone,"** Severus whispers urgently, grabbing at my arm. I shake him off and crawl closer to Rupert's body.

**"Leave me alone,"** I croak out weakly. **"Rupert, come on, get up."** I grab his hand, but it is lifeless and cold. The weight of the situation slams into me as tears pour down my face. I become aware Severus has been rearranging the room. When he comes to pull me to my feet, I protest by lying across Rupert's chest.

**"Eleanor, I need you to get yourself to Hogsmeade." **His tone is more insistent. I attempt feebly to obey; however, a wave of dizziness hits me, and I end up collapsing on the floor. "Stupid woman, just do as you are told for once."

**"…Heartless bastard,"** I mumble to him, as he pulls me to my knees. I keep turning back towards Rupert. This can't happen twice in a lifetime to me.

All the fight has left me, having ebbed away quicker than Severus's patience. Why can't he just leave me here? Everything is really starting to spin around me, and my greatest desire is to curl up next to Rupert and wait for an end to the pain.

"**Get off your ruddy arse and show some dignity,"** he groans. **"We will both end up dead if we get caught here. Pull it together and Apparate to the village,"** he orders, pushing my wand forcefully into my hand.

I can feel my back hit the floor as Severus gives a sigh of impatience, sucking at his teeth in frustration. He picks me up off the floor, then I hear a rush from the fireplace as an eerie glow penetrates my leaden eyelids. I am a bit confused as to the reason we are Flooing out of Rupert's office; however, this is overshadowed by my guilt and anger, because I left Rupert behind.

I don't open my eyes as the smell changes in the air. It is reminiscent of the goat pen at a friend's farm. I haven't a clue as to where I am, but I don't care anymore.

I hear Severus's voice again as he barks out, **"I'm leaving her here until I can arrange for someone to find her. Remember, this was an accident when you saw her blast out of the fire."**

He is still speaking, but my tired body and spirit can no longer keep track of the conversation. The encroaching darkness is a bitter sweet release from this hell. Perhaps, I might pass away and join poor Rupert.

There is an oppressive darkness on the back of my closed eyelids, and I have an odd sense of disconnection from my body. I don't feel pain or grief anymore, just a soft, warm mattress and crisp sheets. I hear the distant bell of the schools announcing a meal as the faint smell of bacon hits my senses.

"**What happened?" **Minerva's voice penetrates the gloom as someone adjusts the bed clothes.

**"After Umbridge was alerted to the disturbance at Osgood's office, I managed to put things together. Osgood was a fool, keeping the evidence hidden for Dumbledore. He should have picked someone else to do this," **Severus spits irritably. "**Osgood and Perks were already dead when I arrived, and Eleanor was lying close by. Bellatrix and Dolohov were using her for target practice. I managed to convince them that she was dead, and I would need to cover-up their presence at the scene. I thought a Floo Powder explosion would be plausible. The bumbling dunderheads at the Auror Office seemed to have bought into it according to Kingsley."**

**"Why on earth did you use that story?**" Minerva inquires worriedly.** "Why not hide her?"**

**"Trying to hide Eleanor is like an attempt to conceal a Hungarian Horntail behind a broomstick,"** he explains in a derisive huff. **"She can't keep to herself and will do something impulsive which will get all of us killed. It's up to her now."**

**"So, how do you plan on saving your own skin now?"** Minerva asks pointedly.

**"One of Eleanor's past acquaintances, a certain trainee Healer, Justin Copperbottom, has kindly consented to testify that he rendered his assistance when she was blown out of the fire at the Hog's Head last night. He told the Ministry Eleanor was clinically dead, but he was able to revive her after many attempts. That is how I am getting around that sticky question."**

**"I am sure you found some way to bully him into it, correct?"** Minerva asks; however, she does not wait for a reply. **"Nell knows that Rupert is dead, doesn't she?"** Her voice quavers at the word "dead." I feel a hand pick up mine.

**"She refused to believe that fool was dead. I had to forcefully pry her away from his body."** Severus gives a huff of impatience. **"She could have gotten both of us killed. I almost left her on the floor."**

"_You sorry excuse for a human. Rupert's dead, and all you can worry about is yourself."_

**"How is Nell going to handle this when she wakes up? She was so happy when he came to see her. I saw her smile for the first time in months, and now, I don't think she can survive the shock." **I feel a hand stroke my forehead as Minerva continues with, **"She is so frail right now."**

**"I think it would be advisable to remove any sharp objects and medication from Eleanor's room. We may need to discuss having someone baby-sit her at all times,"** Severus says in a matter-of-fact voice. **"She will probably use this as an excuse for more sympathy. Don't get too caught up in her melodramatics," **he tells Minerva. **"I suspect her parents will mysteriously appear to save the day, like they always have; more excuses garnering more attention."**

"_I don't have the least thought of killing myself; however, thanks for reminding me of that option."_

"**Don't say any such thing in front of her. You haven't a clue as to what this is going to do to her,"** Minerva whispers angrily. **"What would Albus say if he heard you discussing Nell like that?"**

**"He would probably say the same thing I have,"** he snaps back.** "I think he would want events to unfold on their own, and make Eleanor clean up her own mess for once. I have retrieved the originals and have copies of the last two papers. What she does from here is her problem."**

I feel so alone, and I am using every bit of will power to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over from the agony of the past few hours. In a matter of scant hours, I have gone from the greatest feeling of being loved and cherished by a wonderful man, to this hell of being without anyone who understands me.

**"I'm sorry, I have already given you both a bit more time I normally do. You can come back later in the day perhaps,"** a crisp female voice interrupts. Someone releases my hand, and another reaches for the opposite wrist. I realize it must be Poppy. I am coaxed to wake up and drink some foul smelling liquid.

Whatever has been given to me swallows me into a shroud of nothingness. It is a place with no feelings or ability to think anymore. I am washed from the shore of all consciousness in a blissful few moments.

Everything is still fuzzy as I wake up to a bedside table full of Get Well wishes from the staff and students. I can tell at least a day has passed since Rupert's untimely death because the _Prophet _is sitting next to the cards. The way the newspaper is folded I can see the section of the story title: _**Floo Powder Tragedy Kills Two and Injures a Third.**_

My body is so stiff and sore, it takes me a minute to reach over to the bedside table to retrieve it. I unfold it carefully to read the story.

_**The Floo Regulatory Commission is still continuing its investigation of the explosion which killed two and left a third with life-threatening injuries on Friday night. Killed in the explosion were Lyle Perks, 84, and Rupert Osgood, 36. Both men were partners in the highly controversial firm which gained fame filing suit over several of the werewolf regulations. Eleanor Howard, 36, current Muggle Studies Professor of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was found critically injured after being blown out of the fireplace at the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade. A Healer from St. Mungo's, Justin Copperbottom, came to the aid of the injured teacher. Mr. Copperbottom told the Prophet, "Professor Howard did not have a pulse and was not breathing when I arrived on the scene. It took a great deal of effort to bring back any sign of life, and I am still concerned about the extent of her injuries." Currently, Professor Howard is recovering at the school, but her condition is not being released at this time. The Hogwarts Headmistress, Dolores Umbridge, has told this reporter, "It is a horrible loss for our community, and I shall be there to support the bereaved parties here at the school."**_

_**The funeral services are being held for both men on Wednesday. Details for the location and time have not been released to the press. The Osgood family has requested in lieu of flowers, a donation should be sent to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Injuries.**_

There is a picture of Rupert and Lyle Perks shaking hands below a newly hung sign with the addition of the name Osgood. He has that same happy spark in his eyes as the day he came up here on my birthday. The dam breaks and I begin to sob openly without regard as to who might hear. Rupert has always been there when I needed him, and now he is not here to comfort me.

I don't even notice someone else in the room until a tentative voice asks,** "I'm sorry, Professor, are you alright?"** It is Ursula Stanhope. She is standing at the end of the bed clothed in a fluffy, pink dressing gown and slippers.

**"Ursula, you…"** I am cut off by a rib crushing hug. I start to tell her that she needs to leave me alone, but I cannot do it.

She pulls away to look at my face. **"I'm sorry. I just heard someone crying, and I wanted to find out who it was. I'll go. Madam Pomfrey will be angry at my being out of bed."** Ursula hands me a tissue.

"**No, don't leave."** I am embarrassed about falling apart in front of a student, but Ursula is not bent on humiliation at my weakness. I don't want to pull a child into the situation, but I cannot have her leave me without some sort of explanation.

Ursula sits down in a chair as she says, **"I read about the accident**." She seems to be waiting for me to shout at her to go away. "**Were you close to them?"**

**"Rupert Osgood and I went to school together. He was a very special person to me,"** I explain and try to sober up a bit before I lose it all together.** "He used to sit behind me in classes and borrow quills all the time." **A tidal wave of sorrow swallows me whole as I remember that I will never be able to tease him about it again. Choking sobs tear into my throat.

The pair of us jump as someone shouts,** "Ursula! What are you doing out of bed?"** Poppy has just found that one of her charges has managed to make an escape. **"You know you are not supposed to come into this section of the Hospital Wing. Get back in there, young lady."** The school matron points finger towards the door impatiently.

Poor Ursula looks completely abashed about being caught by Poppy. She manages to wave good-bye and shuffles back to her bed. I really didn't want her to leave.

Poppy disappears from the room to make sure her patient gets back into bed. She comes back in and shuts the door.** "Who left this here?"** she inquires, snatching up the paper in anger.** "Nell, I'm sorry that you had to see the _Prophet._ I have no idea how it ended up here."** She walks over and gives me a hug, conjures a wet cloth, and cleans up my face.

In my rush of self-pity, it dawns on me that Ursula is here for some reason.** "Poppy, what is Ursula doing in here?"** I inquire, still tearful after my outburst.

**"She had a very nasty seizure in Potions after testing a draught on herself. I don't think I can allow her to do that again. I remember having to do the same thing about you when testing spells and potions in class,"** Poppy says, running the cloth down the side of my neck to calm me down further. **"She may be in here for a while, but I won't let her bother you."**

As Poppy puts the cloth on the bedside table, I notice a quill sitting amongst the cards on its surface. I am sharply reminded about the quill that Rupert used to keep under his pillows. My grief catches up with me. **"What have I done?"** I inquire in a whisper. Tears fall unchecked on to the pillows.** "It's my fault everyone is dead."** A wail of agony escapes from me, and I don't give a damn who hears it. I find myself in a warm embrace with Poppy rubbing my back in circles.

**"Don't blame yourself, it was an unfortunate situation. It's not your fault,"** she says, attempting to soothe my broken soul. **"Nell, I need to keep you away stress. You were very badly injured and getting upset will cause complications. It's time for your medication."**

Poppy excuses herself for a moment and comes back with a glass in her hand. I try to brush it away, but I learned a long time ago not to refuse to take anything Poppy tries to give you. It doesn't take me long to realize she gave me a calming potion, and I feel quite woozy. Before I know it, I end up in an emotionless doze, far away from any problems or awareness.

_I'm standing in a foggy graveyard looking for something, and I don't know what it is. All I know is that I must find it. I frantically move from row to row, yelling for someone to help me, but I know I am alone. _

_Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I look behind me, but there is no one there. I hear a faint male voice calling my name. I hope it is Rupert, then I realize he is dead. Tears of frustration run down my face as the voice calls my name over and over_

"_**Who's there?"** I inquire as someone calls my name again. **"Help me! I don't want to be alone!" **_

**"**_**Over here,"** the voice says. **"Nell, I'm over here."**_

**"**_**Where are you?"** I inquire in a panicky voice.** "I'm so frightened!"**_

_Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I turn around and no one is there. _

"_**Nell, I'm over here."** I look over in the direction of the voice to discover a crypt open near the edge of the woods._

_I walk slowly toward the damp, moss covered monument. The voice calls my name again. I am afraid of what may be in there, but I want to see if it is Rupert calling me._

_As I cross the threshold, I feel myself shaking as I shout, **"Rupert, is that you? Please talk to me! I can't see you!"**_

_A female voice from the corner of the room calls my name and gives out a childish giggle. **"Nell, we're over here. Come out and play. We have been waiting for you."**_

_The stone door slams shut and all goes dark. I go to pull out my wand but it is missing. Panic is starting to set in as I realize I am totally defenseless._

_A lamp lights up the chamber, and a there is a figure dressed in a tattered, dirty cloak, standing in the corner of the room. I am sickened as I see my wand its hand. The hood is lowered, and it is Aggie. She looks the same way she did when she died that horrible day._

**"**_**Aggie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to be killed,"** I tell her, but she just stares at me with emotionless eyes. **"Aggie, please talk to me."** I can feel tears flowing down my cheeks. _

_She points a finger towards to something behind me. There are three coffins lined up in a row. The lids open, and I am rooted to the spot as I see who the occupants are: Rupert, Mum, and Dad. _

_Aggie points my wand at the coffins, and all three sit up slowly. They look at me with cold, lifeless eyes. All three are wearing expressions of disappointment on their faces. _

**"**_**What have you done, Nell?"** Mum inquires angrily. **"You killed all of us."**_

"_**Why couldn't you mind your own business?"** Dad asks. **"You never took time to think of the consequences."**_

_I want to say something, but I can't tell them I am so sorry. I want to run away from their glares and accusations, however, my body feels like it is encased in concrete._

_As I look at Rupert's coffin, I notice that he has gone. I turn my head only to see Aggie pointing to another corner of the room._

_Rupert is standing in the corner looking bitter and hurt. He has his arms folded defensively as he walks over to me.** "I thought you loved me. You led me into that trap!"** he shouts. **"Nothing is every good enough for you, is it?"**_

_All I can do is shake my head because words fail me. I keep hoping that the door will open, so I can make an escape. I can't face them any longer._

"_**Everyone is dead by your hand. Rupert was so kind to you, and all you could do is lead him to be slaughtered like the rest of us," **Dad tells me._

_Aggie steps in front of me with her wand raised, I hear a spell muttered, and a greenish light is glowing at the end of her wand._

I wake up to a darkened room, soaked to the skin with sweat, and crying hard as I scan the room. The coffins are gone along with Aggie. I can't stand it any longer. I am too much of a burden for everyone to bear. I know my solution to the problem is sitting in a cabinet just outside the door. This time I will not fail.


	31. Bitter Sweet GoodByes

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_By _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 31: Bitter Sweet Goodbyes_**

**_Warning:_**

**_This chapter contains mature themes of death and suicide. Please use your best judgement when reading._**

The morning light filters in through the windows as I wake up more tired than when I went to bed. I must have been crying in my sleep, because the pillows and part of the sheet seem to be soaking wet. I cannot live though the same pain I endured with Aggie. My existence is just a burden on everyone else around me. Maybe, Dolores is right about me.

I wonder if I will be able to make it to the funeral. Do I really want to go? I missed Aggie's funeral, and I regretted it. What will Rupert's family say to the woman who put their loved one in the line of fire? Should I go, then finish myself off afterwards?

Poppy comes in to give me my medication and breakfast. I am afraid to eat, because I doubt I can hold anything down. Anytime she asks me a question, I answer in terms of yes or no out of fear that I will break down crying again. I can't stand the fact I am so weak. Aurors are expected to be tough and stable, but I am neither of those. I just roll over on my side, resigned to my fate.

The normal flow of students and staff comes and goes during most of the morning. There is the odd retching of students who have some sort of stomach ailment or the nasty effects of a spell gone awry.

I wake again to a conversation taking place just outside the partially closed door. I recognize the anxious tone of Minerva's voice.

"**Poppy, when do you think Nell will be up to receive visitors? I just can't let her lie there alone."**

**"Nell was up most of the night crying. She dropped off to sleep later this morning after picking at her breakfast,"** Poppy says as I open my eyes to see the door slightly ajar. **"I had to chase Dolores out of here. She went on endlessly about being concerned with this tragedy in the community."** She gives a snort of impatience as she continues with, **"The last thing Nell needs is to have Dolores questioning her right now. She brought the inspector from the Floo Regulatory department, but I made them leave."**

**"I don't know why the inspectors even bother. Young Mr. Copperbottom told them that Nell will probably have no memory from the incident due to shock and a lack of oxygen," **Minerva says through her teeth. **"There's something you aren't telling me, are you?"**

**"Her physical and mental state is so fragile right now. Any amount of stress could overwhelm her body. A couple of times I have walked in to her having some sort of mini-seizures in her sleep,"** Poppy explains. **"Minerva, we can only keep her sedated for so long, and eventually she will have to deal with her feelings."**

**"You don't think she might try to kill herself for a third time, do you?" **she inquires.

**"I wonder if we may need to send her back to St. Mungo's for her own safety. I think she will try suicide this time. We know what happened after poor Agatha Prewitt's funeral, and I can see her trying again. With the past failed attempts, I am worried she might have learned from her mistakes."** I have never heard Poppy sound so disappointed in me.

**"Then I hate for it to come down to this; however, several staff members are going through her rooms to look for anything she might have hidden. Filius knows the signs of most concealment charms,"** Minerva says resignedly.** "I want to keep her wand away from her."**

I feel like I am back in the nightmare of last night. I am trapped and utterly defenseless with people pointing out what a failure I am.

"**I have taken some precautions with her medication. I have it locked up, and I only bring enough in for a single dose. We need to make it clear to the staff anything brought into this room must go through me. I have put an anti-shatter charm on anything breakable in her reach," **Poppy says, moving away from my cubical with Minerva.

I can only sit here as people watch me like a specimen at the London Zoo. The only thing I am lacking is a cage. My despair only makes me more resolved to take control of my own destiny.

From the sound of the bell, I can tell it is close to the evening meal. There is a light knock at the door and in strides Pomona with a bouquet of flowers, no doubt in a shatter proof vase. Her presence reminds me sharply of Rupert, because she is head of his former house. Couldn't they have picked someone else? It's like rubbing salt into an open wound.

To make things even worse, Minerva shows up a few minutes behind her. The best I can do is smile, nod in the right places, and remember to say thank you. I learned that one the last time I tried to kill myself, and it put most of my friends and family off track. I just hope Minerva and Poppy were not paying too close attention to that seminar on suicide many years ago.

After they leave, I start coming up with scenarios on how to end the pain. I hate to break it to them, I won't have the bullocks to slash myself with any sort of instrument. That would be too messy to clean up. There is some doubt in my mind as to my ability to jump off of one of the towers. I would probably have a heart attack in attempt to climb the stairs. I don't want to be a further burden on anyone else. I just want to fall asleep so it will all go away. I have come to a decision, I am going to wait until after the funeral to do it. I will be away from the school, affording me time alone to carry out my plans. I am going to make sure they let me go.

Poppy comes in to give me my evening medication. I am asking the burning question, because I know she is the main obstacle for my journey to the service.

"**Poppy, can I ask you something?"** I inquire. **"I want to attend the funeral on Wednesday."**

**"Nell, I don't know if you will be up to it,"** she informs me sternly. **"You are still very ill, and I am worried leaving bed too soon will over tax your system."**

**"Poppy, that is not fair," **I retort tearfully in frustration. **"I wasn't able to say good-bye at Aggie's funeral, because I was not conscious. Please let me go." It is so painful to ask her for this. "I need to attend and say…"** Saying my farewells to him just makes it too real, and I find myself sobbing.

I barely notice someone else has walked into the room; it is Minerva again. Her voice sounds rather distant, but I realize that she is holding me tightly, rocking me back and forth. It should be my parents or Rupert here to comfort me. The thought makes me cry even harder. A few moments later, I see a hand with a glass in it, and I am coaxed into drinking it. There is another second of agony, and then the huge weight of grief is quickly lifted. I am absolutely exhausted.

I go limp as someone says, **"Now, that's better."** Whoever it is lets me slide back down on the mattress. I cling desperately on to consciousness, because I haven't finished what I want to say.** "We have to let her go, Poppy,"** Minerva says. Her voice echoes as everything blissfully melts away.

Poppy wakes me this morning, and I realize it is Wednesday, because she has my best black robes and favorite shoes in her hand. She gives a sympathetic look as she walks me over to the bathroom so I am able to clean up a bit. I know she is not happy about letting me go; however, I need to say good-bye to Rupert.

Last night, I learned that Pomona would be taking me with Dolores tagging along. This is the only way Dolores would allow any of us to attend the funeral. I think it is a travesty she would attempt to defile Rupert's memory by even showing up.

It is time to leave, but I have asked about going to my office to pick up one item: a feather quill. I thought long and hard about this. Rupert's parents have asked for no flowers at the service, but I cannot go there empty-handed. This simple object has intertwined our lives together. It is still a paltry repayment for his sacrifice on my part. The guilt is just eating away at me.

I have not totally forgotten my plans for when I come home from the funeral. Over the past few days, I have not been able to gain access to something to end my pain forever. My fortune turns as I find a bottle of medication hidden in a compartment in my desk. Dolores has inadvertently assisted in my plans by picking an argument with Pomona about a student's future plans to be an Auror. I slip the bottle cautiously into a pocket on the inside of my robes where my wand normally stays. I feel so defenseless without my wand, but the bottle gives me a bit of confidence. At least I am in control of my fate.

We have Flooed to a small chapel outside of a picturesque village on the coast. I feel like an intruder as we walk into the church yard. I see a crypt near the trees with the name 'Osgood' on the door. It is just like the building in my dream. I don't think I can walk into the church to Rupert's coffin. Will he sit up and point out my failures and betrayal? My fear is so intense, I can feel my heart beating erratically.

When we have made it into the vestibule, Rupert's mother greets me with a strained smile. I have only seen her in photos, smiling and laughing at the camera. Now, she looks ashen and tired. Prudence Osgood seems to have aged a century in a matter of days. Rupert favors her so much in the face. It is hard to look her in the eye.

Prudence is cut off by Dolores as she reaches for Pomona's hand.** "Prudence, this is all so tragic. I wish to express my condolences on behalf of the Ministry and school."** Dolores has adopted the same sappy smile she reserves for photos in the _Prophet._ **"I know he was such a dedicated solicitor and friend to our little Eleanor here."** She puts her arm around me. I jerk away from her angrily and stare at her coldly.

**"Eleanor, if you and Pomona could please join me for the private viewing, I would greatly appreciate it,"** Prudence Osgood says. Dolores takes the lead of going through the door, but she is stopped by Rupert's father.

**"Madam Umbridge, I am afraid this is for family and close family friends."** There is a flash of anger in his eyes. **"You can wait outside with the rest of the guests,"** Rupert's father tells Dolores while holding the door shut.

Dolores looks a bit scandalized by this rebuff, and she tries to insert herself into the group headed to the viewing.** "I wish to be here to support my staff."** She has a false look of sympathy on her face.

**"You may show your support outside. Now, if you will excuse us, we need to be able to grieve in peace,"** Rupert's father says sternly with the same glint as his son when serving that restraining order last winter.

We enter a small room with Rupert's silver casket sitting at the end. I don't want to look at him. It makes his death real.

"**Nell, come along, dear." **It's Pomona noticing my inability to move. She puts an arm around me to give a hug of reassurance, but I am embarrassed as my tears fall on her unusually clean robes.

I make it over to the casket with Pomona's help. Rupert looks like he did when falling asleep on my couch just over a week ago. I have this overwhelming urge to kiss him so he would wake up.

Rupert's mother is standing beside me as I say, **"You always seem to forget these, and I don't want you to be without it again."** Tears are falling down my cheeks when I put the quill in his lifeless hand. **"I'm so sorry. It's my fault you are here, because it should have been me."**

His mother puts an arm around my shoulder and says, **"It's not your fault, dear. This was a horrible chain of events the both of you were caught in."**

"_Does she know the truth? I just can't come out and ask right now!"_

Pomona joins us as we walk away, and she asks, **"Why did you give him a feather quill?"**

I tearfully answer, **"He always forgot to bring them to class. If it weren't for his carelessness, we would have never met."** My knees are like jelly, and I find I am leaning heavily on her. Guilt is just eating me up at this point when I tell his parents and Pomona, **"It's my fault."**

His mother suddenly develops a wry smile.** "Eleanor, Rupert's bag had a charm on it so he would quit losing his quills and ink. He found a way to get your attention. That is typical Rupert there."**

I make it through the service in one piece, but I feel dizzy and sick. As the doors to the crypt are re-sealed, I wrap my fingers around the warm little bottle in my pocket, knowing that it won't be long now until I see Rupert again.

We have returned by Floo powder to Dolores's office. Pomona is concerned about my ability at walking to the Hospital Wing. Although I have tried to mask the cramps in my chest, it is obvious that I am in pain.

Unfortunately, I run into Ursula on my way to the Hospital Wing, but I am too tired and in too much pain to participate in the conversation. I give her a bit of a brush off, and she walks away in confusion.

The Hospital Wing is deserted this afternoon. My guess is most of the students have been discharged and sent back to class. Poppy walks out of her office to escort me back to bed with Pomona tagging along behind us. I just need a few moments alone to write my letter and be done with it. To avoid suspicion, I walk into my corner of the Hospital Wing and put on my pyjamas as if to take a long nap.

I can't just leave everyone scratching their heads and looking for someone to blame as to why I have killed myself. It seems quite obvious why I am doing this, but do they understand how deeply I am hurt? This goes beyond losing Rupert. My so-called friends have lied to me about what happened with the papers and treated me as if I could no longer make rational decisions. My reputation is completely ruined, I had to send my parents to the other side of the Atlantic, and I can drop dead at any moment. I am tired of the 'pity parties' and sideways glances.

While I am behind the privacy screen in my little cubicle, I can hear the faint sounds of a conversation on the other side of the partition.

**"How did it go?"** Poppy inquires anxiously.

"**She held up very well, but I think this was just a bit much for her right now. Nell just kept telling everyone she was sorry, and this was her fault," **Pomona informs her. **"I'm really worried about her right now. She didn't say much when we arrived back here even though, I tried to start a conversation with her."**

**"Nell looked dreadful when she walked through that door. I am a little bit concerned about how much this has taken out of her. Her health is about as frail as her mind is right now."**

I settle down on the bed heavily and attempt to determine a course of action. I look around the cubicle to discover a self-inking quill and a book from my bedroom brought up for me a couple of days ago. '_The R_a_ven'_ is so fitting at this moment. Since there is no paper for me to use, I have decided to write the note in my book.

Poppy walks in, takes my pulse and notes that it is very irregular. She takes the book from my lap, placing it carefully on the table.

**"You look a bit flushed. Are you in any pain?"** she asks me.

"**No, I just want a nap,"** I lie quickly. I need her to leave me alone right now.

She seems a little taken aback with my brief reply. **"I'll need to give you something for that heart of yours. It is not good for you to have it racing out of control."**

She leaves the room briefly and walks back in carrying a glass with a greenish, opaque substance. It tastes horrible going down my throat. There is a disgusting aftertaste like sour milk. Poppy finally leaves after taking my pulse again; however, she doesn't seem satisfied with the result and leaves the room mumbling Severus's name under her breath.

When Poppy retreats from the door, I carefully draft my letter.

_**To my Friends and Family,**_

_**First of all, no one is to blame for my committing suicide other than myself. This was my decision alone. I have been a burden to everyone around me, and I don't wish to encroach on your lives any longer. I want you to know that I am finally at peace now that I am out of pain.**_

_**Rupert's death has been a huge blow to me and I don't think I could carry on much longer without him there. I have lost so many friends due to my own neglect, stupidity, or inability to think things through. Rupert was one of the few people who knew me well and he would listen to me without placating or sanitizing the truth. **_

_**Please tell Mum that I do love her, and I feel this is for the best. She needs to live without the constant spectre of her daughter's misfortune causing chaos in her life. May she and my father find a way to forgive me for what I have done.**_

_**For disposition of my property, my will is located at Rupert's law office. Arthur Dorrish should have it on file. The changes are recent and are in compliance with new Ministry regulations. Pomona, please take care of Daisy until my parents can be found. She loves her squeaky troll and prefers her bed be placed where she can bask in the sunshine.**_

_**Love always,**_

_**Eleanor**_

Whatever Poppy has fed me is making me quite sleepy suddenly, and I cannot keep my eyes open. The book falls to the floor with a dull thud, but I lack the conviction to pick it up. The bottle is just a few feet away in my clothes, hanging on the wall. It might as well be several miles.

I can hear movement in the room, and I have no idea how long I have been asleep. I need to figure out where everybody is, because I don't want anyone coming to my aid in some last bid to save my life like before.

**"Eleanor!"** a male voice shouts harshly. I recognize the bitter tone of our favorite Potions Master and all-around arse in my ear. **"What are you up to? Open your eyes and look at me!"**

It takes me a moment to shift gears in my head. I look up at him, and he has my poetry book in his hand. I bolt right up with my head spinning and make a swat at the book.

"**You sleazy bastard, give it to me!"** I shout at him.

**"Planning on doing something stupid again, Eleanor?"** he inquires acidly.

**"What are you talking about?"** I say, attempting to sound innocent.

**"This is what I am talking about,"** he informs me and opens the book to the inside cover that holds my note. **"Everyone is caught up in your drama, and all you can do is slap them in the face with this. Eleanor Howard, professional victim, is taking the cowardly way out. We are tired of cleaning up after you!"** He gives a huff of anger and continues with, **"What are you going to use this time?"**

**"Get out of here before Poppy comes back, Severus!"** I order him loudly. **"What I do is my own business."**

Severus stalks about the room looking in every corner for what I may use to end my life. He stops suddenly, then pulls at the corner of the sheets on the bed. **"Don't even bother trying to hang yourself. Poppy put charms on all the bedding."** He moves over to my clothes that are hanging on the peg and checks the pockets of my robes. He pulls out the small bottle of medication, and my heart sinks. **"I told Minerva you would find a way to sneak something in. How did you do it? Selfish, cowardly bitch, all you can think of is yourself!"** he shouts, Vanishing the bottle in front of me.** "You never think of the casualties you leave behind, do you?"**

I roll out of bed to stand up, but I over-correct my balance and sway dangerously as I grab the bed frame. **"What casualties? I thought you would be happy to get rid of me at last."**

He points his finger to the bedside table to draw my attention to a package of get well cards he brought in. **"This is from the students in my house only. They labor under the delusion you actually give a damn, especially Stanhope."**

I am angry beyond the ability to comprehend the implications of what he has just said. **"Don't drag the students into this argument. Just pack me up to be locked away in St. Mungo's. I will go without a fight."**

**"I am not going to even bother,"** he spits out. **"I have taken away your last avenue for the time being."**

I feel dizzy, and Severus's face is changing shape every second. I attempt to collapse onto the mattress; however, I fall forward, hitting my head on the bedside tray. As everything goes dark, I hear my name being called out.

_I am back in the churchyard where Rupert was laid to rest. I am absolutely terrified, because I have no idea why I am here. Have I died and this is some kind of purgatory? _

_I look around to see that I am not alone. Rupert is standing next to the family burial vault with an expression of concern. I wait for him to shout at me like the nightmare I had before the funeral; however, he walks forward to hold me in his arms. I am no longer afraid, because I am finally with him once more._

**"**_**Why do you want to kill yourself, Nell?"** he inquires, pulling away to give me a lingering kiss._

**"**_**I can't go on without you,"** I tell him through tears. **"I have gotten you and Aggie killed. I only cause misery and pain wherever I go. You were one of the few people in my life who truly showed me love, and not just through some act put on out of pity or an attempt to placate me."**_

**"_Nell, I have been fighting the Ministry for a long time. I had been poking around for years trying to find out its dirty little secrets. You think I walked into this blindly?"_**

**"**_**So, I was just a way to get information. You didn't love me for who I was?"** I inquire, feeling used._

_Rupert picks up my chin and says, **"I loved you since the first time I saw you in Charms class my second year of school. I'm sorry it took twenty-three years to catch y**ou."_

**"**_**You always enjoyed the chase, didn't you?"** I inquire._

**"**_**Nell, you can't come with me now,"** he tells me and kisses my forehead tenderly. **"Who will be there to speak for the children or those deemed as undesirable by the likes of Dolores?"**_

**"**_**I'm so tired of sticking my neck out and others paying the price of my rashness,"** I sob to him, burying my face in his shoulder._

**"**_**You are taking responsibility for situations you cannot control. Aggie didn't rush to confront that Death Eater without understanding the risk. That was her job. I didn't walk blindly into my decision to be there for you. Stop blaming yourself for everything,"** he whispers._

**"**_**I can't take the pain any longer. Everyone is better off without me,"** I explain._

**"**_**You have made some lives better to live. Look at Ursula; she has blossomed, because she found a kindred soul. You were someone who understood what it is like to walk in her shoes."** He pulls away from me slightly, and wipes a tear tenderly off my cheek. **"Don't leave those poor children on their own with Dolores in charge."**_

**"**_**Why me?"** I inquire. _

**"**_**Why not, Nell. You were always the risk taker, the first off the mark when trying a new and challenging spell, and would stand up for yourself when no one else was there."** He has that mischievous spark in his eye. **"Nell, do you remember the day I came by to bring you the copies of the receipts?" **I can only nod numbly as he continues with, "**You could have left with me right then, but you refused, because you were not going to let them win. Now you are faced with the same choice again: To leave with me now, or to return and put up a fight for those you love. Don't turn away from life so quickly to remain with me. I will always be here. Someday, you are going to make someone a wonderful wife and mum. I saw how you would 'mother hen' some of your students."** He has a slight grin on his face._

**"**_**I would never move on to someone else,"** I tell him tearfully._

**"**_**I want to see you move on and be happy, rather than pining for me the rest of your life. I would never allow myself to be so selfish as to put that on you as a burden. Make your choice wisely."** He gives me another lingering kiss and starts to walk away. He stops, turns towards me, and says, **"I will always be here if you need me. Nell, they need you more than I do right now. I am safe and at peace." **He walks towards the family crypt, disappearing into the shadows._


	32. Mending Fences

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by_**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 32: Mending Fences_**

A loud bang followed by the most intense pain in my head takes me away from the refuge of the graveyard and Rupert. My body jerks so hard, it launches several inches into the air, slamming hard back onto the floor.

"_Where am I?"_

**"Eleanor, breathe, you stupid woman,"** an urgent voice commands me. **"When does the drama ever end?"** Someone is cradling the back of my head as spasms roll painfully from limb to limb. **"Poppy!"** he shouts.** "Where the hell is she?"**

"_Where's Rupert? Am I hallucinating that I am back in the Hospital Wing?"_

There is a sharp intake of breath as a female voice inquires, **"Severus, what …?"**

**"Obviously, Eleanor is having some sort of fit,"** he barks urgently. **"I have been yelling for assistance for at least five minutes, it just won't stop, and she is turning blue."**

My muscles are slowing down their random contractions, and I gasp for air, but something is choking me. It feels like I have a sock jammed in my throat.

"_Please! Help me, I don't want to die!"_

**"No, you can't quit on me,"** he mutters into my ear as I am turned over my side and liquid dribbles out of the corner of my mouth. Although his tone is low, it sounds like a jet engine taking off next to my ear.

I am put back into my bed, and something cold and wet gently cleans off my face. The short lull in the conversation is abruptly ended as Poppy inquires,** "What happened?"**

**"When I came in to drop off get well cards from my house, Eleanor was out of bed, attempting to reach for a book on the floor. That is when she collapsed and started convulsing."**

**"She was only picking up a dropped book, not anything else?"** Poppy inquires pointedly.

"_She knows! I am as good as locked up!"_

I want to desperately answer that question myself; however, I can't get my eyes open or make a noise of protest.

"Are you insinuating something?" he inquires coolly. **"That is all I saw."**

"_What is he up to?"_

**"No, I just want to know what happened before her seizure started."** Poppy quickly changes the topic as she bustles about the room. **"Severus, I need to retrieve a few medications, I need you to watch her for a minute,"** Poppy explains to him after adjusting my head on the pillow. **"She's been having seizures in her sleep for days now. I should have seen this one coming. "**

Poppy is exits my tiny cubicle, leaving Severus and me alone together. I can hear him moving closer to the bed.

"**I am beginning to rethink your desires of killing yourself. I doubt you would have come out of that if you truly wanted to die."** As something trickles out of the corner of my mouth, he wipes the fluids gently off of my face. With a huge effort, I open my eyes, and unbidden tears fall. Severus is using his own handkerchief to clean off my cheek. **"Tell me, do you want to live?"** There is a brief pause. **"Answer me," **he demands.** "I won't tell the others about our little argument, but I want to know if you want to live."**

With every ounce of energy I can summon, I manage to whisper, **"Live."**

I can see that Poppy has returned to the room carrying some clean pajamas and a couple of bottles and a small glass. **"What were you asking her? She cannot understand you right now."**

**"Eleanor's eyes are open, and she is crying. Of course she can hear me."** He seems a bit put out as he is told different.

**"She isn't really there. Who knows what she sees right now. Those tears aren't out of any emotion. Nell always cries when she is waking up. Her eyes may be open, but there is no sense of consciousness for a while yet,"** Poppy explains, dabbing some concoction on my temple that smells more horrible than it stings.

With Severus's help, Poppy manages to get the medication down my throat. **"I think today was just too much for her."** Poppy is running the cloth back over neck like she always did when I had a seizure as a child. **"Between losing Rupert, missing her parents, and being ill, I just don't think her body can handle anymore pressure."**

"_Poppy was right about one thing: I don't know how much more my body can handle."_

I try to fight it, but I am at the mercy of the wave of unconsciousness that washes over me.

A raging headache brings me out of a dreamless sleep, and I notice it is now dark outside. I can hear the gentle sounds of rain hitting the roof of the Hospital Wing and there is a subdued light coming from a lamp next to the bed. I just wonder if what I saw during my seizure is real or a side effect of my nervous system gone awry.

As I lie here alone in the semi-darkness, a sense of peace covers me like a blanket. My visit to the graveyard to talk to Rupert still seems real in my heart. His discussion about how badly I am needed made me want to live on. He gave me a choice, and I chose to come back for the same reason I did the last time. I am not going to allow Dolores or anyone else to hurt the ones I love.

A noise at the front of my cubicle demands my attention. It is Poppy coming in with several glasses sitting on a tray and a very worried expression.

She puts down the tray briskly, and looks at me with a strained smile.** "Nell, how are you feeling?"** she inquires, brushing a few stray hairs off of my forehead. **"You gave us quite a turn."**

**"What happened? My head is killing me,"** I say, wincing as a fresh wave of pain hits my forehead. **"Everything is just so fuzzy."** I want to figure out just how much she knows.

**"Severus said you were out of bed to retrieve a book when you collapsed and began convulsing. You are quite fortunate he was here bringing you some get well cards from the students."** She pulls up a chair and continues with, **"What were you thinking?"**

**"Last thing I can remember is a book fell out of my lap, and I wasn't finished with it,"** I tell her, my stomach churning with guilt. **"I just needed something to take my mind off of the funeral."** Tears sting the corner of my eyes as I remember yesterday's events.

**"I knew going to the funeral was important, but you were out of bed too soon. I'm not sure how much longer you will need to stay,"** she chides, stroking the back of my head and looking into my eyes.** "You were not well enough to be moved to St. Mungo's because of the possibility of setting off more of your seizures." **She reaches over to take a pulse, and I avert my gaze and look out a window. **"That poor heart of yours cannot take anymore punishment."**

Poppy waits for me to gulp down some more foul potions, and I hear her leave the room after I have become too drowsy to talk.

I startle violently out of a deep sleep as chimes sound the hour of two o'clock. I have a sense I am not alone.

From the shadowy profile, it dawns on me that Severus has decided to grace me with his presence. **"What do you want?"** I croak inquisitively as he turns up the lamp slowly.

**"Since your melodramatics have ceased for the moment, I have been asked to bring more student tidings of concern for you. I would highly encourage you to read them."** He shoves the packet of cards onto the edge of the bed by my hand. **"I haven't told anyone of your suicide note, and I have returned your book without the lovely correspondence on the inside covers. No one has a clue you had that bottle in your possession."**

**"Why are you doing this?"** I inquire.

**"I don't think you really want to follow through with this. You were dying yesterday, but you seemed to fight to stay alive. That is why."** He throws the book next to the cards.** "I'd suggest you look at these to remind yourself what you are fighting for."** He turns on his heels and leaves without another word.

I flip through the cards to see what they say, and an envelope falls on top of the pile in my lap. I open it up to find the last two receipts. I remember his insistence on looking at my poetry book and open it to look at the pages. There is a key hidden in the spine of the book. It is my key to the vault at Gringotts attached to a short note: _**Here.**_ I recognize the handwriting from the letters sent by Dumbledore when I was in the hospital. I carefully shove the key back into the spine of the book, and I leave the receipts with the stack of cards. I know what I must do now.

I have woken up to a gray, rainy morning. From the sounds a few feet away, I can tell the fifth and seventh year exams are close. Students shuffle in with migraines, stomach ailments, and a host of complaints set off by the pressure of testing. I would be nervous too if I had Dolores as a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I doubt they could defend themselves against a Flobberworm.

I need to figure out a way of getting Dolores up to the Hospital Wing, because I doubt if Poppy will even let me get up to use the loo. My luck changes as I hear Poppy telling off Filch for letting Mrs. Norris into her immaculate domain. I somehow manage to gain his attention as he walks out with a rather unhappy Mrs. Norris in his arms. I give him a message for Dolores to come up here for her latest tidbit.

As lunchtime rolls around, I hear Poppy interrogating Dolores in a fierce manner. **"What are you doing up here?"**

**"I am here to see Eleanor,"** Dolores answers stiffly.

**"I absolutely forbid this."** I can imagine Poppy looking like a rabid saber-toothed tiger right now. **"She is not able to see visitors yet."**

I don't need to have Dolores chased out by our over-protective matron, so I call out into the hallway. **"Poppy, it's alright, I asked her to come here."**

Poppy peers into the room looking bewildered by this request. **"Nell, you should be resting. You don't need any stress right now."** I notice how she emphasizes the word: stress.

**"Please, I promise she will be out of here in just a minute,"** I plead to Poppy. **"Right, Dolores?"** I round on Dolores with a fierce look.

**"Five minutes, that is it,"** Poppy commands. The sound of a retching student pulls her attention away from Dolores and me.

**"You're a bit tardy with your latest installment for me. I believe you owe me two receipts,"** she spits venomously. I notice her cardigan is looking a bit worse for wear; holes and burn marks riddle the sleeves.

**"Right now, I owe you one."** Dolores looks like a pink cobra ready to strike as I continue with, **"You will receive the final one on the last day of the term. I don't trust you to keep your word."**

**"You dare to dictate terms, Eleanor?"** she inquires irritability, her toadish eyes bulging in their sockets.

**"Anything happens to me in the meantime, the deal is off,"** I warn her defiantly. **"You have less than one minute to decide."** I take the receipt from under my pillow and hold it out, dangling the envelope like a bone for a well-behaved collie.

She snatches it out of my hand angrily then says, **"Noon on the last day of the term, and not a minute past. I want it presented it to me in my office. I don't care if you have to crawl there."**

**"I'll be there."** Poppy stands at the door looking quite irritated, and I can't finish what I want to say.

**"Your five minutes are up, and my patient needs her rest,"** Poppy says sharply, crossing her arms across her chest.

Dolores retreats in a huff as Poppy says, **"You really aren't up to this. No more visitors today."**

Lunch has arrived, but I am in no mood to eat as my gut churns anxiously. Do they still think I am going to kill myself? I haven't much time for mulling over my thoughts before Poppy shows up with my dessert, a whole bunch of foul potions to knock me out the rest of the day. My guess is to stop any unneeded activity on my part.

Darkness takes me unwillingly again, and I fall asleep to the normal bustle of children regurgitating their lunch or moaning for assistance due to end of the term homework assignments gone awry.

It has been several days since I collapsed, and I am feeling a bit better physically and emotionally. It is a fact that people who are thinking of suicide will often show signs of suddenly feeling happy about their outlook on life when they make the final decision. This change in mood is often a clue that the end is near and loved ones need to be careful to see the signs. I hope my friends don't see my upturn in mood as a sign I want to do myself in.

It has become obvious I am not very happy about being cooped up in the Hospital Wing. The constant activity is not allowing for a good sleep. I want to be in my own bed with Daisy at my side. I know my rooms will have signs of Rupert's presence in my life, but it is time to face my feelings.

After begging, pleading, and the promise of having a house-elf haunting me, Poppy is reluctantly allowing me to retire to my own quarters. I have a feeling she will be asking for hourly reports from poor little Blinky, an elderly house-elf from the laundry.

Walking through my parlor door, my heart sinks as I see a box of pralines sitting by the sofa. Rupert brought these to me on his last visit. I don't realize I am crying until a handkerchief floats in mid-air courtesy of Blinky. I can't bear to stand here much longer, and I retreat towards my bedroom. When I open my bedroom door, Daisy nearly knocks me over in her excitement to see me. I pick her up and cuddle her like a teddy bear, looking for some sense of security in her presence. This affords me the excuse to not look to the bedside table for reminders of Rupert.

As I sit down on the mattress, something wet is hitting my face, and I look up to find Daisy attacking my hair. Normally, I would be shouting at her to get off, but it is so nice to have some semblance of the life I had before this year.

I stand back up with a sigh and make my way to the bathroom for a long overdue soak in the tub. Cleansing charms work well to clean you up for the most part, but nothing can take the place of a long hot bath. As I sink towards the sudsy water, a tear escapes down my cheek when I remember the night Rupert surprised me while taking a bubble bath.

I have no idea how long I have been in the bath until I am summoned for dinner by Blinky, and I am a little pissed off by her standing there, staring me down as I get out of the tub. That funny unclean feeling creeps back into the corners of my gut as I reach for a towel.

I am a bit tired of lying in a bed, and I convince Blinky to let me eat at my own dining table. I know I must face the reminders of Rupert in my quarters at some point; however, I notice that the pictures of him have been removed from a table in the lounge. I feel a little betrayed. I wonder who authorized it. Trying to get the information from the elderly yet stern-looking elf will do me little good.

I hear a knock at the door as I am finishing up. My visitor is a rather sheepish-looking Charity Burbage coming in with several packages in her arms.

**"Hello, Nell. I wanted to come by and see you in the Hospital Wing, but Poppy wasn't allowing you to see visitors while you were there,"** Charity says.

I walk over to her, take the packages out of her arms, and I motion her to have a seat in the parlor. **"You're here now, and I am pleased to see you."** The silence is awkward, and I feel there is something that must be said to clear the air between us.

**"Nell, I think we need to talk,"** she says, staring up to the ceiling. **"I am still angry about your telling me off for airing my views on Muggle Rights." **She takes a deep breath and continues with, **"However, I don't think this should come between us as friends."**

**"Charity, all I can say is that I am glad you came to visit me, and I want to call the matter closed."**

Blinky walks in slowly with some refreshments for me and my guest. She is eyeing Charity with a protective gaze. I am sure Poppy is going to hear about this.

Charity takes her cup of coffee and continues with, **"The students miss you horribly. They spent a class period making your cards without using any charms or enhancements. Poor Ursula was beside herself when she read about the accident in the _Prophet._"** She stops for a moment, realizing she may be opening up a fresh wound.** "I'm so sorry."**

I get up and walk over to the fire to hide my tears. I thought I was doing much better with my feelings, but they constantly bubble to the surface. It takes every ounce of will power not to cry openly, because I know Poppy will just send me back to the sterile cubicle in the Hospital Wing.

**"It's not your fault. I feel guilty about what the children are going through because of me. They put in all this effort, and they shouldn't have taken class time for me,"** I tell her tearfully.

She walks up behind me, touching me on the shoulder so I could face her.** "Those students love you, and I think it is important they learn how to express themselves without a wand."** She gives me a hug, and we walk back to the sofa as she hands me a tissue from the side table. **"Isn't this what we want them to learn?"**

I look up to see a void in the dust from Rupert's picture.** "I want to say good-bye to the students before exams. I owe this to them, especially Ursula."**

**"It was her idea to make the cards, and I hear she managed to have many of her housemates to participate. She is turning into quite the social butterfly,"** she says with a wry smile. **"What do you think about the end of the week?"**

**"I would like to help with the O.W.L. and N.E.W.T." **I wait for her to turn me down, because I know she can be a bit territorial with her classes.

Charity brightens, and says, **"I think that will be wonderful."** Blinky is standing beside the door, and I am sure this is a hint to make Charity leave. Charity says her farewells after giving me a hug.

As the door shuts, I sink into the sofa exhausted, and I fall sound asleep before I know it.


	33. The Paper Chase

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquistor_**

**_By _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 33_**

**_The Paper Chase_**

As I get up this morning, there is a wonderful sense of anticipation of working with the students once more

The weather during breakfast has mirrored my own mood. I know in the pit of my stomach that it is time to pack up my things for the end of the year. This means I must confront my feelings about Rupert's death. With all the grief counseling after Aggie's death so many years ago, I have learned that it is important to have some sort of closure. I must decide what I am going to do with the pictures, gifts, and odds and ends that came into my possession during my brief romantic relationship with Rupert. I have decided it would be best if I boxed everything up and seal the crate shut. Dwelling on his death will not bring him back.

I pick up a box to crate up some of the law books and discover an object glinting from underneath a side table. When I grasp it, little golden wings sprout from the almond-sized ball, and I see it is the Snitch Rupert bought for my birthday this year. I am so stunned, I let go of it. The Snitch hovers just a few feet from me, but I lack the conviction to snatch it out of the air. All I can think about is the night Rupert kissed me for the first time.

A pang of longing hits me as I remember the passion that flowed between us, making me feel loved unconditionally for the first time in a long while. I miss the moments where his kiss took me to a place when the world only consisted of the two of us. I feel like I wasted so much time pushing him away. For some odd reason, I am angry with him for leaving me on my own again.

I wipe tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my robe, swiftly catching the Snitch and putting it in my pocket without a second glance.

I made the choice to come back and finish what I have started here at the school. Feeling sorry for myself drains energy needed to fulfill my mission to bring down Dolores's little scam.

Now that I have managed to start putting my life back together, I must tackle the emotional mine field of my office. I have decided to wait for the students to be in class before walking to the door. I don't have the strength to socialize in any way right now.

I carefully unlock the door to find what I have suspected: someone has been in here searching for something. In the fine coat of dust, there are tell-tale voids where pictures and knickknacks have been moved about and not been put back. No doubt, Dolores has been ferreting about looking for something. She wants to see where I am hiding my treasures. I guess she has not thought of looking under Daisy's bed, because I left it there, hidden under the pillow. Dolores is terrified to touch anything that has come into contact with any non-human creature.

The halls outside my office fill quickly as the bell for lunch sounds loudly. I have been so lost in packing up numerous books and papers that I am startled by someone calling my name from the doorway. I look up to find Ursula overjoyed to see me; however, I don't think her friend, Georgia is all that happy to be here.

"Ladies, how lovely to see you," I greet them with a forced smile, gesturing for them sit down in the only available spots in the room.

Georgia seems a bit uneasy, and I realize she never had me in any classes. I wonder if she believes any of the lies floating about the school. The third year Hufflepuff settles her thin frame on the edge of the chair cushion; however, Ursula plops down happily in the chair next to her friend, sending a huge puff of dust sailing into the air and causing Georgia to shoot glances of disdain in my direction.

"Professor, Professor Burbage said you would be in class on Friday for revisions before exams. I'm glad you are, because we miss you horribly," Ursula says in a rush, but her eyes look downward, waiting for my next reply.

"I appreciate all the effort you and your classmates went through to send the cards to the hospital wing while I was recovering. It meant so much to me," I tell the girls, feeling tears prickling at the corner of my eyes. Ursula picks up her glance from the floor to meet my eyes.

I feel so guilty about my suicidal thoughts that day. The cards did more than raise my spirits, they gave me a reason to live. How am I going to tell the children that?

"It was Ursula's idea, really," Georgia pipes in sullenly. "She told Professor Burbage about how nice it would be to make cards without any magical enhancement. She had some of us making cards that weren't even in a Muggle Studies class," she continues coolly, emphasizing the fact she was not in my class. I have a sense Ursula may have pressured her to make the card.

"I think it is absolutely brilliant," I tell Ursula. "I'm glad to see you making some use of the class, Ursula." She blushes a bit at my comment.

Her next question catches me completely off guard. "Professor, where are you going after this year?"

"_Out of the mouths of babes! Hell if I know! I am happy just to be alive, I think?"_

"I think I might take some savings and travel a bit. There are so many places to see," I inform her. I think she is afraid that I would tell her it's none of her business and she should keep to herself.

"Can't you come back next year?" Ursula inquires. She looks pleadingly to me. Although she got along with Charity in the classroom, Ursula has not shown her affection for her new teacher or her new teacher's lesson plans.

"I told Professor Dumbledore and the Board of Governors that I would only take the position until they could find someone to fill in the slot for one year. I'm sorry, I have enjoyed my time with the students in my classes, but I need to move on." Ursula looks crushed when I confirm the fact of my departure. "Once I get settled, I will keep up with you."

"Can't you tell them you have changed your mind or something? We want you, not someone else," Ursula exclaims, and then back pedals when she realizes she may have gone one step too far. "I'm sorry, Professor."

"I don't know where I will end up. All I know is there is a huge world out there for me to explore," I tell her, but my voice lacks conviction. I notice her eye has moved over to a picture of Daisy taken by the seaside when she was a puppy. "Daisy loves the beach. I am sure she would like to take a holiday in the tropics somewhere," I say, reaching over to the photo of Daisy on the beach fetching a stick that is too large for her to run with. Ursula takes it from my grasp, smiling at Daisy's efforts to play.

I look at the clock, and I realize they have missed the first half of lunch. I send both girls out the door; however, Ursula stops in the doorway, runs over to me, and gives me a bear hug. Before she lets go, she whispers, "Thanks, I am going to miss you."

I tell her that I will miss her too, and shut the door once she is out in the hall. I am not sure why I am crying. It dawns on me our simple good-bye is the first form of closure I have had in a long time. I have far too many unresolved relationships in my life.

"_Where do I go from here?"_

I have continued my sorting of my books, and I pick up the blotter on my desk to gain some more space to decide what to keep. I am shocked when I find the surveys about Dolores I had sent out in November. I really hadn't thought much about it, and I wonder what I should do with them. My first instinct is to get rid of them; however, they might come into use to put Dolores in her place should the need arise.

The opening of the door causes me to spin around, looking for the intruder. It is Severus with his usual scowl on his face and clutching an envelope in his hand.

"What now?" I groan. "Search the room all you like, there are no sharp objects or potions to poison myself with."

"I am not here to listen to your whining over the injustices of your life." He stalks over to my desk and slaps the envelope sharply onto it. "How many times have I told you I am not your personal secretary," he says irritably.

I tentatively reach over and pick up the envelope. As I turn it over, I notice that it is sealed with the mark of the Canadian Ministry of Magic. I can't stop shaking long enough to unseal it. I hear Severus give a quick sniff of impatience as I ignore him; he seems to give up and skulks out of the room.

The letter is an offer from the Canadian Ministry to work in their Fugitive Retrieval office. The proposal includes moving expenses and free housing for the first year; however, the letter does mention that Dolores's office has not sent my references to the Canadian office. They request a reply within the next two weeks.

I am so excited! There is still a chance at getting on with my life like Rupert wanted me to. My heart sinks to my feet when I realize there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of me getting any favorable reference out of Dolores. I plop down hard on the dusty sofa, sending clouds of dust into the air. There has to be some way of twisting her arm.

I cannot use the last receipt as a bargaining chip, because there will be too much at stake. Most likely, Dolores will have me thrown in Azkaban if I back out of our deal. There is no getting away from the long arm of Dolores Umbridge.

My hand brushes something on the sofa cushion. It is an envelope of the surveys I handed out along with the analysis of the data. The questionnaires are made with an enchantment preventing tampering or forgery. Too many people have received the letters and bear witness to their authenticity. I now have leverage to get hell out of here forever.

* * *

I have decided to use the inventories and report as an opportunity to bully Dolores into giving me what I want. I send her a note via one of her precious "Inquisitorial Squad". That group of Death Eater wannabes is on my last nerve and those of the staff.

I don't even have to wait for a written reply, because Dolores comes storming in to my office, demanding to know what the hell is going on.

"What is it now?" she inquires, her eyes blazing with demonic anger. "Being a coward again? You've cracked under the pressure …"

I cut her off before she can get any further. "No, I have called this meeting, because I want something only you can provide."

She gives a childish laugh, rolling her gaze away from me in a show of disrespect. "You are in no position to ask for favors, Eleanor."

I whip out the letter from the Canadian Ministry and shove it sharply in her direction. She rips it violently away from me and glances at the envelope. Her carefully manicured eyebrows meet in the middle of her forehead as she opens the letter.

"How did you get this, you thieving little bitch," she spits with unbridled venom. "All mail is searched, and it does not look like this has been inspected."

"That is neither her nor there, Dolores," I say calmly, sitting on the top of my desk casually. I want to be looking down on her as a show of dominance. "I want to strike a bargain so I can get the hell out of this country, far away from your nonsense, and get on with my life."

"Why should I do anything for you? I should have thrown you in prison instead of the psychiatric ward when I found out about that audit." She waits for a look of horror or fear to come across my face. She seems to swell like a balloon when it never does.

"Remember the little behavior inventories I sent out in November of last year?" I hop down from my desk so I can walk around to open a drawer. I lean over the desk and hand her one of the blank forms with her name on it. "You know I saved the results, don't you?" A smile breaks across my face as I continue with, "I almost forgot." I pause for a moment and pull out the analysis of the survey. I continue with, "Here are the results of the surveys I sent out to selected recipients."

"Blackmailing me, are you?" she inquires. "No one would believe any of that rubbish."

"I know of a way to get it published for everyone to know what a psychotic piece of shit you really are." I know this is really stepping over the line, but I hope she doesn't realize I may be bluffing. I always was a terrible poker player.

"Do you really think the _Prophet _would print that tissue of lies?" she asks. "No one would even consider…"

I cut her off by holding up a copy of the _Quibbler _I found shoved in the corner of my classroom when I cleaned it out this morning. "I'm sure this story would make for interesting reading over breakfast."

"I wouldn't line a Puffskien's cage with drivel they call a newspaper." She is starting to get rattled; she gets beads of sweat glistening on her eyebrows when you finally start to hit the right nerve.

"It seemed to raise the believability in one of our students and a former head master," I say glibly. "That ridiculous decree about banning the _Quibbler_ only made it more attractive to read."

"What do you want?" she asks through her teeth.

"I want a letter of reference so I can get the job in Canada. In return, I remove your name from final analysis of the survey, and you will tell them what a brilliant job I have done in compiling the report." I can see more beads of sweat on her forehead, soaking her hairline. "Oh, don't worry, Dolores. I don't plan on going to my new job blabbing my secrets, because I don't care anymore." I raise my voice to make my point. "It's a quiet little desk job where all I do is track down some idiot who has broken the secrecy laws. Maybe I can find my parents while I am at it."

"I see this favor could possibly shut you up for good. I will do it." She looks like she has swallowed the most bitter of potions.

"I need it by Monday, so arrangements can be made for travel to my new home." I can feel a sense of relief flow over me as Dolores leaves the room; however, it is short lived.

Dolores stops, turns around with a sticky smile, and says, "Eleanor, if you break our bargain with those papers, I will have you hauled off to prison before you can pack your bags." She storms out, slamming the door with such violence, a picture falls off the wall and startles its occupant.

After putting the painting of a woman stirring a caldron right, I continue packing up my office with a much lighter heart.


	34. Square One

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 34_**

**_Square One_**

A rather harassed house-elf has come down to send me breakfast. As I sit at my small dining table, I realize I am afraid of odd thoughts coming into my head about Rupert, my parents, and all those mistakes I have made this year. It hurts to think and feel. Sometimes I wish I were with Rupert now; so far away from the pain and chaos. Why didn't Severus just leave me on the floor for Bellatrix to finish off?

A soft whine and a doleful-looking Jack Russell terrier wrestle my attention away from the inner demons of my subconscious. Daisy is willing my half-eaten toast and coffee dregs into her mouth. A stab of amusement hits me that my dog needs the caffeine fix as badly as I do.

There are too many memories in this room, and I want to retreat to my office until revisions begin later in the day. I long for the solace of my dusty sofa and watching spiders spinning their webs in far corners of my prison.

I walk almost blindly down the hallways of the school. I feel like a ghost out of a Dickens novel, floating in and out of people's lives. Like them, I can only bring cold comfort to those I come in contact with.

A derisive huff catches my attention. I startle at the noise and notice Dolores is standing in the hallway outside my office. She is holding a letter with the Ministry seal; however, what draws even more attention are the absence of those horrible rings and the angry-looking scratches on her hands. She seems totally out of sorts, with that 'I-want-to-punish-someone' glint in her eye. I reach into my opposite sleeve, ready to defend myself. I am ejected from the abyss of self pity by a screaming rush of adrenalin.

"Here," Dolores barks. "The original recommendation has been sent to Canada, so I can be rid of you once and for all." She tosses an envelope at me, and I catch it clumsily. My excitement over the papers is overshadowed by the curiosity of why her hand has the appearance of a Kneazle's scratching post. This is not an attempt to express condolences or concerns, but one of morbid enjoyment and living vicariously a revenge wrought by some unseen person or thing.

"What happened to you?" I inquire, attempting not to smile spitefully. "Step on Mrs. Norris last night when you were raiding the kitchen for your favorite pastries?" From the malevolent expression on her face, I know immediately I should have kept the comment to myself.

"Shut up, you repulsive, unbalanced whore! If you have anything to do with putting a Niffler in my office…" She rushes forward to grasp my wrist, twisting it roughly with strength I had no idea she possessed. "Our bargain is off, and you will end up in prison or locked in a psychiatric ward for the rest of your life."

I wrestle my arm away from her forcefully. "What are you talking about?" I inquire, baffled by her accusation. "We both have what we want. Why would I do something that childish and stupid? Have you lost your…" Before I realize it, she back hands me across the cheek.

Something snaps in me as I go for my wand. Before I realize it, I have her hooked under the chin, chasing her backwards into the locked office door. "I warned you not to touch me again."

I thrust harder under her chin as her pupils dilate in panic. I decide to back off before I over-play my hand. "We agreed one reference so I can get the hell out of here for the last receipt. Don't forget one of the conditions is to leave me alone!" I growl dangerously, backing away from her to gain some distance. "I told you earlier that I couldn't care less for the goings on with you, the Ministry, and what other stupid plots you have going on here." I can feel burning in my chest as the realization hits I'm out of breath. Rage is breaking over me like an avalanche. "Get away from me! You don't scare me anymore!"

She opens up her mouth to say something; however, the bell rings for the next class. She quickly gains her composure to retort, "Last day of the term; my office; in my hands by noon, you thieving, cowardly bitch. I want you out of the country by nightfall, or I will make other arrangements for your lodgings," she spits, turning on her heel.

I can hear protests from the occupants of several portraits roused suddenly out of slumber by our violent confrontation. I mumble my apologies as I hastily unlock my office door, unable to order my thoughts. It takes several tries, because I am shaking so much. When the lock clicks, I kick the door open in frustration.

My legs feel like they are full of jelly as I collapse on the dusty sofa. Tears of frustration fall down my cheek unchecked. I shouldn't have blown up like that. It could have seen me in prison or worse. Dolores doesn't know when to back off. She pushes and pushes until the situation is out of control. I need to get myself under control before I make myself sick and end up back in the Hospital Wing again.

So many thoughts are racing through my mind right now I cannot pick one to sort them out. The whole world is crashing in towards me. Why can't my life just be normal again? I can only lie here listening to the students chatting happily with their classmates about various subjects as they pass by my closed door. As I start to concentrate on picking through the voices, I find the din rather comforting; however, I am let down as some eight minutes later as the tardy bell rings, announcing class has begun.

It has been several hours since my confrontation with Dolores, and I am feeling a little worried about doing revisions with Charity this afternoon. I am embarrassed and apprehensive for some reason. I keep analyzing my feelings out of habit from too much therapy as a kid. Am I worried the kids are sniggering about me behind my back like when I was a student? Do they see me as the unbalanced, tragic whore the newspapers made me out to be?

It's time to put on the 'I'm a big girl' panties and get into the classroom. I need to have a bit more faith in people. Children can be blunt, but their opinions are often honest.

When I open the door there are squeals of surprise. Several of my former students rush up to me like I never stopped coming to class. To my disappointment, this class does not have Ursula in it.

The class contains a group of O.W.L. students and a few N.E.W.T.s. Charity decides to take the N.E.W.T. students, because the test is a bit of a joke. My third years could have taken it in their sleep and achieve an Outstanding.

As I walk around the tables, I catch glimpses of a student named Bethany peering nervously down into her lap. When she realizes I can see what she is doing, she scrambles madly to pretend I didn't catch her in the act.

"Bethany, let me see what you have. That is obviously not the revisions we are working on." I can hear an anxious sigh escape from her as I look at the book with a review paper inside. I look at the cover, and I can see it is a Defense book by Slinkhard.

Slinkhard has been a joke with law enforcement for years. He advocated for non-confrontational solutions to conflict. The results of his movement cost many lives when the Death Eater movement was at its height. What is really tragic is he was one of the first ones to die. Now, the Ministry sees fit to implement the same dangerous philosophy that allowed evil to spread unchecked throughout the country.

When I sat the written exams, I knew Slinkhard's book would have little or no information for the questions. Most of his defenses collectively are the same: stop, drop, and beg for your life if you are unfortunate enough to live through it.

I am outraged. I can't stand here and let my revisions take precedence over a subject as diverse as Defense. I feel sick and guilty. While I have been used for target practice by Dolores, students were being short changed.

"How many more of you are worried about your other exams?" All twelve students raise their hands into the air with the look of condemned men standing upon the gallows. "Pull out your Defense practice exams, and don't breathe a word of this to any other teacher, got it!" Slinkhard's books are put on the table in front of the students, who are anxiously flipping through them in an effort to get started. I pull out my wand and banish the waste of paper and ink to a corner of the room, where the useless tomes hit the stone wall with a loud thud. "Now that rubbish is out of the way, let's get down to how you are going to pass this exam."

What I am dying to say is: "Now that rubbish is out of the way, you won't just stand there and wait for some bastard to hit you with a pretty green light."

"What would a Muggle Studies teacher know about getting more than a passing grade on a Defense exam? My uncle is on the testing board. He says you only need one O.W.L. to get a Ministry job in the Muggle Liaison office." The student is one that I pegged as my hemorrhoid of the term. My total pain in the arse from the beginning of the year, Ben has a high opinion of himself. His uncle is the same way, and he is just as irritating as his nephew.

Before I can even take points away, I hear an annoyed female voice from the opposite end of the table. "Professor Howard was an Auror, you thick-headed tosser. My mum said she even saved the Minister's life." The voice belongs to Christen Jefferies, the daughter of a high ranking Ministry official. "So, shut it before I permanently remove your mouth!" She jumps to her feet with her wand drawn.

Ben jumps up so quickly, he upsets his chair, tripping over it as he backs away from the table. His formerly arrogant air disappears in an instant.

As much as I am pleased for the defense, I take control of the situation by confiscating Christen's wand and taking points from Ben; however, I really should give some sort of reward to her house. Although Christen's wand is in my pocket, Ben keeps watching her out of the corner of his eye.

The bell rings sooner than I expected, and Charity has decided lunch in her office might be a good idea. She informs me that eating in the Great Hall is not a pleasant affair with Dolores watching every teacher's slightest move or conversation. Apparently, Dolores has decided that 'pass the salt' is code for: assassinate Fudge.

Charity says the mood is rubbing off on the students, and the scene with Christen and Ben was only one example. Exams are in two days. I and I wonder how are the students expected to do a good job with this going on?

Since revisions in Muggle Studies have been over, I have been very depressed by the lack of activity. I don't know what to do with myself. Daisy decides to solve the problem by demanding a walk during lunch.

The walk through the grounds does little to lift my mood, but the bout of melancholy is broken by the sight a flower arrangement on my dining room table. The card is from a Canadian Ministry official, welcoming me to my new position. He is inviting me to dinner tonight around seven o'clock. I am sure this is probably a way of planning for the move to my new home.

For a moment, there is a pang of grief as I remember how Rupert used to send me flowers twice a week. For a moment, it seems like he is still here.

I glance at my watch and notice that it is already after six. I want to put on something a bit more cheerful than what I am wearing now. Even Severus would think my grey ensemble is not only boring, but rather depressing.

She was quite focused on me just a few days ago. I thought she would be itching with curiosity about who sent me flowers. The card does not seem to be tampered with and she hasn't charged through my door like a rabid hippogriff.

The chiming of my clock reminds me that I am due in Hogsmeade in half an hour. I give the vase one last glance before running to my closet to change my clothes. I can only hope her lack of attention will allow me to slip away unnoticed for my dinner in the village.

I have not entered Rosmerta's since my birthday surprise with Rupert. It is getting harder and harder to banish him to the remote corners of my mind; he keeps popping up in the oddest places.

The pub is nearly empty, so it is not hard to pick out my visitor; however, I was not expecting to see two of them. Why would the Canadian Ministry send two people out for such a low-level position? I don't have to wait long to find out.

"Hello, Eleanor," says a portly, tall gentleman with a familiar Canadian accent. "I am so glad to meet you at last.

He shakes my hand with a too-firm grip. "I'm Christopher Berns of the Toronto Home Office, and this is my associate, Tim Parks."

Parks appears to be about my age, and the polar opposite of Rupert. He has a heavier frame and is close to my height, with dark hair. He doesn't have the same flicker of laughter in his eyes. Parks is all business.

My stomach gives a queasy lurch with the realization that I shouldn't use Rupert as a yardstick to compare people. It's just wrong.

We have a few awkward moments as we take our seats and order our meals. I can't wait to see what is in store for my future.

"We have arranged a rather lovely home in downtown Toronto," says Parks, this time without the timid look. "Your parents are there, would you prefer to stay with them?"

"What do you know about my parents?" I ask him suspiciously.

"We …er… have our sources, so to speak." Parks looks uncomfortable again. "We were alerted by some parties who were rather concerned for your parents' safety. We are keeping an eye on them."

"You're keeping an eye…?" I am bewildered. Why would the Canadian Ministry of Magic get involved in this one? "How did you get involved?" That is a weight off my shoulders. "…Not that I don't appreciate it."

"First, I need to explain the current situation. Then, I can answer your questions," Berns says in a low, somber tone. "There have been some serious concerns of the United States and our Ministry about the intensity of Death Eater activity. Although it remained isolated to Britain during the seventies, times have changed, and it could easily spread to North America."

I can only sit here as the thought washes over me. I never considered what would happen if the rhetoric of Voldemort spread beyond the confines of Britain. What forms could it twist into? If another war were to break out, what would happen with the flood of refugees and their families, seeking shelter in North America? Could a supporter of Voldemort embed himself among these lost people and perpetuate the movement?

"Eleanor, I have evidence the movement is very much alive and on the move," Berns says, putting a large manila envelope on the table. "Open it."

I'm almost afraid to. This is one of my worst nightmares: The infection of Death Eater Mania spreading around the world.

I look around cautiously, and I dump out the contents. Oddly enough, it contains Muggle photographs and copies of the receipts, including the ones Dolores does not have that I smuggled out from the Ministy.

"Do you understand why those receipts are worth killing for?" Berns's stare is chilling. "I know the real circumstances behind Rupert Osgood's death." His face softens when he mentions Rupert's name. "He contacted me the day your parents left for your aunt's in Toronto after their house was attacked." He points to the receipts, saying, "He also sent me copies of these and explained what they were. This was quite a can of worms you have opened."

"It's just little scam to launder some money through the Ministry," I say while trying to keep my emotions under control. I gingerly pick up one of the papers. "Very expensive gifts are bought for a Ministry employee, but that sod is dead and now dust. What to do with said gift? Take the cost of the gift and give it to a remote family member who is connected with the Death Eater movement. My other favorite is pay a huge sum of money for a party, but only buy cheap supplies and pocket the cash. As far as the party fund money went, I have no idea what happened with the embezzled cash. The spending was authorized by Dolores Umbridge herself. Who knows where she sent it." I want them to stop running me in circles. "I still don't understand where this involves the Canadian Ministry." I'm tired of the subterfuge and double talk.

"Eleanor, you have no idea what has been uncovered, do you?" Berns asks pointedly.

I shake my head, feeling more stupid by the moment. I am about to find out the horrible secret everyone has been keeping from me. "I know the money is being shifted to families of former Death Eaters, but I thought that was just a little home-grown terrorism. It's spreading, isn't it?"

"That has us concerned, and so does this." He stops speaking, turning the photo so I can get a better look at it.

It takes me a moment to process the fact that it is not moving. It is a grainy blown-up photo from what looks like one of the surveillance cameras that are so plentiful in many cities now.

"Anything look out of place?" he asks as I unconsciously shoot him a scowl.

I look down again, and I can make out two people. One of them resembles a low-ranking yet rabid supporter of the Death Eater movement, coincidentally also a second cousin to the Carrows. He has obviously made little attempt to disguise himself on the Muggle street. Arthur Bogg sticks out in my mind, because he gave me the run around when I questioned him about Alecto Carrow's whereabouts.

"Who is this?" Berns asks, pointing down at one of the men.

"I think that may be…" I don't want to look like an idiot and give them a wrong name. "It could be Arthur Bogg. He is the cousin of a brother and sister team of Death Eaters who have a particular interest in one of the receipts." I shove the photo back at him.

Berns pulls out another photo, and it shows the same two people meeting with a new third person on a street corner, dressed in the same manner, making no effort to blend in with the Muggle crowd.

"Okay, now who is that?" Berns inquires a second time.

"It's Emory Stokes from the Muggle Liaison department," I groan. "I don't recognize the third one. That really bothers me." I feel sick.

Berns reaches over to point at the face I don't recognize and says, "I didn't expect you to know him, that one is one of our home-grown sympathizers. He has been playing host to several interesting dinner parties."

"Where were these photos taken from?" I inquire, covering my eyes in disbelief.

"They are from surveillance cameras in my own backyard, downtown Toronto," Berns states. "Unfortunately, your Mr. Stokes and Mr. Bogg have been seen in Boston as well."

I look up in shock and say, "Now, I am worried." I didn't mean to blurt anything out; it just happened. "What do you want from me? Unless they cursed some poor creature, my job does not exactly allow me to chase them down. That belongs in your Auror department, remember? I believe that was in the letter you sent me last summer."

Berns holds one of the photos up and exclaims, "Eleanor, you would be useless to me behind a desk, sending out Howlers to an idiot who broke secrecy laws. I need someone who can think on her own. If they are moving out in the open, the worst strategy to follow is the same thing. You can blend into either community. You know all the key players, understand their mindset, and know their weaknesses. With you, the Canadian Ministry at least has a head start on this." He stops for a moment, to put down the photos, and retrieve his bag. "I've a list of applicants scrambling to work with you since they read this." He pulls out the report I wrote on Dolores. "This report is wonderful." He puts it on the table next to the photos. "The original position still stands; however, I created this new job opportunity just for you."

To be wanted, needed, validated, and vindicated all in one evening. What an incredible feeling. I am being handed my dream on a platter in front of me. I could say no, because I want to be lazy and retire. I have plenty of money. I can say yes to a stuffy desk job and be bored to tears. I can say yes to a job that is created just for me. Rupert would have loved this.

"I'll take the new position." I have so many mixed emotions I don't know if I want to smile or cry right now. "I am just… the _Prophet_ and…"

"Just what…" Parks asks. "Let me guess, it's the bad press this year."

I nod stupidly, looking down at my lap. I shouldn't have brought it up. I need to control my verbal diarrhea. It would have to be brought up at some point.

"Something happened to you, and Rupert Osgood made that abundantly clear. He also explained about your little 'winter holiday in hell'," Parks relays emphatically. "Information coming from this side of the Atlantic is a bit suspect to us. We tend to take it with a grain of salt; make that the entire mine." He gives a wry smile.

We spend the better part of another hour discussing living arrangements, travel, my parents, and our common school experiences. At first, I thought Parks was a bit of a prat, but he is growing on me a bit.

I walk back up to the school happier than I have ever been in years. There is purpose in my life at last. My parents and I can live out in the open. I will be away from the Ministry's crap and politics at last. The North American Ministries operate closely with the Muggle government. There is little "us versus them" attitude. I am sure the Muggle government sees the Death Eater movement as any other terrorist threat, and action must be taken. I would be worried, too; we have weapons that the Muggles could never know in their worst nightmares.

Before I realize it, I am walking into the Entrance Hall. There are several Aurors I recognize and a very disheveled Dolores. She seems to have not seen me, because she continues to shout out instructions.

"Keep looking for that stupid oaf, Hagrid. I am posting a reward for his capture!" Dolores shouts. She turns to look at one of the injured Aurors who is trailing behind. "Go to the Hospital Wing and get cleaned up. I can't believe you were caught off guard by an old woman."

I try to sneak away before her temper finds me as a target; however, I am too late.

"Eleanor, I have attempted to arrest that useless, Hagrid, and Minerva is lying in the Hospital Wing after interfering. If you get involved, your fate will be the psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's. Prison would be too easy on you." She gives me a sinister stare and walks away.

My impulse is to see Minerva, to pay her back for all those times she was there for me. I know it would only be a token effort, but it is better than nothing. Hagrid is the lucky one. At least he has escaped from here. Now, Minerva is in the same position I held so many months ago. We are now back to square one.


	35. Plausible Deniability

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 35_**

_**Plausible Deniability**_

It has only been an hour since I came back to the school and found out about Minerva lying in the hospital wing. I tried sneaking up to see her, but my attempts have been hampered by the Aurors standing outside my door.

The Canadian Ministry will be picking up most of my belongings in a few days. They have left me a list of instructions and labels for packing up my belongings. Every once in a while, I will come upon a reminder of Rupert, but I know the past needs to stay in the past.

I wonder if Dolores will realize that once the labels from the Canadian Ministry are placed on the crates, she cannot open them up. If she tries, it would become an international incident. Berns said relations between both Ministries are already strained to the breaking point, and Dolores would be stupid to pull any stunts.

"Running away again, Eleanor?" a mocking voice inquires from behind me.

I spin around to find Dawlish standing behind me, leaning nonchalantly in the doorway.

"Piss off, Dawlish. I've better things to do. Did the rest of the teachers become too hard to use for target practice? I am sure there are a few first years that will be challenging." I turn away from him and continue boxing up some clothing.

"How was dinner with Berns?" he questions mockingly. "Did you sleep with him to get the position?" I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me. "Of course, you have a habit of doing that, don't you?"

"Shove your broomstick up your arse and rotate, Dawlish. I'm not in the mood to trade insults with you right now." I turn back around, take a deep breath, and throw more clothing into a crate. "The Canadian Ministry came looking for me, and not the other way around." I spin around quickly to face him. "Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Come on, Eleanor. Remember, Irwin?" he asks with a nasty expression. "Dolores caught the pair of you snogging in an office. Two months later you were promoted to a position that I was in line for." He lets of a chortle of laughter and inquires, "Does Berns know about your little office flings?"

"Get out of my room, now!" I shout, but he doesn't move. "What do you want from me?"

"There were so many rumors about the private meetings in your office at the Ministry," he says, moving closer to me and whispering. "Several of them were about the leisurely lunches; about how well you and Irwin got along; the amount of time you spent together in your office…" Dawlish pulls his wand out and twirls it casually around his fingers. He seems to be enjoying himself.

"We were conducting an audit of Ministry finan…" I stop short, because I don't want to give anything away.

He continues, totally clueless of what is going on at the Ministry: "You left the Ministry with quite a reputation," he says with a mocking smile. "Of course, Irwin went on holiday and hasn't come back. So, no one is there to say any different." He walks over to me, invading my personal space. I don't like it.

"_Irwin, I'm sorry for dragging you into this mess."_

Now I'm angry. "I earned that promotion, you incompetent twit! You lost it after someone Confunded you so they could escape capture. It took me a week to round them back up," I tell him as he presses his huge frame against my body to prevent any escape from our confrontation. A pang of fear trickles down my spine as my breath catches in my throat.

"Dolores was ferreting around the office to see if you had 'relations' with anyone else when you reappeared after the winter holiday. I was more than happy to discuss the rumors about your closed door meetings and leisurely lunches. Oh, I mentioned a few tidbits of how you cornered me in your office one day for a bit of a 'romp'," he confesses, pushing me backwards toward the wall with his hand on my shoulder. "It's a little payback for ruining my life." The expression on his face is clouded with resentment and anger.

"…Lying, little son-of-a-bitch!" I make an attempt to push him back, but he just deflects my blows. "So, you're the reason Dolores keeps calling me a whore." I feel tears forming in my eyes. I try not to panic, because I can't get to my wand. The pressure on my shoulder prevents me from pulling it out of my sleeve. My heart is hammering in my chest painfully.

"Well, you set yourself up for it really." Dawlish shoves me harder in the shoulder, and the back of my head hits the wall hard; the room spins for a moment. "This will follow you wherever you go." He pins me to the wall with a hand around my throat. He leans into me and whispers, "People will only know you as the 'office-slut-who-slept-her-way-to-the-top',"

I need to get away from him. I manage to get one foot free and kick him hard in the shins. "Get off of me you sleezy piece of shit!"

Dawlish backs away in shock, staring at me coldly; however it doesn't take him but an instant to recover his senses. He rushes at me once more "You stupid bi…" He has his wand pointed at my chest in an instant; however, it disappears as a male voice calls his name. He whips around and moves several feet away from me.

Severus walks into the room, and he catches my eye. His expression shows a flicker of concern. I have never been so relieved to see him.

"Dawlish, it seems Headmistress is very angry because you have left your post. She wants to see you in her office, now," Severus orders him.

Dawlish skulks out of the room, but Severus does not immediately follow. I wonder how much of the argument he heard. His stare just seems to bore into my soul.

The tears are threatening to fall, and I want to be alone. I turn away from him to begin packing up my belongings once more. Unfortunately, the tears fall unchecked.

"Eleanor…" Severus's voice lacks its sardonic edge.

"What do you want, Severus? I'm in no mood for games," I tell him. I keep my back turned to him.

"Nothing." He walks out of the room without another word.

I abandon packing the crate, because I can no longer see what I am doing through the tears. I don't know what is eating at me more: Being called the 'office slut' or possibly being responsible for Irwin's demise.

Irwin and I found each other at a vulnerable time in our lives. I just had a nasty break-up with someone in Ludicrous Patents, and he recently called it quits with his girlfriend. We were looking for something to fill the void. It was wrong. Although it only lasted a few weeks, it was very intense and passionate. Keeping our relationship a secret was difficult. We were finally forced to stop seeing each other when Dolores caught us kissing in an unoccupied office one evening. We were told if the relationship continued, we would be terminated. Several months later, Dawlish and I were up for a promotion when Irwin was in Internal Affairs. Dawlish screwed up an arrest, and I was given the promotion. Dawlish never got over it.

I'm too drained from crying to finish packing tonight. I go into the bathroom to wash my face. As I look into the mirror, I don't recognize the person staring back at me. I look as if I have aged twenty years in a matter months. I started out on this endeavor: happy, full of life, and whole. Now, I am broken, ill, and lost forever.

I don't know when and how it happened, but I collapse on the mattress without changing my clothes. As the sun hits my eyes, I hope today will get better, but sometimes when I think I have hit bottom, I sink even further into the abyss.

I can smell coffee and bacon coming from the front room. I'm famished, and Daisy is already willing the coffee into the cup, so I can feed the dregs to her. Always the same: two sugars and lots of cream. Before I can get to the coffee, my eye falls on a copy of the _Prophet_ under the tray.

_**Canadian Ministry Making Mistake**_

_**Christopher Berns, Head of Canadian Magical Law Enforcement and National Security, announces a new staff member during a short press conference late last night. Berns has chosen former Head of Internal Affairs and Current MuggleStudies professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Eleanor April Howard, 36, to head up a task force to track and monitor fugitive activities.**_

_**Howard has been the center of controversy over the past few months due to a probable suicide attempt in November and a disappearance in December. Ms. Howard's character, morals, and stability have all been called into question this year.**_

_**Minister Fudge has declined comment at this time. When Berns was questioned about Ms. Howard's recent issues, he said, "We have been recruiting her for sometime. Obviously, there is no issue." **_

_**An undisclosed source in the Ministry explains that there are tensions between the Canadian and British Ministries over concerns of You-Know-Who's return. Canada and the United States have wasted time and money on tracking family and associates of former Death Eaters. When representatives of each country were asked for comments, they kicked this reporter off embassy property.**_

I am in fear for the people reading this sorry excuse for a newspaper. The _Prophet _is the Ministry's weapon for control over the community. Pretend all is well; then it must be. I am so glad I'm leaving this insanity.

Eating is out of the question. I am too irritated and pissed off about my treatment in the paper to settle down to breakfast. I want to know what is happening with Minerva; however, I can't risk a run-in with Dawlish.

I realize there are still crates left to be labeled in my office. Since it is so early in the morning, now would be the best time before students are up and about.

Even though it only has taken me minutes to go from my room to office, I have developed the worst pain in my neck from looking over my shoulder. I can't believe that I would fear a fellow Auror more than any dark wizard. Dawlish trapping me against that wall has scared the shit out of me. I enter the room on my guard.

As I go through the crates, I find the one with my mementos of Rupert. I don't know if it would be proper to take them with me to Canada. I'm stuck, confused, and frustrated. I unseal the lid one last time, deciding to keep two things: the Snitch and the diamond bracelet. I will send Rupert's personal items to his parents. It's time I move on.

I continue to label crates, throw out items I can do without, and stop every once in a while to lose myself in a memory.

"Enjoying yourself, Eleanor?" a drawling voice inquires. Severus is leering from the doorway as I sit on the floor with the last crate. He has a copy of the _Prophet _clutched in his hand.

I jump up and defensively reply, "What the hell do you want?"

"Being that I have no students or duties this morning, I have been asked to inform you that Minerva has been transferred to St. Mungo's. She may make a full recovery," he says, walking further into the room, examining some of the crate labels.

I hope he will turn around and go away, but he doesn't. "Well, what?"

He holds up the newspaper, showing the picture of Berns at the press conference. "As usual, you have made the front page. I'm surprised it does not contain Dawlish's theory on how you gain employment opportunities."

"How much of that conversation did you hear?" I pull out my wand and slam the door shut with a flick of my wrist.

Severus gives a huff of amusement. "I know you were always popular with the boys at school, but really, Eleanor." He is standing over the one crate labeled 'Rupert', examining it with casual interest. "Did Rupert know about your reputation as the 'office slut'?"

I violently kick the crate he is examining across the floor. As it slams into the opposite wall I shout, "Let's get something straight!" I am shaking with rage as I continue: "I earned my promotions. Dawlish and I were up for the same job, but he screwed up. I got it, but he didn't. He never got over it. Spreading rumors is his way of getting back at me." I kick another crate across the floor in frustration. "He told Dolores that I cornered him for a 'romp' in my office. He also embellished an incident where Dolores caught me kissing someone."

"Eleanor, Dawlish is correct, you do set yourself up for it. If you only knew how the world saw you. Not the sickly, mental train-wreck Dumbledore coddled, but a mentally deranged, suicidal, promiscuous, attention-seeking, drama queen," he says irritably. "Dumbledore tried to keep you out of trouble for your own good."

"What do you mean for my own good? I want answers, and I want them now! You are not leaving here until we discuss this."

"I don't think you can handle the truth," he says without an ounce of emotion.

"Well, go on…" I am getting impatient. It is less painful if one pulls a plaster off quickly.

"When you came back to the school after leaving that Muggle hospital, you were hanging on to sanity by a thread. Dolores's constant attacks on your character didn't help matters any. We left the papers behind that painting until you were attacked. Dumbledore had me retrievethem, because he was afraid you would be tempted to remove them." He has been circling the room, stopping every once in a while to examine a stray item on a shelf. "You were too delusional to be trusted."

"I was not delusional, you gutter-dwelling bastard!" I shout indignantly.

"It drove Osgood to distraction to keep you out of trouble," he says with a sniff. "He felt it was easier to keep an eye on you and the papers at the same time." He looks coldly at me. "Osgood was a fool."

"Rupert was not a fool; we were in love with each other."

"He was not up to your standards at all, Eleanor. It's time you understand that." He strides over to me, and like Dawlish, invades my personal space. "Osgood put his feelings above what needed to be done."

"How dare you speak about him like that?" It hurts to hear someone talk about Rupert that way.

"Dumbledore wanted to have you committed for your own safety; however, Osgood convinced your parents not to," He stands over my desk, absent-mindedly toying with the broken quills on the desk. "Sending you off to St. Mungo's made our task less complicated. You were safely locked up, unable to get into mischief, and the papers were out of your reach."

"I am willing to bet that when Rupert leaked a copy of the papers to the Canadian Government, you were livid," I reply.

"We were a bit shocked about the extent of the situation, but this doesn't change anything about who and what you are," he tells me. "When Osgood was murdered, you had a complete breakdown," he chides, turning his back in disgust.

"I was distraught!" I protest. "The man who has loved me since childhood was murdered right in front of me!" I realize my wand is still in my hand when it emits a blue flame, setting some packing material on fire. I quickly put the embers out. "Obviously, I have come to terms with it. Look, in the past few days I have been on my own with ample opportunity to kill myself in a myriad of ways. I'm still here."

Turning to face me once more, he barks, "I don't care what Berns thinks, you are going to crack at the first sign of trouble. When the spells start flying, you are going to fall apart." He is toying with the quills again. "Who will you cling to when things go wrong? You have to stand on your own two feet, Eleanor; however, most think you are incapable of doing that."

"How about shutting it and giving me the opportunity to do so," I snap. "Every time I step out to do something, I am cut off at the knees. I am getting a fresh start in a new place. So, get over it."

"I don't think you will ever understand what I'm trying to tell you." he retorts, storming across the room. He stops in the doorway, turns to face me and sneers, "Pitiful, just pitiful." He gives me one last piercing look before walking back into the hallway without another word.

It's been an hour since Severus left. I am so focused on packing in my office, I don't register Dolores has entered the office until I hear her familiar cough to gain my attention.

I look up to see a rather unhappy Dolores standing in the doorway, holding that damn copy of the _Prophet_. I know there isn't much she can do to me now, but I know better than to provoke her.

"You lied to me," Dolores snarls. "But, what can anybody expect out of someone like you." She throws the newspaper at my face, but I reduce it to ashes before it can hit me.

"I didn't lie to you," I tell her indignantly.

"What do you call it?" She stomps in angrily. "I thought you were just going to be sitting behind a desk, sending out Howlers." She is red-faced and perspiring heavily.

"What are you going on about?" I demand. "Why are you so worried about the change in my job title? I told you I am not going to tell anyone about this nonsense with the papers. This is stupid."

"You planned this all along, didn't you?" she inquires accusingly. "How did you convince someone like Christopher Berns to give you such a position?" She strides over so that she is only a foot from me and says, "You were out rather late last night, weren't you? Filch said it was well after midnight before you came straggling through the doors. You had a dinner date with Berns, did you not?" She whispers, "He has booked several rooms at the inn in Hogsmeade. I hear the inn keepers are quite 'discreet'."

"Dolores, get a grip. The 'office-slut' title is getting just a bit stale. Why don't you and the rest of the gossips at the Ministry come up with a better one?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest irritably. "Look, in another ten days, we'll be out of each other's hair. You'll have your papers, and I will be nothing but a bad memory to you."

"I…" Dolores stops short as someone knocks on the half open door. She turns to face the intruder.

"Hello, Eleanor." It's Berns. "I thought I would drop by before heading home." He hands me an envelope and says, "Here are a few more things for you to look over. I see most of your things are packed. I have arranged for them to be picked up in a few days. There are a few forms in there needing to be filled out so you can take your pets with you."

"Thanks, I appreciate your warm welcome and…"

"Hem, hem."

I think Berns is deliberately snubbing Dolores.

"I'm sorry, could you please repeat that? I couldn't hear you?" Burns asks, turning back towards me. He is deliberately ignoring Dolores.

"Hem, hem." She is getting louder

"_This is the most fun I've had in months."_

"Good afternoon, Madam Umbridge. Could you please not interrupt my conversation?" Berns asks sharply. He turns his back on Dolores completely. "As you were saying…"

Dolores looks like Berns has slapped her across the face. Her mouth is agape in shock and horror.

"I really appreciate all you have done to make me feel welcome. I will fill the forms out and send them back this evening," I tell him, smugly, picking up on Dolores's growing impatience.

"I can't wait to have you in Toronto so you can see the lovely home you will be living in. I think your dog will enjoy the sights." Berns keeps the conversation rolling only for the sake of making Dolores angry.

"_Yeah, I see it now, Daisy walking around Toronto with a map and wearing sunglasses."_

"Hem, hem." The pitch of her cough increases with her irritation.

"Yes, I hear it is quite nice in the summer months," I tell him, attempting to suppress a grin.

"Part of your job will take you to the States for several months," Berns says as a grin spreads across his face. "Florida is wonderful in the winter." He suppresses a snigger with a great deal of self control. "How does Miami Beach sound?"

"Oh, I do love the beach," I gush with false enthusiasm. "I like to take Daisy to the shore when ever I get the opportunity."

"_Payback is a bitch, isn't it, Dolores?"_

"Hem, hem." It is now earsplitting. Dolores rocks up and down on the balls of her feet with a grimace of irritation on her face. She reminds me of an impatient toddler wanting to intercede in a conversation between two adults.

"Yes, Madam Umbridge, how may I help you?" Berns inquires irritably. "I must be leaving for an urgent appointment, and I don't have time for idle chatter."

With a false tone of civility Dolores says, "It's so sad you had to turn down our dinner invitation due to unforeseen events."

"Well I am running an investigation here. I will be happier when Eleanor has joined us full time," Berns says.

Dolores looks like she has just sucked a lemon. "We are going to miss our dear Eleanor," she simpers, reaching over to give me an affectionate pat on the back, but I pull away as if she were on fire. "She holds a special place in our hearts."

"_Yeah, right. Probably someplace with restraints."_

"Well, I'll see you in a few weeks, Eleanor. Madam Umbridge, give my regards to the Minister." Berns leaves Dolores in a dither as he strolls out of the room.

"Look at what you've started!" she shouts as soon as he is out of earshot.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I inquire defensively. "I haven't started a damn thing."

"As if relations aren't bad enough between our two ministries, you have to get involved with your drama," Dolores says. She turns her back on me and paces around the room. "I want those papers on the last day of the term. If you are not out of the country by nightfall, you will be arrested, or I will have you committed." She stops, turns to face me and says, "I'm sure you recognize some of your former co-workers patrolling outside your room and office. I hope you enjoy their company, but they have orders not to… let's say, enjoy yours too much." She gives me a scathing look before leaving the room. I can hear her shouting at one of the Aurors as she walks down the hallway.

Until about five minutes ago, I felt pretty confident in myself. I keep thinking about how wonderful life will be when I get out of here; however, Dolores just brought that one crashing to a halt. I know I have probably brought some of this on myself. Although the position in Berns' office doesn't start for another few weeks, I could have left with him. My new home is ready and waiting, and I would have put some much-needed physical distance between myself, Dolores, and her henchmen. Charity could cover the classes herself. For my sanity, it might be the best decision.

But I have never backed down on a fight, and I also don't want to send the message to the kids that it's okay to let yourself be victimized by bullies like Umbridge. Even though they may not know all of what's going on, if I left now, I'm sure Dolores would make sure some choice rumours got sent out as to the reason.

I also can't shake the feeling that there is one more act for me to play here. It could be that I can see to it that Dolores gets what's coming to her yet.

Although my information is greatly appreciated by the United States and Canada, there is one sticky issue: Dolores is guilty, but she is untouchable. No one is willing to go against her or Fudge. I doubt if anyone would have the bollocks to challenge any wrong-doing at the Ministry. They seem to go on holiday and never return. As far as the gifts given to the families of Death Eaters, I have two words: plausible deniability. Dolores is beyond reproach in this community. I've got my work cut out for me.


	36. Teacher's Pet

**_Profile of an Incompetent Inquisitor_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 36:_**

**_Teacher's Pet_**

As my eyes strain to greet the morning, I cannot find the energy to get out of bed. The constant spats with those around me are wearing me down considerably. Instead of getting encouragement on my new outlook on life, I am getting rebuffed and ridiculed.

The arguments with Dawlish, Severus, and Dolores have sapped what little energy I have left. That 'high' of everything going right was stripped from me in the matter of days.

Although Dawlish's violence was frightening, our confrontation was inevitable. He has anger control issues when it comes to women. He only tolerates Dolores because of her position. His lies will haunt me till the day I die. Knowing Dawlish, he probably ran around telling them how he finally got a prime piece of arse in my office one afternoon. With people seeing me as a slut, I wonder who else thinks I screwed Berns to get the job in Canada.

I sit up, punch the pillow in anger, and fall back on to the mattress hard. I can see Severus's face as he looked at that crate, asking me if Rupert knew about my reputation as the 'office slut'. Why can't he let me move on? He seems to feel that I should be treated as someone who is unable to make a rational decision. He said that I need to be protected from the world. Rupert wasn't stupid. Severus is just pissed, because someone had the bollocks to make a decision on his own.

Dolores is just Dolores. I'm tired of going through the same argument over and over again. It's getting a bit stale. I'll give her what she wants, because that is what I promised. Even without the job in Canada, I probably would have done the same thing. At least my discovery of the papers and Dolores's confrontation with me confirms she is involved in the fraud. Yet, I get to hear the 'Eleanor is a (insert one of the following:) whore/slut/tart/mental train wreck' spiel every time.

I am dozing off again, but a loud crack startles me out of bed. I sit up angrily as Daisy makes a dash for the elderly house-elf who has been babysitting me for the past month. I am able to make a grab for Daisy's collar before she makes a meal out of the diminutive creature.

"Miss is to be at a meeting in the staff room in fifteen minutes," Blinky says with a stern stare.

"What does that 'menace in pink' want now? O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s are over. Tell her thanks, but no thanks," I reply. Blinky continues to stare at me with her bulbous eyes. "Blinky, I said to tell the Headmistress that I am not coming!"

"No, not Madam Umbridge." Blinky puts her hands on her boney hips peevishly. "Headmaster Dumbledore."

"Headmaster, my arse…" I spit without thinking, jumping to my feet in confusion. That house-elf was getting on in age when I was a student here. Maybe she is getting a bit senile.

"You needs to hurry." She disappears with a crack, leaving me in stunned silence.

I get out of bed and pull on the same robes I was wearing yesterday. Somehow, I just don't believe that Dumbledore could be back. It has to be some sort of joke or trap.

I rush into the staff room to find everyone assembled and in a state of agitated excitement. I glance around the room for Severus, but he is absent. You would think he would want to be present if this were the return of Dumbledore.

"_Where the hell is he?"_

Pomona runs that the Headmaster came back a few hours ago and called this meeting to let us know what is going on.

My ears have started ringing very loudly, my mouth runs dry, and I feel light-headed. The truth that Dolores's little reign of terror could be over is washing over me.

Pomona's voice cuts through the fog. "Nell, are you alright? Do you need to sit down?"

I don't protest as I find myself sitting in one of the mismatched chairs over in a corner. Lying on a table next to the chair is the latest edition of the _Prophet. _I pick it up to see if it contains anything about Dumbledore's return.

The front page is dominated by the headline: _**He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Has Returned**_. As I skim further down, I can see a sheepish picture of Fudge at a press conference eating a bit of 'crow' about his treatment of Dumbledore and Potter. For myself, I feel vindicated, but no sense of relief or comfort.

"_I told anyone who would listen that Voldemort was still a threat. Is this what it took to prove we were correct?"_

"Nell." Someone is calling my name over the din of voices, but I can't pull my attention away from the article to identify who it is. "Nell, dear."

I finally process it's Minerva, and I jump up to greet her in disbelief. The poor woman is leaning heavily on a cane. She looks rather pale and drawn; however, her face is beaming as she reaches out to give me a hug.

"I've missed you so much," I tell her tearfully.

When we break apart, I find her smiling broadly at me. "It's good to see you before you leave before the end of the term. I hear you are leaving us for a new position."

The staff room door opens with a familiar creak. A very haggard, red-eyed, and concerned Dumbledore walks through the doorway to greet the staff.

There are excited shouts from all around the room, and everyone moves spontaneously in his direction. I am so shocked, I just stand there with my mouth hanging open. I don't know what to do.

He holds a hand up and requests we all take a seat so we can listen to what he has to say in an orderly fashion. We are to save the questions for later.

We all listen in stunned silence as he recounts the horrible truth that Voldemort is back. Although I feel vindicated, I don't feel any better about it. He also explains Dolores's glaring absence. It seems she has taken leave until the end of the term. She had a spot of trouble last night with a group of centaurs, and needs some time to gain back her health in the hospital wing.

"_I can recommend several wonderful Healers to assist with any psychological trauma."_

I am knocked back to reality when I hear my name called by our newly returned headmaster. "Eleanor, if you would please join me in my office following this meeting. I need tospeak with you about a matter."

I nod my head stupidly, realizing he might want to know what the hell I am planning now.

"_This must be serious, he hasn't called me 'Eleanor' in twenty years."_

Will he rebuff me as Severus has been doing or will I finally find a few encouraging words?

Before I know it, I am sitting in the Headmaster's office. There is a general sense of disarray in the room. Several of the machines in Dumbledore's collection are lying on the floor in pieces, but I'm not going to ask any questions.

"Cockroach Cluster?" he inquires, holding out the candy dish towards me. I notice he does not sit down after offering me the candy, but begins to pace about the room.

"No thanks." I wave my hand in polite refusal, noticing how easily he tends to slide back into normalcy.

"I thought we would have this meeting between the two of us. I realize in the past you have felt that everyone meddles a bit too much in your affairs," he says, looking out a window.

"I appreciate that you now understand my distress about not being allowed to make my own decisions," I tell him, attempting not to snap. My mouth is starting to run dry as I attempt to keep my emotions in check.

"_Keep it civil, Nell. Don't let him think you're one syllable shy of a spell."_

"I hear that you have been hired by the Canadian Ministry to keep an eye on the Death Eater threat overseas," he acknowledges. "I have to admit that I am a little concerned for you." He turns away from the window to wait for my reply with a sappy, benevolent look on his face.

"What are you really worried about? Let's get this out in the open for once. You told me when I was at St. Mungo's we would discuss this at some point. Well, here we are," I comment standing up and indicating the room with a sweeping gesture. "Do I need your blessing to do everything? Who died and left you in charge of the universe?" I inquire loudly.

"_So much for civil, Nell, I guess it was time to put on the 'big girl knickers'?" _

I hear the portrait of a former headmistress protest with, "The disrespect of youth today! In my day…" I turn around to see who she is, shoot her a scathing look, and sit down irritably in my chair to get myself under control. I realize that I am holding my breath as I wait for his reply to my question.

He looks like I have slapped him across the face. "Nell, here at the school, your teachers and head of house came to know you as more than a student. With you being ill during your time here at school, some of the staff became rather close to you, and we don't want to see you in anymore distress than necessary." He seems to sense the intensity of my anger over the 'sickly-child comment' and holds his hand up before I can blow up. "Those of us closest to you wish to keep safe the talented Auror and educator we all know and love. No one could bear to see you lost in your own mind or die a premature death. It would be too cruel."

"_And Severus called me selfish. It's my life to live for better or worse."_

Dumbledore sits heavily in his chair, letting out a deep sigh. He seems to have aged another hundred years in a matter of seconds.

"The harder you try and keep me sheltered, the more you drive me away," I explain, finally understanding why everyone has been treating me like they have. "You were stifling my will to live," I protest.

"Those were the exact words Rupert Osgood used a few weeks before he died," he replies sadly. "He didn't share the same opinions that your former teachers did, and I think that was for the best."

Just the mentioning of Rupert's name tears my heart open again, and I want to say something to show some gratitude towards my deceased boyfriend.

"He had faith in me," I snap. "I've grown up, and I am moving on to a new life." The anger and tension spill out of my body as I weep openly.

From the fog of tears, I hear the sound of someone walking around the desk in front of me. I feel a hand touch mine, and I hear a voice say, "I am sorry."

I look up to find Dumbledore standing in front of me with unshed tears in his eyes. He slowly pulls the handkerchief to dab the tears falling down my face.

"Sorry for what?" I inquire, taking the monogrammed cloth from his hand.

"Nell, it's hard to separate the student we nurtured and loved for seven years from the woman sitting in front of me now. No matter where you are in life, we will always worry about you."

He hands me a glass of water from a pitcher behind his desk.

After I calm down enough to be coherent, he asks, "Better now?"

"Yes," I mumble, gathering my thoughts so I can finish this conversation without looking like an overly-emotional child.

Dumbledore stands up and walks over to the window again. Without catching my eye, he asks, "What are your plans now?"

"I think you're asking about the papers, aren't you?" I don't wait for a reply. "I have two words for you: plausible deniability." I take a deep breath and the words just tumble out in a rush. "It is too easy for Dolores and Fudge to separate themselves from any connections with the gifts to the families of Death Eaters. There are two receipts she does not know that I have. One is a forged report on her petty cash fund for her office, and the other is some taxpayer income that was filtered into some shady accounts. Both will find their way to the proper authorities. I don't see Fudge lasting long. Dolores will see an inquiry, and the papers I will quietly turn over will sting quite a bit. The others, I will hold on to. Dolores will be able to deny too many of the connections between the Death Eaters and the accounts." I wait to scrutinize his expression as he turns towards me. His face reads somewhere between relief and pride. "I'm not stupid. The others are of more use to me in Canada than turned over to the Ministry at this point."

"Is this your final choice?" he inquires. "You are choosing not to turn everything over to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"I am not squandering Rupert's sacrifice, because someone else thinks they know better. Dolores and her cronies are too entrenched in the Ministry. I don't think you know how complex the scam is run. This is officially my investigation for the Canadian Ministry, and I am calling the shots," I inform him.

A smile comes over his face. "I see that your decision has been made. Now if you will excuse me, I have some other issues to attend to."

My head is swimming with irritation over the cause of the treatment I have received this year. I am a grown woman and need to be held accountable for my own decisions. I don't need them made for me. I'm not twelve any longer!

I'm getting a migraine, and I am just going back to my room to gather my thoughts. As I walk down the hallway, the school atmosphere has changed. The students are more relaxed. I can hear conversations that are more open, students are gathered in larger groups, and there are more games going on in the common areas of the grounds. I wonder if they understand the fight that is yet to come.

My head is just throbbing with raw pain. The mere minute walk to my room seems to take forever. I could kick myself for sleeping in and not eating breakfast.

As I walk through the door of my parlor, I notice there is a large envelope bearing the Canadian Ministry seal. I am not expecting anything from Berns right now, so I am a bit confused. I open it up to find a letter asking me to go over the intelligence photos to give my opinions on what they show.

What I see is sickening. It shows Arthur Bogg in Boston with none other than his cousin, Alecto, and someone I don't recognize. The photo is dated a week ago. This situation is worse than I thought.

I decide to owl back that my opinion his to haul Bogg's sorry arse into our office and confront him now that Voldemort is now in the open. We don't need to overplay our hand, but we need to find out why he is associating with someone from his inner circle.

There is a knock at my door, and when I open it I am shocked that Minerva has decided to pay me a visit.

"Come in," I stammer. "Shouldn't you be resting?" I lead her to one of the overstuffed chairs in the parlor.

Minerva looks so frail, leaning heavily on a cane as she walks toward her seat. She always seemed so tough, invincible, and unchanging. It is painful to see her like this.

"I wanted to come down after you spoke with the Headmaster," she replies. "I felt we needed to talk about what went on this year between us."

Although Minerva has visited me in the hospital wing when I have been seriously ill, held my hand when all seemed lost, and celebrated some of my best achievements, we have never talked on a personal level. She has never opened up to bear her raw feelings on a topic.

"Nell, I have watched you grow up from a shy teenager to the woman sitting in front of me now. As your head of house and teacher, I spent time visiting you in the hospital wing; however, there is one incident that has traumatized me," she recounts with a tear rolling down her cheek. "When you had that seizure during Potions Class in your fifth year, I tried everything I could to revive you. I had been charged with keeping you safe, but there you were slipping away as the moments ticked by." She reaches out to hold my hand as if I might fall off a cliff at any moment. "When you were in that coma for two weeks, I felt as if I failed you." She has broken down completely. I hand her a tissue from a box on the table.

"It wasn't your fault." I decide to leave Severus out of this as I continue with, "The whole incident was an unfortunate series of events." I kneel down on the floor in front of the chair and reassure her. "My parents don't blame you at all. They are grateful that you were there. Poppy told them you kept enough oxygen in my brain to keep the damage from being any worse. Have you spent all these years trying to make up for not stopping me from dropping into a coma?"

"Nell, there is so much more than what happened in that classroom," she sobs. "You were so 'damaged' afterwards. Nell, you thought your classmates were trying to kill you at one point, and then you attempted suicide after the holidays. Not to mention what else has happened over the years with your heart failing, constant seizures, and what happened after..." She seems at a loss for words. I can sense she is trying to spare my feelings. "You took the losses of Agatha and Rupert so hard." She touches my cheek tenderly. "You were so frail."

I feel ashamed of myself. This poor woman has blamed herself for my actions for the past twenty years.

"Minerva, you have not failed anyone. If anyone is the failure, it's me. I have failed everyone when I decided to take my own life. Now I can move on and make a difference. Let's stop thinking about the past," I tell her.

"I'm worried about this job you are taking. What if you get hurt again?" she inquires tearfully. She is too wound up right now. If I wasn't a non-drinker I would say a stiff brandy is in order.

"They have a compensation plan, and I am willing to pay the consequences. This is up to me now," I tell her with determined look.

"I need to remind myself you are not thirteen," she chokes.

"Everyone is needed to fight right now. The Death Eater issue is no longer just a problem here, it has spread to North America; they are reaching out for help. Who am I to deny them? What ever happened to the value of courage that is so indicative of Gryffindor?"

I inquire. "Minerva, I promise I will keep in touch with you. Don't worry about me. You have enough problems with what is going on here. It's no longer safe even here at Hogwarts."

Minerva stands up shakily. "I will always worry about all my students." She gives me a hug, and walks out the door. "Please, see me again before you leave next week."

"I will." I close the door, feeling horrible about the burden she has carried concerning my actions all these years. I have no idea how to make it up to her. Is this a Wizard's Debt? I'm so confused.

My headache has gotten worse, but I refuse to go to Poppy about it. I consider it penance for what I have done to Minerva. The pain I feel in my head is not even a fraction that poor woman has felt over the years.

I have been in my darkened bedroom for the past few hours thinking of how to stick it to Dolores without causing any huge rifts with international relations. I must ask myself one question: Who would investigate the petty funds and tax money? I wonder if Kingsley would like to assist in discovering them anonymously. I think a letter is in order.


	37. The Kitten Plate Conspiracy

**_Profile of an Incopetent Inquisitor_**

**_by Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 37_**

**_The Kitten Plate Conspiracy_**

I look at my calendar with disbelief: tomorrow at noon, it will all be over at noon. Dolores will get her papers, and I will get my life back. I pick up the letter from Kingsley inviting me to dinner at a restaurant in Diagon Alley sitting on the desk below. He didn't ask any questions about what I want to tell him; however, it only gave a time and place to meet.

An owl has arrived from the embassy with my credentials and identification from the Canadian government. It is my new life wrapped up in a few written documents. I feel both apprehensive and relieved about leaving the school. I will miss some of my friends; there is a whole new world waiting for me to start over with.

I have wrestled with how much I should tell Kingsley about what I know concerning the papers and Death Eaters. I settle on showing him the picture of the Carrow family reunion in Boston, and how it was probably funded. I have already made some interesting connections with the Carrows and the Death Eater movement in North America. I will not be showing him any of the receipts. I am leery of showing them in public. Kingsley is smart enough to put two and two together. I'm taking a chance at telling anyone outside of my now adopted government about what is happening. Kingsley is an honest, talented, and upstanding Auror and I don't see him abusing this knowledge by leaking it to the wrong people. I have to trust him.

It is well past one o'clock when I realize that Parks will be here in less than two hours to take me to Gringotts to pick up the original papers. As I finish getting ready, I feel the internal tug-of-war taking place in my gut again. It is all about these papers. Part of me says to leave them buried in the vault and forget about their existence; however, the other part tells me that there could be clues yet to be teased from the individual sheets of paper. Another sickening thought stabs at my heart. Is this some bizarre subconscious attempt on my part to keep my feelings for Rupert alive? After all, he is the one who kept them in the end. Will I only end up torturing myself? I have to face this at some point.

With thoughts of Rupert invading my mind, I would really like to go get the papers by myself instead of with Parks. I remind myself that protocol is protocol, but I still jump when I see Parks' head in the fire.

Before I realize it, I am standing in Diagon Alley feeling a bit odd as I see that we are being shadowed by one of the security wizards from the Canadian embassy.

Parks is leaving for Canada as soon as our meeting with Kingsley is finished, and I have asked him to take the papers to my new office for safe keeping. I feel more comfortable with a little bit of subterfuge, because there is always someone who figures out the truth without you knowing about it.

It is only a minute or so as we enter the doors to the bank. As soon as we enter the bank, we are approached by one of the goblins, inquiring as to our business. As we get into one of the carts to go to my vault, I have trouble keeping control of my breathing.

When we get down to the high security vaults, I feel light-headed as I hand over my key to open up the door. As I walk into the newly opened chamber and the torches take light, I have a feeling of déjà vu. It's like my nightmare about Aggie and Rupert. I am back in that horrid churchyard crypt; lost and looking for help. Guilt over Rupert's death swoops out of the dark to slap me in the face. I glance around the half-light of the room expecting to see three coffins. My heart is pounding painfully in my chest as I fight the urge to run out of the tight space. I reach a hand out to the damp stone wall to steady myself and take a few deep breaths.

"Eleanor?" a male voice inquires. From the doorway, I see one of two tall, shadowy forms walk towards me. "Need any help?"

For one hopeful moment, I want to call out for Rupert, but I catch myself quickly. It takes my brain a couple of seconds to register Parks' presence. "I'm fine," I lie as my voice echoes loudly. "I just need a few minutes to sort though everything." I feel like the air has been sucked out of the room, but I have to do this.

"_Rupert, you made me promise to move on, and I will keep that promise. This doesn't mean I'll stop loving you."_

I walk over to an antique desk and remove several books from a drawer. Within the pages, the papers that took Rupert away from me are placed. I pull out the book, _The Raven_ that contains the receipts about Dolores' dodgy math with the tax account. In another drawer, I find Rupert's sacrifice, the receipts in a book titled, _A Boy's Life, _by Robert Frost. I can't bring myself to pull the book out of the drawer. I have copies of the receipts already in Canada. What would be the point of moving them? There are enough security charms on this vault to rival some at the school.

I need to close this chapter in my life. All I am doing by taking these receipts with me is to keep some sort of connection with Rupert alive. I realize how unhealthy that is. I need to move forward. It's time to let go. I quietly close the drawer, walk to the entrance of the vault, and never give a backwards glance as the door closes for the last time.

I quickly compose myself and tell Parks, "I'm leaving the originals here. There is no point in moving them. They are just as safe here as anywhere else. Very few people know they still exist, so I think they need to stay where they are. I'm sorry for all this trouble."

Parks gives a heavy sigh. "Okay, it's your call. You shouldn't be alone on embassy business anyway." He turns to walk towards the cart, stops, then says, "I believe we have a dinner meeting with a friend. We don't want to be late."

When the cart pulls away, I turn my head so no one can see the tears of grief streaming down my face.

As we exit the bank into the blinding sunshine, Parks tries to engage me into conversation about what it is like at Hogwarts, but we are ambushed by a reporter from the _Prophet _asking about the Canadian Government's take on the return of Voldemort. Parks doesn't even answer, but motions instead to the security detail following us. The reporter is 'relocated' to a rubbish tip behind the Leaky Cauldron.

I am relieved Kingsley picked a restaurant off the beaten path next to Madam Malkin's. The Leaky Cauldron is too busy to hold a private conversation. This meeting is for business, not pleasure, and I have to remember this.

Kingsley is already waiting for us in the back of the room. He seems to have lost a tremendous amount of weight and looks pinched from a lack of sleep. I bite back the urge to ask him what has made him ill.

The funny pressure and light buzz in my ears tell me that a Muffliato charm is in place around the table, ensuring that our conversation will remain private. I told Kingsley this meeting would be more than a quick good-bye between friends.

As we take our seats, I introduce Parks to Kingsley and I notice our security detail has made himself at home at a table a few feet down from ours. I have to put Kingsley at rest about our companion shadowing us to the restaurant.

"I don't think you brought me down here to go over old times," Kingsley says, picking up the menu. "Your letter said there was something you wanted to discuss before your departure."

"Kingsley, we need to have a little talk about the Ministry you are working for before I leave. There are a few 'dirty little secrets' that you need to know about," I confess, attempting to read the expression on his face.

"What do you mean by 'dirty little secrets'?" he enquires. "The Ministry has always run on greased palms and nepotism." Kingsley swirls his elderflower wine lazily around his goblet and takes a slip.

"What if I told you I had proof that Dolores Umbridge and Fudge were laundering funds for families who are connected with Voldemort's inner circle?" Okay, I put it out there. I hope he doesn't laugh me out the door. "Someone came to me because of some missing money in a fund. After poking through a ton of dusty files, I discovered money being shifted around to accounts and being used for bogus reasons. Dolores would have a party to celebrate something, invite the Malfoys, Fudge, and a few others. She would pull an extravagant amount of money to get supplies and claim to buy them; however, the vendor receipts show the purchase of cheap cucumber sandwiches and pumpkin juice for a start. Where did that money go? On this same thread, when I conducted that audit, I came across some receipts that had Dolores' signatures that were for presents given to employees who were long dead. Now, you know if a gift is given to a Ministry employee and they are unable to claim it, it may go to a family member for cash value. Oddly enough, each of the presents was for people whose families had high-ranking Death Eater ties. The family members claimed the gold." I hope he believes me now. This is my last chance, because he is my most secure person of contact at the Ministry.

"Nell," Kingsley objects. "Just because Malfoy is there does not constitute Death Eater involvement." He sits back in his chair and folds his arms.

"While we are on the topic of Death Eaters, let's play a game, shall we?" I ask. I pull out one of the Muggle surveillance photos taken in Boston of Alecto Carrow, Arthur Bogg, and Alecto's second cousin twice removed who has relocated from Toronto to Boston. It is obvious they have made no attempt to blend in with the rest of the Muggles in the area. "It's called: 'Name that Wizard'."

Kingsley looks confused as he fingers the photo sitting before him. I don't think he is used to seeing the occupants not moving. "What is this…?"

"I'll explain in a moment, but first, who is this?" I point to Alecto Carrow, and he easily gives me her name.

"Very good. Now, who is this lovely bloke?" I urge him for an answer, pointing to Emory Stokes.

"That's never Stokes from the Muggle Liason Office?" Kingsley looks like someone has hit him with a curse. It was not unusual for Kingsley and Stokes to discuss politics over coffee every once in a while.

"Now for the 100,000 Galleon question, who is this charming gentleman?" I quiz, giving Kingsley sufficient time to attempt to find a name.

"Time is up, Mr. Shacklebolt," I advise. "I would like you to meet Edward Carrow, second cousin twice removed to Amycus and Alecto Carrow. Edward is the founder of a society that wishes to further the cause of purity of blood in magic in North America. The Carrow family received a lovely sum of gold through Dolores' reward program." I look at the confusion, hurt, concern on his face, and it breaks my heart. "The Magical and Muggle communities in the States and Canada have taken the Death Eater threat quite seriously. They have been sharing intelligence for years. This is a photo taken from a surveillance camera that Muggles now have on many streets to police the citizens. This was taken in Boston a few weeks ago, and I have many more where this came from. It is not hard to pick out our three wizards, because they have made little effort to conceal themselves."

"Nell, a few pictures and speculation are no proof of any wrong doing. You know as well as anyone how an investigation works; no proof means no crime has been committed," Kingsley points out.

I pull out the poetry books from my bag. _The Raven _has the receipts that are for Kingsley to use against Dolores and Fudge. "There are two receipts in here that might interest you." I place the book on the table, then slide it across to him.

"There are more; however, they are of more use to me in an investigation in Canada," I explain to Kingsley. "The two receipts in here are for misdirected tax funds and an account with dodgy arithmetic with Dolores and Fudge's signatures. This is in your jurisdiction if you choose to pursue it." I give him a weak smile. It's out of my hands now. "I just wanted to warn you." I take a deep breath. "I have already lost someone I love to this."

"I heard about your friend, Rupert," he says without looking me in the eye, turning the book over in his hand. "Why didn't you come forward with this?"

"Oh yeah, you forget so quickly. I guess you haven't noticed that the entire wizarding world sees me as a some sort of psychotic whore," I snap. "Dolores has made sure of that. There was also an incident where I had a heart attack, and the school staff felt that I had attempted suicide."

"Nell…" Kingsley sputters. He seems off-footed. Kingsley has always treated me with respect and helped me through some serious psychological trauma. He may be worried he has hurt my feelings.

"Kingsley, there is one more thing that I need to tell you. Dolores is underhanded and cruel. She will do anything to get her way, and I mean anything. Sometimes Aurors hide behind the false sense of security in their job titles. Call yourself what you want, but one good curse or poison could still kill you. You're still human after all," I assert.

"Nell, how can I contact you? If it is getting as bad as you say it is, I need to be careful about finding you." Kingsley seems to have taken me seriously. He sits back in his chair and has his fingers steepled on his chin.

"Just contact the embassy. Don't use the international Floo system or other services. We will be glad to handle this," Parks breaks in suddenly. "Your Ministry is not allowed to interfere with Canadian embassy business."

Parks looks up at our security escort, who is attempting to gain our attention. Parks walks over to speak to him briefly as Kingsley and I look on.

A few minutes later, I find myself standing in my fireplace looking at a parlor nearly empty of furniture. After shaking off the soot and ash, I end up in my bedroom to change out of my clothes for a hot bath. I need to figure out what the hell I want to say to Dolores!

Today is the last day of the term, and I wake to the sound of the house-elf leaving my breakfast in my dining area. I shuffle to the table bleary-eyed from a night in which sleep did not come easy. I kept running a speech I wanted to deliver to Dolores in my head over and over.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and reach for an envelope with some flowers sent by Kingsley as a good-bye present.

"_How sweet! No need to send a Howler this time."_

When I open the card, a memo from the Ministry of Magic falls out of the card, and I nearly choke on the hot drink.

It discusses an internal inquiry of Dolores and Fudge's handling of the diversion of tax funds from last year. Oddly enough, Ursula's father heads the investigation.

Dolores has been recalled immediately to 'assist in the investigation' and is suspended with pay until further notice. Fudge, on the other hand, is in even hotter water.

I have decided that since I have a few hours until my noon appointment, I will finish packing the last of my possessions so I can leave as soon as I can. I wonder which one of us will be first out of the front doors of the castle? She doesn't have any real authority anywhere right now, so I can stay when and where I want.

The chiming of the clock telling me it is half past eleven calls me back to reality as I fold the last of my clothing and place it into my bag. I decide to change into some of my better robes and put my hair up for a change. Dolores always hated it when I put my hair up, because it shows the scar on the back of my neck.

A few minutes later, I can't believe that I am standing in front of Dolores's door. She has been in the hospital wing since Dumbledore has returned so no one has had a chance to see her. It seems a bit surreal as I look at the gargoyle knocker leering at me. I have rehearsed my speech a hundred times in my head, but I have already forgotten what I want to say. Do I let the battle axe have it, or do I just hand her the envelope and walk away? I don't want to let her know it was me who spilled the beans on her little accounting problem with the tax funds. My biggest worry is with the Death Eater issue, because she will find a way to slither out of the tax revenue debacle.

I knock on the door, then open it without waiting for a response. The room is almost unrecognizable from the last time I was here. There is still pink paint everywhere; however, the kittens, ugly chintz chairs, and doilies are missing. The only thing left is a framed picture on her desk and some boxes scattered about.

Dolores turns to look at me, and I notice that she seems to have lost a bit of weight since she and I last confronted each other. She looks less threatening now. I don't know why.

"You're almost late," she snarls, holding her hand out to snatch the papers out of my hand. Her meticulously manicured nails are broken and missing their normal pink polish. "This had better be all of them." She opens the envelope and examines the contents carefully. Placing the papers back into the envelope, she turns her back on me and sticks them into her pink leather handbag. I can see a copy of the memo underneath an open bottle of Ogden's Firewhiskey. It looks like she has started drinking rather early this morning by the smell of stale alcohol in the room.

"I see you are giving up on the teaching business, are we, Dolores?" I inquire, walking forward to examine a box with kitten plates mewing with disdain, as they are stacked on top of each other. "So much for your dreams of single-handedly revolutionizing education here at Hogwarts."

"Shut it! You stupid, whore!" she screams. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and she seems close to hysteria.

Something whizzes by my head before I can register it, and smashes into the wall behind me. I turn to find shards of kitten plate at my feet. "What could the likes of you understand about how the magical community should be run?" Her face looks demonic as she stands before me.

"Dolores, what the hell?" She picks up another kitten plate from a box. It hisses in anger as she holds it above her head. "Put that down!" I order.

Dolores is so out of control, she cannot even reach for her stubby little wand. I am forced to summon the plate out of her hand before she can throw it at me.

"You have done nothing but cause chaos and embarrassment to the Ministry, the school, and the entire community!" Her face is completely red and sweaty. I hear a window crack behind her.

"Dolores, it's over," I explain. "I will be three thousand miles away from here, working in another country. You will probably never see or hear from me ever again." I hope this calms her down; however, I'm horribly wrong. Another plate surfaces from a box with a screech from its occupant. I barely manage to duck before it hits the wall by my shoulder. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Muggleborns don't deserve the opportunities you have gotten. Don't you wonder why everyone questions how you got all those jobs?" Dolores inquires, picking up another plate.

"Dolores, I earned every opportunity I ever had. I am leaving now." I turn to walk calmly out the door.

A loud bellow of anger comes from behind me and another plate hits the wall. "Go to hell, Eleanor!"

I square up my shoulders and I never turn back. I have plenty of work ahead of me. Time to pull my team together and formulate one hell of a plan. We will cut off Voldemort's little plan for universal domination at the knees if it kills me.


	38. Truth and Consequences

**_Profile of an Incopetent Inquisitor_**

**_by _**

**_Eleanor Belle_**

**_Chapter 38_**

Truth and Consequences

**_Hello all!_**

I walk away from Dolores' office with a sense of relief and closure. That chapter of my life has finally been closed. On the way to my quarters to pick up my bags before leaving Hogwarts forever, I am drawn towards my old office for some odd reason.

When I enter, memories flood into my mind. I remember a day when Rupert surprised me with lunch and roses; a rush of nostalgia rips at my heart but tears no longer fall from my eyes.

I am totally lost in thought as I stare out the window, looking down at the lake, when I hear my name being called from the doorway.

"Eleanor, I need to have a word with you before you leave." It's Severus.

I am rather curious to what he has to say to me right now. I thought he would have been satisfied that I would be out of everyone's hair by tonight. I turn around to face him, leaning casually against the window seat.

"Yes, what do you wish to talk about?" For once, I decide to leave the sarcasm and angry comments to myself. "Have a seat if you like." I point to the only chair in the room.

He sits stiffly in the chair and says, "I have been told you had a discussion with the headmaster and Minerva concerning the events that occurred this year. There are a few concerns that I wish to address as well before you depart this evening."

I take a deep breath. Ranting and raving about this breach in privacy will get me nowhere. "Severus, why are you getting into the middle of all this? Minerva and I have worked through some issues lingering from that seizure during my fifth year. She felt guilty about my slipping into a coma and not being able to revive me." It pains me to continue, but I do. "Both she and Dumbledore have accepted the fact I have grown up and am moving on in life."

"This has nothing to do with reliving the trauma of your youth or the disaster yet to come in your life," he says pointedly.

"Why do you even care what goes on between the three of us? It doesn't have anything to do with you." I am getting annoyed and bite my lip to stop myself from shouting.

He stares coldly at me. "The reason for my interference is to protect Dumbledore and Minerva from any more drama than needed. Both of them are carrying burdens that are too much for any one to bear, and they don't need your selfish, attention-seeking behavior adding to it."

"Explain to me this need of yours to interfere on their behalf. Volunteering to do a good deed, Severus?" I inquire sharply. I feel like I have been violated on some level.

"I have been keeping you out of Minerva and Dumbledore's hair. If you were in trouble, I would take care of it before it could reach their ears," he confesses. "When you went missing, it nearly killed Minerva. She ended up in the hospital wing overnight to be treated for shock. As for Dumbledore, he dropped everything to look for you. With everything going on right now, this is the wrong time for him to be distracted by your nonsense."

"Nonsense?" I ask indignantly, getting off of my perch. "I seem to recall Dolores is the one who cursed and then kidnapped me. I didn't volunteer to spend my Christmas at St. Mungo's. I'm sorry for the dent in your holiday plans, but you could have just said no to Dolores' summons to my hospital room." I am getting to the truth at last.

"When Dolores had you locked in St. Mungo's over Christmas, I walked into that room to find you drawing your last breaths on that bed. I could only think of how devastated Minerva would be if you died, and you could have been saved. You have no idea of the lengths people will go for you, do you?" He stands and approaches me. I feel vulnerable.

I remain in a stony silence. I want to protest that it wasn't my fault, but I am seeing the other side of what happened this year. I didn't realize how devastating this was to my mentors and friends. I can only stand here with my mouth hanging open and heart filled with shame.

"I heard that Lupin came to see you at St. Mungo's after your heart attack. He finally managed to drag the truth about Dolores out of you. Most of this could have been prevented if you would have just told someone about being cursed." He moves to within inches of my face, and says, "At some point you are just going to have to take people at their word. Show some trust and prevent some agony from those around you."

"Would you have believed me?" The question pops out of my mouth without thinking about it. "I have a reputation for going around the twist, you know."

"Believe it or not, yes, I would have believed you." He backs away, giving me more space. "Most of us already knew Dolores Umbridge's nature. We were sickened when it was revealed you were the victim of a curse. Again, another burden is placed upon the shoulders of Minerva. I promised the Headmaster I would keep an eye on you to prevent anything else from happening to you at all costs."

"I don't know what you want me to say. 'Thank you' sounds stupid. I had no idea of what was going on. Maybe, I shouldn't go around with blinders on. All I could see was my own pain."

Severus starts for the door, but he turns to say, "I believe you understand the point." He leaves without a further word.

It takes me a few minutes to collect my thoughts and get a handle on my feelings. So Severus was helping me out of some twisted sense of duty to Minerva and Dumbledore. I feel ashamed that he felt forced to intervene on their behalf.

I look back toward the window only to notice the sun setting low on the horizon. It is time for me to go. The Embassy has set up a one-way Floo connection between Dumbledore's office and the Toronto Headquarters.

It is going to be difficult to look Dumbledore in the eye after what Severus has told me. I wonder if I should bring the topic up at all. My instinct tells me to leave it alone. I don't want to dig up any more old issues.

I retrieve my bag from my old quarters, but I don't linger around to get a parting glance. There are too many painful memories: Dolores pinning me against a wall, cursing me until I had a heart attack, the attack from the men looking for the book, and my falls mistaken for suicide attempts. I lock the door with a sense of completion that this is the end of a horrible year.

On my way to the Headmasters office, I stop in the Entrance Hall to take in the activity one last time. Peeves is whizzing around, cackling some nonsense and hitting students about the head with a sock filled with chalk. I hear chatter about summer plans from the students, and the distant pops and bangs of students taking the last chance of performing spells before leaving the school.

A few minutes later I find myself facing the griffins guarding the stairway to Dumbledore's office. After giving the password, I make it up the stairs without my knees giving out.

As I walk into the headmaster's office, I can see that Minerva and Dumbledore are deep into conversation; however, they stop when I stride further into the room. I feel like a student again, waiting for detention.

"Ready to go so soon?" Dumbledore asks. He still looks tired and drawn. "Dolores can't throw you out of the country anymore." A twinkle of amusement comes to his eyes. "I must say you missed quite a send-off she received by the hands of our students."

"Is that what Peeves was babbling about in the hallway? I saw him running down students with a chalk in a sock," I tell him with a strained grin. I feel like this conversation is a bit forced.

"How do you feel about Dolores Umbridge's suspension?" he inquires, catching me off guard.

"Dolores will slither out of it somehow and pop out of a hole into somewhere else. She'll be back, more demented and dangerous than ever." I wonder if he wants me to tell him about the papers? It's my problem really.

Minerva stands up shakily on her feet, and I walk over to her, dropping my bag on the floor. "Nell, I'm going to miss you. Is this what you want?" she inquires tearfully.

"I want to do this. Help has been asked for, and I am the person who can help them," I explain. "I'm grown-up and moving on." I can't keep the tears at bay any longer. It's not fair. I give a long sniffle, pull away, and pick up my bag once more. "I really need to go. I have a meeting in a few hours to prepare for." I quickly wipe the tears away on my sleeve, taking the opportunity to compose myself.

Dumbledore hands me a handkerchief as I walk over to get a handful of Floo powder. "I'm proud of you," he tells me, putting an arm around my shoulders. "Your friends here at Hogwarts will always be here if you need us."

I step into the green flames to begin the rest of my life.


End file.
